Monday, August 25, 2008

100th post!

Whoo! 100! Everyone be excited! WhooO!

Okay, done now.

I introduce you to Beatlemania (Darcy came up with that one. This guy...he likes the Beatles). He seemed okay. He's 29, from Avon. Okay dude, we can work with this. But then...oh you, Beatlemania...

Me: {about being on vacation two weeks ago and not going to the gym} it was okay. i haven't been working out a lot because i was on vacation and last week i was trying to get back to real life and so on
Beatlemania: sounds like a great vacation
Me: it was awesome
Me: it pained me to come back
Beatlemania: terrific to hear
what were doing on it most of the time?
Me: i was lying in the sun
Me: and reading
Me: and lying in the sun some more
Beatlemania: sweet
I bet you look great in a bikini
Me: hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa, you're hysterical
Beatlemania: why is that?
Me: i'm not a bikini person
Me: ever
Beatlemania: why is that?
Me: just cause, that's not my body type
Me: i'm not the bikini type
Beatlemania: Your body looks quite good
Me: oh, that's nice of you to say
Beatlemania: I love curves
Me: thanks

I thought he was just being nice. A little creepy, but nice. He goes on though....

Beatlemania: I like playful girls
Me: so you say
Beatlemania: You'd be fun to hang with
Me: i'm everyone's favorite friend
Beatlemania: you can be my playful, sexy friend
Me: oh, is that so?
Beatlemania: the one with the great hair and very nice curve
************
Beatlemania: I'd want to be playful with you
Me: oh, like go fish? play like that? {i was playing dumb on purpose cause it amused me}
Beatlemania: play doctor
Me: well, yeah, maybe not
Me: i think i'm ready for bed
Me: it's been nice talking to you
Me: bye

And on that note, I blocked him. You're too creepy for me. That's just fine, another one bites the dust. Darcy said that his ship was sinking before it even left the dock and I told her to get on the fail boat. That's where he's at. Dude, seriously.

And then there's this guy. I don't even have a name for him because I know basically nothing about him. Except...he likes Jeeps. So...Jeepdude!
Jeepdude: oh that girl loves to hear the truth
Me: here's a fun fact: most every girl loves to hear the truth
Jeepdude: i know
Jeepdude: my buddy doesnt know that
Me: he's a dumb person
Jeepdude: yeah
Jeepdude: but thats why i know more girls who trust me and he only knows dumb bimbos
Me: you're not going to inform him of this fact?

Magical weekend

As I said before, My Aunt had a party this weekend. She was inviting all sorts of people from the O, including Cheesy Fries. Cheesy Fries and I had an important moment this weekend - I realized that My Aunt was totally right and we would not work. Why? Because he's just like The Statie. He's cocky and full of himself and totally LAME. He would be a good drinking buddy, but that's about it. He was amusing to talk to and it was good to see that there was nothing there. There were some other guys there from the O and I dig them. There's Wren, who's so cute and adorable and I want to take him home and squeeze him. He's rather awesome and My Aunt (even though she has a boyfriend) wants Wren. Oh no, not for you. Then there's 'Lil Steve and he's adorable. We were playing beruit and losing so badly and everytime I took a shot he would say "Carrie baby, please make this one. C'mon sweetheart, it's all you" and I would laugh and laugh. And he smelled so good. I wanted to tell him that, but it was a little creepy.

