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I got some message today from a man that Darcy and I have dubbed Cueball (or Q-ball): "Hey! How's it going? My name is Lenny, what is your name? I live in Meriden. I was reading your profile, I like what I am reading about you, and I think you are beautiful too. =) I would like to get to know you better. Are you looking to date, or for something serious? Well, If you want to know more about me? Write me back. I hope to hear back from you. Lenny"

Now, I think the part that bothers me the most is that he called me beautiful. I know that I can't take compliments, but this guy doesn't know me. I know me and of all the words I would use to describe myself, beautiful is not one. If he had said that I was pretty or cute, I would buy it. But beautiful? C'mon now dude. Also, he wrote "Well, If you want to know more about me?" and it's not a question. I mean, I guess it is in some ways, like if I wanted to know more about him. Which I don't. Because he's sketchy.

Also, in all his profile pictures, he is NOT SMILING. What is with all these people being unable to smile? Is that so much to ask? I didn't think it was, but I guess it is. I don't like people that are unable to smile. A smile says so much...and makes me think you don't kill puppies for fun.

And one more thing...

This idea just struck me. Darcy and I both agree that everyone has a tragic flaw. Here's the run-down of what we know so far about the guys I've talked to:
Brad aka Footweiner McLovin - weird sex freak pervert man. Secretly a 15 year old trapped in a 31 year old's body.
Craig aka The Hipster - actually not hip at all. In fact, he may be so hip he's a circle. Also, he seems to think that I am going to sleep with him. I didn't give him that idea, I swear. He called me a prude and I told him that I just didn't like him. Didn't seem to work. Damn.
Weird wrestling man - still tries to get me to talk to him. Likes the ladiez with strong legs. Is creepy.

And we have a few more players in this game...
Ryan - seems interesting, is a little old (34!) but could play the game. I think I might just straight out ask him what his tragic flaw is. He's been writing me thoughtful emails. I am suspicious. He must be up to something.
Guy from White Plains (I haven't given him a name yet) - he's too funny and witty. Must be gay. Or not actually a real person. I don't know.
Guy in the red suit - he just messaged me on the site. He's wearing a red plaid suit. He's got a picture of him with a big fish. He can't dress himself and he wants you to think he's a manly man. He's out.

I don't really know the names of Darcy's men, but I can tell you that one wanted her to send him more pictures, to which she politely said "no thanks".

I've posted a lot today, but since I had a snow day from work...it's not like I had anything else to do. Feel special. Maybe this weekend will give me a bunch more material!

FYI guys

This isn't happening to just me....

Update on Footweiner Mclovin

Lilo said that Brad should be called McLovin. So Mclovin he is. And he has a footweiner. So...there you go. Last night, we were talking and he wanted to break up with me. We're not even dating and he was trying to break up with me. I was in a state of shock. I wanted to say "you're breaking up with me?!" but I worried that when I said that, he would think that I thought that we were actually dating. Fun fact: we aren't! So he's telling me that we are on 2 different pages and want 2 different things. I want a guy that isn't a weirdo creep ass....and he wants someone to send pornographic pictures to. I can see the difference there. But I wanted to hear his actual reason. He doesn't really have one. He just couldn't handle the fact that I have that picture of him...or something. I think I convinced him to continue not dating me. He said that even when we broke up, we could still be friends and talk. So really...no change in status. I stayed with him for the sake of the blog. He's too good to not talk about. Man, this is an excellent life I am living. You should all feel so special that I would still talk to Footweiner just so everyone can be amused. I almost feel sort of bad about it, but then I laugh. And I don't feel bad at all

Did I also mention that as I write, he's currently about 4 houses down the street from me. He doesn't know where I am, but I know where he is. I think that's for the best, really.

