Plenty of fish...but a lot more creeps

I can't make these people up

2009-03-02T19:34:00.004-05:00

Match.com seems to think that this guy and I would mesh together really well. Match.com says "Meet nicksomething or other. Like you, he likes dogs. Like you, he's the oldest child. Like you, he enjoys a good sports game"

This is his about me section. I have not edited it in any way. FUCKING MAGIC

"im a nice sweet 22 year old guy who loves his family and his dog love the out doors camping fishing bike rides and love going for drives im looking for some one average but hot at the same time im not looking for a barbie doll cause i just dont think thats hot i would love to find some one who is looking for a long term relationship that like to go out and have fun but at the same time likes to stay home and watch a movie just as much some one who likes sex but knows its not the hole relation ship but still wants it as much as i do likes to be on a back of a bike and go for long bike rides likes to camp and not afraid to get dirty and understands that im a gear head also likes to hang out with her friends by her self cause guys need guy time as much as girls need girl time most of all i guess im just old school im looking for a soul mate someone to be with sexuly and be a best friend at the same time i guess you can say im just looking for love "

Not only is just about everything spelled wrong, there's no punctuation, and you know, one giant run-on sentence...BUT FUCKING ICK DUDE.

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack

2009-02-25T22:21:00.004-05:00

Achilles and I have broken up but we're still cool friends. Honestly. So I went back to Match.com because I am a glutton for punishment. There are a couple of nice guys...but these next 3 are teh winners. SERIOUSLY. Also, aside from my editorials, I have not edited these messages or IMs in any way.

Bachelor #1... he sends me a message on match...
Hey you Im Mike.... How are you ???I want to write to you to tell you more about me and what im looking for! Im 29 years old and Im from New Milford CT. I love to smile and I love to laugh!!! and of couse I would always let you win!!!! Its all about having a good time!!!! I work in the dental feild and went to school for business. But for the last few months I wanted to go back to school to become a high school teacher. I bought a condo almost two and half years ago...boy time flys.... I have been just fixing up the way I wanted to be I take pride in everything I do ! I love to go shopping always dress nice but I always love when a girl picks out my outfits the reason behind that is girl knows what looks best on guy right? I am the type that loves to give! I am always spoiling the one care about ..Some are bigger then others but I will always make you feel like a princess!!!Sometime it could be a simple as a home made card or as big as diamonds of course has to be set in white gold
Im about 5'11 brown hair baby blue eyes and I was a football player in High school I love sports and going to baseball games. Im a very ROMANTIC guy but most of the time it just get me hurt in the long run! I love the long walks of the beach and late night phone call just tell the other person how much they mean to you Im a kinda guy that share his feeling and you will know at anytime how im feeling.
I have everything going for my self a great family( i love my family) and friends a great place to live for now im just missing that person to love each and every day Im looking for a relationship something long tream Im tired of the games and dead end relationship I put my heart in to my relationship so i could get hurt easy. I am very romantic guy! And yes I have do have Morals!! Well I hope this gave you little more about myself and I hope you'll right back soon! Please tell me more about your self and what your looking for and I hope we will be in touch! I never do this but if you want and really get to know each other you can text me or call me I am a very easy person to talk to 203-460-1993 My aim is wtfimdumb Hope your having a great week!!!

Mike

What the hell? Did you just give me your phone number? Yes you did. And now I'm going to post it on the internet. Lilo suggested that maybe he's actually a toothbrush since he's in the dental "feild". I don't understand his long ramblings, but I can tell you now...I did not return his message. You are a creeper.

Now let's meet...
Bachelor #2
First of all, the title of his message is "one date guarantee!"
Hi,
One date guarantee: After one date if you are not totally satisfied with me as a perspective partner, you can return me to the pool of Match.com guys AT NO CHARGE!! :-) No annoying phone calls to make, no forms to fill out, no texts to make!

I hope my opening made you laugh, sometimes its hard to get noticed on Match, I am sure you get more emails than you can handle in a day. After reading your profile, it looks like you are looking for someone a little younger than me, but I am just finding most people in their early 30's or already working on their second marriage or are already married to their careers. Since I haven't been meeting the right people I decided to try someone a little younger than me. Most of my friends are no help, they seem to be rarely around due to being on the "couples circuit", LOL!! I am just looking for someone to hang out with, go to dinner with or explore the city with.

Sorry to ramble, I have to cut this short, I need to figure out how to install the Direct TV I just bought, I think I need to run to Best Buy this afternoon....

Doug

WHO ARE YOU? Do you think you're funny? He's like the used car salesman of Match.com. You are not amusing to me. None of the things that you have said are acceptable. Don't try to flatter me with "I'm sure you get more emails than you can handle in one day". I'm on to you. I do not like you. FAIL.

And finally..
Bachelor #3
His first messages to me were awesome. They had me laughing, we share a huge love for Incubus and I thought that he was just awesome. WRONG. I am so wrong. He's just...what the hell dude?

fenderheavy: so what mens fashion do you like?
me: what?
me: you catch me off guard with weird questions
fenderheavy: what you dont like fashion?
me: i don't know if i have an opinion about fashion, actually
me: i like it when guys can dress themselves and dress well
fenderheavy: Haha... I used to work with a woman named wilma... she is 46 and looks like she is 20... we would flip through GQ and compare what we liked
me: haha
fenderheavy: she worked in the city for a small fashion designer... back in the day... she is a rockstar
me:that's pretty awesome
me: i'm not terribly fancy dressed up girl
me: i'm jeans and flip flops roll with the punches girl
fenderheavy: yeah I dress up for work... But I think that I can look good even in a t-shirt and jeans (At this point, I start to think that maybe he likes himself too much. Just maybe)
me: hmmm...
me:it's even lovelier when a guy smells good
fenderheavy: and I start wearing sandals at the end of march
fenderheavy: yes!!!
me: if i could wear flipflops all the time, i so would
fenderheavy: aqua di gio by armani
me:hmm..i'm trying to think if i know what that smells like
fenderheavy: I have cologne on me at all times
me: it's fab when guys smell good
fenderheavy: Watches sunglasses and cologne are my 3 weaknesses
me:haha
fenderheavy: well that and pretty girls
me: those seem like ok weaknesses (No, they are all pretty gay up until the liking girls part. This is when I knew that he was not the guy that I would keep on talking to)
fenderheavy: they are not really weaknesses... just guilty pleasures... do you have any?

That was a few days ago...and then we have today. I had no plans to talk to him, but he IM'd me and I was bored and I kind of had to talk to him.

fenderheavy: OK so are you one of the "Crazies"
me: the what's now?
fenderheavy: a girl who is COMPLETELY out of her mind
me: are you honestly asking me this?
fenderheavy: more like faciously
fenderheavy: but kind of serious.... because so far I have only dated crazies
me: i would go for a solid "no" on that one
me: i can be wacky but i'm not crazy
fenderheavy: ok maybe Ill switch things up and go with wacky
fenderheavy: it sounds fun
me: uhh...?
fenderheavy: so what qualifies as "wacky"
me: i don't know, i'm just silly and i do silly things
me: i say things that possibly make to sense to make people laugh
me: *possibly make no sense
fenderheavy: ok see now we are making progress!!! Actually... That did make no sense... and made me laugh
me: i didn't know that there was progress to be made
fenderheavy: oh yeah
fenderheavy: lots of progress
fenderheavy: If you are ever going to get me in the sack you are going to have to try much harder (FAIL)
me: you're assuming i'm going to sleep with you?
me: really?
me: dude, wtf?
fenderheavy: its a joke
me: even in a joking way - FAIL (Told him)
me: you are strange
fenderheavy: I did not mean to offend you....
me: it's okay
me: just..weird dude
fenderheavy: calm down... It was not meant to be some thing you should freak out avout
me: i'm calm. i'm just saying. weird
me: anyway, moving right along
me: or not
fenderheavy: your still talking to me?
me: do you want me to not talk to you?
fenderheavy: no you just seemed offended
me: a little. i'm over it
fenderheavy: I think that my humor seems more perverted over the internet... and the fact that you dont know me
me: those could be true, yes
fenderheavy: hey it was real fun talking and all but im going get going (This is where he decided that maybe I AM a crazy after all and that he should never talk to me again. I would be fine with that)
me: ok
me: bye

Let me just add that if he's stupid enough to talk to me again, I'm turning that crazy amp up to 11. Idiot.

I wanted to let this blog die, but it's pretty clear that I can't. So I'll be back from time to time. Otherwise, find me here.

Well

2009-01-15T13:33:00.000-05:00

I've moved. Find me here now

All right all you kittens and cats...

2009-01-14T12:03:00.000-05:00

I've decided. There needs to be a new blog. This blog - it just isn't me anymore. And who knows, I might come back to it one day. But it isn't who I am. I'm not looking anymore and I'm terribly happy and that should make for bad blogging. But I think I'm funny and I'm going to make a new blog. I am. So once I get the deets - everyone will know. But until then, consider this my last post.

I've learned a lot about myself in the past year that I've had this blog. I've learned the things that I will and won't compromise on. I've met some shitty people, I've met some pretty awesome people and it's been one hell of a ride. I'm kind of glad it's over now

My aunt on Achilles

2009-01-08T22:02:00.002-05:00

"He is really nice and has a sense of humor. You light up when you are with him :)"

And I see it now. I do light up when I'm with him. I like him so much. I'm gross relationship girl and I don't care and I'm totalling falling into this relationship and loving every second of it.

Tonight he threatened to bite my fingers off. I whined and said that I liked them and needed them. "I will kiss them all instead," he told me. I glowed, I think.

My parents like him (including my dad. Who doesn't like ANYONE) and my brothers like him and my aunt does too. And me? Well you know how things are with me.

Gross and sappy time

2009-01-04T23:52:00.002-05:00

I didn't make this...but it works for me...

Totally giddy!

2009-01-03T19:05:00.002-05:00

Achilles is back! He is! Actually, he came back on Monday night and I didn't see him until Wednesday night. While he was away, he told me he got me a few things. You see, I have this thing about lip products. I love them. Like, I LOVE them. I need to have lip balm or something around me at all times. I do. It's a problem. Achilles thinks it's hysterical when I can't function without it. So he bought me all sorts of lip products. I told him he was an enabler and he just laughed at me. I'm glad he knows the way to my heart - through moisturized lips.

Darcy's family always has a NYE party that's good fun, so he came over there. He finally met my brother J, which was really important to me. Achilles didn't know how much of a test that is, but it really says a lot about him. I knew that he would be great with J, but there's always a moment of doubt. I've dated guys that treated J like a moron or like he's 2 and he's not. He's 20 and very much an adult. But J seemed to like him and wanted to hang out with Achilles, so that's great. (J, by the way, is my brother. He's autistic and he means a lot to me. He's kind of high functioning - but he's a spaz sometmies. I love him dearly...and sometimes just want him to go away).

But since Achilles was at Darcy's...it meant that I had someone to kiss at midnight. Is that lame? You know it! It was great to have him there, regardless of how lame it is that it mattered. I felt it was a good way to start 2009.

Thursday night I slept over at Achilles place. We watched the Venture Brothers and had some pizza and snuggled and it was just fabulous to be back with him. He kept on telling me how much he missed me - how much he missed me smelling good and snuggling with him and being sweet to him and how much he just OUT AND OUT LIKES ME. WHICH IS LIKE A LOT. And I like him a lot. A lot a lot. It's scary how much I like him.

He came over this afternoon to just hang out (my parents are out of town) and do some laundry. That's right, I lured him over with Lego Batman and laundry. It worked. Also, I made him french toast and he really liked it. Or he faked liking it to make me feel good. We played some lego batman (he was Robin) and just...we just were. Then he told me that I'm his favorite bitch on this continent. Oh, I so win.

Today he brought up me meeting some of his friends - and I told him that of course I wanted to meet them. He's been hesistant, but not because of who I am, but because of who his friends are. I would get into more detail and even though I write under a pen-name - I'm not going to say why he thinks I can't handle his friends. It's not like they are in a gang or go around murdering people - but I'm just not. It's Achilles thing and I'm okay with that. I just want to meet his friends so they know that I'm a good person and that I care for him deeply.

I've been wondering a lot what I should do with this blog. I feel like I want to keep on writing here, but at the same time, I don't want Achilles to find it. I don't think he will, because even though I talk about blogging (as in "oh, I blogged today about Quagmire") he never asks to read it or see the address or anything. But I don't want to keep on playing with fire. So do I move somewhere else and just be honest and up front with things between Achilles and I? Or do I just stop blogging all together? I really don't know what to do and I'm not sure how to handle it. I'm still thinking though.

BLOGGING FAIL....

2008-12-28T19:58:00.004-05:00

As promised so long ago, it’s a blog update. It’s not like I have a good reason not to be updating my blog, but whatever. I’ve been busy? No, that’s a lie. I’ve just been lazy.

So where to begin? My parents seem to really like Achilles. My mom asks me questions about him every day – somethings that I do actually know because I’ve been dating him for longer than they know, I pretend not to know. But she says that he’s nice and very sweet and a decent guy and very low key (HAHA) which means that she approves. And I like that. Achilles came over last Saturday when I was making cookies with Darcy and Lilo and my dad talked to him for a bit. That’s weird. I guess my dad wished him luck in the kitchen with us. I was dancing around and being silly and he just sat there and took it all in. He’s a saint. Lilo left and Darcy left shortly after that, so Achilles and I just hung out. After the massive snow storm on last Friday shattered my nerves (and my plan to hang out with Achiles), it was nice just to be with him. He is very comforting and totally sweet and adorable.

Also, I bought him a whole bunch of snacks. He left on Tuesday for his sister’s house in Cincinnati and was going to go without snacks. That’s pretty much unacceptable. I went out with Darcy and Darcy’s Sister for snacks. I panicked about the snacks, even though he told me what he liked. But he was really excited about it and gave me a huge hug and told me how wonderful and thoughtful I was to even do that. Score one for me.

I didn’t expect to see him at all on lastSunday, but my parents and W were going to a party (that I wasn’t invited to!) and he didn’t want me to have PB&J for dinner. So I got to see him again! And we snuggled and he made me dinner and it was lovely. Then I stole one of his t-shirts. I woke a black t-shirt over to his house on Sunday. When I was putting my clothes back on (scandalous!) I put his shirt on instead, thinking it was mine (I was clearly out of it, because Achilles is bigger than me and looking at the shirts, you could tell which one was which) and danced around, asking him if I was as cool as he was now. He told me that no, I wasn’t. I was sad. We ate ice cream in his bed and watched the Simpsons and did nothing. And it was fabulous. I gave him his shirt back as I was leaving, even though it was soft and snuggly and smelled like boy and I liked it…so he told me to take it with me, as long as I give it back. Which I might do. But now I’m excited to have a soft and snuggly Achilles shirt, which I’ll give back to him at some point. I don’t know when though. Score another one for me. I’m up two so far.

But Achilles is gone until Tuesday. So I lose one for that. And it’s not much different than if he was at home, I wouldn’t be able to see him during the week anyway. Knowing that I can’t even see him if either of us had time because he’s not even in the same state is sad. And knowing that I’m so..meh about him being gone lets me know that I’ve really started to fall for him and really started to fully embrace this relationship. That’s so scary for me. I don’t want to get burned like I have before, but I have a feeling like this will be different than others. He was telling his sister about me the other day and said that we get along really well and compliment each other well. I agree with these thoughts – but also felt great that he felt it too. I can’t even explain why I like him as much as I do. And I don’t have to. But I feel myself falling for him. At least now I have the ability to stop myself from falling into a brick wall, which I think I didn’t have before. I’m not going to rush anything. I’m not going to force his hand, I’m not going to bully him into telling me things he doesn’t mean. I’m just going to be with him and see where it goes. And from what I can see – it’s going to go in a perfectly fabulous direction. Seriously. That makes me more happy than anything I could ever say. I feel really lucky now.

Also, he called me on Christmas to tell my that his niece called me a "ho ho ho" (because she's 12 and that's totally what a 12 year old would do) and I told him to tell her that I was going to punch her in the face. I'm charming. So he goes "MY GIRLFRIEND IS GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!" and the important part is that he called me his girlfriend. That's amazing. I tweaked about that for a while.

Okay, done with being sappy. On to my other..issue? Is that what you would call what I’m about to say?

I work at a very small company (there’s only 15 of us, 13 in the office full time) so we all are very involved with each other’s lives. We get to know each other, we talk a lot – we like each other. I mean, we have to. We’re about the size of some screwed up family. There’s this guy that works here that’s Achilles age – let’s call him...Quagmire (as Lilo put it “because no matter how many times you shut him down, he keeps trying to do you”). Quagmire’s office is across the way from mine. My computer screen is angled, so when I look up from my screen and over the desk, I look right into his office. That’s just how things are. I could talk to him from my desk in a normal voice and he would hear me. But Quagmire goes out of his way to tell me things. Like about the t-shirt he just ordered or his guitar that he just got or how he got into a car accident a few weekends ago when he hit some black ice. He FINDS reasons to talk to me about things. He IMs me sites where I can find cheap games for the wii. He calls me into his office to listen to the weezer Christmas album. And it’s just so strange. Did I mention that he looks at my boobs? Like, a lot? I feel like he’s always flirting with me and it’s just…wtf? I know he hears me talk about Achilles (because I do) and I know he knows that Achilles exists. I’m now listed as being in a relationship on facebook!

So maybe..

2008-12-22T06:57:00.001-05:00

So maybe I went over to Achilles house last night and he made me dinner. And maybe while I was there, I took one of his t-shirts. Is that so bad? I just like the way that he smells. But this shirt? So totally mine

OK....

2008-12-19T08:33:00.002-05:00

So I'm at work, totally hung over (our christmas party was last night and I drank HARD). I will be updating later, I swear. Here's a few bullets to tide you over...
- weird guy I work with. He doesn't quite have a name yet, but it's coming.
- my parents reaction to Achilles
- me talking myself down EVERYDAY because of my general paranoia
- maybe a little bit about the christmas party at work. because really - why not?

Further weekend update

2008-12-15T18:44:00.002-05:00

I’ve already posted about how fabulous Friday night was. Achilles = most awesome. But yesterday he topped himself. So when I go out with Achilles, I just tell my parents I’m going elsewhere – I’m going to Darcy’s house, I’m going to Summer’s house, I’m hanging out with Lilo – whatever the case may be. I’m afraid I’m going to slip one day and say I’m going somewhere and then when I get home, I’ll say something else or one of my friends would slip (no fault of theirs though). I decided I had to introduce them to Achilles so I could say that I was going out with him – which would be the truth. He agreed to come and get me from my house – we went to see a movie yesterday afternoon and ended up getting dinner. I brought it up kinda casually. I told my mom I was going to a movie and my friend Achilles was coming to get me. She asked where I knew him from (okay, I made up a lie about that). She asked if where he worked, what kind of car he drove, how old he is (“I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe in his late twenties or early thirties?”) and then, the most important of all questions: was he taller than me?! And yes, he is. That was good enough for her. My mom was really nice to him when he came in, I showed him the giant Christmas tree (we put it up yesterday morning) and we were on our way.

Dinner was a blast – though it shouldn’t have been. We went to this classy burger place in SoNo that’s so excellent. On Sunday nights, some douchebage named PJ is there, playing his acoustic guitar. While we were trying to eat. Did I mention that the kitchen lost our order, so we were sitting there FOREVER waiting for food and the D-bag was playing and I almost lost my shit? I mean, I didn’t care that we waited, I like spending time with Achilles, but FUCK, I was hungry. Our food showed up, we started eating…and then the PJ (known now as the Peege) started playing a song…about playing songs at the burger place. There was a fire of rage in Achilles’ eyes. I snapped at him “ACHILLES! FOCUS! FOOD! EAT YOUR BURGER!” and he came back to reality. But god, Peege – why did you do that? It was terrible. Achilles and I then realized that we got along so well because we hate all the same people! It was at that point that calling someone Peege became an insult. Since then, I’ve been calling him Peege and he’s been telling me that I’ve given him the Peege and it’s taken on a life of its own. And that is fantastic. It’s just one more reason that I like him. He’s awesome.

After dinner (which was on the burger joint for FORGETTING us and making us listen to Peege), he brought me back to my house. I fed him cookies (I was on a baking craze) and introduced him to my dad and my brother, W. My dad didn’t say much of anything, but that was to be expected. I had slipped on Achilles last week to W, so I think he wanted to meet him. My mom was trying to get W to come upstairs from the basement without saying “come upstairs and meet Carrie’s friend”, which was great fun. W is actually going to be doing me a huge favor by keeping an ear out for me and listening to what my parents have to say about Achilles. My mom kind of gave me the 3rd degree before I went to bed last night – where did we go to dinner, who paid for dinner (it was me. The tab was $7. AMAZING), where did he live, etc. She then decided that he was very nice and quiet (HA. NO) and that was that.

This morning she came downstairs and asked me if I was going to be seeing him again. I said that I think we had plans for this weekend and then he’s going to Cincinnati (which is true) and won’t be back until New Years (also true). I think she’s trying to figure out if we’re dating, but I’m not giving her enough information to go on. At least now I can say that I’m going out with him or going to his place when I actually do, which makes my life even better.

My mom just asked me if I heard from my friend. I asked her which friend and she said "you know..ACHILLES?!" and I told her that yes, I did in fact hear from him. And yes, we would be hanging out again. Oh mom, you're so clueless.

WTF, seriously

2008-12-14T14:19:00.000-05:00

I'm now kind of off the market (sort of). You all know what I mean. But since that point...I've been getting winks and messages and all sorts of things on match. Like, way more than I had since I met Achilles. WTF? Did all these guys realize that I'm amazing all of the sudden? And yes, I should probably take my profile down or disable it or whatever, but what gives? Only one of the guys seems a bit more intersting than Achilles, the rest are all just...lame-os. I've noticed the kind of guys that I attract are kind of bigger guys, maybe that are secret dorks. Seriously, every guy that's winked at me in the past 2 weeks has been that kind of person. Am I giving off some sort of signal THROUGH THE COMPUTER that says that I'm the hot ticket and someone should talk to me?

Oh boys...

2008-12-13T14:02:00.004-05:00

Last night I had a sleep over with Achilles. It was great fun. We went out to some super tasty Japanese place for dinner (where he mocked me for not being able to use chopsticks and then MADE me eat sushi) and back to his place. We watched The Dark Knight so I could drool over Christian Bale. He's so hot.