That wasn't the fun part though. Not at all. At 1 AM, The Statie calls. He does. I maybe had been drinking for like...almost 12 hours by that point. I maybe was playing flip cup and winning. The phone started ringing and I HAD to answer it. How could I not? I'm standing around the table with My Aunt's Boyfriend, Cheesy Fries, Wren, 'Lil Steve and another girl My Aunt works with. I tell the boys that they just need to start screaming obsentities at the person on the phone. So they do. They're drunk and they did what I said. I laughed and laughed and then passed the phone to Darcy so that I couldn't do it again. I knew I would. Then at 1:13 AM, he sent me a text that said: "just wanted to say hello. Hope youre doing well. Hoped to think i could still talk to you. Guess not. Night Carrie". Excuse me. The last time I talked to him I told him to NEVER call me or text me again. Ever. I didn't know there was a grey area there that maybe people got confused about. Guess there was. Also, even if I wanted to talk to you, why are you calling at 1 AM? Granted, it was a Saturday and chances were that I was awake anyway, but why are you calling at that time? That's no way to get on my good side.


Then at 1:34 AM, he calls again. I don't have my phone, Darcy does. She doesn't answer and doesn't tell me that it's ringing. That's probably for the best.

At this point, I tell My Aunt that The Statie is calling and she's totally livid. She knows what happened and how he's crazy stalker man. She texts him and tells him that I'm busy and to never call or text me again. Which I already explained to him. I'm continuing to play flip cup and laughing with the boys.

2:15 AM, I get another text. I didn't edit this at all, this is the way it came to me. "Ok.Glad you were my practice girlfriend.Thanks for proving ican have actually attractive girls fuck me.Better thanyou but thats not sayingmuch.Cry to sleep ;)"

Oh ho? Is that so? You think I'm crying myself to sleep because I'm done with you and your stupidness? And as for being a practice girlfriend - I wasn't. But even if I was, I was a damn good one. I loved him and treated him well and was way nicer to him than I should have been. What amuses me is that he sent this as if a YEAR AND A HALF LATER it would have some sort of effect on me. I'm so totally and completely over him. He's not in my thoughts and he never comes up in conversation and I don't care what he has to say. I've already gone over all the reasons that I was too good for him, but here's another one. Yes, My Aunt should have probably not said anything to him, but she's just as tired of this shit as I am. As as for those actually attractive girls? Lilo put it best "pictures or it never happened". I don't want pictures but I can guess those girls aren't as pretty as I am. And furthermore, I'm sure all those girls are rather disappointed with what he's packing. It was kind of sad. I'll admit it. Yes, I did date him for over a year, but we got along well when we were dating and I was willing to overlook his...er...shortcomings. And I mean shortcomings in several very different ways. I'm not saying anymore. I think you all get it.

You think you did anything to me with that text? You're so wrong. In fact, it amused me. Right after I got it, I looked at Darcy and I said "I'm going to blog about this. I really can't wait". So I did. Thanks for the inspiration, Statie. Hope this "hot" girl of yours can read and write. If she works at Pricechopper (which is my guess) she might not have even graduated from high school. If that's your thing, then okay! Just remember, I'm fucking awesome. You. Are. Not.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Whoa

Lots of things happened last night and I promise a full update tomorrow. But let me tell you, my life is SO interesting even without dating someone. Seriously

Friday, August 22, 2008

Something I want to know

First of all, do you know how I know I'm a winner? I'm sitting on Summer's couch, watching the summer Olympics and looking around on match.com. No wonder the men all want me, I'm clearly not the lamest person ever. But damn, those Serbian water polo players are HOT. Thanks. Love those Serbs.

I think I've blogged about this before. Even if I have, I need to say it again: WTF are some people thinking when they put up their match profile? Seriously. You shouldn't have some sort of weird photo that looks like you're in a mug shot. Don't be up against a white wall, staring blankly into a camera. Not sexy.

But here are some gems that I've seen on profiles tonight:

- One guy who looks like Charles Manson, his tagline is "sick of being lonely" and he talks about his spacious 1 bedroom apartment. That sounds like the sort of place that you would go to get killed.

- There's this guy that looks like a Columbian drug runner and his profile says that he has his own internet start-up company and he has to frequently travel to South America for business. That would be the cocaine trafficking business. When you say something that is so sketchy like that, what do you expect people to think?