The story of Brad

The other day, I wrote about this guy Brad. He’s very nice and charming in person. Kind of cute in a weird way. He's 31, so I hoped he would be more mature about a lot of things. And then he gets on the internets and the devil takes over, I swear. We’ve been talking a lot, not about anything special. But for a while, I was like “heyyyyyyyyyyy okay then Brad.” That all changed in one magical moment. Brad and I were talking the other night about when was the last time we got lucky. I don’t know WHY we were talking about this, but we were. That might have been my first mistake. Then I got a picture message on my phone. I thought nothing of it, people send me picture messages of all sorts of weird things all the time. I opened it. I’ll allow you a moment to guess what the picture was of. I was hysterical in laughter. WHYYYYYYYY would someone send me a picture like that? I guess he wanted me to see what was up with him. So I’m slightly horrified and trying to get a grip on my life and all I can think is “that’s his weiner”. That’s right. He is soooooo in love with himself that he would do that. And I’m sure he had to try a couple of times to get it just right. That’s the sort of thing you do when you’re in love with yourself.
So I go to bed and I get up the next morning and it’s like I have a burning dying secret inside of me. I’m like, at the point of having a heart attack with my need to talk to Summer. I send her the picture, she laughs. I show a friend or two at work. They laugh. One of them says it looks like a foot and I can see why. It’s sort of taken at a funny angle. I then forward the picture to two more friends and they can’t stand it either. And every time I tell this story, I think “when did this become my life? When did I start getting this sort of stuff on my phone?” It’s all because of the internets. And guys that are trying to get the ladiez on the internets. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by his actions…he’s from the internet. I just found it really bold. I mean, think of all the things that I can do with this picture. And before you ask how I know that it’s really him…you can see his face. Not really clearly…but it’s his face. And his other parts. Ick.
Last night I went online and he was online. He asked if I got the pictures that he sent me. for a moment, I was speechless. I should have said no, but I know that he knows he has the right cell number. He’s texted me before…and not dirty pictures. Instead I told him I didn’t know we were friends like that. He then stopped talking to me. Guess I made him mad.

Darcy, I know it’s your birthday. I hate to break news like this on your birthday…but it couldn’t wait any longer!

Update: there are few things I need to add....
1. There was no subject line on the picture. I think something like "thinking of you" would have been good. Also "hey, it's my junk" would have worked
2. When he asked me what I thought, I really wanted to say "WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER THINK!?" I didn't say that.
3. I had to forward that picture. I HAD TO. How could you not?
4. If he had not shown me this picture, I would have no idea that he is a sex freak. I figured he had some sort of tragic flaw. He's a decent looking guy in his 30's and he's single. I should have known. I guess it's better that I know now. Who knows what kind of situation I could have ended up in if not for this?

More notes!

As of late, I've only gotten one good note. And it's not really good as much as it's just...awkward: "saw your profile and wanted to chat a little....Just a little friendly talk thats all..." Why would you say "friendly talk"? What other kinds of talk are there? Awkward buddy. Just a little awkward.

Then I found some guy that had this written in his profile. I think I am in love: "Hmmm...We would both spend the morning talking to our friends and arranging for them to call during the afternoon, posing as a family emergency so that we could get out if things went terribly awry.We would meet in a public area so that we could assess the situation and confirm that we were both who we said we were and not some ogre with a grade school reading level. That goes both ways, of course. We would probably talk for a while and laugh about the armour we wore under our cleverly adorned and pretentious t-shirts for fear of having our kidneys stolen and put on the organ black market. If the initial encounter was successful, we would migrate to a public but more interesting locale, such as a museum or nice coffee shop so that we could impress each other with our knowledge of useless trivia or our respective caffeine tolerances. Of course we would go Dutch, because I am a modern man who respects your equality and ability to take care of yourself as a modern woman. Also, I am poor. Kind of. Our conversations would be long and snarky, full of obscure references to Calvin and Hobbes or the Far Side.Perhaps we would migrate to a dirty little restaurant (with lots of character and a killer cheesecake) in the East Village, where we would continue our discourse. I would have something with meat in it and have a 16 year old scotch on the rocks after dinner, just because I'm snooty like that. You would order whatever you desired, but hopefully something that I would like, so that I could ask for a bite and exclaim that I should have gotten what you did.Eventually our evening would come to a regretful end. I would offer to walk you home (because I'm a gentleman) and if you said 'Yes', I would actually do so. I would get you to your door and tell you that you looked pretty and that I had a great time and that I hoped to see you again. I'd give you a peck on the cheek and then I'd go home alone because I don't put out on the first date. Unless you really rocked my socks, in which case I would TOTALLY put out. "

God, please marry me man. He also wants to wear a kangaroo as a hat. On his head. All-purpose pouch and all

Darcy found this for me on a profile

"Girls are like apples on trees...The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't so good but EASY. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree!"

Know what else you do with rotten apples? Make apple cider.

Valentine's Day

If one more person asked me today what I was going to do for Valentine's Day, I was going to scream. I'm doing exactly this. I went to work, I came home, I went to the gym and now I'm broken. End of story.