Achilles was all dressed up for his company's Christmas party - he was in a suit. He looked...really good. I felt like I was totally underdressed (not for the place that we were eating, but being with him) but he kept on telling me how great I looked and how nice my sweater was and how lovely I was. He's great like that. This morning as I was stretching and rolling around in his bed because I'm a jerk, he told me how much he liked my body. I freaked. I mean, how could I not? I don't expect him or ANYONE to say that. But there I was, all deer in headlights about it. He knows that I don't have any idea how to handle him being so sweet to me. He knows that these compliments blow my mind. And they seriously do. But he's so consistant with his feelings towards me (he really likes me. He told me so!) that I am starting to believe them. Yesterday he was telling me that he liked me because he could relax around me. He liked that I put him at ease. I don't know what it is that I do that makes him feel that way - but I don't really care. I like that he feels that way about being around me. When I'm with him, I feel like I can be off. Somedays, being funny and making everyone laugh and saying clever things is just...it's really tiring. But I do it because that's what is expected of me. When I'm with him, I know that I don't have to have the quickest answer. I know I don't have to try to make him laugh - mostly because I just do it without thinking. It's a very comfortable...whatever it is that we have. I like dating him because I don't have to try to impress him or make myself out to be something that I'm not. He thinks that it's cute that I suck at being really super girly but yet love bags and shoes. He says things to me just to make me smile. Being around him, feeling good - it's effortless. That's scary and awesome all at once. I mean, I can feel how I could really lose my shit over this guy. But unlike past relationships, I feel like I'm in control. I feel like I can hold myself together and not say how much I care until it's right. If we even get to that point, which I seriously hope that we will.

When we got back to his house last night, he took off his suit and I was lying on his bed and he crawled in next to me and pulled me close to him and we just...laid there. For a while. We didn't say anything, we didn't do anything - we just were there. He then sighed and kissed my head and told me that he had a really bad week, but me snuggling up next to him made it all so much better. He wanted to be snuggled, he wanted to have me near him. And just the fact that that simple fucking thing would make things better really shocked me. And made me feel great. He's being honest with me when he says things like that. I know it. I'm turning into gross relationship girl. I really love being around him. I like that me makes me laugh and makes me smile and tells me that I'm pretty and lovely and wonderful and fabulous and so many other things. I like that I don't have to explain things to him. I like that he gets me. I like that he's a little left of center. I like that he willingly tells me everything he likes about me...

me: {on being smacked and sent to bed} i think you can make it
besides, even if i'm not nice now, i'm always terribly sweet to make up for it
Achilles: this is true
me: i know
it's cause i like you
Achilles: i still wonder why, but ok
me: see, i could tell you why
i'm not an information withholder
Achilles: oh i CAN tell you
but i choose not to
gotta keep you workin for it
me: i shouldn't have to work for it, you should just tell me
Achilles:: lol
me: but i suppose that takes all the fun out of it for you
Achilles: i will give you a couple
1. you laugh at my jokes
2. you never shy away from me saying clowntits
3. you have a nice rack
me: good to know that's in the top 5
i guess that's super important? lol
Achilles: oh very
me: you're only giving me 3?
Achilles: for the moment
ok, 1 more
4. youre sweet in spite of yourself
me: i think you should give me 5
because that's a logical number
Achilles: 5. your pocket tastes like tangerines
me: that's just an out and out lie
Achilles: ok ok
5. youre an awesome snuggler

He tells me that I'm so sweet and nice and wonderful to him and I'm not doing anything. Seriously. I'm just..there. It's blowing my mind. I know this isn't my usual snarky self (don't worry, it's coming soon) but god. So cute. I can't take it.

Ew gross and adorable

2008-12-10T15:20:00.004-05:00

Achilles: lol when i look at your status message at the bottom of this IM window...
me: yes?
Achilles: it says "i should stick to butt...."
me: exactlyyyyyyyyy
but the whole statement is even better
Achilles: you love butt
me: your face loves butt
Achilles: depends on the butt
i would gladly stick it in scarlett johannsons butt
me: i know. you've probably told me that
she's your person
Achilles:: nah
youre my person :)
me: awww....adorable
that made me smile
Achilles:damn
you were supposed to say "gross!@"
me: sorry
i mean, EW. GROSS! Achilles, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
me: better?
Achilles:there you go
me: i will be sure to keep my secret responses of happiness to a minimum

Conversation with the Brewmaster

2008-12-09T11:11:00.001-05:00

Me: when are your real tests?
Brewmaster: first one is thursday
Me: you' re going to spank it and make it your bitch
Brewmaster: thats right. those tests are in for some hard loving.
Me: that sounds like something achilles would say
he came over on friday night and i was walking into my house and he was behind me and then he's like mumbling "oh yeah baby, i would make sweet sweet love to you right now"
and i turn around to be like, WTF?
and he's humping the washing machine
Brewmaster: hahahaha
Me: it was a magical moment
Brewmaster: that is wonderful
Me: he does shit like that all the time and it amuses me to no end. he made up a song called "i'll be your personal dildo" and sings it in a high pitched voice
Brewmaster: hahahah
he's a keeper carrie
he has charmed my heart with his creative vulgarity

Super Massive Overshare....

2008-12-08T13:43:00.003-05:00

…..Which is not to be confused with supermassive black hole, which would be the song that played while all the Cullens played baseball. That’s right, I saw Twilight. I’ll admit it. And Edward Cullen? Absolutely sexy for no good reason. Oh dear do I want him for all the wrong reasons. Him or James. James was HOTTTTTTTTT.

But this post is not about Twilight (but it could be). But it won’t be. Post is about..the drought. Being over. Oh yes, the year and a half or so without…is over. Whoo! I got some! Whoo!!! It’s an overshare of large proportions, but I had to share. How could I not? And there are so many things I could say about the large proportions thing..and Achilles. I won't. But know that there could be a relationship between the two. HINT.

Achilles made it happen. I mean, we both knew it was going to happen and whatever. That’s fine. So on Friday, I had the house to myself. My parents and brother were out seeing Tim McGraw and I was alone (yes, I still live at home. It’s not because I want to, it’s because I’m DEAD ASS BROKE). I told Achilles he HAD to come over because, hello, it was an acceptable time to come to my house. No one else was around. He didn’t have to be exposed to all the crazy. I had an minor meltdown on Friday (but I recovered, mostly) and during the day, one of my coworkers bought me ice cream. Because he is AWESOME. I was telling Achilles about how that ice cream made my day better. Achilles one upped him. He came over, with HALF BAKED ice cream…and condoms. It was sexy. He goes “I brought you presents!” and I danced around the kitchen. I was so excited about the ice cream, I didn’t notice anything else in the bag. He told me to look again and huzzah, protected sex would be had! I told him the lady at CVS must have known that he meant business, what with serious ice cream and serious condoms. We both had a good laugh. He is wonderous. Friday was pretty excellent, I tried to get him to stay with me because it was fucking cold in my house and sometimes, when I’m home by myself, I get all nervous pervous about things that don’t exist. He didn’t spend the night with me though. I do have a tiny bed and we both would have slept like shit. His bed though? Totally awesome and comfortable. I want to stay there.

I made pie with Lilo on Saturday because we are amazing bakemastery all-stars. I was texting Achilles, telling him to be jealous of my pie. Which turned into a totally inappropriate conversation about my pie. How could it not? Yesterday, I brought him some maple pecan pie because he asked so nicely for it. We sat in his bed, all snuggled up, eating pie. It was great – it was cold and snowy outside, we were all snuggled and gross and adorable inside – it was just what I needed.

Achilles really makes me feel good about myself. So in a previous post where I said that I would have to take massive xanax or be so shitty drunk to take off my clothes – that wasn’t my reality. I just…I did it. I didn’t freak out (much) about being nakeeeeeeed in front of him. He makes me feel like I’m just…wonderful. I know that’s the way it’s SUPPOSED to be, that’s how good relationships work. But that’s really never been the way that relationships work for me. Achilles is a totally different experience than I know what to do with. But Achilles still has enough jerk in him to make me like him. If he was nice all the time, I wouldn’t be able to handle that. He’s still funny and makes me smile. And he’s been determined to stick his finger in my nose. I’m not sure why, exactly, but it’s okay. I don’t mind. I like that I can be like that with him and it’s okay.

I also think my parents are starting to suspect that I’m up to something. I’m telling them that I am going other places or going out with other people when I go out with Achilles. I just don’t know how to tell them exactly what I’m up to. It has nothing to do with who Achilles is. I adore him and I really do want to share him with the people that care about me. But I know that they don’t know how to act. They will tweak that he’s 9 years older than me. I don’t ever really notice that he is. We’re very much alike and I just don’t ever really see the difference between us. They would totally fly off the handle when/if they found out how I met him. And that’s the dumbest part. I’ve posted about it before, but so many girls, girls that are way prettier and more awesome than I am, are finding guys on Match.com. That’s just what happens when you get tired of meeting guys in bars, not working with any men and having lots of married friends (sorry Summer and Lilo). I know many people that have done it and it’s no reason to hide it. But because my family is fucking BATSHIT insane, there’s nothing I can do. I was telling Achilles this yesterday because he told me that I just should tell them what’s up. I’m thinking it might be best to just spring it on them. They won’t have time to react, they won’t have time to think and I’ll make them see that he’s really lovely and fabulous.

Being a dumb girl, being a dumb girl

2008-12-04T18:56:00.004-05:00

Last night, I was going over to one of my old co-worker's houses. LB has a son that's 4, JB. I LOVE HIM. He's cute and adorable and so so so blonde. And he loves me. A lot. He told me we could get married as long as we didn't have to dance at the wedding. I call him my boyfriend JB because that's so what he is. He asks LB about me. We hold hands. You know, that sort of thing. I was texting Achilles last night as I was driving to LB's house (I know, I'm not supposed to do that, but I did) and he asked me if I was going to see my "other boyfriend". WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!?! I talked about it with Lilo ALL DAMN DAY. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!

Lilo believes that that means that Achilles...is my boyfriend. Which is a weird thing to think and to say. And both Lilo and Summer agree that I should just ask him. I would feel like a total tool being like "uhh...so you're my boyfriend now?" My plan was to wait until he introduces me to some of his friends and see what he says. That might not be for a while...so we see how this plan has faults. But that's about as far as I got. Lilo insists that Achilles, if he wasn't my boyfriend already, will LOVE to be my boyfriend.

I am in a panic. Why?

There's no good reason why. I just am. I guess because asking him that question makes me vunerable for the first time since I've known him. We've talked about things that are deep and not surface stuff...but they haven't been about feelings towards each other. And to vocalize something that I want and I'm pretty sure he wants scares the shit out of me. I am so dumb. I need to stop. I like him. I really and honestly do. I'm not just saying that I do because I want to be with someone. I'm saying that because I feel like he's a good match (ha, dumb!) for me. He's smart and very funny and can keep up with me. And as So@24 says , us girls that might be funny (at least I think I am) should not settle for guys that are not funny. (In unrelated side notes, the blog he mentions, whatclaudiawore, is fucking AMAZING. She's great. I want to BE her. Also, I referenced this blog post in my conversation last night with Achilles. You know you have a problem with blogs when you talk about them IN REAL LIFE AS IF THEY ARE A CONVERSATION YOU HAD. So, props to you, So@24. Your blog is now a part of my life.) He makes me laugh and smile and I like being around him. I feel comfortable around him. He just...he is. It makes no sense that I say that...but it's what I feel. God, emo tonight. Sorry.

And in another unrelated note...last night, L found out that both JB and I want lego batman for christmas (I have the same taste as a 4 year old boy. classsssssssssssssy). JB then started talking about the other woman (Zoe, that whore...okay, so maybe she's only 4. And maybe she only just kissed him while they were in line to get their photos taken...but I know when I'm being replaced by a younger woman. That makes Zoe a whore). Then he went back to talking about lego batman and told me that if I didn't get lego batman for chrsitmas, I could come over to his house and we could play. As I'm telling Achilles this, he tells me that I'm setting myself up for some emotional abuse. He said that JB is going to lure me over to his house so we can pretend to play lego batman, but really he's going to talk about Zoe. "Haha" I said to Achilles, "I've already been emotionally abused and it didn't involve lego batman!" He asked what I mean. I changed the subject.

Lilo then tells me...JB is using you for your love and worship. He is teasing you and he is a womanizer. Womanizer. Womanizer--kill me. But: if he gets Lego Indiana Jones, you should not feel bad using him for his snuggles and video games. I think this is only fair.

I agree.

Also, tomorrow is Boot's birthday. I'm hoping more than anything that he doesn't call. I don't want or need him now

Blogging Future,,?

2008-12-02T06:40:00.002-05:00

With Achilles now in the picture…where does that leave this blog? Summer thinks that I should still continue to write in it, although without trying to find a guy to date through Match, it kind of has no point. I guess I can post about awkward relationship moments, but still.

Speaking of Match, I cancelled my subscription. Is that putting too much stock in Achilles? I really don’t know. I hope not. I think that he’s wonderful and fabulous and I just really like being around him. I feel comfortable and he’s nice and sweet to me and tells me CONSTANTLY how wonderous I am. He tells me about my apparently soft girl skin and my lovely girl smell and how he likes snuggling with me. I haven’t heard anything like that from anyone in a long long time. Am I totally head over heels for the compliments? I don’t think so. I think I can look at Achilles and know that he just likes me.

I saw him 4 times in the past week. Granted, neither of us worked on Thursday and Friday, which left Wednesday night for some fun and Friday night and yesterday. And our idea of fun…is snuggling. Yesterday it was shitty and rainy and gross outside. I had just about had it with my brother (which is another story for another day) and I needed to get out of the house. If Achilles hadn’t called, I would have just gone to see Darcy. But he called and I sounded so defeated on the phone that he told me I should come over because his bed was warm and snuggles were to be had. So I did. I got to his place, dragged myself up the stairs to his apartment, kicked off my shoes and fell into his bed. And that was my afternoon. We both had places to be around 7, so there wasn’t that much snuggly time, but we both just wanted to lie there and order in and do nothing.

I don’t know what I means that we both can just lie there, all snuggly and not need much else to amuse us. I mean, the TV was on, but neither of us was watching it. He was rubbing my back and I was burrowed into his side. Does it make me some kind of snuggle whore that I can just snuggle up next to him without you know, being super serious about him? I don’t think so. We snuggle and it’s adorable. He smells my hair and kisses the end of my nose. It’s something that I haven’t experienced with any guy before. No other guy I’ve dated wanted to snuggle. Snuggling was totally out. But Achilles…he does.

He told me something that was just...I don't know the, cutest thing ever. I know last night I was talking about being broken (my knees are all screwed up, my back bothers me, I can't see for shit...pretty much, I have the body of an 80 year old) and I was saying that I needed a new self. He was telling me that no, my self was great and he liked it just the way that I was.

As we were talking on the phone late last night, he was telling me that he wished I was there because we could be snuggled up. And I wanted that too. I'm snuggle girl. Oh my goodness.

Reaper told me it would take me a while to shed my gross cynicalness about being without a relationship for so long. I guess I have?

Last night...

2008-11-27T10:11:00.003-05:00

I went over to Achilles' house last night. He wanted to hang out and I said "SURE!" because more than anything, I wanted to snuggle. And snuggle we did. He is a professional snuggler. I kind of love it.

I didn't get to his house until like, 9:30 or so. I had just gone to the gym and my thighs were killing me. I was so broken. So I collapsed on his bed and was like "gah, my legs, they are the broken" and he rubbed them for me. Which sounds bad, but I swear, it wasn't like that. He then told me that he feels bad for my body being so broken all the time. I'm okay with it.

The last time I saw him, he kept on telling me how I was pretty and cute and how everything I did was adorable (including dancing around his kitchen) and I dared him to come up with something that I did that wasn't adorable. Well, apparently, I make this face. I make said face whenever he says something slightly sexual (perhaps he says "I'll stuff your turkey" or something). He told me this face, while made in a sexy moment...WAS NOT SEXY. So guess what I kept on making last night? Oh yes, that face. I would make the face, go "THAT WAS THE FACE!" and then bury my head in a pillow. He would laugh and laugh and tell me that he felt bad for telling me that something I did wasn't adorable. It was cute.

I told him that I couldn't stay and that I would have to leave and go home to sleep in my own bed at my own house. He made the most excellent point that I was there, at his house, and it was warm and I was snuggly. Oh damn you. But I got up and get on my shoes and so on and went outside into the cold, even though I didn't like it. But as I'm going to get up to get my stuff, he kept on pulling me back and pulling me closer to him, telling me not to leave but to stay because it would be so much better if I did (I know that) and we could have so much fun (more fun than we already had? I don't think so) and that he likes me and wants me around. Adorable. He's so sweet and nice and lovely and seriously....I really really really like him.

I put on my emo glasses (I had taken out my contacts because my eyes were soooo dry) and he tells me how pretty I am. I'm blowing hair out of my face and he tells me how pretty I am. I'm telling him not to poke my chub, because seriously....I hate that. He insists that I'm not fat, I don't have chub and that I'm fantastic just the way that I am. Again, I have no idea how to handle someone just being nice to me to be nice to me. He kisses my hair! He rubs my shoulders! He kisses all my fingertips and then the palm of my hand (I haven't figured that out yet, but god, it's sweet) and I just...whoa. You guys. Whoa.

This could be the best conversation ever

2008-11-26T12:36:00.002-05:00

Chicken killer: did i tell u
Chicken killer: i told my pof stalker to f-- off
Darcy: Tell me? Oh!
Darcy: Well congratulations!
Chicken killer: she 18
Darcy: I'm sure that didn't go over well.
Chicken killer: she was like i love you
Chicken killer: i was you cant love me because you dont know me
Chicken killer: she was like fine your like the rest of the guys i speak too
Darcy: Hahahhaha!
Darcy: Well, good for you!
Chicken killer: i am sick of her iming me and being nude on cam
Chicken killer: women and men are weird
Chicken killer: no more stalker woo
Chicken killer: but now i am your stalker lol
Darcy: ?
Darcy: Does that mean I should tell you off?
Chicken killer: well your not mean so you cant
Chicken killer: i am joking
Chicken killer: your a good friend
Chicken killer: if i stalker you. you would send the baby goat after me
Darcy: You're right...I wouldn't do a very good job of yelling at someone...there wouldn't be any feeling behind it.
Darcy: Ha...forget the goat, I could do much more damage w/ my dog.
Darcy: She's a nut.
Chicken killer: i know
Chicken killer: ohh well
Chicken killer: maybe if she didnt live 4 hrs away i would be good
Darcy: Your stalker? I would think that's a good thing...then she can't somehow find you....
Chicken killer: i fouid out why your postive
Chicken killer: you have an optimstic look at things
Darcy: ?
Darcy: Well, yes.
Chicken killer: ya i am on your pof page
Chicken killer: lol i am stalking you
Darcy: Oh... yay?
Chicken killer: ya
Darcy: You couldn't figure out the optimism w/o reading it?
Chicken killer: honestly i dont know the word i was looking for
Darcy: Ah...
Chicken killer: i was like on tip of my tounge but i couldnt come out
Darcy: That happens.
Chicken killer: i think u like me a little
Chicken killer: no offence
Darcy: Oh? And how do you figure that?
Chicken killer: just a feeling i have
Darcy: Hmm...that's unfortunate....cause I don't like people having false hopes and getting hurt as a result...
Chicken killer: lol
Chicken killer: ok fine
Chicken killer: i like u
Darcy: Well, I had guessed as much...especially after you continuously stated it...
Chicken killer: lol
Chicken killer: i speak to you every day
Chicken killer: come on
Darcy: Hmm?
Chicken killer: your sweet and smart
Darcy: So? There's a lot of people like that out there....
Darcy: You just gotta sift some.
Darcy: or a lot...
Chicken killer: darcy
Chicken killer: stop it
Chicken killer: i know what your doing
Darcy: Oh?
Chicken killer: your fighting it
Darcy: Hahahah! I'm not fighting anything...I'm trying to stop you from doing something silly to yourself.
Chicken killer: but in life you have to take chances
Darcy: I know...but it's sad to watch someone take a leap knowing there's concrete below them...
Chicken killer: lol
Chicken killer: darcy i dont want to date you because i like what we have now
Darcy: Okay... As long as that is clear.
Darcy: Then that's fine.
Chicken killer: i mean like if we dated ok
Chicken killer: and i dump you because something
Chicken killer: i dont want see u hurt
Chicken killer: because you might be happy on the outside but on the inside your heart would be crush
Darcy: hahahahha!!!!!
Darcy: I'm sorry to laugh at that... I know it's a hypothetical situation...
Darcy: and I should be impressed that you would care that much...but I can only suspend disbelief so much...

That's a real pre-thanksgiving treat. Thanks Darcy! In other unrelated news...going to see Achilles tonight. Very Exciting!

I was j/k on that last one

2008-11-24T20:24:00.002-05:00

So...Achilles doesn't hate me. And neither does life. Just in case you wanted to know. I ended up going up to Lilo and Stitch's place. I went out to buy some yarn for Lilo (I'm making her a scarf for Christmas) and then we were hanging out and eating pizza and playing rockband. Huzzah. I texted Achilles to tell him that something he said made Lilo almost fall out of her chair. He texts me back that he's bored...where am I? And a half hour later, he's at Lilo and Stitch's place playing rockband and totally having a blasty blast. We also watched Hot Fuzz because he hadn't seen it and that's just unacceptable. I was thrilled that he could meet Lilo and Stitch. I haven't heard their opinions on him, but we will have to see. I don't see how they couldn't like him...he's a very likable guy. And I have to give it to him, he willingly throws himself in situations that are very much sink or fucking swim and he always makes it out. He had no idea how to play rockband (lame) and he didn't know my friends, but he did it well. W00t!

As we were leaving on Saturday night, I asked him if he still wanted to see me on Sunday, considering he saw me then. He told me that he didn't get enough of me tonight (gag) and that of course I should come over on Sunday. He was making me dinner, damnit.

Which brings us to Sunday. I went over to his place, we were watching dog agility trials (omg, how did we get so cool) all snuggled up warm, which was excellent. Yesterday was a little chilly, so to be all warm and cozy was excellent. Then he made me chicken fajitas (nom nom nom nom) and they were super good. As we're cleaning up the kitchen (and he's talking trash about his roommate that he doesn't like), I'm eating guacamole. There was some left on the spoon and he was mocking me, so I maybe fed him a mouthful of guacamole. After he stopped laughing, he told me that wasn't very ladylike. I told him that having a pocket does not make you a lady. Because let's face facts, I have a pocket and I'm so not a lady in anyway. This also made him laugh.