- Way more run on sentences that I can even count. It's not like I'm the grammar queen or anything, but at I least have a general idea when I'm rambling. Some people just go on and on about themselves and their dogs and their college experiences (or lack thereof) without a comma or a period or anything. How? Also, not many people have mad spelling skillz. Again I say, I'm a horrible speller. But I spell check things so that I don't look like a totally DUMBASS. Take this gent for example, he wrote me a really wonderful message. His profile says "i am down to earth hope you are to. I'm looking for someone to build a friendship and see wear it goes from there, no games please, caring, honest, funny, loves pets , spontaneous, doesn't get sea sick loves to spend time on the water yes i have a boat. likes to travel. iv been to NY, NJ, mass, Maine, dc, Maryland, VA, fl, TX, pa, Mexico grand camen, Jamaica, st.tomas, st.marten, Aruba, Canada, Hungary, Romania i really wanna try skydiving Evin if its in one of those in side. you made it this far give me shot you wont be disappointed." Too bad dude, I'm already disappointed.

- There's a man looking for a snow bunny. That's so not me.

- The idea of this whole thing is to make yourself seem somewhat appealing, not like someone that is going to try to lure children to your van with candy and puppies.

- I did a reverse search to see who was looking for me and it was all men that are in their mid to late 30's. What's that about? I'm not saying that age is anything more than a number, but it matters to a certian extent. Seriously, can someone under the age of 30 check out my profile? Please? Kthanx.

- Also lame? People quoting other things in their profile, like famous quotes, for no good reason. That's no way to start anything. You can't even start a paragraph with a thought from your own head?


More unrelated thoughts having to do with men:
- I'm taller than almost all the men that are diving on TV right now. When did I become some sort of strange Amazon woman? Also, all of those divers are so skinny. So gross. I'm pretty sure they are about the width of my thigh. Maybe someone should make them eat?
- Cheesy Diddy Fries is supposed to be at this party at my aunt's house tomorrow. My aunt seems to think that we wouldn't mesh well together. I am interested to find out if she's right. I would guess that she is. But still. Another cute boy shall be there and that will amuse me.
- There's a bartender that works down at the club that my dad belongs to and I kind of adore him. And so do my aunts. He's really cute and adorable and funny. Whenever I go down there, he's Flirty McFlirtsalot. I don't know if that's cause he likes me or if I'm the only person there under the age of 30. I suppose it could be either/or. I will have to find out next time I'm down there. I'm not saying that I'm not trying when I'm wearing my bra that makes my boobs look good. Oh, I will figure you out, Club Bartender.

Good Lord

Someone last night on match.com "winked" at me. His screenname? Tonsoffun73. Tons. Of. Fun. Why would you pick that to be your name? Oh, did I add that he is a heavyset fellow? I'm not judging him because he's a big guy. I'm not skinny myself. But seriously, "tons of fun" was the name you picked? Seriously?

Also, he's looking for a woman. Between 4 feet and 8 feet tall. Those are his qualifications. I totally make that cut, but seriously? You can't even pick more than that?

He received no winks from me. Sorry buddy

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Really?