Not what this post is about though. Darcy's fun friend that liked to be put in a scissor hold also sent me a message. When I accepted the message, I did not know that he was the creepy creep that contacted Darcy. He started out by saying that I am tall. I already know this. Then he said that I had long legs. Yet again, something I already know. Then he told me that he liked to wrestle and at that point, I realized that I had somewhere very important to be. I just logged on to the site and he was on again and trying to send me messages. I don't think so, buddy.

There's another guy that got really like, angry at me last night for not accepting his instant message. I've talked to him a few times and he's like, needy and overeager or something. And I have a feeling that he's not the kind of person that I would actually want to spend time with, but I didn't know that until I talked to him a couple of times. Last night, this guy...let's call him Sam, he kept on trying to contact me. And on the POF website, the instant message comes up in its own window. I have the google toolbar, so it kept on blocking the pop-up. I'm not even kidding, the pop up kept on trying to come up like, 25 times. So finally, I just said no, which I didn't really want to do. Then he sent me a note and it was like "why didn't you answer, bitch?" That's why. Seriously dude, I don't have to drop everything to talk to you. And moreover, the reaction he had to me not wanting to talk to him once is like...not okay. Perhaps he was joking, I can give him that. The tone that it came across in the message though...not good.

And then there's this 3rd guy...he bothers me. He also keeps on trying to message me and I really don't want to talk to him. He is interested in the more full-figured ladiez. If he likes that sort of thing, that's great. I'm not claiming that I'm skinny and hot. I don't, however, want to be put in that category, regardless of how true it is. Don't come talking to me because I have an ass. That is not my goal in life. I have a personality, which I think is mostly better than my ass. Also, his profile picture is like, him in the middle of Iraq in his solider get-up with a massive gun. Most certianly not sexy in any way. I don't find guns hot. And you can't even see him underneath all his shit that he has on. Scary, that's what that is.

I've talked to some people that aren't all bad and I wanted to mention that. There's this guy Brad that lives not too far from me that I've talked to a few times. He's smart and funny and a good person. I enjoy talking to him but he doesn't know what he really wants, so it's hard. I also talked to this guy Craig that shares a lot of musical interests with me. He also is rather funny and I think he knows how to take a joke, which I find important. We talked about music for a long time last night, so long that I was up until the early hours of the morning, which I didn't need to do! It's nice to have an actual conversation with someone about something.

The most annoying/fun part of POF is this feature that they have that lets you see who has viewed your profile. It's bad news. You can just keep on refresing the page and see who has been looking at you. Sometimes you can find some interesting people through that, but sometimes it's just really weird creepy people. You want to look at their profile to see who they are, but at the same time, you don't because then they will know that you looked at them. It's a tricky and slippery slope, I would have to say. It's hard to not look. It's a little struggle I have everytime I see that someone new has looked at me. It's like, some fucked up hobby I have or something. Darcy does it too, so I don't feel so bad.

I can tell, you aint crazy

My friend Darcy was kind enough to send me a conversation she had this afternoon with some winner from POF. I know the formatting is funny...but it's a great conversation

L:hi

D:Hi!

L:u look strong

D:Ha? Okay, where did that one come from?

L:its not a bad thing

L: do u like to wrestle?

D: Umm...never have tried.

L: what kind of guy are u looking for?

D: If anything, all the typical traits any person is looking for in arelationship.

L: i see

L: well i need a girl who likes to wrestle

L: and has some strong legs

D: Yeah. Why is that, if I may ask?

L: it turns me on

D: Oh...

D: that's nice, I suppose...

L: well i like getting put into scissor holds

D: Are you a wrestler

L: no

D: oh

L: i box

D: What kinda of person are you hoping to find here?

L: strong, sexy, a nd a great sense of humor

L: and a lady at the same time

L: shes gotta have the legs

D: huh

L: muscular legs

D: right

L: i bet u have em

L: i just like the feeling of being trapped

D: Makes sense...I can understand that...

L: like im on top

L: and her legs are wrapped around me so tight i cant escape

D: Mhmm...

L: is that a good mhmm or a bad mhnmmm?

D: Umm...apathetic?

Just a thought...

So last night, as I was crusing around POF, I thought of something. If you are trying to pick up the ladiez on the internets, wouldn't you at LEAST take the time to spell things correctly? For example, wouldn't you bother to check that when you write "I can be the man of you're dreams" that it would make sense? Furthermore, wouldn't you at least use spellcheck? There was some guy last night that asked Darcy about her gouts (he meant goats, which she doesn't even have). His profile said that he owned his own "bussness". I don't know what that exactly is, but I guess he does. Seriously, I would find it hard to even talk to someone that can't tell the difference between you're and your or their and there. Don't get me wrong, sometimes when I'm writing an IM or an email or something, I will type the wrong one. At least I go back and change it and make it so it makes sense. I realize now that I can't date or talk to anyone that is that stupid.