We then started watching Reno! 911 the movie because he hadn't seen that either. Again, I say...UNACCEPTABLE. God, there are so many things that I have to fix! We were joking around and being all snuggly. I told him about I thought I was going to have to take a xanax before I can lose all my clothes in front of him. He laughed and told me that I was pretty and had nothing to worry about. Gag. It's really great to have someone that makes you feel like that. I kind of totally missed that. A lot. A whole lot.

It's weird with him. And by weird, I mean totally and completely normal. I was talking to Darcy today and I told her that with every guy before Achilles, I had to like, fight to be acknowledged and cajole people to say that I was pretty or they liked being around me. Achilles just says this stuff freely. And I think whenever he tells me something nice about me, I look at him funny. I don't know how to react to something that I don't have to struggle for. The Brewmaster brought up the fact that I hate guys that are weak and spineless. I don't see this as him being spineless. I know he's not. But I like just...not having to try, you know? I like just being liked because I'm around and I exist and I have things about me that make me likable.

Which of course, brings me to another point of my panicking, which is at what point does he stop liking me? Does he stop once I sleep with him? Does he stop because he doesn't think I'm pretty anymore? OR....should I just fucking stop thinking about this shit and live in the moment and enjoy that this is my life.

Oh, I know!

I should enjoy that this is my life. So I am. Life, thanks for working out for me. I can't believe I ever doubted you.

Because life hates me..

2008-11-22T09:44:00.003-05:00

...I was supposed to see Achilles tonight and we were going to play Rockband with Lilo and Stitch. However, I came down the the black plague and warned him that I have a cold. He just got over a cold and passed on tonight (which is fine, I understand).

Instead, he sugguested that I go over to his house tomorrow night and he can make me dinner. I'll probably still be sick, but it should be great fun. And I'm not really even feeling sick, I just sound like crap. We'll see how it goes. I told him I wouldn't breathe on him and that I would stay out of his personal space. He told me that that would take all the fun out of the day.

I talked to him pretty much all day long on AIM yesterday. He is gross:
achilles: last weekend was so nutty i might just need some quiet time
me: hey, i didn't tell you to spend so much time with me on sunday
achilles: lol i know
achilles: but it was so hard to part with you
me: oh gross
me: that's adorable
achilles: well it was

The other thing I've been churning around in my brain is my actual relationship with him. We both said, in so many words, that we weren't seeing anyone else. So what does that make us? We've gone out like, half a dozen times. I have no idea how to handle this. I feel like I just fell into relationships in college and you just had to wait for the other person to change their facebook status to dating you and then, hey...new boyfriend! I'm trying this whole "let's be an adult" thing and I don't think it works the same way. Oh well. He's met some friends of mine randomly (like when we're out) and I just introduce him as Achilles. Haven't figured this shit out yet. Oh well, I have plenty of time to think it over....

Also...

2008-11-18T07:02:00.001-05:00

Achilles nickname for me is "cupcake". That is digusting and adorable. I am so gross

Lilo, I loves you

2008-11-16T22:19:00.002-05:00

Lilo: carrie, if you are home you have to tell me why you are smiling and glowing
me: i am home
me: it is true
Lilo: spill!
me: i am smiling and glowing becuase i had SUCH a fabulous time
me: seriously
Lilo: yyyyyyaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy
me: he's wonderful. we went to the aquarium (they had penguins!) and saw some kid walk into a door
me: he took me out to dinner
Lilo: ha!
Lilo: oooh!
me: we spent 2 hours talking in his car
Lilo: talking, eh?
me: like, we met up at 11. i got home at like...8:30
me: mostly talking
me: sometimes..not talking
me: thus leading to glowing
Lilo: awwwwwwwwwwww
Lilo: yay!
me: seriously
me: he's lovely
Lilo: When I told Stitch where you guys were going, he was like, "Dude, they are not even going to get there. They are going to pull over and do it right there in the car," and I was like, "Jeez, Stitch, not everyone has sex within a week of meeting one another"
me: i'm so glad Stitch has so much faith in me
me: and no, we didn't have sex in the car
me: jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez
Lilo: I'm so happy for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
me: and he was making it hard for me to be like "no, i think i should go home now"
Lilo: yay
me: he kept on telling me how pretty i looked
Lilo: i bet you did!
me: thanks
Lilo: awwww i'm all cuted out onw
me: he loves his car. like a lot. like...way too much. his car is named josie
Lilo: i hope josie didn't get jealous
me: and as we were driving back from mystic, i asked him if he had a good day
me: and he told me he spent it with his two favorite girls
me: so yes, he did
me: GAGGGGGGGGGG
Lilo: HA
me: it was so cute and vomit worthy

Whoa

2008-11-16T20:22:00.001-05:00

I met up with Achilles at 11. I just got home now. He's...wow. I really really like him and he really really likes me and it's adorable and gross all at once. Seriously. I just walked in the house and I'm surprised that my parents didn't notice that I was GLOWING. Because I am. I so totally am. We had such a fun day and it was amazing. Holy shit guys. Holy shit

You guys...

2008-11-16T00:13:00.002-05:00

My bounce rate on this site is really high. I'm a little insulted. Could you please stay on my blog for more than 2 seconds? I'm really funny, I swear.

Tomorrow I am going with Achilles to Mystic. I don't know what we are going to do (aquarium maybe?) but that's where we thought to go. Should be an interesting car ride, no? We can talk about all sorts of things.

But TONIGHT! I was going out to dinner with Darcy down in SoNo. I was texting Achilles and telling him about how I was having issues getting dressed (nothing I own fucking fits. I've been over this) and he asked me where I was going blah blah blah. He was going to be in SoNo doing something else. I told him that he should come by and say hi. Then I called Summer and told her that she should come to where Darcy and I were eating dinner because ACHILLES would be there. And that's how Achilles met about half my friends in one simple evening. He fit in really well and he's so much at ease around my friends. Which is good. They all seemed to like him and Summer's Husband only had one small compliant about him. Which really doesn't count. Summer gave him 2 thumbs up, Summer's Husband gave him a thumb up and a thumb down and Darcy gave him a thumb up and an undecided thumb. I feel good about this. I want them to like him because they like him and not fake like him like they have before. It went well, I think. I will have to get more info out of them as the time ticks on.

I should go to bed now so I can be well rested for my car ride with Achilles to do...something. I feel so special that I saw him tonight AND I will see him tomorrow. Fancy. I am so fancy.

And in upcoming posts...how do I break this to my family AKA stop putting the cart before the horse you stupid ass

w00t!

2008-11-11T18:40:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was my first day at my new job. And what do you think happens? Oh, that's right, I was terribly horribly sick with some death flu the night before. Seriously, I was sitting on the couch and all of the sudden I started to not feel good. I went upstairs to get into my bed and go to sleep. Achilles called and I was talking to him and telling him how miserable I felt and he told me I should just go and make myself puke. Sexy, I know. Then, after he said it, I had to puke. Like, HAD TO. So I just about hung up on him, considered sleeping on the floor of the bathroom, but somehow made it back up and called him back to tell him that yes, I was alive and feeling much better. HAHA. That's where I was wrong. Shortly after I got off the phone with him for the second time, I brought my blankets with me back to the bathroom so I could camp out in there. When I got back to my bed, I had the chills so bad, I couldn't sleep. I had on a t-shirt, a long sleeved shirt, boxers, PJ pants, socks AND all the blankets on my bed and an additional blanket and I was still shivering and unable to sleep. I got maybe 4 hours of sleep on Sunday night. Monday was super fun!

Actually, the new job is great and all the people are really nice and I very much like it. Also, I'm allowed to be on googlechat all day long, which means not much working gets done. Haha. Back to yesterday...he knew how shitty I was feeling and kept on telling me all day long that the day was almost over (it wasn't) and that I should take some advil or something to make me feel better (I did, but I only felt better for a little bit) and that everyone there was bound to love me because how could they not? (they did). He was so sweet and awesome to me even though I was being a cranky bitch. Gosh, I so like him. We also briefly touched on the fact that neither one of us likes playing games or saying one thing when we mean another. Good to know we're on the same page. I talked to him briefly today. I would imagine that he might call me later as he has a habit of calling on Tuesday nights. It's just kind of what he does. I don't know when we are going out again, but maybe I'll know soon.

And in case anyone wants to know, he did kiss me on Friday night. It was very sweet and totally adorable and I was all girly about it. Which is amazing, cause I'm not girly about anything. He also put his arm around my side at one point to pull me in closer to him because he didn't hear what I said and I jumped like someone prodded me with a hot iron. It wasn't because I didn't like it, I just didn't know to expect it. We both laughed. I didn't trip over anything either, which made Achilles sad because he was really hoping for that. Why? Because I trip over everything and it amuses everyone. He was hoping for that moment.

That's about all that's going on right now. I have good feelings about what's going on with this, so everyone keep their fingers crossed for me. I'm going to go upstairs and crash on the couch and continue to recover from my mystery death flu illness. I don't know where it came from, but I'm so tired of it!

This stuff never gets old

2008-11-09T19:26:00.002-05:00

Chickenkiller: Can i ask you a personaly question
Darcy: You can ask, that doesn't mean I'll answer.
Chickenkiller: Dont get mad ok
Darcy: Agreed
Chickenkiller: Are you in your 40s
Darcy: What?
Darcy: No.
Darcy: Why would you think that?
Darcy: I'm 24.
Chickenkiller: Because your so mature
Darcy: Hahhaha!
Chickenkiller: At least i didn't say what my friend said you were
Darcy: ?
Chickenkiller: I was talking about you being so mature and he said she maybe the L word
Darcy: Hahahah.!

And then to me she says....
Darcy: Wow..I even give off that vibe to people whose only contact w/ me is IM convo descriptions given to a friend.... *sighs*

Oh man

2008-11-08T11:53:00.001-05:00

*dances* I like him! I so like him! I LIKE HIM SO MUCH.

Last night was so fun, we laughed a lot, saw Zack and Miri Make A Porno and generally enjoyed each other's company. Now let's see if he texts me today....

This made my shitty day so much better

2008-11-05T21:47:00.003-05:00

Achilles: and then you get to hang out with me friday, which will be super sweet
me: well, yes
me: that will make friday even better than it was just going to be by it being my last day of work
Achilles: awww youre cute
Achilles: i would snuggle the shit out of you if you were here
me: i need a snuggle cause i'm just exhausted mentally

Darcy wanted me to know that when someone snuggles you so much you can't breathe, that's not snuggling anymore.

So yes, Achilles and I are going out on Friday night. Which is like, super actual date night. We were supposed to go out last Thursday night, but he had to run off and get SARS or something, so we didn't go out. He was feeling miserable, but managed to keep me amused all of Friday night, Saturday night and all day Sunday. Seriously. All fucking day. He's sweet to me and very funny and we're going to see where it goes. I'm very excited about this whole thing. Lilo commented today that I was the happiest that I've been in months when she saw me last night (election party...WHOO OBAMA! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!). She's right though. As I mentioned in the last post, it feels like everything is finally coming together and everything is good. I couldn't be any happier if I tried.

And...
me: there wasn't anyone annoying at the gym, i don't think
Achilles: im sure you were getting ogled like mad

GAG

Thanks Ben Gibbard!

2008-10-30T13:20:00.004-04:00

A few weeks ago, I went to go and see Death Cab for Cutie play. They were amazing. Totally the best show I've ever seen. That's not the point. DCfC has a lot of songs about love. Ben was asking the crowd (you know, because he can so hear an answer) about how many people were in love. A bunch of people cheered. My Aunt and I glared at them. Ben went on to say that many people think that spring is the time to fall in love, what with everything blooming and coming to life. He disagrees. He feels that you should all fall in love in the fall time. Why? Because otherwise you'll be cold and freeze your ass off. Taking Ben's advice, I shall find someone to snuggle up with this fall because I was SO FUCKING COLD LAST NIGHT and it was not acceptable.

Achilles (new name for Pie Guy, let's all try to keep up, okay?) cancelled on me tonight. He's not feeling well and that's okay. We all get sick and we move on. I told him to pick another night for dinner and a "shove". Why did I put shove in quotation marks? I have no fucking idea. I didn't really think that part out. I just wanted to amuse myself at work and make my day slightly better. So that's how you get "shove".

(Backstory on shove - in my family, when someone says or does something that you don't like, you can give them a shove. You can say "I'm giving you a shove" and then shove them or you can ask someone to give someone else a shove, ie "Kim, please give my mom a shove for that comment". I explained this shoving concept to Achilles and he thought it was great. So I told him I would be shoving him).

Converation that followed the "shove"
Him: Wait. Since you put "shove" in quotes, are you implying something besides actual shoving?
Me: What do you think it means?
Him: If it involves a spider monkey and a bottle of thousand island dressing, I'm out
Me: Why would it involve thousand island? It's balsalmic all the way
Him: Too acidic....creamy italian and we got a deal
Me: Fine..but I get to pick a brand.

Again, I had no idea where I was going with this, but I was going there. I didn't know what he was thinking that I was meaning. So we're all confused and we all can be happy with that knowledge

I'm trixy!

2008-10-29T12:53:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, I feel as though I have nothing to put for a title. Then I think of a title name and I realized I've already used it. Then I realize I'm just a lame ass. And that's what goes through my head as I put up a blog post...huzzah!

First - update on that guy. The Pie Guy. He so needs a better name, but for now, we're going with Pie Guy. God, that's a horrible name. Whatever. Moving on. Pie Guy and I are going out to dinner tomorrow night. Like, on a 2nd date. Whoa! Excitement? I think so. We're going to a classy burger joint and it should be pretty excellent. I've been there a million times before and he's NEVER been there, so I think that this should be a good time. He seems to think that I'm as super cool as I think that I am, so that's a good sign. I really do like him and he's good people. So, we shall see where this goes. I'm going away this weekend and he's going away this weekend, so I won't see him until next week if all goes bad. Which I don't think it will.

That's about all the excitement I have had lately. Just Pie Guy, texting me amusing things and wondering if I got escorted out of the building after I told them I was leaving (I didn't). (I did, however, laugh in the HR lady's face. That was special).

I am also making an effort to not use the word "awesome". Lilo forwarded me some email about how people overuse the word awesome. I will make a huge effort to not say that word. It's generally the first word to come to my brain. So this should be a good time.

In more totally unrelated things...I love this blog post. I think this blogger is one of the best bloggers out there and I really enjoy reading her posts. Anyway, I think this post is exceptionally good because it has made me think. She has a point. You can look into your baggage and pick and choose what you talk about. You can drag it around and it hurts you when it's too much and when it's just fine you don't even notice. I've had baggage. At times, it's felt like a giant steamer trunk that I have to drag down the stairs behind me. Now, I feel like my baggage is like a camping backpack. I've got it strapped on and it's a little big, but I can carry it and it's not going to get me down.

the times - they are changing

2008-10-27T11:29:00.001-04:00

So, big news – I met a guy from Match and he’s not totally a freak. I haven’t come up with a name yet for him. I’ve been telling Darcy that he’s pretty Fab. Not FABULOUS, but just fab. Cause he is. I’ve just enlisted Summer to help me come up with a name for him. I really have no idea what to call him. We went and had pie yesterday. We sat in the diner for 2 hours, laughing and having a really great time. And then he showed me his knob…IN HIS CAR. Perverts. I didn’t see that knob. Then we were joking about him showing me his knob on the first date and so on. I’ve never had so much fun doing relatively nothing with a guy I just met. We’re getting dinner one night this week, so that’s excellent. I enjoy his company and I enjoy him. So…good.

In other totally unrelated news – I just got a new job! That should have nothing to do with the dating scene but it does. My job now makes me all sorts of miserable. My new job will make me less miserable (at least that’s what SHOULD happen) and that will change the way I see things. I was telling the pie guy about it. It’s just such a shock because I’ve been thinking about getting a new job and going on interviews and getting nowhere and being so crestfallen about the entire thing and all of the sudden things changed. I was talking to the pie guy on Thursday night (after my interview) and I told him that I didn’t think that I would be getting this job and that I would likely be staying at this miserable place for a while. And low and behold – new job. New guy.

I am having the best week ever.

No joke.

There’s really not much that could make this week better.

Oh wait, yes there is. I’ve lost damn near 25 pounds. This weekend was the first time that anyone in my extended family had seen me in a while and everyone kept on telling me how great I looked. No one has really been saying that. I mean, I know I’ve been losing weight, none of my clothes fit and so on. But that’s the first time that anyone actually acknowledged that I’m a little bit thinner. I’m going to keep on going and keep on losing weight because I can. Because I’m having the best week ever. I’m losing weight and getting a new job and finding new exciting people. So nothing in that chain of awesomeness better break. I would be a little sad. But I’ll dust myself off, pick myself back up and keep on going. As Meatloaf said – 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.

Now it’s time to get back to a job that I only have 9 more days of! 9 more! I gave my two weeks this morning. It’s really hard to make myself work. But I have to do it. C’mon self, do your work

This might be an overshare...

2008-10-23T12:53:00.001-04:00

Dr. Lady pocket: Do you have a special guy in your life?
Me: No. I have a few unspecial ones though
Dr. Lady Pocket: Yes, that happens.

She also told me to not wait until I was 47 to get married because then there are "slim pickens"

Thanks Dr. Lady Pocket!

WTF

2008-10-22T09:45:00.003-04:00

I swear something will be coming from me soon. Until then, here's an awkward moment between Darcy and Chickenkiller....

Chicken killer: umm
Chicken killer: this 33 yr old lady wants to meet me from pof
Darcy: Lovely...
Chicken killer: she lives 4 hrs away
Darcy: Did you say no thank you/
Chicken killer: i said i would need to get to know her more
Darcy: Well, that's good.
Chicken killer: she nah you wont understand
Darcy: I won't understand, or she didn't understand when you said that?
Chicken killer: 'you wont
Darcy: Well, I'm okay w/ that too.
Chicken killer: she a wiccan
Darcy: Well, what's wrong w/ that?
Chicken killer: do know what they can do
Darcy: Like a crazy wiccan, or a "I love they earth" type?
Darcy: Because I grew up w/ a wiccan friends....
Chicken killer: noo
Chicken killer: they can astro project
Darcy: Huh? Okay, so she's the "crazy" kind?
Chicken killer: she was there in my room last nighjt
Darcy: Matt... That's kinda ridiculous...
Chicken killer: see
Chicken killer: you dont understand
Darcy: Did she tell you that, and then you "felt" it?
Chicken killer: felt
Chicken killer: and saw
Darcy: I just want to make sure she's not tricking you or anything...
Chicken killer: dude
Chicken killer: i know how to astro project
Chicken killer: and she was in my room telling me to meet her
Darcy: Really?
Chicken killer: i hate it
Darcy: And how long have you been able to do this?
Chicken killer: since
Chicken killer: 15
Darcy: Where do you go when you're doing it?
Chicken killer: why
Chicken killer: i meet this girl name holly and we hang out
Darcy: No, I meant when you astro project...
Chicken killer: ya
Chicken killer: i hang out with this girl
Chicken killer: name holly
Darcy: But where?
Chicken killer: where ever she wants to go
Darcy: How far away from yourself?
Darcy: Is Holly the Wiccan, or a different person who can do it too?
Chicken killer: holly is a girl i ment a long time ago
Chicken killer: who i ment from asto projecting
Chicken killer: and i wish i can fine where she lives
Chicken killer: so we can really date
Darcy: Huh...
Chicken killer: i dont know where she from
Darcy: Can you talk to her?
Chicken killer: when i do it yes
Chicken killer: we can talk and walk and ot her stuff too
Darcy: Have you tried asking where she lives?
Chicken killer: she doesnt want to tell me

Anybody want to shed some light on this? Seriously...

Yay, something to post

2008-10-13T17:31:00.003-04:00

This is the message I just got on match:

Can you tell me your name? My name is Joe.

You have a good day and take care,
Joe

And yes, I could tell you my name. But no, I'm not. He's a little older than any guy I would be willing to date (try 39) and his entire profile reads like Yoda wrote it. His tagline (or whatever you want to call it) says "A Person Who is Really Special Very Much is Who I Seek". What? His info? Be prepared for this, cause I'm reading it out loud and I can't wrap my brain around it. I don't know if it's supposed to be a poem, but I know some poets and I think that they would agree this is pretty much...nonsense.

You Deserve a Poem

You wonder who I am, quiet, reserved and secretive, others notice emotions, felt, wonder how to draw me out. Stubborn and tough, fight position, enjoy life at cutting edge, life experienced intensely and totally. Courageous and taking calculated risks, sensitive, curious and concerned with deeper mysteries of human psychology, subject, pursue with total fanaticism. Patient, prolong and savor enjoyable times. Warm. Results from any situation, abstractions difficult to comprehend, mold, and shape things. Careful thinker, present ideas visually, concretely, useful for attention, cautious, conservative in thought, slow to opinions, appeal to logic, and reason. Affectionate and hates to be tied down. Aggressor, initiate relationships and set sights on someone. Action motivated by morals and ideals. Work to improve on world, demand action and don't like to sit and talk. Like action. Resist attempts to limit freedom, assist anyone who feels put down and restricted. Expansive, ease doing something practical, enjoy duty, and carry responsibilities. Gladly take tasks others avoid. Choice makes me ill at ease. Must have firm, ordered and secure foundation in life to feel comfortable. I have free, unstable, unconventional approach to relationships, and emotional commitments. Experiments in marriage, shared lifestyles and freedom important than entangle emotional bonds. Attracted to bizarre, interested in deep, mystery, explore, idealize benefits can accrue from study of occult, and healing. Finished horror book; art, poetry, NYC, Port Chester and CT. Take notes, five fictions and romance novel. Movies: Lamora, Portrait of Jenny, Citizen Kane, etc. I choose dull colors over bright. Artists: Robert Williams, Winston Smith, Norman Rockwell, etc. Magazine: Juxtapoz. Publishing companies: Last Gasp and Feral House. Design: Victorian, Art Deco, etc. (How a lady should be treated.) Not tell you what to do, secret and adventurous frontiers. Won't conquer you and initiatives come from you. Ask me and I’ll do it immediately. Challenge you. Converse in trees, flowers and ecology in romantic restaurant, you'll not find me try to break your habits. Various questions in conversation, talk to you of tomorrow what I'll participate in (with you.) Speak of books. People watch, lessons in dance, language and travel. Walk and arrange shared activities. Can be in beginning, gossip, change topics doesn't bother me. Play games never offends me. Help execute your plans. Mention to you different ways you're beautiful, nice and good. Take you to movie/theater and be your audience. I will not put you down. Mention to you if I’ll get advice, opinion and humor in what I say and in action. You'll feel peace. You'll be appreciated of your job. I forbid anyone to push you into a decision; we’ll weigh pros and cons. You'll be asked if you have artistic and aesthetic desires. You'll hear a favor from you to mention how I dress, your opinion of interior design. You'll have my point-of-view if you need it; you'll balance in peace and harmony. Prepared, your deepest emotions, jealousy, won't delve into your past if you prefer. Show you what I decide, go for with a smile. Light candles. Bring up something unheard. Mysterious places. Can you/would you admit if you like to be teased? Perform unusually, witty, and unpredictable, you don't want to be shocked, I understand. Hike, venture in another town. I'll know your philosophy. A lady who is secured, notice me being experimental. A woman will be encouraged to make dreams a reality. A person is given strength. A noblewoman receives poems. You'll be touched as your palm is read. A female finds out of a dreamy moment, a gentle woman with someone who acknowledges however to treat a female person with respect, from a man who is real. You're a lady, how you should be treated, and one day at a time. Can't forget a relationship is destiny because if anything else replacing destiny only ruin the relationship.