Darcy: And in other news, I think Chicken Killer is in love with me...
Me: oh no
Me: why do you say that?
Darcy: ahhahahah!
Darcy: Umm... because I'm the 'only girl he's talked to that isn't crazy"
Me: because he's not crazy or anything?
Darcy: Right.
Darcy: oh...I shoulda copied it, but I closed the window before I had a chance to think about it...
Me: damn you!
Me: how could you?
Darcy: it was just fantastic...and these things alluding to us dating or me being his girlfriend...
Me: because that was going to change your mind?
Me: Darcy, you're so not a team player
Darcy: At one point I was like, "You know, i'm not going to date you"
Me: and he said?
Me: OMG, is he related to trogdor?
Me: they both don't get when they're not wanted
Darcy: and he was like..."Why not?" Okay, then I'll ask you in a month...
Darcy: Later he was like, "Has it been a month yet?"
Darcy: To which I said..."You're certainly persistant."
Darcy: And he said...
Me: oh yes, a month is really going to change your mind
Darcy: "What's that mean?"
Me: NO
Me: NO HE DID NOT
Darcy: Yes!
Me: is he a moron?
Me: i mean, i know he's a moron...but really?
Me: really?
Darcy: Well, I think he has an IQ around 90...which isn't impaired, but...well...
Darcy: Really... poor guy...
Me: don't take pity on him
Me: don't be a pity girlfriend
Darcy: Oh goodness, of course not...but I had to tell you!
Me: seriously, if someone used a word in an online conversation and i didn't know what they meant, i would look it up online
Darcy: Well, at least he asked?
Me: i don't know if that's better or worse
Darcy: I really do feel bad for the guy... but he's still okay to talk w/.
Me: really? you think he's still ok to talk with? he's a wreck
Darcy: Well, I guess I don't feel so bad as to ever meet him or give him my #...but you know what I mean...
Me: they like you, darcy. they like you because you're nice and you listen and you care
Darcy: Dude...I'd MUCH rather stay away from Smidge* than Chicken
Me: they don't like girls like me that would be like "you're dumb, go away"
Darcy: You're right...
Darcy: But I do care...
Darcy: But that doesn't mean I will bend to your will.
Me: they don't know that
Darcy: Well I think they (generally) figure it out after butting their head against a wall enough times...
Me: maybe
Darcy: Actually, that's usually one of the easier ways to figure out if they are a creep or not...
Me: oh?
Darcy: Like they're the sad creeps...not the I'm a sex fiend creep....
Darcy: I'll take sad over the other any day also.
Me: a creep is a creep
Darcy: Well, yes.
Darcy: "so I creep...yeah..just keep it on the down low..."
Me: sex pervert or not
Darcy: I don't really know the words to that song...

* Smidge is some other guy that just LOOOVES Darcy. He's dramatically dramatic. Whenever he talks to her, something is going on in his life that would make you feel bad for him, except these things are always happening. So he was in jail, beat his mom, his brother got hit by a car, he got shot at and one of his relatives has cancer. Or something. Darcy, please let me know if there's something I missed. I know I might be mean for saying all these things about this guy I don't know, but there are some things I don't tell to weird strangers from the interwebs.




In a totally unrelated note, Summer has decided that this summer's flirting theme is bartenders. Is she right? Oh for serious yes.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Haha!

After a long break, I'm back trying on Match.com again. Today I got this message from "koolsteve"
am a good guy with a good head on my shoulders. I'm an artist and a creative person. I'm a big guy so if that bothers you I'm probably not the guy for you...but I'm active and go to the gym now so I'm only getting better from here and a former athlete. I work as a graphic designer, and make art in my free time. I hope to pursue a Masters degree. I'm very serious about art and making a good future for myself and making myself better in every way of my life. I have a twin brother who is my best friend. No we don't read each others minds. We're identical but you can tell us apart easily he has longer hair and a beard, we're both artists. I love music and film. I mostly listen to alternative and hard rock music but can pick something I like from every genre. I like to watch sports. I'm a big WWE Fan and I like football. I can get into any sport that's a good match.

As far as what I'm looking for...I just want a nice girl to love me for me. I'm really not picky on appearance, I'm an artist I can find beauty in anything. I want someone I can grow with and have something meaningful. loyalty and trust are very important to me. Someone loving, caring and affectionate is someone i can mesh with very well. I'm an affectionate guy and want a girl that can make me feel loved...I'm a pretty open minded guy. I'm not really a party person anymore. I'm trying to settle down my life. I want someone I can travel with to go on a cruise with and explore the world with. I think relationships are about experiencing things and sharing. I want someone constant someone who will always be there for me. Someone who wants to see me all the time because of who I am not what I can offer or what I look like. I'm def ready to stop dating and be in a long lasting relationship.