I am so confused. Seriously and totally so confused.

Hmm

2008-09-30T18:01:00.001-04:00

How creepy is someone when a creepy thinks that they are creepy? I wonder....

Darcy: We don't have v-ball practice today because of the holiday.
Darcy: But there's a game tomorrow.
Chickenkiller: are you a couch
Darcy: Yeah.

followed by....

Chickenkiller: spoke to this werid girl on pof the other day
Darcy: she said she cant stop thinking about me
Darcy: Well aren't you lucky?
Chickenkiller: and she was like when can we meet so my dreams can come true
Darcy : wow...
Chickenkiller: and i knew her for 2 days
Darcy: Yeah...isn't that a bit odd?
Chickenkiller: ya so i blocked her
Chickenkiller: i wish u live in ny
Chickenkiller: so we can hang out

And that was that

Sometimes I don't even have to try

2008-09-29T18:50:00.002-04:00

I know I haven't updated in a while. Fear not, here's a post to tide you over. There is a guy that I've been talking to that I kind of like (he reminds me of Dickhole Pete in his general awesomeness. That's the only way that they are similiar) but I haven't thought of a name yet. So be ready for that when it comes.

Instead, I bring you a story. It actually doesn't involve me at all. We all remember Trogdor correct? Well, Trogdor wanted to be a writer. He's not a very good writer. I know some people that are actually good writers. He is so not one of them. He wrote a story of erotic fiction. And here it is (warning - there's some inappropriate language in here...nothing worse than what I've said though....)
Rising on the Road
Erotic Fiction - Heterosexual
Written by Trogdor
My name’s Chris. I’ve always been one of those introverted, bookish types. You’ll never see me travel without a book in my hand. Jeez, you’ll never see me without a book in my hand period. I only say travel because this story takes place on a bus ride from New York to Boston. I was going there to see an old friend from college. After an excruciating wait at Gate 84 of Port Authority Bus Terminal, I found a window seat towards the back of the bus. I open my duffel bag, take out my copy of Ernest Hemingway’s A Farewell to Arms, close the bag, and put it in the overhead compartment. I open it up and begin reading.

As I read, this lean-looking blonde with hazel eyes, a solid figure, tight black pants, and a white tank top stops at the seat next to me and sits down. I attempt to appear enraptured in my book. She looks over and asks, “What are you reading?” I tell her. She says, “That cover’s hot.” The cover is of a man and woman engaged in a passionate kiss. I tell her, “Yeah. Those are the main characters.”
“Is it a romance?”
I guess you don’t know your Hemingway too well, I think to myself. “Kinda,” I said. “It takes place during World War I, and this ambulance driver falls in love with a nurse.”
“Really,” she says. “Do they have hot sex?”
“Oh yeah,” I tease. “They do it in the hospital, they do it in the ambulance, they even do it in the guys’ barracks.”
“Really,” she said as her hazel eyes took on that seductive glare.
“Yeah, really,” I respond.
“Can I borrow it for a bit?” she said with a raise of her eyebrow.
“Well, what would you do for it?”
“I’ll take out my blanket and share it with you.”
I put my chin between my thumb and forefinger, look at her for a few seconds, and say, “Oh fine, if you insist.”
“Jerk,” she says lightly as she taps me lightly on the shoulder.
She reaches into the overhead compartment, takes out a white blanket decorated with red lips, and spreads it over both of us. In return, I hand her the book.
The bus driver makes his announcements about final destinations, rules for bus etiquette, etc., as I take out my journal and begin writing, while she starts reading. Pure silence for an hour, as she continues to read and I begin writing random thoughts in my journal. “Horny.” “Suck me.” “Lick me.” “Fuck me.” As these thoughts are making their way to the paper, I feel a tiny hand rubbing against the upper part of my left leg. That hand, of course, is connecting to her body, while her eyes stare straight ahead with a seductive glare, as if she’s trying to bed the back of the seat in front of her.
She unzips my pants slowly. She then reaches in and fondles my genital area outside of my underwear. My penis is throbbing hard. As she continues to fondle, I reach my left hand under her blanket and begin to rub against her bare leg. Her glare turns to a smile, as she closes her eyes and gives a hard squinty smile. I slowly move her leg and towards her thigh, just above the seam of her pants. I then reach my hand inside her pants and begin to fondle with the tip of her clitoris. She begins breathing heavily as she strokes my cock harder and faster. I reach my fingers into her pussy and start fingering in and out. Harder. Faster. She breathes heavier and her pussy gets wetter as she strokes faster and my cock gets harder. I’m full of aggression as I feel fire coming out of my nose as I fondle harder. My cock is now at its maximum erectional capacity. I feel sperm coming on as I fondle harder, and I shoot right into her hand as her clitoris retracts. She closes her eyes and the lips of her mouth spread out in a wide smile. She lays her head on my chest as I scratch her leg slowly. I feel my eyes closing shut.
I’m woken by an announcement that says, “We’re now arriving in Boston. Please check around your seating area for any items you may have brought on board.” I slowly open my eyes as my new companion slowly lies off my chest and raises her arms. I do the same and give her a smile. As I’m wondering what to say, she reaches into the overhead compartment and pulls down her pocketbook. She takes out a pen and a piece of paper and writes on it. “Give me a call when you get back to New York,” she says as she smiles seductively, flips her hair around, and walks into the aisle. I take it out and it reads, “212-745-1893.” No name?

That explains so much. Just so much. Who writes like that? When I read "maximium erectional capacity" I almost died. That's just not right. But you can bet your ass I am going to use it whenever I can. It's just such an awkward story and it's not written well and geeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.

As I said to Summer...Trogdor wanting to be a writer and getting erotic fiction published is on par with me wanting to be a radio DJ (cause I do) and instead being a phone sex operator. It's just not the same and doesn't equal what you're looking for.

I just laughed so hard, people must think I'm crazy....

2008-09-23T14:46:00.000-04:00

Gee, thanks Darcy!

Chickenkiller52: hey darcy
D: Hey Chicken!
D: How's it going?
Chickenkiller52: good and u
Chickenkiller52: i kissed a girl the other day
Chickenkiller52: and she told me she doesnt want to be my friend becuz i kiss bad
D: Aww..that stinks... Well, that's at least another person you know you don't want to be w/.
Chickenkiller52: its ok
D: And I'm doing well..Getting ready for practice...
Chickenkiller52: i need practice
D: :)
Chickenkiller52: i cant kiss u
D: I'm sure that will all come in due time.
Chickenkiller52: u live far
D: I wasn't suggesting it. :)
Chickenkiller52: ohh
Chickenkiller52: i was
D: I realized.

My favorite part? The end where Darcy says "I realized". I can just imagine her saying that...

Admitting something really bad....

2008-09-19T13:13:00.004-04:00

Here’s the secret – Miley Cyrus and I? Total BFFs. How do I know this? Simple. Everytime I listen to “7 things I hate about you” I can imagine a boyfriend (it’s Boots. I should stop trying to be coy, because it’s Boots. FUCKING BOOTS) and I sing along. Except I don’t have just 7 things I hate about him. I have so many more than that. And the parts that she loves, which are mostly the same as the parts that she hates? Not so much in my case. I would share these things but A) it would be horribly boring B) I don’t think I really could name all the things that made me angry C) there very few things I like, but the ones I do like would be total overshares (not that I’m not into oversharing…but this is a massive overshare and D) I just don’t care enough.
But when she’s singing about hating his hair and his eyes and how he loves her but likes someone else…it’s like it’s my life! I share a life with a 15 year old pop star. We’re so alike, you know. Her dad is Billy Ray Cyrus….my dad listens to country music. She has her own TV show….I amuse myself thinking I’m on my own TV show. She has thousands of adoring fans…there are 7 people that read my blog! We’re so even.

I read a blog post today (remember my problem with Google reader? Good, me too) about how some girls whine about not having boyfriends. And the first thought I had was “ohmygodisthatmeIreallyhopenot”. Seriously. Just like that, all my words crammed together in one, big awkward word. Am I that whiney? I don’t think I whine about being single. I’m not going to lie, being single isn’t exactly my idea of a fun time, but it’s not so bad. I guess I’m just getting tired of myself, you know? I like hanging out with my friends and having fun and never having to check with someone to make sure that I’m not supposed to be anywhere else…but I bore myself. I’m done with dragging my friends to see movies that they don’t want to see and going out to bars and dancing with myself because some people (like SUMMER) don’t dance. I just want someone to bring some more entertainment into my life. And I need a boy because I can’t be a girl all the time. I can’t. It’s just not in me. I’m not really a tom-boy, persay, but I just can’t put on makeup and heels and prance around all the time. Mostly because instead of prancing, I crash into things and hurt myself. And really, trying to make yourself really interesting is actually totally exhausting. I just want to…holy crap, now I am the whiney girl. Sorry guys.

But seriously, am I being whiney? Someone? Anyone?

Might as well face it, you're addicted to blogs

2008-09-18T11:16:00.006-04:00

I have Google reader. This is very dangerous. Google reader may or may not be the reason that I get nothing done at work. I’m sure it totally has nothing to do with how much I hate my job. Regardless, it’s awesome. If you don’t have Google reader and you read a lot of blogs, you better get your ass on it. Also, it helps to make you not look like a stalker crazy person from someone that might have Google analytics. Not that I would obsessively check blogs I liked all the time. Nope, not me.

I’m getting away from the point though (if I actually have one, that is). I’ve been reading all sorts of blogs. Some of the blogs I found through 20 something bloggers and some of them I found through other people’s blogs. Regardless, almost all of the blogs that I read are written by 20 something ladies that are just as lovely as myself. Here’s the thing – we’ve all been burned so badly. We all have a Boots in our life. We all have an ex-boyfriend that we KNOW is so bad for us, but we continue to think that maybe MAYBE things would work again. These girls, whoever they are, are with me in this mess. They are searching for some man that isn’t going to be like the others. We all are. And in that, we are together. It makes me wonder how many of us there are. I’m sure that there are thousands. But it makes the situation seem somehow not so terrible. Sometimes, I’m selfish with my feelings. I feel like when I’m upset or depressed or angry that I am the ONLY person that has ever felt that way. I know, deep down, that I’m not. But because I’ve become so wrapped up in myself, I can’t think of that. It’s nice to know that there are other people that have thrown everything they had into a relationship only to have the bottom drop out of them. It’s a relief to know that other girls have thought that they could make it work with an ex because they just needed him to be back in their life, even if it would be total chaos. And it’s awesome, so awesome, to know that some other girls feel the same sense of total anger that a guy could dump them for someone else. We know that we’re better than the guys that we dated. It doesn’t take the sting out of what’s going on. But we’ll be united.

The best part is the fact that most of them are hysterically funny and therefore, makes me feel inadequate. Thanks girls. In case you want to see what I’m talking about, check out these blogs:
...more than a blog
Chelsea talks smack
It's like I'm..mmmagic
Laughing thru my chardonnay
Strange Musing of a distrated spunk
This? Is not the life I ordered

And then, amongst us…a man. A man seeking a lovely lady. A man searching Match.com for someone who’s not a freak. He’s awesome and amuses me and he and I are on the same journey, just in different places and at different times. I have to give him a lot of credit for being a male blogger, nevermind a male blogger blogging about finding love on the internets. Check him out for serious.....

I’ve also just decided that perhaps we should make some sort of database that can include all these fuckhead men that seem to like to say one thing and do another or cheat on you or just break your heart for the fun of it. We could save a lot of other girls a lot of frustration. Of course, if it’s the girl that your boyfriend dumped you for, she deserves what she gets. Not that I’m mean and vindictive or anything. Again, that’s so not me.

Finally, I found this blog today. It amused me. I sent something in today…I bet when it’s posted, you’ll know it’s me. Reasons why I dumped you

Darcy, don't let this be you!

2008-09-17T15:38:00.000-04:00

Everywhere, I tell you!

Nonsense

2008-09-17T09:35:00.005-04:00

Last night, I was watching The Shield. I kind of love that show. The Statie got me into it and I've just been following it ever since. I kind of love Michael Chiklis. Just saying. Anyway, during the commercials, there were all sorts of ads for Chemistry.com, eharmony.com and match.com. Exactly who do they think is watching The Shield? I guess they figured it's people like me. People that are single and lonely and still up at 10:45 on a Tuesday night. They might have a point, but still. Didn't need to make it so clear. I just thought it was an interesting way to get the name out there. I watch a lot of TV and I've never seen so many ads for dating websites in a one hour show. Seriously, there had to be about 8 spots. They're onto me

On the radio this morning, there was some list from Glamour about things guys want girls to do. One of them was "give them the green light for sex". And it wasn't for sex with you. It was for sex with someone from your top 5 list of celebrities that you would sleep with. You know, that list you have of people that you would totally sleep with, no questions asked if you were to stumble upon them in the street. The way I see it, if some guy I'm dating wants to sleep with Kirsten Dunst, I'm going to give him the green light to do so. The probability of him actually meeting her and sleeping with her is so low. I gave this some thought while I was driving in...so here's my top 5, in no real order (edit: I was having some formatting issues in that I couldn't get the words to be with the pictures. So deal with what's going on below and like it)

1. Christian Bale - So hot in Batman. So hot in The Prestige. Totally want him.
2. Hugh Jackman - Totally wanted to have Wolverine's babies. Can we see why?
3. Trent Reznor - So angry and yet, so jacked up. He's twisted. I kind of love that.
4. Brandon Boyd - Not only do I love his music, but I think that he's totally adorable
5. And finally...Brad Pitt. I think he's on everyone's top 5. I loved him in Fight Club and I loved him in Snatch. Can't wait to see him in Burn After Reading.

Here's the question...who's in your top 5?

Then I'll do it too!

2008-09-12T16:37:00.003-04:00

Everyone has been blogging today. Or so it seems. I’ve been sitting here for a while thinking about what I wanted to blog about…and I came up with…nothing. Really. Nothing has been happening. I’ve been talking to the guy that I mentioned in the previous post. For lack of a better name, this guy will be dubbed “Shortie”. It’s for lack of a better name. We haven’t talked about his lack of height yet. Maybe he didn’t notice my height on my profile? Should I even bring it up? I think I should let him figure it out for himself.
He’s made a couple of slips here and there that make me not really have good vibes about him. For example, I walked into the coffee table at Summer’s house. Why? Well, why not?! Actually, it was because I’m incapable of not walking into things. I slammed my knee into the corner of the table and that felt FREAKING FANTASTIC. I now have a huge bruise on my kneecap and I scraped it as well. So I told him that I went to the gym and I was kneeling down on the treadmill to tie my sneaker and my knee, it pained me. He goes “oh, my poor baby”. I called him on it and told him that that was a total creeper thing to say and to never say that again. Like, I don’t mind sympathy. I do mind when someone thinks I’m a possession of theirs when they don’t even know me. Don’t even go there, buddy. Other than that, he’s been okay. He was telling me about himself last night, but I was too exhausted to really care. I’ll be away all this weekend so maybe I can figure out what’s going on.

Something weird has been happening to me. Every night, I’ve been having these strange dreams where there’s a guy that I want to be with. And the guy always bears a slight resemblance to someone else that I wanted to hook up with/date/kiss/have babies with. I wake up and I’m so confused as to what happened. The guy in last night’s dream looked like Cheesy Fries. I don’t remember what I was trying to do other than find Not Cheesy Fries. But I woke up and I was convinced that this guy was someone that I actually knew. You know those first seconds of waking up when you can’t separate a dream from what’s really going on? That’s my issue. And every night – a different guy. I’m a slut in my dreams. That takes talent right there.

In sad news, the man with the hot ass from the gym has a girlfriend. Not that I thought that he would ever look my way, but it was fun to look at such an attractive man and imagine. But NO. Last night he was working out with his girlfriend and I was disturbed. She was on one of the weight machines and after every set, he would kiss her. Like, excuse me? You are at the gym. I could have wrecked that girl. I should have told him that if he decided he didn’t want to be the skinny bitch to let me know. But I didn’t. Instead I ran on the treadmill and used that as inspiration to move my ass faster.

That brings me to another, totally unrelated point that I’ve been debating about whether to post or not. So here goes. I’ve mentioned that I haven’t really had sex in over a year (we’re not counting Nacho because there was a party in my pants and he clearly didn’t get the invite). Since graduating from college, I’ve gained some weight. I mean, enough weight that I went up a size in clothing. As I’ve noted, I’m not a skinny girl. And that being said, I’m really insecure about my body. I know guys like girls that are confident and don’t care. That’s something I can fake. I can fake being totally in love with myself because I can fake it well. I’ve been doing it for years. I just don’t want to be one of those fat girls that doesn’t know that they are fat. Like, a fat girl in denial. I don’t want to be that girl. So I try to avoid it as much as possible.
And yes, I know that if someone likes me enough to go out with me, then that clearly doesn’t bother them. I know if someone wants to sleep with me, they don’t care. But I do care. That is why sleeping with an ex-boyfriend never occurred to be to be a bad idea (other than it’s an ex-boyfriend and there could still be feelings and so on and so forth). The ex, would know my body. In the way that I wouldn’t have to hide behind sheets or in the dark. It’s always awkward to be naked with someone you don’t really know. Even when you start dating someone and you start having sex…still awkward.
It comes down to me learning to be comfortable in my own skin again. There was a period when I LOVED my body. It was my senior year of college and I lost a lot of weight before I went back to school. I was dating Boots at that point (still). We hadn’t seen each other at all over the summer. He saw some pictures that were taken and he said “who is that smoking hot blonde chick?” because he had no idea it was me. I told him that he was an asshole and that was me and he was shocked. That, for me, was the point that I had the control back in my hands and I felt confident. That was an amazing time, even though Boots was a TOTAL ASSHOLE. Now I’m trying to drop the weight that I’ve gained so that I can be back at that point and feel like that again. I want to feel like I can control the world, even if I can’t.

Another Gem

2008-09-11T19:09:00.002-04:00

I signed online today and Darcy had this awesomeness for me

Chickenkiller52: i did think of something if we did date it would be like online bf and gf
Chickenkiller52: so thats why we wouldnt work out
Darcy: Who..you and me?
Me:: stop it
Me:what is he, 15?
Darcy: Chickenkiller52: ya
Darcy: Yeah, I wouldn't go for a situation like that anyways... [internet dating]
Me: in the days of AOL?
Darcy: Darcy: I think this all works out for the best.
Chickenkiller52: ya
Chickenkiller52: so i am over u
Me: oh, Darcy
Me: i know your heart is broken
Darcy: Actually, he just had his b-day...he's 24...
Me: but i will help you with the healing process
Darcy: I know...

Lack of updating - I'm so lame

2008-09-09T19:18:00.005-04:00

Really, I haven't trying lately. That's the real reason that I haven't been searching for boys. I was in Vermont last weekend and this weekend I'm going to MA with Darcy.

I've sent winks to a couple of guys on Match and I've gotten a message or two, but nothing exciting. I'm talking to a guy now and he seems pretty nice. There's just one thing that kind of bothers me and I'm not sure if it's just me being shallow or what. He's only 5'7". I'm 5'10". It comes down to how much the difference in height actually bothers me. I dated a guy that was really short (he was 5'4"). So maybe I won't notice the 3 inches if I really like him. As Darcy would say, I can make a deal breaking issue of anything. I was willing to overlook The Statie's drinking because I liked him. I'm going to keep on talking to him and see what happens. Like I said, so far, so good. We realized that we like one of the same and weirdest movies. We both love "Empire Records". I think he's the only person I've ever talked to that actually likes that movie as much as I do.

Why don't I have any more guy friends either? Once The Brewmaster moved out to Chicago, it's like I have no other males to hang out with. I don't work with that many guys either. I had so many guy friends at school and then I came back home and I had no one. Really the only guy I hang out with is Summer's Husband. Or some of Summer's Husband's friends. And well....we all know what I have to say about them.

HAHAHA, NO

2008-09-01T14:02:00.002-04:00

I just got this message on Match: "hi 27 m here, looking for a woman into the beastiality scene here in ct.. interested at all?"

I would go with a solid no on that one.

Then there was another guy that winked at me and he seemed okay. He sent me 3 messages, all titled "hello". The first one asked how I was today. The second one, he commented that I liked the Giants. And in the third one, he wanted to know what I did in my spare time. Is he confused?

100th post!

2008-08-25T22:05:00.006-04:00

Whoo! 100! Everyone be excited! WhooO!

Okay, done now.

I introduce you to Beatlemania (Darcy came up with that one. This guy...he likes the Beatles). He seemed okay. He's 29, from Avon. Okay dude, we can work with this. But then...oh you, Beatlemania...

Me: {about being on vacation two weeks ago and not going to the gym} it was okay. i haven't been working out a lot because i was on vacation and last week i was trying to get back to real life and so on
Beatlemania: sounds like a great vacation
Me: it was awesome
Me: it pained me to come back
Beatlemania: terrific to hear
what were doing on it most of the time?
Me: i was lying in the sun
Me: and reading
Me: and lying in the sun some more
Beatlemania: sweet
I bet you look great in a bikini
Me: hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa, you're hysterical
Beatlemania: why is that?
Me: i'm not a bikini person
Me: ever
Beatlemania: why is that?
Me: just cause, that's not my body type
Me: i'm not the bikini type
Beatlemania: Your body looks quite good
Me: oh, that's nice of you to say
Beatlemania: I love curves
Me: thanks

I thought he was just being nice. A little creepy, but nice. He goes on though....

Beatlemania: I like playful girls
Me: so you say
Beatlemania: You'd be fun to hang with
Me: i'm everyone's favorite friend
Beatlemania: you can be my playful, sexy friend
Me: oh, is that so?
Beatlemania: the one with the great hair and very nice curve
************
Beatlemania: I'd want to be playful with you
Me: oh, like go fish? play like that? {i was playing dumb on purpose cause it amused me}
Beatlemania: play doctor
Me: well, yeah, maybe not
Me: i think i'm ready for bed
Me: it's been nice talking to you
Me: bye

And on that note, I blocked him. You're too creepy for me. That's just fine, another one bites the dust. Darcy said that his ship was sinking before it even left the dock and I told her to get on the fail boat. That's where he's at. Dude, seriously.

And then there's this guy. I don't even have a name for him because I know basically nothing about him. Except...he likes Jeeps. So...Jeepdude!
Jeepdude: oh that girl loves to hear the truth
Me: here's a fun fact: most every girl loves to hear the truth
Jeepdude: i know
Jeepdude: my buddy doesnt know that
Me: he's a dumb person
Jeepdude: yeah
Jeepdude: but thats why i know more girls who trust me and he only knows dumb bimbos
Me: you're not going to inform him of this fact?

Magical weekend

2008-08-25T10:14:00.004-04:00

As I said before, My Aunt had a party this weekend. She was inviting all sorts of people from the O, including Cheesy Fries. Cheesy Fries and I had an important moment this weekend - I realized that My Aunt was totally right and we would not work. Why? Because he's just like The Statie. He's cocky and full of himself and totally LAME. He would be a good drinking buddy, but that's about it. He was amusing to talk to and it was good to see that there was nothing there. There were some other guys there from the O and I dig them. There's Wren, who's so cute and adorable and I want to take him home and squeeze him. He's rather awesome and My Aunt (even though she has a boyfriend) wants Wren. Oh no, not for you. Then there's 'Lil Steve and he's adorable. We were playing beruit and losing so badly and everytime I took a shot he would say "Carrie baby, please make this one. C'mon sweetheart, it's all you" and I would laugh and laugh. And he smelled so good. I wanted to tell him that, but it was a little creepy.

That wasn't the fun part though. Not at all. At 1 AM, The Statie calls. He does. I maybe had been drinking for like...almost 12 hours by that point. I maybe was playing flip cup and winning. The phone started ringing and I HAD to answer it. How could I not? I'm standing around the table with My Aunt's Boyfriend, Cheesy Fries, Wren, 'Lil Steve and another girl My Aunt works with. I tell the boys that they just need to start screaming obsentities at the person on the phone. So they do. They're drunk and they did what I said. I laughed and laughed and then passed the phone to Darcy so that I couldn't do it again. I knew I would. Then at 1:13 AM, he sent me a text that said: "just wanted to say hello. Hope youre doing well. Hoped to think i could still talk to you. Guess not. Night Carrie". Excuse me. The last time I talked to him I told him to NEVER call me or text me again. Ever. I didn't know there was a grey area there that maybe people got confused about. Guess there was. Also, even if I wanted to talk to you, why are you calling at 1 AM? Granted, it was a Saturday and chances were that I was awake anyway, but why are you calling at that time? That's no way to get on my good side.

Then at 1:34 AM, he calls again. I don't have my phone, Darcy does. She doesn't answer and doesn't tell me that it's ringing. That's probably for the best.

At this point, I tell My Aunt that The Statie is calling and she's totally livid. She knows what happened and how he's crazy stalker man. She texts him and tells him that I'm busy and to never call or text me again. Which I already explained to him. I'm continuing to play flip cup and laughing with the boys.

2:15 AM, I get another text. I didn't edit this at all, this is the way it came to me. "Ok.Glad you were my practice girlfriend.Thanks for proving ican have actually attractive girls fuck me.Better thanyou but thats not sayingmuch.Cry to sleep ;)"

Oh ho? Is that so? You think I'm crying myself to sleep because I'm done with you and your stupidness? And as for being a practice girlfriend - I wasn't. But even if I was, I was a damn good one. I loved him and treated him well and was way nicer to him than I should have been. What amuses me is that he sent this as if a YEAR AND A HALF LATER it would have some sort of effect on me. I'm so totally and completely over him. He's not in my thoughts and he never comes up in conversation and I don't care what he has to say. I've already gone over all the reasons that I was too good for him, but here's another one. Yes, My Aunt should have probably not said anything to him, but she's just as tired of this shit as I am. As as for those actually attractive girls? Lilo put it best "pictures or it never happened". I don't want pictures but I can guess those girls aren't as pretty as I am. And furthermore, I'm sure all those girls are rather disappointed with what he's packing. It was kind of sad. I'll admit it. Yes, I did date him for over a year, but we got along well when we were dating and I was willing to overlook his...er...shortcomings. And I mean shortcomings in several very different ways. I'm not saying anymore. I think you all get it.

You think you did anything to me with that text? You're so wrong. In fact, it amused me. Right after I got it, I looked at Darcy and I said "I'm going to blog about this. I really can't wait". So I did. Thanks for the inspiration, Statie. Hope this "hot" girl of yours can read and write. If she works at Pricechopper (which is my guess) she might not have even graduated from high school. If that's your thing, then okay! Just remember, I'm fucking awesome. You. Are. Not.

Whoa

2008-08-24T21:07:00.002-04:00

Lots of things happened last night and I promise a full update tomorrow. But let me tell you, my life is SO interesting even without dating someone. Seriously

Something I want to know

2008-08-22T21:19:00.004-04:00

First of all, do you know how I know I'm a winner? I'm sitting on Summer's couch, watching the summer Olympics and looking around on match.com. No wonder the men all want me, I'm clearly not the lamest person ever. But damn, those Serbian water polo players are HOT. Thanks. Love those Serbs.

I think I've blogged about this before. Even if I have, I need to say it again: WTF are some people thinking when they put up their match profile? Seriously. You shouldn't have some sort of weird photo that looks like you're in a mug shot. Don't be up against a white wall, staring blankly into a camera. Not sexy.

But here are some gems that I've seen on profiles tonight:

- One guy who looks like Charles Manson, his tagline is "sick of being lonely" and he talks about his spacious 1 bedroom apartment. That sounds like the sort of place that you would go to get killed.

- There's this guy that looks like a Columbian drug runner and his profile says that he has his own internet start-up company and he has to frequently travel to South America for business. That would be the cocaine trafficking business. When you say something that is so sketchy like that, what do you expect people to think?

- Way more run on sentences that I can even count. It's not like I'm the grammar queen or anything, but at I least have a general idea when I'm rambling. Some people just go on and on about themselves and their dogs and their college experiences (or lack thereof) without a comma or a period or anything. How? Also, not many people have mad spelling skillz. Again I say, I'm a horrible speller. But I spell check things so that I don't look like a totally DUMBASS. Take this gent for example, he wrote me a really wonderful message. His profile says "i am down to earth hope you are to. I'm looking for someone to build a friendship and see wear it goes from there, no games please, caring, honest, funny, loves pets , spontaneous, doesn't get sea sick loves to spend time on the water yes i have a boat. likes to travel. iv been to NY, NJ, mass, Maine, dc, Maryland, VA, fl, TX, pa, Mexico grand camen, Jamaica, st.tomas, st.marten, Aruba, Canada, Hungary, Romania i really wanna try skydiving Evin if its in one of those in side. you made it this far give me shot you wont be disappointed." Too bad dude, I'm already disappointed.

- There's a man looking for a snow bunny. That's so not me.

- The idea of this whole thing is to make yourself seem somewhat appealing, not like someone that is going to try to lure children to your van with candy and puppies.

- I did a reverse search to see who was looking for me and it was all men that are in their mid to late 30's. What's that about? I'm not saying that age is anything more than a number, but it matters to a certian extent. Seriously, can someone under the age of 30 check out my profile? Please? Kthanx.

- Also lame? People quoting other things in their profile, like famous quotes, for no good reason. That's no way to start anything. You can't even start a paragraph with a thought from your own head?

More unrelated thoughts having to do with men:
- I'm taller than almost all the men that are diving on TV right now. When did I become some sort of strange Amazon woman? Also, all of those divers are so skinny. So gross. I'm pretty sure they are about the width of my thigh. Maybe someone should make them eat?
- Cheesy Diddy Fries is supposed to be at this party at my aunt's house tomorrow. My aunt seems to think that we wouldn't mesh well together. I am interested to find out if she's right. I would guess that she is. But still. Another cute boy shall be there and that will amuse me.
- There's a bartender that works down at the club that my dad belongs to and I kind of adore him. And so do my aunts. He's really cute and adorable and funny. Whenever I go down there, he's Flirty McFlirtsalot. I don't know if that's cause he likes me or if I'm the only person there under the age of 30. I suppose it could be either/or. I will have to find out next time I'm down there. I'm not saying that I'm not trying when I'm wearing my bra that makes my boobs look good. Oh, I will figure you out, Club Bartender.

Good Lord

2008-08-22T09:33:00.004-04:00

Someone last night on match.com "winked" at me. His screenname? Tonsoffun73. Tons. Of. Fun. Why would you pick that to be your name? Oh, did I add that he is a heavyset fellow? I'm not judging him because he's a big guy. I'm not skinny myself. But seriously, "tons of fun" was the name you picked? Seriously?

Also, he's looking for a woman. Between 4 feet and 8 feet tall. Those are his qualifications. I totally make that cut, but seriously? You can't even pick more than that?

He received no winks from me. Sorry buddy

Really?

2008-08-20T22:25:00.004-04:00

Darcy: And in other news, I think Chicken Killer is in love with me...
Me: oh no
Me: why do you say that?
Darcy: ahhahahah!
Darcy: Umm... because I'm the 'only girl he's talked to that isn't crazy"
Me: because he's not crazy or anything?
Darcy: Right.
Darcy: oh...I shoulda copied it, but I closed the window before I had a chance to think about it...
Me: damn you!
Me: how could you?
Darcy: it was just fantastic...and these things alluding to us dating or me being his girlfriend...
Me: because that was going to change your mind?
Me: Darcy, you're so not a team player
Darcy: At one point I was like, "You know, i'm not going to date you"
Me: and he said?
Me: OMG, is he related to trogdor?
Me: they both don't get when they're not wanted
Darcy: and he was like..."Why not?" Okay, then I'll ask you in a month...
Darcy: Later he was like, "Has it been a month yet?"
Darcy: To which I said..."You're certainly persistant."
Darcy: And he said...
Me: oh yes, a month is really going to change your mind
Darcy: "What's that mean?"
Me: NO
Me: NO HE DID NOT
Darcy: Yes!
Me: is he a moron?
Me: i mean, i know he's a moron...but really?
Me: really?
Darcy: Well, I think he has an IQ around 90...which isn't impaired, but...well...
Darcy: Really... poor guy...
Me: don't take pity on him
Me: don't be a pity girlfriend
Darcy: Oh goodness, of course not...but I had to tell you!
Me: seriously, if someone used a word in an online conversation and i didn't know what they meant, i would look it up online
Darcy: Well, at least he asked?
Me: i don't know if that's better or worse
Darcy: I really do feel bad for the guy... but he's still okay to talk w/.
Me: really? you think he's still ok to talk with? he's a wreck
Darcy: Well, I guess I don't feel so bad as to ever meet him or give him my #...but you know what I mean...
Me: they like you, darcy. they like you because you're nice and you listen and you care
Darcy: Dude...I'd MUCH rather stay away from Smidge* than Chicken
Me: they don't like girls like me that would be like "you're dumb, go away"
Darcy: You're right...
Darcy: But I do care...
Darcy: But that doesn't mean I will bend to your will.
Me: they don't know that
Darcy: Well I think they (generally) figure it out after butting their head against a wall enough times...
Me: maybe
Darcy: Actually, that's usually one of the easier ways to figure out if they are a creep or not...
Me: oh?
Darcy: Like they're the sad creeps...not the I'm a sex fiend creep....
Darcy: I'll take sad over the other any day also.
Me: a creep is a creep
Darcy: Well, yes.
Darcy: "so I creep...yeah..just keep it on the down low..."
Me: sex pervert or not
Darcy: I don't really know the words to that song...

* Smidge is some other guy that just LOOOVES Darcy. He's dramatically dramatic. Whenever he talks to her, something is going on in his life that would make you feel bad for him, except these things are always happening. So he was in jail, beat his mom, his brother got hit by a car, he got shot at and one of his relatives has cancer. Or something. Darcy, please let me know if there's something I missed. I know I might be mean for saying all these things about this guy I don't know, but there are some things I don't tell to weird strangers from the interwebs.

In a totally unrelated note, Summer has decided that this summer's flirting theme is bartenders. Is she right? Oh for serious yes.

Haha!

2008-08-19T09:34:00.004-04:00

After a long break, I'm back trying on Match.com again. Today I got this message from "koolsteve"
am a good guy with a good head on my shoulders. I'm an artist and a creative person. I'm a big guy so if that bothers you I'm probably not the guy for you...but I'm active and go to the gym now so I'm only getting better from here and a former athlete. I work as a graphic designer, and make art in my free time. I hope to pursue a Masters degree. I'm very serious about art and making a good future for myself and making myself better in every way of my life. I have a twin brother who is my best friend. No we don't read each others minds. We're identical but you can tell us apart easily he has longer hair and a beard, we're both artists. I love music and film. I mostly listen to alternative and hard rock music but can pick something I like from every genre. I like to watch sports. I'm a big WWE Fan and I like football. I can get into any sport that's a good match.

As far as what I'm looking for...I just want a nice girl to love me for me. I'm really not picky on appearance, I'm an artist I can find beauty in anything. I want someone I can grow with and have something meaningful. loyalty and trust are very important to me. Someone loving, caring and affectionate is someone i can mesh with very well. I'm an affectionate guy and want a girl that can make me feel loved...I'm a pretty open minded guy. I'm not really a party person anymore. I'm trying to settle down my life. I want someone I can travel with to go on a cruise with and explore the world with. I think relationships are about experiencing things and sharing. I want someone constant someone who will always be there for me. Someone who wants to see me all the time because of who I am not what I can offer or what I look like. I'm def ready to stop dating and be in a long lasting relationship.

Before you ask, I didn't edit that at all. He just sent me that form letter with no other way of introduction. No "wow, you seem interesting" or "man, I would love to get to know you". Nope, he just jumps right in and tells me ALL ABOUT HIM. Also, how many times could he tell me that he was an artist? I get it buddy, you like art. I also like art, but not artists. I went to an art school and I know art stars. Please don't be one. And for someone that is so into art, you would think that he would have some sort of picture up in his profile. But no, he doesn't. Furthermore, how many people do you know that honestly think that twins can read each others minds? When someone says "I have a twin", I would say "wow, that's pretty neat" and move on. I would not ask about their ESP skillz. This guy wants to make sure that I know that his brother has a beard and long hair and NOT ESP. Awesome. Maybe he has ESPN?

F- for you, KoolSteve. I'm moving on.

They are everywhere

2008-08-10T08:39:00.002-04:00

Dear Miami,
Thanks for being full of all sorts of creeps. While we were down at South Beach, a strange man strung out on coke came over to Darcy and asked if she wanted to get high, get drunk or "get down". He was all up in her personal space, being sketchy. Good thing Summer and I were there to rescue her. But then, just in case you wanted us to be SURE of your weird factor, there were two strange, dirty men that told us they were homeless. Like that would be some sort of turn on. Darcy has to be all patriotic all the time and had on a USA shirt. They asked her if she was in the Olympics. Fun Fact: Miami is not Beijing. Just wanted to let YOU know.

So, just letting you know...we're never coming back here again. You're so full of fucking creepers. Do they all belong to Plenty of Fish?

XO
Carrie

Le sigh

2008-08-08T12:48:00.001-04:00

I leave tomorrow for a fun vacation with Darcy and Summer. Summer keeps on joking that I'll meet someone on the cruise like she did. I doubt it. For some reason that I can't figure out, guys go for her because...she's married? Does that make sense? Nope, it doesn't.

I'll settle for my 4 year old boyfriend instead. At least I know he loves me long time.

Update...sorta

2008-08-06T12:35:00.004-04:00

I would update if something had happened. But nothing has. No boys, no love interests, no excitement, NO SEX.

Speaking of that, I've almost gone a year without. Summer's Husband seems to believe that since I'm a girl, I just have to say that I want to sleep with someone and someone will appear. He seems to think it's that easy. It's that easy when you're cute and adorable. It's not that easy when you're not those things. Also, I don't want that anymore. I want a relationship with someone - someone that gets me, someone that appreciates me, someone that wants me. Finding a random guy - he's none of those things.

I'm leaving on vacation soon with Summer and Darcy. The last time the 3 of us went away, Summer got hit on a lot. Like, no one noticed Darcy or I, but becuase of Summer's bling...the guys went after her. I told her that it would be the same situation this time. The guys would see her shiny big rock on her finger and decide that she was the girl to have. I just want to flirt with someone, you know?

And when you speak of flirting...we go back to Boots. Boots. What to say about him? He was talking to me a lot. Like, all the time. And then...he decided he didn't want to talk to me anymore. For no reason. I shouldn't be surprised because he's done that to me before. At the same time, his actions don't jive with his words. I find that so annoying. He needs to mean what he says when he says it. So I called him back a few times over the last almost week and he doesn't answer. That's that. When he decides that he needs me around again, maybe I won't answer. That's what I've been told to do to him. The thing is, I can't be that mean to him. I know I would only be doing to him what he does to me, but I just don't have it in me to be that way. He's got me all confused and I don't know which way is up anymore.

I haven't really been trying...

2008-08-04T09:05:00.002-04:00

And I can admit it. I will post more later, but I feel like the wind is out of my sails. I'm just not trying that hard anymore and I don't really know why. Maybe that's because I'm searching for a new job and getting ready to go on vacation and I just don't care. Or maybe it's cause I've just been burned badly by a total asshole. Who knows. I'll think about it and let you all know.

And maybe I can find some time to be funny as well

Things I've realized

2008-07-29T09:03:00.001-04:00

- I’ve realized that I can be picky with what sorts of guys I talk to and what sorts of guys I kiss. I didn’t know that for a while, but now I get it. Otherwise, I would still be all wrapped up in the first guy that I met. I think that was Footweiner McLovin’, but I could be wrong

- I’m cute. It took me a long time to get here, but if some guy sees a picture of me with my fascinating bio and wants to talk to me, I gotta have something going for me

- My hair is awesome. End of story.

- I don’t have to settle. I don’t. There are things that I will compromise on, but I don’t have to accept what comes my way. I can kick boys to the curb whenever I want

- I can take boys home from bars. No need to do that anymore. Unless he’s really hot. Then it’s okay.

- I don’t NEED a guy in my life. I’ve been single for over a year now and it’s kind of fun. Granted, when everyone I know is getting married or is engaged or is in some form of functional relationship, it’s a bummer. But I’ll find someone.

- There are so many fucking creeps on the internets. I already knew this, but this online dating thing has proven it. I don’t talk about sex to people I really don’t know. I’ll talk about sex to my friends, whether they are people that I’ve known for years or just some online friends I have. I really don’t mind. But if you’re some weird man on the net, I’m not going to tell you I like it in the butt (mostly cause I don’t. That’s an overshare, sorry)

- I finally have my life in some sort of order now, so I can truly be with someone and not have it take over my life. I hope. We’ll see, I suppose

- I’m not one of those girls that can wake up every day and throw on makeup and wear heels and exist as a total girly girl. For a while, I would attempt to do that. Now if I meet a guy, I’ll put on some makeup, sure. But if we’re doing something not makeup worthy, I’ll be in jeans and a t-shirt. That’s the way I am normally. I’m done changing myself to make someone else happy. My happiness matters more than some douchebag guy’s happiness.

- Guys either get my family and become accepted by them or they don’t. My family, however much I don’t like it sometimes, is a part of my life. There are lots of family members to impress. You need to make all of them like you, not just some of them.

- I’m fucking awesome. I’m so awesome. I don’t need a guy to tell me that cause I’ve figured it out myself. And if a guy decides he doesn’t like me, it’s his loss. It’s no fault of mine that he can’t figure out how fucking amazing and generally perfect I am. He can shove it.

"I must look like a beastly beast with a cracked teacup for a heart"

2008-07-28T21:54:00.005-04:00

Today got me thinking of all the emo love things. You know, being depressed and sad and in love and all those things all at once? Lilo and I were talking about Weetzie Bat today and it reminded me of some of my favorite quotes from those books. They are about mystical and magical love.

"An amusement park in winter is like when you go to the places where you went with the person you love but they're not with you anymore. Everything rickety and cold and empty...if you thought you were empty inside from being alone you know that you for sure have a stomach anyway but it doesn't want to stay in there. You also for sure have a heart which is beating hard and doesn't want to stay where it is either"

"Do you know when they say soul-mates? Everybody uses it in personal ads. ‘Soul mate wanted’. It doesn’t mean too much now. But soul–mates – think about it. When your soul – whatever that is anyway – something so alive when you make music or love and so mysteriously hidden most of the rest of the time, so colorful and big but with out color or shape – when you soul finds another soul it can recognize even before the rest of you know about it. The rest of you just feels sweaty and jumpy at first. And your souls get married without even meaning to – even if you can’t be together for some reason in real life, your souls just go ahead and make the wedding plans. A soul’s wedding must bee too beautiful to even look it. It must be blinding. It must be like all the weddings in the world – gondolas with canopies of doves, champagne glasses shattering, wings of veils, drums beating, flutes and trumpets, showers of roses. And after that happens you know – that it, this is it. But sometimes you have to let that person go. When you’re little, people, movies and fairytales all tell you that one day you’re going to meet this person. So you keep waiting and it’s a lot harder than they make it sound. Then you meet and you think, okay, now we can just get on with it but you find out that sometimes your soul brother partner lover has other ideas about that. They want to go to New York and write their own songs or whatever. They feel like you don’t really love them but the idea of them, the dream you’ve had since you were a kid about a panther boy to carry you out of the forest of your fear or an angel to make love and celestial music with in the clouds or a genie twin to sleep with you inside a lamp. Which doesn’t mean they’re not the one. It just means you’ve got to do whatever you have to do for you alone. You’ve got to believe in your magic and grace right up to the mean nasty part of yourself that wants to keep the one you love locked up in a place in you where no one else can touch them or even see them. Just the way when somebody you love dies you don’t stop loving them but you don’t lock up their souls inside you. You turn that love into something else, give it to somebody else. And something in a weird way when you do that you get closer than ever to the person who died or the one your soul married”

Then there's this. This poem is something that a friend from college showed me. One of her friends had it written about her. It's beautiful and I love it and the first time I read it, I burst into tears.