Before you ask, I didn't edit that at all. He just sent me that form letter with no other way of introduction. No "wow, you seem interesting" or "man, I would love to get to know you". Nope, he just jumps right in and tells me ALL ABOUT HIM. Also, how many times could he tell me that he was an artist? I get it buddy, you like art. I also like art, but not artists. I went to an art school and I know art stars. Please don't be one. And for someone that is so into art, you would think that he would have some sort of picture up in his profile. But no, he doesn't. Furthermore, how many people do you know that honestly think that twins can read each others minds? When someone says "I have a twin", I would say "wow, that's pretty neat" and move on. I would not ask about their ESP skillz. This guy wants to make sure that I know that his brother has a beard and long hair and NOT ESP. Awesome. Maybe he has ESPN?

F- for you, KoolSteve. I'm moving on.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

They are everywhere

Dear Miami,
Thanks for being full of all sorts of creeps. While we were down at South Beach, a strange man strung out on coke came over to Darcy and asked if she wanted to get high, get drunk or "get down". He was all up in her personal space, being sketchy. Good thing Summer and I were there to rescue her. But then, just in case you wanted us to be SURE of your weird factor, there were two strange, dirty men that told us they were homeless. Like that would be some sort of turn on. Darcy has to be all patriotic all the time and had on a USA shirt. They asked her if she was in the Olympics. Fun Fact: Miami is not Beijing. Just wanted to let YOU know.

So, just letting you know...we're never coming back here again. You're so full of fucking creepers. Do they all belong to Plenty of Fish?

XO
Carrie

Friday, August 8, 2008

Le sigh

I leave tomorrow for a fun vacation with Darcy and Summer. Summer keeps on joking that I'll meet someone on the cruise like she did. I doubt it. For some reason that I can't figure out, guys go for her because...she's married? Does that make sense? Nope, it doesn't.

I'll settle for my 4 year old boyfriend instead. At least I know he loves me long time.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Update...sorta

I would update if something had happened. But nothing has. No boys, no love interests, no excitement, NO SEX.

Speaking of that, I've almost gone a year without. Summer's Husband seems to believe that since I'm a girl, I just have to say that I want to sleep with someone and someone will appear. He seems to think it's that easy. It's that easy when you're cute and adorable. It's not that easy when you're not those things. Also, I don't want that anymore. I want a relationship with someone - someone that gets me, someone that appreciates me, someone that wants me. Finding a random guy - he's none of those things.

I'm leaving on vacation soon with Summer and Darcy. The last time the 3 of us went away, Summer got hit on a lot. Like, no one noticed Darcy or I, but becuase of Summer's bling...the guys went after her. I told her that it would be the same situation this time. The guys would see her shiny big rock on her finger and decide that she was the girl to have. I just want to flirt with someone, you know?

And when you speak of flirting...we go back to Boots. Boots. What to say about him? He was talking to me a lot. Like, all the time. And then...he decided he didn't want to talk to me anymore. For no reason. I shouldn't be surprised because he's done that to me before. At the same time, his actions don't jive with his words. I find that so annoying. He needs to mean what he says when he says it. So I called him back a few times over the last almost week and he doesn't answer. That's that. When he decides that he needs me around again, maybe I won't answer. That's what I've been told to do to him. The thing is, I can't be that mean to him. I know I would only be doing to him what he does to me, but I just don't have it in me to be that way. He's got me all confused and I don't know which way is up anymore.

Monday, August 4, 2008

I haven't really been trying...

And I can admit it. I will post more later, but I feel like the wind is out of my sails. I'm just not trying that hard anymore and I don't really know why. Maybe that's because I'm searching for a new job and getting ready to go on vacation and I just don't care. Or maybe it's cause I've just been burned badly by a total asshole. Who knows. I'll think about it and let you all know.

And maybe I can find some time to be funny as well