- Remember the night we went to that rich area near the water?
- And we walked around
- And the stars were really bright and wonderful – looking at us from above?
- And it was balmy…but with a crisp wind
- And I remember the exact image of you looking up at the stars and me catching you doing it…and it was one of the most human, picturesque, gorgeous, innocent things ever
- I never tell anyone that
- and it hit me so hard…seeing you like that
- that it imprinted the smells, the sounds of the wind, the silhouettes of the trees…to this day I remember every aspect
- And I was acting weird when we got back in the car
- And you didn’t know why
- You thought I was mad
- But it was because at that moment I knew I could want you and only you forever and ever with that image of you under the summer blackened sky looking up
- Nothing could come close
- not even words. And hence my inappropriate actions, acting distant the whole ride home
- It was pure terror that feeling. Knowing that I’ve seen something that was totally pure and was the most aesthetic beautiful scene and person ever. So fitting
- And it was that moment, that moment. That sparked it.
- I’m babbling. Sorry. There’s nothing you could really say
- It’s almost too much. You know when you think back to things…and you feel them again, inside your body…as if you’re there
- I think of summer…and I’ll be walking…and a warm breeze will pass by once in a while…and the smallest thing will just make me break down inside
- And think of stars
- and winding roads
- and darkness
- and Adriana
- in her dress
- just a flailing atom in the breeze of life swaying so furiously
- and its hypnotic trance summer
- There.
- That’s what I wanted to tell you
- And it’s not even close to being a modern romantic thing dressed up in flashy words to make it sound genuine. I truly was awestruck. And it….was scary
- You would think seeing something so beautiful would be nice…happy…smiles. But when you do see it, like I did when I saw you there, it’s…not something you are taught to handle
- or deal with. Something that can capture you, make you realize that it has just made you lose your breath to the point of fainting with love, ecstasy and passion
- And what can you say? God forbid I tell you when I saw it…what do you say to someone who has just made in total love with them? Just by…being.
- Nothing.
- You cannot say a word
- They have not earned it in the normal sense
- They just….have it

Why yes it does

2008-07-28T14:21:00.002-04:00

Bad blogger

2008-07-28T13:09:00.003-04:00

Yes, I've been a bad blogger. Nothing has been happening though. Well, correction. Something has been happening.

So Bootcamp Boyfriend, AKA Boots, is home from bootcamp. He was IMing me before, if you recall and saying that he was coming home. And when he signed off from AIM, he told me he loved me. Of course that rattled me because I wasn't prepared to deal with that. How could I be? I hadn't talked to him in months and now he's like "oh, love you!" Asshole. We've been talking, just as friends. I don't mind having him as a friend in my life. He always was able to make me laugh when we dated, he just was a giant asshole.

It seems now that Boots has changed. I'm not saying that I'm dating him again, but he's a different sort of person. Maybe bootcamp really did knock the snot out of him. He's been really open about his feelings and generally just really nice to me. He's been telling me that I'm gorgeous and beautiful and smart and funny and cute and pretty and adorable and all sorts of other things like that. Things that I would have killed for him to tell me when we were dating, but he never had the words to say so. Now he's telling me all sorts of things that I want to hear. Just not from him. I can't say that I don't like the attention, because I do. I like knowing that someone thinks I'm beautiful.

You know how I feel about the word beautiful. When he says it, I'm able to believe it because he knows me completely. He knew all the little things about me. He saw the bad parts and the good parts and everything in between. He liked me anyway.

As he's saying all these nice things about me, I told him that he should have told me that when we were dating. He said he always felt this way and I should have known. I told him regardless of the fact that I should have known, I didn't. And he didn't tell me.

Before anyone says how stupid I'm being for even talking to him again...that's all it is. We're talking. I can talk to my ex-boyfriends. Although Reaper is a bad example, I talk to Reaper all the time. There's no good reason that I can't talk to Boots in the same way that I talk to Reaper. Granted, it won't be the same, but I can treat it the same way.

Gah

2008-07-21T09:34:00.002-04:00

Trogdor yet again asked me what I was doing next weekend (which is now this weekend) because he wanted to hang out. Seriously man. Seriously.

But in mostly truth, I am busy until the middle of September with plans. And by "busy" I mean that I might have one thing to do that day but I could stretch it out to take the whole day. I am a bad bad person.

Nothing has been going on

2008-07-18T11:29:00.003-04:00

I am lame lately. I told Radio Farter (that's his new name as far as I'm concerned) that he was plenty nice but there was no spark between us. I didn't include that his farting was a real big turn off. Lilo told me I had until Friday, so on Wednesday after I had had a few to drink, I told him to hit the bricks. I do feel better now. He was kind of lame all the time.

And aside from that, nothing new in the boy department. Bootcamp Boyfriend (one of my co-workers has started calling him Army Boots, which I think I like more and will use from now on) is back in NY. He texted me last night. I'm interested to know what Boots did that he tweaked so hardcore. Boys are dumb. That's all I have to say.

Tomorrow Summer and I are going to drink our faces off. When we go out, one of Summer's Husband's friends comes along. He has a wife, but she never comes. But when he goes out with us, he hits on me like it's his job. He stares at my boobs and is kinda touchy-feely. I laugh it off because he's usually so drunk he has no idea what he's saying, but it's weird all at once. I'll update on Sunday with what happens.

What Happened

2008-07-12T16:54:00.004-04:00

So here's why Radio Flyer is out. We had a nice dinner. I had a burger and it was fabulous. We were having a sort of interesting conversation. Actually, that's a lie. He was telling me about being the sports director at his college radio station and some football game that he had to call. I was asking questions that had nothing to with the football part, but everything to do with the weather, the uniforms, the cheerleaders, etc. But things were going okay. I thought maybe he would be okay. He is someimtes a little slow on the uptake, but sometimes I am too.

He wasn't totally out by this point. And then. And then....he screwed himself. One of the things that the Statie did that totally disturbed me a lot was that he farted around me. And yes, you want someone to be comfortable enough with you that they don't feel that they have to censor themselves. The Statie farted a lot. He wouldn't even acknowledge his farting, he would do it in the middle of conversation and keep on going. If we were sitting somewhere, he would shift so one half of his ass would be up and he would fart. I know everyone farts. I accept this. But I don't want to know about it. I don't fart around my friends and I most certianly didn't fart around boys. In fact, I don't even think I like the word fart. It's a gross word. I don't really like the phrase "passing gas". My aunt used to call it "tooting", so maybe that's what we will go with.

In case you hadn't figured out what he did.....he tooted. In the middle of the conversation. Statie style. I was horrified. And now, Radio Flyer, you are most cetianly out. He tooted and just kept on talking. He shifted his seat, lifted his ass, TOOTED and kept on talking. He didn't excuse himself, he didn't acknowledge it. I saw the Statie in a flashback. Also, he yawned and didn't cover his mouth.

Now the only thing I have to do is tell him that he's out. We all know how well that went with Trogdor....

Quick update

2008-07-11T23:40:00.004-04:00

I went out with Radio Flyer. And I've decided that he's out. He committed a wrong so wrong....god. It's not really his fault, persay, but it's not okay.

More tomorrow when I'm not so tipsy and my brain doesn't hurt

Open letter

2008-07-11T12:13:00.002-04:00

Dear fucking Beautiful man at the gym,
I almost tripped over the curb when I saw you walk in after me. I was so glad that you were at the gym last night. Whenever you're at the gym, I push myself to work out harder because you're so hot. I would also let you do all sorts of dirty things to me on the treadmill. Or on one of the weight machines. I can think of a few that we would have some fun on. While you were working out your awesomely hot arms, I noticed you had no wedding band. I believe we could have lots of fun. Also, you have the most perfect ass ever. Just sayin'.

XO
Carrie

So confused

2008-07-09T09:50:00.002-04:00

Last night, I was online. Bootcamp Boyfriend IM'd me. He's apparently in Kentucky, on his way back to upstate NY. We talked for a bit about nothing really, just about what he's going to do when he gets back home and so on and so forth. As he's signing off, he goes "love you, bye." I had no answer to that. What the hell am I supposed to say to that?!

I know that I've told friends of mine that I loved them when I signed off, even if we weren't that kind of friend because I was signing off in a hurry and I told someone else that. I know I've told ex-boyfriends that as a force of habit. It's like talking to someone you used to love. When you're ending the phone conversation, you want to say "I love you" because that's how it used to end. But that's not how our lives are now. We're not in love. And even though I might not even love him in a friendly sort of way, I still care. And there he is, telling me "love you". He might not even realized he did that.

Or he might have realized and done it just to make me all confused. Things I'm not going to do: let him know that he got to me. Cause he did get to me. When (but the bigger question being if), he talks to me again, I'm not going to bring it up. Maybe he will. Maybe he'll do it again. Maybe he won't. I really have no idea. I just know that he got me alllllllllll sorts of confused, like an asshole. Like he is.

On the Radio Flyer front, I texted him on Monday night and said something along the lines of "so what's the plan on Friday?" I thought that was a kind of flirty way to accept his offer to go out on Friday night. He responds by saying "we are going to go out". Yes, I know that. I KNOW THAT. At that point, I was kind of annoyed by him because he didn't get it. Of course, I know I'm the one being dumb, but seriously guy. SERIOUSLY. I haven't talked to him since then.

I thought there was some other boy annoyance I had to blog about. Now I realize that I don't have any.

Weird weekend

2008-07-07T10:30:00.003-04:00

Radio Flyer asked me out for Friday night. I have not answered him. To be fair, I was drinking for 3 days straight, so I couldn't be expected to answer anyone about anything. I still think I have something going on, but looking at my planner and all the calendars in my life, I really have nothing. I should tell him whether I want to or not soon. Yes, I should.

Saturday night I went with my aunt to see Cheesy Fries. He had left work before I got there because his shift ended. I'm starting to think it's not worth the damage to my liver to keep on trotting out there.

But neither of those things were weird. Those things are both pretty normal. No, the weird thing happened on Friday evening. I had been drinking maybe a lot. Just maybe. My phone rings and I didn't recognize the number. I knew it wasn't the Statie boyfriend, who called last week. He's in the 518 area code. This was a different number. I answered...and it was Bootcamp Boyfriend. He's leaving bootcamp. I guess he cracked under the pressure or something of bootcamp. He's getting discharged this week and flying back to Syracuse. I'm standing there in some sort of shock. This guy was tough, mentally. He played all sorts of head games. He doesn't properly express feelings and generally is an asshole. Somehow, someone at the bootcamp got into his head and screwed him all up. I was worried for a bit because no matter how much I hate him, I still don't want anything bad to happen to him. He assured me that he was okay and that he was coming back east. He also told me that I was the only girl for him. Uh, what now? What the hell are you talking about? Then last night, I was off doing stuff (watching a movie I will blog about in a second) and he IMed me. He just left a message of nonsense, but still. Now he's in my brain. He's in my dreams again. In my dreams, he's always fabulous. He is always all those things I wanted him to be and all the things he was before whatever went wrong with him went wrong.

I just don't understand why I can bury the thoughts of Weston Footballer, The Reject, Maine Man and The Statie, but I can't get him out of my head. He's in there. It was a long and hard relationship, one that you would think that I would want to bury in that place in my head where things that make me sad go. But it's out in the open, rolling around and causing trouble. My brain clearly hates me too, because it's bringing out all the good times we had together, not the horrible times that I cried my eyes out and just hoped that he would either love me more or drop dead so that I didn't have to deal with him. I know I'm different now and it shouldn't bother me. But he's the same. Bootcamp hasn't changed him into the guy that he so badly needed to be 3 years ago. Just get out of my brain, Bootcamp Boyfriend. Get. Out.

The movie I watched last night was Wristcutters: A love story. And it was. It was about love in the afterlife, after all. And I felt so tingly and sad all at once. I think about who I was, again in relation to the Bootcamp Boyfriend and I'm so glad that I'm out.

Thanks Darcy

2008-07-05T23:07:00.002-04:00

southpole: hey
Darcy: Hi there!
Darcy: Happy Belated 4th of July!
southpole: thanks it sucked
southpole: wat u up
southpole: to
Darcy: Not much...recovering from our party yesterday.
Darcy: Sorry yours stunk.
southpole: wat was ur name again
Darcy: Darcy. You're Mike, right?
southpole: yes
southpole: can u call me i am really depressed
Darcy: I'm sorry to hear that....
Darcy: I'm not going to call, but you're more than welcome to talk it out here.
Darcy: What's wrong?
southpole: u might hate me
Darcy: ? Huh?
southpole: i have a baby on the way maybe
Darcy: Well, I don't hate you for that. Why is it a "maybe"?
southpole: cuz she will not tell me if it is diff
Darcy: How far along is she?
southpole: if she is 1 month
Darcy: Hmm... that's kinda early to tell... Is she just late or did she actually test positive?
southpole: she has not got her period for 3 weeks and we had sex 3 and half weeks ago
Darcy: Sooo...this is not a definite situation by any means... Plus a period comes every 4 weeks....

Holy Crap

2008-07-01T19:21:00.002-04:00

You have to click this link. It's amazing. Click it

Darcy - the source of constant amusement

2008-06-30T22:20:00.003-04:00

I don't know where Darcy finds these guys. Actually, I do. But it's like they are seeking her out because they think she will have low standards. Since she's friends with me, she has totally high standards. And these guys are gross. I didn't bother to change his name...cause I don't care enough.

Darcy: Or at least what it's near?
Mattthedragonking: new york
Mattthedragonking: wow you look like ur grandma (note: she's with my grandma in that picture. Don't ask me why she posted that one. But apparently I don't even look like my own grandma.)
Darcy: That's actually my friend's grandmother.
Darcy: It's like I'm in the family though...
Mattthedragonking: ohh
Mattthedragonking: maybe its the angel you looking uh, what?
Mattthedragonking: why would someone look at me from north calorlina
Darcy: Because they're interested in your profile?
Darcy: It doesn't matter where people are from...
Mattthedragonking: i know u view me
Mattthedragonking: but she 53 (Why can't people conjugate anything? Really.)
Mattthedragonking: i dont wanna be calling her mom
Darcy: I mean it's completely impractical, but it doesn't mean you
can't make friends or anything.... Hahhahaha!
Mattthedragonking: wow
Mattthedragonking: your smart and pretty
Darcy: ? Oh... well. thank you. That's very kind of you.
Mattthedragonking: thanks
Mattthedragonking: thats why i dont have a gf
Darcy: oh?
Mattthedragonking: i am to nice
Darcy: I think you're just going for the wrong type of girl....
Darcy: Cause I really don't understand why someone wouldn't
want someone who is nice....
Mattthedragonking: well i had an online gf
Darcy: I mean, who would want to be with a jerk?
Darcy: Oh?
Darcy: What happened w/ her?
Mattthedragonking: i dumped her because her mom said she coudlnt vist it
me
Mattthedragonking: like a month ago
Darcy: How old was she?
Mattthedragonking: 19
Darcy: Oooh.. I see.
Mattthedragonking: ya
Mattthedragonking: she still a child
Darcy: Well, I think that makes sense.
Mattthedragonking: we lasted a year
Darcy: Wow...
Mattthedragonking: ya
Darcy: Did she live nearby?
Mattthedragonking: maryland 260 miles away
Darcy: Oh geez!
Darcy: That's far!
Mattthedragonking: ya
Mattthedragonking: your only 77miles
Darcy: You've already mapped it out?
Mattthedragonking: well google did
Mattthedragonking: i wanted to know where wailton is (Creeper Alert!)
Darcy: Ha!
Darcy: Oh.. I see.
Mattthedragonking: do you like to swim
Darcy: That's funny you mention that....
Darcy: I actually went swimming today for the first time in over 2
years.
Mattthedragonking: wow
Mattthedragonking: thats longer then i have
Darcy: Yeah... I don't really know why I haven't gone....
Mattthedragonking: i dont like the beach
Darcy: We're fortunate enough to have a pool....I just don't like
being wet...
Darcy: Yeah, sand is really annoying at the beach...
Mattthedragonking: so you dont shower
Darcy: Oh funny! I shower. I just don't like getting rained on or
sprayed w/ water or anything like that...
Mattthedragonking: rain
Mattthedragonking: is fun
Mattthedragonking: someone spraying isnt
Darcy: As long as I'm under an umbrella or inside...
Mattthedragonking: ok
Mattthedragonking: do you have aim
Darcy: Actually I do...
Mattthedragonking: ok
Darcy: You're welcome to IM me...I know POF is kinda difficult to
use.
Darcy: at least for chatting.
Mattthedragonking: i will im you there but are you a veggitan (He spelled it wrong)
Darcy: A vegitarian? (And then she did too)
Darcy: Is it a problem if I am?
Mattthedragonking: person who dont eat meat
Darcy: Why, yes... How did you guess?
Mattthedragonking: ok becuz my name is a bit werid
Mattthedragonking: i dont know you just look it
Darcy: I'm not a crazy one though... Oh? Is it... Ikill and eat animals
yum?
Mattthedragonking: cool
Mattthedragonking: are you ready
Mattthedragonking: i am going im you now
Darcy: Yeah, I'm signed on...
Mattthedragonking: i knoww
Darcy: that's fine.

Then he found her on AIM. These are the parts that Darcy sent me. I also left his screename here because it's so fucking weird. So weird.

Chickenkiller52: you look younger then 24
Darcy: Hahhaa...
Darcy: Maybe it's because I work with kids... so I have a 10 year old mentallity.
Chickenkiller52: i hope ur not like that on a date
----------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------
Chickenkiller52: i g2g
Chickenkiller52: if you want i will talk to u later
Chickenkiller52: like the next time i am on
Chickenkiller52: dinner is here
Chickenkiller52: mc doo doos (Does this bother anyone else as much as it bothers me? Mc Doo Doos? Seriously?)
Darcy: Cool.
Darcy: Nice chatting w/ you.
Darcy: Have fun!
Chickenkiller52: i will
Chickenkiller52: eating nuggets
Darcy: enjoy! BYE!
Chickenkiller52: thanks
Chickenkiller52: u want sum
Darcy: That's okay...thanks though!
Chickenkiller52: lol
Chickenkiller52: take care
Darcy: you too!
Chickenkiller52: *****hugs*****
Chickenkiller52: umm can i have a hug too
Darcy: Do I know you well enough to hug you? (Darcy in all her fabulousness is even a bit prudish on the internets)
Darcy: I'll give you a high five though. If you want.
Chickenkiller52: i am not a pick pocketer
Chickenkiller52: hugs are better
Chickenkiller52: ok
Chickenkiller52: fine hi-5
Darcy: Alright... *high fives*
Chickenkiller52: hugs
Chickenkiller52: lol
Darcy: Dude, go eat!
Chickenkiller52: ahha i huged u (He huged you good!)
Chickenkiller52: sorry
Chickenkiller52: i will eat
Chickenkiller52: :(
Darcy: okay.. Later!
Chickenkiller52: pc
Chickenkiller52: peace

Quick update, but more later

2008-06-29T17:49:00.002-04:00

I just got a text from Nacho. He said that he was sorry that he might have said things about me when he was drunk and he hoped that we could be friends again someday soon. No, I don't think so. I'm not replying to the text message and I bet I will get another one or two before the day is through.

Last night I went out with my aunt and we saw cute waiter man. I have taken to calling him Cheesy Fries as that's what he brought my brothers last weekend. I was formally introduced to him and we talked about Harry Potter. My aunt says that he was kind of psyched to meet me (cause let's face it, I'm the bees knees) but he got all jammed up? I don't know the exact details, but I'll find them out, damnit!

Last night...she saidddddddd

2008-06-27T09:40:00.003-04:00

As you might remember, I went out with Radio Flyer last night. He is really nice and he bought me a beer or two and we just talked about stuff. Nothing really important. He noticed that I got my hair highlighted and he told me how pretty it looked. Well, duh. I’m awesome. Not much else happened. He said that we should hang out again. His sister is getting married next weekend and he’s going to be giving her away and I thought that was cute.

Radio Flyer is cute. He’s a very nice boy. But much likeThe Graduate, I don’t know if he can handle me. As usual, after I go out with a boy, I call Reaper. Reaper said something last night that was brilliant…and it was along the lines of I need someone that can be fun with me but know when to bring me back down. I need an edgy rock? Is that what he said? I don’t remember. He's totally right though. I need a guy that can roll with the punches but know when the punching should stop. Or something.

Something else happened and I'm looking for opinions. Reaper thinks it's a joke gone wrong, and I might have to agree with him, but I would love to know what my devoted followers think. As we were leaving the bar, there was a sign for my english teacher's band and the next date they were playing. I was saying how one day Darcy said that they should play at my wedding and all this stuff about my imaginary wedding or something. We somehow got on the 20 year plan and he was like "hey, we could have a 20 year plan" and I told him I already had a 20 year plan. With Reaper. I told him that if something happened between Reaper and I or Reaper was offed, then he could be my 25 year plan. He's like "so I guess that means we're engaged now?" and I said, no we'll be engaged in 25 years. It was just weird, but now that I think more about it, I could see myself saying that. I just found it a bit strange is all.

On Saturday night, I am going out with my aunt to Outback. Where Cheesyfries works. Should be an interesting night regardless.

I'm awesome

2008-06-24T11:30:00.002-04:00

Radio Flyer texted me last night and wanted to know what I was doing. I told him I just got home from work (cause I did) and that I was planning on going to the gym. He wanted to ask me out for a drink. I asked him what time and he said that we could meet up at like 9:30 or 10. I don't want to sound like an old person...but that's fucking late. Seriously! I'm usually in my pajamas by 10, so to be meeting someone at that time would be like, hard on me. Also, I wasn't in the right mindframe. I sometimes I have to get myself excited to do things. This is one of those things. So instead we are going to meet up on Thursday night, which should be fine. Then comes the next logical question...what do I wear?

I have to be honest - after I graduated from college, I gained some weight. It's not like I was ever skinny to begin with, but the beer and the pizza and all the other shit I was eating caught up to me. So I had cute "going out to the bar with a boyfriend that I already had" clothes, but nothing to get guys. As I've mentioned, I went to school in upstate NY and it was pretty cold. Everyone wore lots of clothes all the time. You didn't want to freeze to death. That being said, I'm now trying really hard to get the weight off that I put on. Which is a problem because nothing I own really fits anymore. My jeans are too big, but the next size down is too small. So do I wear jeans that are kind of big and hope for the best? Probably. There’s nothing I can do except lose more weight so a pair of pants actually fits me.

And since I'm a girly girl deep down, I have slutty underpants. We all do. Those are the underpants that you wear when you want to feel good about yourself. And if someone happened to see you in those underpants – well, you’d rock them 6 ways from Sunday. I know these underpants do the job of rocking. I’m not getting into how I might know these facts, but I do. The slutty underpants are almost fitting my ass, so that’s good. That’s the plan. Get my slutty underpants to fit and I’ll know that I’m getting back to where I want to be.

I pretty much always ask Summer what I should wear before I go out. She’s got some style and sass and well, I could learn a thing or two from her. And always, when I ask, she says “you need to wear the good bra”. Really? Do I? She tells me every time and it makes me laugh. The “good bra” is a bra I got from Victoria’s Secret. And the reason its good and the big secret is that it has like, little gel things in it that make your boobs look bigger. And feel very real. Much like the slutty underpants, I have received this information from some reliable sources. So I have a couple of those and I ordered a new one that Summer has - but since VS sucks a big one, my order is not here. My date is creeping up on me and I wanted to wear the good bra AND IT IS NOT AT MY HOUSE. I very much want to wear it.

The thing with the “good bra” that I worry about is once I take it off (if that’s happening) will it be that noticeable a difference? Then I think that if some guy is willing to go that extra step with me (god that sounds so not right) he’s not going to care. Is it lying to make my breasts seem larger than they really are? Or is it just giving them a little push in the right direction – that would be the hot direction.

In other totally interesting news, I went out with my aunt and my brothers on Saturday night to the resturant that her boyfriend works at. There was a cute waiter man there. Cute waiter man thought I was pretty. My aunt is trying to see what she can do. C'mon cute waiter man. Give me something good(er) to write about

Darcy, I love you like no other

2008-06-23T16:46:00.002-04:00

Darcy just emailed me this conversation. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. What a fucking creep.

Darcy: Just got home from summer camp.
Darcy: Wow...I totally sounded 5.
F'n Creep: what kind?
Darcy: I was actually supervising some adults who are new to
working with some students I had during the school year... To help with the
transition...
Darcy: I guess it's a regular day camp. Lots of activities the kids do
during the day.
Darcy: It went really well, so I was happy. We'll have to see what
tomorrow brings.
Darcy: Why are you bored?
F'n Creep: well, lonely, orny i guess haha , u?
Darcy: OH... Okay.
F'n Creep: honesty lol
Darcy: Well, it's reasonable.
Darcy: Where did you move to Hartfod from?
Darcy: *Hartford
F'n Creep: vermont
F'n Creep: so ur horny too then? lol
Darcy: I'm sorry?
Darcy: Oh! VT!
Darcy: Not that I've lived there, but it's a beautiful state... My friend
has a lot of family over there...
Darcy: And a cabin in...I think it's called Hubberton?
Darcy: Or Castleton or something like that.
F'n Creep: its a nice place
F'n Creep: what are u packin?
Darcy: What do you mean?
F'n Creep: bra size lol sorry was a crude joke
Darcy: Oh. I see.
Darcy: Sorry, I can be slow on the uptake at times...especially with
sarcasm.
F'n Creep: DD's?
Darcy: Are you seriously asking?
F'n Creep: sure
Darcy: Not to be confrontational, but I barely know you at all. Not
even your name and you're asking personal information right off the bat?
Darcy: In short, I'm not answering that question. You're
welcome to try another though.
F'n Creep: sorry
Darcy: That's fine. I'm not angry..just taken aback.
F'n Creep: sorry, im just attracted to ya
Darcy: Well, there's no problem in that. Anways....
Darcy: Aside from moving to CT what else is there about you?
F'n Creep: love to travel, make love, eat, drink, party, sports
Darcy: Cool!
Darcy: I suppose I should say some things about me, huh?
Hmm...
Darcy: I like being outside, but I'm a homebody too. I like doing
things around the house (although I'm living w/ my family while I finish up
school and save up). Walking the dog, yard work, riding my bike
Darcy: around the neighborhood.
Darcy: I've only recently gotten into the idea of going "out" to a bar
or club. I really didn't start that until a year or so ago. But it can be fun.

And that point, he realized that Darcy wasn't the girl for him and closed the window. Thank god. THANK GOD. Seriously dude, what's your deal? Also awesome? The fact that he's all like "yeah, I want to be on you" and Darcy is like "Really, Vermont?! How interesting!" Love you Darcy. Me love you long time.

Ex-boyfriends?

2008-06-22T16:32:00.005-04:00

Very excellent article

I was thinking today while I was at the gym about all my ex-boyfriends. All of them. I can't say that I am proud of some of them, but they helped me become who I am now and help me to know that I don't ever want to date boys again. So here's the list of winning boyfriends, in all its glory. I might do a bit of oversharing. I'm just warning you

1. Weston Footballer
- dated for 3-4 months when I was a junior in high school
- played football (duh)
- helped me to misplace my virginity
What can I say about the WF? He is the reason that I started down the trail of "Boy, I love sex!" He was my first boyfriend. I met him at a leadership conference when I was a junior in high school (the fall time). We were talking online a bit before he asked me out on a date. He came to pick me up, he was dressed exactly how I like a man to be dressed and wowed my parents. I can't tell you for the life of me what we did. He bought me roses. He came and hugged me tight when I thought my parents were going to get divorced. Was an excellent boyfriend...before I slept with him. A month or two after that, we broke up...but still had sex. Oops. He would come over to my house late at night and we would go back to his house. I haven't seen him recently, maybe 2 years ago? The last time he saw me, I was working at the bookstore and I had on my emo glasses. He told me I looked like a sexy librarian. He still IMs me from time to time, wondering who I'm sleeping with. He also tells me in great detail about the sex we had, as if I had forgotten. I tried to forget, but he brings it up again. He had a girlfriend that he would cheat on all the time, but it was okay...cause she was cheating on him all the time. He's currently trying to convince his new girlfriend to have a 3 way.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - I think he did. Why? Because he was bored? Because I was all emo? Beats me
Friendship status - IMs every now and again. He lives down in PA

2. Reaper
- dated for 6 months or so between senior year of high school and first semester freshman year of college
- went to my college, which was where I met him
- left after freshman year
- Best. Boyfriend. Ever
Reaper is one of my best friends. Honest to God, I wouldn't change that for the world. It took us a while to get there. I met him at the accepted students weekend at my college. He told me I had beautiful eyes. After that weekend, we kept on talking. He came with me to my senior prom. We started dating shortly after that. It was a long summer without him. We were inseperable in college. We had all the same friends. He was an awesome boyfriend - always there for me, always said the nicest, sweetest things to me, always wanted me to be happy. We had awesome sex. And then we broke up. We didn't talk for a few months, which was hard cause we had all the same friends. Then we made up...and started sleeping together again. My sophmore year of college, he came to visit and hooked up with my roommate. I stopped talking to him after that. We didn't talk for 8-9 months until before my 20th birthday. Then we became best buds again. He met all my boyfriends in college to give them the seal of approval. He threatens to beat up guys that hurt me. We thought about getting back together a few times, but never did. Right now, I would much rather have him in my life all the time as my best friend than run the risk of breaking up with him and losing him again.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - He did. I was still emo. He thought that if we didn't break up, he would end up marrying me. Says that was the biggest mistake he ever made
Friendship status - He's my BFF. We talk like, 3-4 times a week. He makes me feel better when boys make me feel down. I don't see him half as much as I should. I miss him terribly all the time.

3. Maine Man
- dated for maybe a month second semester of my freshman year of college
- I stomped all over this one
I started dating Maine Man a month or two after Reaper and I broke up. He was friends with one of my friend's (named Robin) boyfriends (named Skullcrusher). They lived across the hall from each other. He looked a lot like the Weston Footballer. He was sweet and innocent. He drove all the way from Maine (where he lived) to Connecticut to get me to bring me to school...in upstate New York. We got him really drunk one night and he couldn't find his way back to his own dorm. None of us helped him home. His heart was totally in the right place, but I wasn't over Reaper. He also had the tinest smallest little weiner...ever. It was sad. If I had known this, I would have never gotten involved with him in the first place. I broke up with him when I was drunk, then slid down a muddy hill on my ass. And not on purpose. I broke the poor boy's heart. It gets better though. He lived with Skullcrusher our sophmore year of college. Skullcrusher was terribly in love with Robin...and she broke up with him. And I went to pick up the pieces. That was awkward. Then one night I went to a party with Skullcrusher and Maine Man and I wanted to go home. Skullcrusher told Maine Man to walk me home. He did and then he told me all the bad things about me. Awesome conversation.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - I broke up with him. I wasn't over Reaper. It just wasn't working. He had a tiny weiner.
Friendship status - He left after first sememester of sophmore year. I think I might have talked to him once since then and he was engaged.

4. The Reject
- Dated him for 3-4 months first semester of my sophmore year of college
- Worst. Boyfriend. Ever.
I started dating The Reject for really only one reason. My grandfather was dying from throat/lung cancer. I was in upstate New York. I was so upset and I needed someone to make me feel better. In addition, I was really sick. I was sleeping all the time and couldn't get out of bed and I had the nastiest worst migraines as well. Because of all my sleeping, I really don't remember much of my relationship with The Reject and that's probably for the best. I was in sad fucking shape, my friends. Enter The Reject. His friend (Kellen) was dating one of my friends (Liz) and that's how I met him. He was short. Like, 5'4". I'm 5'10". We were weird together. He had gotten into a serious car accident with Bootcamp Boyfriend and another friend of theirs. He wasn't a good boyfriend because he did nothing to try to make me feel special. He would stay with me at my college dorm and talk to other girls online about how we were breaking up. Of course, I had AIM logging, so I found these conversations. I went with Liz and surprised him at his house one day. He was on the phone with another girl. He had a really hard time holding down a job. He more or less sucked at life. He's the boyfriend I never talk about becaues it's flat out embarassing that I would have dated him. He started going to the college that The Statie went to...a year after I graduated. From what I hear, he went looking for me and couldn't find me. Because I had graduated. Fucking moron.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - I did. I realized that I needed to be better and I needed to fix myself and he wasn't a part of that. He was probably cheating on me too. Oh, and he was a reject
Friendship status - What do you think? He still IMs Darcy from time to time though.

5. Bootcamp Boyfriend
- Dated him on and off for 2 years, starting my sophmore year of college and ending my senior year. TWO FUCKING YEARS
- He gets in my brain and I can't get him out
- Amazing sex. Totally amazing.
Bootcamp Boyfriend was friends with The Reject, which was how I met him. He was totally charming and totally into me. When we first started dating, he would come to see me every weekend (he lived like an hour away in the boonies). He worked nights, but would still come to see me. One weekend, he didn't come to see me and he was kind of ignoring me. So I got a little drunk and hooked up with this other guy. I came clean, but that was always awkward. When things between us were good, they were great and excellent. I totally loved him. I really did. The end. He sent me flowers when I had to get my tonsils out over the summer. He missed me while I was gone. Then it was time for me to go back to school and back to him...and he stopped returning my calls. He stopped talking to me altogether. He didn't want to date me anymore, I guess? I can't tell you how we got back together, but we did. It might have been because my computer broke and he offered to fix it. We might have been talking by IM? Then we started talking more and more and got back together. My roommates hated him (with good reason) but I tried to make them like him. He would make me cry on a daily basis. He was totally emotionally abusive. I put up with that for two years. I don't even know how. I would only see him on the weekends, as I said. We would talk during the week and he would tell me about the other girls that he worked with and how they were hitting on him and they had bigger tits than I did and so on and so forth. I would cry and feel like shit. Then at the end of the conversation, he would tell me he loved me. And when he saw me, he would tell me how much he loved me and how he couldn't live without me. I bought into that. We kept on breaking up and making up for a long time. The summer between my junior and senior year of college, I started working with a group of people that helped me think the best of myself. I stopped sleeping so much and I lost 25 pounds. My confidence grew. I was strong enough to get out of my emotionally abusive relationship and recognize it as such. I finally had enough in me to get rid of him and move on and be a better person. A better, more amazing person. I wanted my friends back. I wanted to be like I was. He, meanwhile, was dating some girl that was cheating on him. His dad got married and even before my senior year in college and his dad's new wife told me that I wasn't invited to the wedding. I didn't need him. But for some reason, I saw him. He came upstairs to my dorm room, pushed me up against the door and said "I love you still. Always." Uh, what? So we had a thing that didn't go well my senior year of college. It was always like pulling teeth to try to get him to come and see me. The few times that we did though, we had a great time. He would be excellent boyfriend when we were together. He would be not excellent boyfriend...every other time. That math doesn't add up. I met The Statie as my relationship with Bootcamp Boyfriend came to a halt. One of the last days when I was at college, packing up my room before graduation, he called me. He was hysterical in tears. Like, couldn't get the words out tears. He was telling me how much he loved me and how awesome I was and how he couldn't live without me and so on and so forth. I didn't buy it. We then didn't talk for a while until I had this crazy ass dream about him. I emailed him, expecting him to not return my email or anything. He called. He was leaving for Bootcamp. He said he wanted to see me, but since I know him and that most everything he says is a lie, I doubted him. He got mad and hung up on me and that's the last I heard from him. We hated each other most of the time but we had awesome and amazing sex. That might have been why I stayed with him. I'll admit it.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - Pick a time. Sometimes it was him, sometimes it was mutual. The last time and the time that stuck, it was me. I got tired of being emotionally shoved to the floor. I got up, dusted myself off and got rid of him
Friendship status - He was at bootcamp the last time I knew. He has yet to return an email.

6.The Statie
- dated him for just over a year
- went to the state college across the street from my private college
- finally stopped calling me
He was my most recent boyfriend. I fell pretty hard for this one and I don't know why. He was dumb. I took a year of boyfriend detox from him and now I'm much better and much more awesome. He rode in on the coattails of my breakup with Bootcamp Boyfriend. Some of my friends from my school used to go to the state college and introduced me to him. We all would live at the bar my senior year, so that's where I met him. He was always at mug night. We had some playful flirting to start. One night I was down there and I was only going to stay for a beer or two. I didn't have money and I was cranky as shit and I just didn't like people. He saw me as I was leaving and asked me where I was going. I told him I was broke and going home. He offered to buy me a beer. And then another. And another. At about 2 AM, we were going back to his dorm to drink more beer. I ended up spending the night at his place...in his bed. He was in his roommate's bed. I remember calling Reaper on my walk of not shame back to my side of the street. Not long after that we started dating. We had a lot of fun and things were good. There was this girl that worked at the bar that we called (and I'm not proud of this name, but I didn't come up with it) Shovelface. She really liked The Statie. She liked him so much that since State and U had different spring breaks, she told him that they should hang out...when I was on break. I was pretty pissed. He did end up coming back from his spring break early just to hang out with me. My friends liked him, I liked him and all was good. We thought we would have some fling until the end of the year, but it turned out not to be that way. We dated all summer long and I was in love with him. We were in love. But I graduated and was looking for bigger and better things to do with my life and he...didn't finish his degree. He's 2-4 credits short. He's still not done. Although it was cute for everyone to drink a lot in college, the further removed we got from it, the less socially acceptable it became. My family liked him, but he was a drunk. So things started falling apart. He came to visit one weekend and all we fucking did was fight. He picked a fight with me over Trivial Pursuit 90's edition. I can't make that up. We broke up not long after that. He started dating another girl that I call Trainwreck. She was a real upgrade from me: worked in the fish department at Pricechopper, had a baby, the baby daddy was nailing a 16 year old, she just barely had a high school education, etc. I was feeling pretty wounded and saw no reason for him to want to be with her and not be with me. I got over that though. Then The Statie and Trainwreck broke up because she was cheating on him...SURPRISE! That's when the phone calls and texts started. He would call me at all hours of the night, begging me to come back to him and answer his phone calls and send me these emo text messages about how he couldn't live without me and he needed me and so on. I had no patience for that. One night, he called me like, 12 times, no joke. I answered the phone on the 13th time and just yelled at him. Not my proudest moment, but I couldn't take the 4 AM calls anymore. He's since stopped calling which is good, cause I just don't care.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - He did the first time. Then he kept on crawling back and I didn't want him
Friendship status - Not on your life.

Wow. Looking at all of this...wow. I'm a fucking magical person. Each and every one of those dumbass boys helped me get here. They helped me to believe in myself and my general awesomeness. I might hate some of them, but I can't help but thank them a little bit

Ugh

2008-06-21T09:35:00.004-04:00

In talking to The Brewmaster yesterday (because I went out last night with him and Summer), I found out that he had talked to Jimbo about Saturday night and Trogdor's plans. And apparently, Trogdor KNOWS I don't want to hang out with him...and he keeps on asking anyway. I think that's more annoying than him being dumb and not know that I don't want to hang out. It's not even like how you ask someone you work with if they want to come to lunch everyday knowing that she will say no. He has NO REASON to ask me to do anything, but he keeps on doing it. I was so annoyed when I found out. Stop it Trogdor. Just. Stop. It.

Otherwise, I invited The Graduate to come out with Summer and The Brewmaster and I. And surprisingly enough...he came out! I think he had a fun time (I'm talking to him now) and he hasn't said no. I was just inviting him thinking he would have something better to do and he didn't. It was nice to have him there, I think Summer and The Brewmaster liked him. I also got stuck telling a really embarassing story, but I thankfully dodged that bullet. It involved me riding my bike when I was 8 years old screaming "I am Darkwing Duck" and then riding my bike into a tree and wetting my pants. I also might have screamed "I am the terror that flaps in the night!" That's the story. I'm such a winner.

Darcy finds the winners...

2008-06-19T22:30:00.003-04:00

***I put the stuff she copied and pasted to me in italics. I don't know if that makes it better or worse***

Darcy: There's a boy talking to me...
Darcy: He's 21.
Me: what boy?
Me: and why?
Darcy: rides a horse...
Darcy: And his name is gunther....
Me: is he a cowboy?
Me: that's not a real person darcy, you might have dreamed him up
Darcy: Hahhaha... I don't believe so... but he hunts and likes country music.
Darcy: Hahhhaa!
Darcy: well, if you hop on POF, his name is guns.
Darcy: He's real...
Darcy:
guns: how do you feel about people who have speech problumes because i do i get pick on alot
Me: exactly
Me: oh dear...he can't conjuate verbs
Me: darcy, it's time to cut and run
Me: CUT AND RUN
Darcy: Hahaha! Get a load of this...
Darcy:
guns: u can understand me but i slur
D: May I ask what sort you have?
D: Well, it's funny you mention that...My mom is a speech
pathologist.
Me: what did i say? cut and run
Darcy:
guns: i was born with a enlarged tounge had plastic surgery in 6 grade i have improved but still slur since then
Me: an enlarged tounge?
Me: uh, what?
Darcy: I don't know...
Me: i think he's making that up
Me: maybe he slurs cause he's a drunk
Me: and darcy, i say again
Me: cut
Me: and
Me: run
Darcy: Hahaha!
Darcy: You'll love this...
Darcy:
guns: HEY I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY FOR WORK DO U MIND IF I GET YOU
NUMBER HEATHER
Darcy: Yup... He can't even scroll to the beginning of the convo to check on my name.
Me: if i get you number heather?
Darcy: Yup.
Darcy:
guns: by the way your beautiful
D: Well, gosh...
D: That's right kind of you..
guns: ure welcome
Darcy: Yup... I'm BTW Beautiful....
Me: does he know you're talking to him like he's a cowboy?
Darcy: I don't think so....
Darcy: I don't think I did either...

Really?

2008-06-19T11:23:00.001-04:00

Last night, Trogdor IMed me. Again. And he told me that he was going out with Jimbo to some place in Yonkers to see some band play on Saturday night. He wanted to know if I wanted to join him. That would be a big, fat NO. I told him I have plans to take my brothers to dinner (which I do) and I don't know how late I will be out. That part is a lie because I have a ballpark idea. And I'm hoping to make other plans after dinner.

Does he really not get the hint that much? I don't talk to him really AT ALL. EVER. Does he not get that I don't want to hang out with him? What he's doing is about equal to me IMing Dickhole Pete and asking if he wanted to go out. I don't talk to him (but I know why) and he's not involved in my life. The results would be the same: No, we're not friends and back off.

I don't know when Jimbo became the BFF with Trogdor, but whatever. Oh Jimbo, I'll have to have a talk with you and your BFFedness with Trogdor. Even the The Brewmaster is like "Jimbo is going out with Trogdor on Saturday night...?"

We're all confused.

Now, The Graduate and Radio Flyer - get to asking me what I'm doing. C'mon, you know you want to. Should I suggest something for us to do? Probably. Am I going to? Nope. "He's just not that into you" told me that I shouldn't. Let's see what happens.

Epic fail

2008-06-17T16:25:00.003-04:00

Last night Summer texted me saying that Old Man invited her and me and Summer's Husband to a picnic. On the 4th. At Nacho's house. Nope, I don't think so. I told Summer to tell Old Man that I was busy (I probably will be, I'm really popular) and that Nacho can go fuck himself. And he can shove his party up his ass.

I thought Old Man picked up on the fact that something was wrong considering how everything had gone down the weeks leading up to the Nacho fuckhead incident. We were drinking and I know that makes everyone dumb and whatever…but he couldn’t figure it out? And furthermore, Nacho didn’t realize something was wrong WHEN HE WAS A TOTAL ASSHOLE?! I’m sure Old Man said “oh, I’m going to invite Summer and Summer's Husband and Carrie” and Nacho said nothing?! Really? Does he not get it either.

Moral of the story: Nacho, you do not pass go, you do not collect $200, you do not get me at your party and you don't get into my pants.

Radio Flyer!

2008-06-15T12:12:00.003-04:00

Not the red wagon as above, but the actual person. I twittered about my night and that made it kind of awesome. I might have maybe had a few too many beverages. I was okay though. My teacher's band rocked, as usual. My ears are ringing now and I have no voice left, but other than that, I'm no worse for the wear. He was very nice, a little bit more heavyset than his picture made him out to be. I have no issue with that cause I know you want to make yourself out to look hot. I was just saying. He seemed to enjoy himself and was liking the music. We only talked for a little bit cause it was so loud. Darcy went to the bathroom and we had a nice little moment alone. I didn't make out with him. I texted him before he got there that I was a hot mess. Mostly cause I was hot and sweaty and drunk and therefore, messy. He didn't seem to mind or care, which was good. Cause I didn't care if he did care. I haven't heard from him this morning, but that's kind of normal cause he works crazy hours. He's a sports writer in a newsroom and loves radio. So he's awesome. We talked about music briefly and I was buying him beers cause he got a new job and I told him I would. He told me next time the beers were on him. I also made super good friends with the bartender and he was getting me drinks as well. Love the bartender man. So, as usual, the Molly Darcy's experience was awesome. The next show is in late July and I don't know if I can make it. I have a lot of things going on that day.

There also was a strange man there that was dancing like a weeble. You remember weebles - "weebles wobble but they don't fall down". He kind of looked like the weeble in the picture, but only if it had dark hair. This large weeble man was gyrating around and we had to jump to get out of his gyrations. His dancing would have been more acceptable if he had a hula-hoop around his waist. But he didn't. He was just dancing away. He also had a horrible shirt on. But he was interesting.

In addition to the weeble man, there was this crazy former hippie guy there. He had a dirty beard and gross hair and he might have been smelly. But he was humping the speakers. Humping them. Like, crouching down and thrusting. And that was holy awkward. The first time I saw it I thought it was a fluke. Then he did it again. I made everyone watch. He was terrifying. He would come up behind people and be all in their business, watching them and humping them. He went after Darcy. I told her that if we were at a Dead show and we were all strung out on LSD, that might be okay. But we weren't, so it wasn't. It was just awkward

Last night

2008-06-13T15:39:00.002-04:00

So last night I went out with The Graduate. He's really very nice and kind of cute. As the pictures below show, he bought me some beautiful flowers. They smell so good and I was totally shocked that he would do that. Reaper was telling me how totally old school that is and he's right, it is. I don't expect things like that from guys in their 20s now. It really made me smile but then I realized I had to make up a reason as to why I would have them when I got home. They are in my room right now and I smiled really big when I woke up and saw them there.

We talked about music and growing up where we did. He told me about all the traveling that he's done (he's been to Iceland, Australia, India, New Zealand and I think a bunch of other places I forgot), his transfer from Uconn to U of Maryland, his degree in economics...you get the drift. We went to this really tasty chinese food place not too far from where we both live. After dinner, we went to the Greek festival down the street. We walked around for a bit but no one was really there. And I tripped on an extension cord but didn't fall down. Amazing.

We decided to go to the beach because I really wanted to go on the swings. Really. When we got to the beach it was like 9:30ish and all the really sketchy people were there. We walked down to the end of the pier and talked there for a while. Then we walked back down by the water and I stuck my feet in and hoped I didn't step on a piece of broken glass. That's the sort of luck I have. We then found some swings and were swinging for a bit. I cut my toe on a rock. I was bleeding. It was fantastic fun.

We went back to the car and he was really sweet and didn't try anything. He wasn't all trying to make out with me like Dickhole Pete and I really appreciated it. It's not that I didn't want that, but I felt so awkward, so I was glad that he didn't do that. When we left, he said that he would email me today and I was like "oh, okay. later!" and then...no emails all morning. Or during lunch. Finally at like, almost 3 he emailed to say that he was really busy at work and just dropped me a quick note. Relief. Someone likes me. Or something. Who really knows?

Radio Flyer is Saturday night. Now that I have twittered my page, I can update from the bar on Saturday night. Does anyone else think that's a totally fantastic and horrible idea all at once?

More later but...

2008-06-12T23:23:00.003-04:00

Look what The Graduate brought me. Disregard the ugly vase. My mom says that those are Sweet William

This almost made me choke and die

2008-06-12T16:04:00.001-04:00

Me: i've wanted to swing on a swingset for about a month now. i need to find one. but since we live in Greenwich and there's like, no such thing as a park, i'm shit out of luck. i do have a beach sticker, so i suppose i could drive down there and swing on the swings. you need to go with a friend so you don't look like a pedophile creeper.

The Graduate: after dinner, i know where we can find us a swing or two. yeah, i'll leave you guessing. i dont think there is any rule against swinging one hour after eating right?
i sometimes enjoy climbing trees, finding treasures in my nose and going to concerts. well at least two of those three.

Bonus points for you

Some new characters

2008-06-10T15:27:00.003-04:00

I have two new guys. And they both want to see me this week. So here's the rundown. They are suitors 6 and 7, respectively (taking into account Footweiner McLovin, The Hipster, Ryan, Trogdor and Dickhole Pete who were all the suitors before them).

Suitor 6 - The Graduate - I'm calling him that because he graduated from my high school when I was a freshman. He's plenty nice. We've been talking a lot about music and what sort of things we like. He alerted me to a Katy Perry concert in the city last night (which I didn't go to in the end). He wanted to see if I wanted to get dinner sometime this week. He commutes from our hometown to the city every day, so we wouldn't be getting dinner until later. As I said, he's way into music and I like that. At first I thought we would be concert buddies but now I am confused. We'll see how this plays out.

Suitor 7 - Radio Flyer - Lilo called him that because we started talking because of our mutual love of radio. He would get my nonsense rambling messages on Match and just go with it, which I have to applaud him for dealing with. We've been talking online when we can and he amuses me. He's very nice. He's meeting up with me when I'm going out with Summer, her Husband and Darcy on Saturday night. He also suggested dinner this week but I told him that my commute was long (which it is) and that by the time I get home, I really have no patience for anyone. That kind of contradicts what I'm doing with The Graduate, but since dinner won't be until 8, I have enough time to cool down. Besides, Greenwich is far from Brookfield. It would take me all night to get from Greenwich to Brookfield.

Those are the men right now. We'll have to see how this works. I'll be sure to keep this blog updated as soon as I know what's up.

And on a total unrelated side note...every time I turn around, I swear Dickhole Pete's Brother is behind me. He works on the other side of the building so there is a chance he would be over here, but I swear, I see him like 10 times a day. And he's always leering at me or something. Today The Brewmaster and I were at the deli across the street. I was standing there ordering a salad and The Brewmaster whispers to me that I should turn around. I knew what was up though. I refused because I had a feeling it was Dickhole Pete's Brother. And it was. When I was telling The Brewmaster that DPB was everywhere I turned, he didn't believe me. Now he sees what I'm saying. Bastard

And totally unrelated, I found a picture of the man from the Sam Adams ads that I am totally in love with.

From Collegecandy.com

2008-06-09T18:56:00.003-04:00

Both of these links had me rolling. And since this blog is about sex just as much as it's about dating...they had to be posted.

I've had the leg thing happen to me

Cosmo, you've let us all down again

Music makes you lose control

2008-06-09T10:17:00.004-04:00

I was thinking today as I danced around my room getting dressed. I know, I was dancing and thinking...AT THE SAME TIME. That's not the point. I was listening to my old ipod, the one that has old playlists and old music from my computer that I used in college. I had made a mix called "strange love kind of feeling" and so it had all sorts of songs relating to love. Many were from Dave Matthews Band...I was that kind of college student. What struck me though is the songs that I put on there that reminded me of ex-boyfriends and ex-crushes. When those songs came on, all I could think of was that person. So here's the rundown of things that were ruined by exs that I've mostly reclaimed as my own. For some songs, I have no idea why they remind me of the ex. For others - the reasons make more sense.

- Dickhole Pete - ruined "Parade of Punk Rock T-shirts" by Maritime. I was listening to that before I met him for dinner. It's a great song to run to, so I've been listening to it when I work out and thinking of how much of a dickhole he was makes me run faster and harder. Or something.
- Reaper - "Stellar" by Incubus. Since I really don't hate Reaper in any sense of the word, it was easy to bring this one back to me. Actually, almost all of the "Make Yourself" album by Incubus reminds me of Reaper. My copy of that CD got stuck in the CD player in his car and he bought me a new one cause he felt so bad. We went to see Incubus once and it was awesome.
- Bootcamp Boyfriend – I associate him most frequently with Incubus. I think that was the first thing that we realized that we had in common. He burned me a copy of “Crow Left of the Murder” and I had a hard time listening to it for a while because it reminded me of him and also because his writing is on the CD. He also ruined the Lostprophets for a while too. The only song he still might have a hold on is “Last Summer”. I don’t think it’s as bad as it used to be since I don’t talk to him anymore. We used to share a lot of music though.
- The Statie – he didn’t get music. Really and seriously. He liked Jack Johnson, but that is so chill that no one can really change it. He also went with me to see Incubus (twice) but the first time was the time that mattered. It was our one year anniversary and he was being really sweet. Or he was until we met up with some friends of mine (they’re in a band) and The Statie got drunk and was telling them stories of other girls he slept with. That did not amuse me. I was pretty pissed, actually. Since I’m now totally and officially done with him, taking this music back was no problem. I really don’t think of him or talk to him anymore, so nothing much reminds me of him.
- The Engineer – “Lovers in a Dangerous Time” by the Barenaked Ladies. Also “Martha My Dear” by The Beatles. I don’t hear those songs as often as the other ones, but it still brings back memories of me almost being a dirty skank. Good thing I wasn’t.

I feel like there should be more boys on that list, but I guess there really isn’t. That’s okay though. I want a guy that gets music, but at the same time, I don’t because then they take that music away from me. It’s hard when you hear a song and it brings you back to that moment and you think of that guy and your feelings and the smells and the summer breeze or whatever and realize that he was an asshole, you never actually got along with him and that part of your life you can never get back. You know, just as an example.

-

Is that so?

2008-06-08T09:46:00.004-04:00

I was talking to some guy on the Match.com instant message thing on Friday night. I asked him what he did and he told me that he was really good with his hands. He also told me that he tells every he's sexy all the time.

2 strikes and you're out, buddy.

As I told him that I needed to go, he asked if he could talk to me again. No, not really.

Why is everyone so fucking weird?

Guest Blogger!

2008-06-05T21:34:00.000-04:00

This is Summer.

Carrie has graciously allowed me to guest blog…because even though I’m
married, it doesn’t mean I don’t encounter my fair share of creeps.

Actually this post is about one of my closest co-worker friends, who is
anything but a creep. Although he exhibited some creep-like qualities when
we were going for a quick walk around the mall at lunch the other day.

We will call him Hampshire, because his family has a vacation home in New
Hampshire. (I’m not as witty as Carrie with the boy pseudonyms)

So Hampshire and I were strolling around Barnes and Noble the other day and
all of a sudden he asks when the husband and I are going to have kids.

Excuse me???

I mean, he was at my wedding and everything, but still. It really is no one
else’s business. And no matter how close I am with a co-worker, I don’t
think I’d ask them anything like that!

I’m 23. Kids are the LAST thing on my mind. I don’t even like kids. (don’t
hate me for it!). I’m assuming my “maternal instinct” will kick in at some
point and I will want kids, but at the moment, no thanks.

When I said as much, he kind of wouldn’t drop the subject and kept saying
things like “really?” or “why not?”

Are you kidding me? I mean, Hampshire was kind of joking around and it was
all pretty light hearted, but still.

Creepy.

Just because a girl is married doesn’t mean she is ready or wanting to drop
everything to get pregnant…actually I am terrified of it.

Realized something

2008-06-05T10:43:00.002-04:00

This morning, I was doing my normal "dance around my room in my underpants" moment. I had my ipod on and it was playing some playlist that I picked at random. After about 2 songs, I realized which playlist it was. It was the playlist of a mix CD I made in college and gave to a guy. The guy was an engineer (and that's what I am going to call him) and he had a girlfriend. No, wait. He was engaged. And he did not like his girlfriend. At all.

So I made the Engineer this CD and pretty much all the songs said "get rid of your girlfriend and hook up with me". Wow. I almost was "THAT GIRL". I wasn't. I wised up/wasn't interesting to the Engineer before it went too far. I was just thinking this morning of how sleezy that would make me. Granted, he wasn't happy, but it wasn't my job to make him break up with her. In the end, Engineer was just too needy and didn't have a personality beyond the one that he formed with The Girlfriend. Also, Engineer and The Girlfriend have since broken up and moved on.

The Girlfriend is still in upstate NY and she has a new boyfriend and seems happy. The Engineer is in Boston and has a horse-faced girlfriend. He's not happy. He sent me a message the other day on Google chat telling me how much he wished that he hooked up with girls in college and how different that would have made him. He almost hooked up with me several times. Then he almost hooked up with two of my other friends. Then when I returned to my college for the spring weekend after I graduated, I found him wandering the streets holding hands with another girl. And that girl was totally ugly. And annoying.

I can't believe that I would have sunken that low to steal someone else's boyfriend. I didn't, but it almost was a reality. Glad I'm done with that...

And furthermore...

2008-06-03T19:08:00.002-04:00

Going off the post a few down about how Nacho blew me off...who is he to say I'm a slut? Exactly when did flirting become slutty? I would never call myself a slut. Have I slept with several guys? Yes, I have. And although this is the interwebz, I'm not putting an actual number to that. Is it several dozen guys? No, it's not. I can sleep with whomever I want. Fuck him. But not really, cause he's an asshole.

I was talking with a co-worker today about when she stopped liking Sex and the City and she said it was the episode where Samantha gives the Fed-ex guy a blowjob and Carrie walks in on her. When I thought about that moment, I realized that maybe Samantha is the real slut. She hooked up with all sorts of men, none of them that she knew or cared about. That's not to say that I haven't hooked up with people and not cared, but everyone I hook up with isn't a total stranger. And a good number of the guys that make up the number I'm not saying I dated.

I realize now that starting from the moment that I dated my Weston Footballer, he changed things. I misplaced my virginity after junior prom. Probably not the proudest moment in my life, but since that moment, things have been interesting. I realize now that if I haven't slept with Reaper when I did, then he wouldn't be as big a part of my life as he is. If I never dated Bootcamp boyfriend on and off for two years, I wouldn't have been knocked down more than I could get up. But I also wouldn't have found it within myself to ditch him. Every guy, whether I dated him or just slept with him, made me realize something within my self, as corny and dumb as that sounds. Trying to sleep with with Nacho helped me to prove to myself that someone could just want me on the basis of me being hot that night. I needed that. I needed to know I could attractive someone in that horrible bad animalistic way. And I did. We see how well that went. I totally rule.

At least I'm at a point in my life where I see myself as being amazing and awesome and fantastic and fabulous. It took me a long ass time to get here. And I don't plan on leaving anytime soon.

P.S. On the sex note, if I don't have halfway decent sex by August, a mercy killing may be in order. Seriously guys, that marks a year and I might not be able to handle that as a reality. Seriously.

Life lessons from "He's just not that into you"

2008-06-03T11:49:00.004-04:00

- I only need one asshole in my life and I was born with it. Probably very correct.
- Be classy and not crazy. I can handle that
- Don't stalk someone on myspace. That one's a little harder.

Overall, quick and interesting read. I liked it.

Fucking A

2008-06-01T09:23:00.003-04:00

Last night Summer, myself and her husband all went down to Queens to celebrate the Old Man's birthday. We actually ended up having lots of fun...if not for one thing. Nacho was there. And even after every stupid text message and phone call...it was like I didn't exsist. Excuse? Why would you do all of that, act interested and then just drop it? I think it's cause you're a fuck-head. To top it all off, there was another girl there (I call her Nemo) and I didn't know why. I guess Nacho had a thing with her at some point, but they are still kind of in and out of it. I have nothing against her, she's pretty cool. He's a total fucking asshole though. Regardless of what he thought, he could have handled the situation of telling me to come over, telling me to hook up with him and then having another girl be there and him be all about her better. He was really drunk, I mean REALLY drunk, so she'll go to sleep unsatisfied too. I'm just so annoyed that it played out that way. Not because I wanted anything to happen really, but because he was such a fucking dick, that's all. He also said that I WAS COMING ON TOO STRONG. That;s right, me. I wasn't the one trying to get someone to come to my apartment the weekend before. But I was somehow coming on too strong with my mildy suggestive text messages. He also hinted at the fact that I might have an issue in my hoo-hoo. I do not have any issues in my hoo-hoo and if I did, he's got them now. Again I say, what a fuckhead.

And it made me realize last night that I might have given up. I give up. I can't deal with these dumb mind games that every guy I know plays. Just say what you think and feel and you can't be faulted for that. You can be faulted, however, for doing one thing and then saying something else that doesn't jive with the action. I'll give you that last night I was a little tipsy and I donated blood in the morning and I was a little cranky, but still. I stood out on the street and talked to the Brewmaster about it. I was just about crying because it's so emotionally tolling to me to have to play these sorts of games. Why can't anyone be honest with anyone else anymore? Why can't anyone just say stuff as it is? I know I shouldn't be preaching about this, considering my history with Trogdor, but still. I'm done with the mind-fucks and I feel like saying that. I feel like telling every guy I know that I don't trust what they have to say. I just can't do it. I'm 23 and I'm so jaded that it's really sad. I don't know what it was about yesterday that made it all come crashing down, but it did. I've been pretty emo lately on the boy front, but I've had awesome people like Lilo and Darcy and Summer and I just love them and they make me feel fantastic and like I can conquer the world. Probably because I can.

After I had my meltdown in the street with the Brewmaster, I went into the bathroom with Summer and I looked into the mirror and I said "I'm fabulous. I'm so much better than this. I'm awesome and he's not and FUCK HIM!" and it kind of made me feel better. We'll see how that works. I might go and write something like that on my mirror upstairs just to remind me in case I forget.

I also went to the library yesteday and got "He's just not that into you" and I am going to read it. Maybe I will figure shit out now. I'll keep on updating about the book along the way. Maybe it will change my life? Probably not. Moral of last night's story: He's really not that into me and I don't fucking care. Asshole

Jeez

2008-05-30T15:09:00.000-04:00

Dear Egg-shaped head man from Match,
I may have sent you a nice message once you sent me one, but upon further thought, I decided I didn't like you. Please don't send me more messages asking me why. I agree my first move might not have been that well thought out, but I bet you I was intoxicated and I do silly things then. The reason I don't like you is your weird, egg-shaped head.

XO
Carrie

Trogdor strikes again!

2008-05-28T21:36:00.002-04:00

He IMed me and wanted to know the next time we were going to get together. Mind you, I haven't talked to him in weeks and all of the sudden, he's interested in what I'm doing. I told him I wouldn't be free until July (only a little bit of a lie) and maybe we could figure something out then. I'm hoping to keep on distracting him until he stops asking. This makes me a bad person. I am okay with that.

Talking to two boys from Match. Both very nice. Don't know anymore than that.

Ha

2008-05-26T11:07:00.004-04:00

So I went down to the center of town to watch my family pull a float in the Memorial Day parade. And guess who I saw? Footweiner McLovin. I almost died I was laughing so hard. There he was, driving his car with the top down and I'm yelling at Darcy and she's yelling at me. Footweiner sighting!

Last night, Dickhole Pete IM'd me to tell me that Indiana Jones sucked (cause it did) and we talked for a brief moment. I almost called him Dickhole Pete, but I stopped myself.

For crap's sake...

2008-05-24T16:20:00.003-04:00

Last night, I went out with Summer and her husband. We went to the bar in Queens that we like to go to. The gang was going to be back together. Considering my texts with Nacho last weekend, I thought something really interesting was going to happen. If you recall, he wanted me to come back to his place after the bar. I was going to play it like I was going to go with him, but not actually go home with him. Anyway, we walk in, we see Old Man and one of his friends...no Nacho. NO FUCKING NACHO! After all that nonsense last week about me being at the bar and me going home with him, he doesn't fucking show up. He apparently had family in town. Okay, I know family is more important, but he had to have known last weekend that they were coming. What a fucker.

So I texted him and asked him where he was and told him to come back to the bar. Then Old Man texted Nacho and told him to come back to the bar. Then Summer texted him...and told him to come back to the bar.

Around 11:45, I am drunky drunk. He sends me another text because he wants to know where I am. I tell him I'm still at the bar and I'm drunk. Nacho tells me I should come over to his apartment. I tell him he should come to the bar. This goes on for a while. He gives me his address, tells me to take a cab to his place. No. Then he calls me. When I talked to him, he's all like "baby, why aren't you here with me? baby, you should be here blah blah", all sorts of nonsense. I'm dodging the fact that I'm NOT going to his apartment...and then he hangs up on me. WTF man? I'm totally annoyed now at him for being a dick. I shouldn't be surprised by the entire thing, so I don't know why I'm outraged.

Other fun fact I learned was that Nacho told Old Man of his "shortcomings" from the last time I saw him (meaning when his parts didn't want to work). Old Man told Summer's husband, Summer's husband told Summer and Summer was like "yeah, I knew that already". Word gets around fast, I guess. Old Man also told me that Nacho told him to not let him take me home because he didn't want to seem easy or something. At the same time, not only did I not really want to go home with him because he didn't remember me, but I sometimes forget these things and had to tell Summer to tell me to not go home with him. Neither of us wanted to go home with the other? Duh.

Another guy from Match....

2008-05-20T22:40:00.004-04:00

Mike: sooo have u meet anyone from match
Me: just one guy. i call him "dickhole pete"
Mike: lol .3
Mike: why
Me: cause he was a total dickhole mostly. he was the most confusing person ever. he seriously annoyed me
Me: not at the beginning, but at the end
Mike: awww
Mike: im sorry
Me: whatever, i'm totally awesome...and he's a dickhole
Me: so it worked out
Mike: yaaa
Mike: sooo when is ur bday
Me: it's in september
**1 minute, 45 seconds later**
Mike: yaa how long have u been single

I can't make this shit up. He's totally weird. I think it's time to play the "wow, I am so tired and better go to bed now" card. He doesn't believe in punctuation, I guess?

update

2008-05-20T16:46:00.002-04:00

From now on, Chicago would prefer to be known as The Brewmaster. So there you are, Chicago. Brewmaster it is.

Also, I would kind of love to date the bald man in the Sam Adams commericals with the Cahart overalls. I couldn't find a picture of him, but I really wanted to.