I haven't had anymore interesting messages, which makes me kind of sad. Maybe something good will happen tonight?

Messages from today

Here's a new feature...I am going to post the messages I get on this site. They are fantastic:

Bachelor number 1: " good morning, you sound like a great woman. id be intrested in getting to know more about you, hopefully you feel the same? you better hurry though, im not getting any younger! lol. sorry about the pics...little blurry...i look 100% better in person!" At the end of this message, there was a green dancing banana. He could have been doing the peanut butter jelly time dance for all I know. This lovely man is 35 and has an 11 year old daughter. That's a big no. BIG no.

Bachelor number 2: "I was passing by and I saw your sweet smile I had 2 stop and say hi". He was probably okay, but his pictures make him look scary. In one, he's licking his lip, like he just ate something tasty. Maybe a puppy?

What are you doing Saturday night?

To be fair, I've changed names to protect...someone.

So last night, I was on the plenty of fish website and this guy sent me an instant message. He seemed not too creepy to start, but HA. I was wrong. So he's like "what's a pretty girl like you doing being single?" or something else that was awkward. And I was like "oh my friend joined and I told her I would join too" and we were talking about stuff and he's like "what are you doing on Saturday night?" and I started laughing. Like, I have talked to this creepy creep for 5 minutes and he seems to think that I am going to go and get killed in a back alley this weekend. With him. So I made something up that I was doing and then I was like"oh look, dinner...gotta go" and he's like "I might not be on later, do you want my cell number?" and I was like "oh no, that's okay. I'm sure I can find you later if I want to talk". Guess what I didn't want to do later? If you said talk to the creepy creep, you'd be right.

He sent me another instant message tonight and I bolted before he could follow up and ask me what I was doing. I can tell you what I will never be doing. I can tell you right now that any guy that thinks that because I'm on this website means that I am going to want to go out with them is seriously wrong. I don't just run away with random people I don't know.

In other news, a man sent me a message. His profile reads like this: "I can not lie I want to date , I want to meet as many people as I can , go as many places as possible , do as many things as there is to do! I like to go out , I like to stay in and sometimes I do both . Most people will say I am crazy and a bit on the wild side , I am . I like to party hard sometimes

Look we all have a past and I am not here to judge you or to be judged. At this point in my life I am not ready for a relationship. and every person that I meet has a place in my future either as a friend a lover a learning experiance , a omg or a omfg , maybe more maybe less its time for me to move on , I am single and dated a little and its time to date some more Dont take this the wrong I aint looking to date hundreds of people ok but I do want to see whats out there ,umm you know fish in the sea or what ever they say please dont bring your nasty drama to my life , if you pop pills, smoke crack do coke or stick needles in your arm stay the hell away , I dont do that shyt at all , I handle my own I might get drunk but I leave my drama in my lil drama box buried in my back yard next to tug my dog. I love kids so I dont care if you have any . if you have a crazy exe boyfriend/husband/girlfriend leave them in your past i dont need that drama either , Please be normal dont e-mail me trying to get money off me or a bus ticket or what ever , be in the new york / ct area , have a job a car and a future ,,,,,,,, be ready to laugh because thats what I do all the time I laugh."

Well, I don't know about you other ladies, but this one sounds like a keeper! He has a drama box in his backyard. I guess I'm out though, cause I have a crazy ex that calls me in the middle of the night crying. He also, like, really, likes, commas. Who can blame him? They are pretty excellent. HE CAN NOT LIE ABOUT HIS PAST. Wow. Keeper. I might send him a message back and tell him that I have my own drama box. It's in my head. And I like to open it up when weirdo men post things like this in their profile.

Seriously, it's almost not fair for me to say anything. They give me all the info I need to just say nothing at all.

That's all for tonight...CARRIE OUT

Starting at the beginning

So, I've been single for about a year. It's been a long year for sure. My boyfriend broke up with me, then wanted me back. I was not going back. So since then, there have been some boys that caught my attention, but none that wanted mine. Then a friend of mine, Darcy, talked to me about this website called http://www.plentyoffish.com/. So I went to check the site out. It looked interesting. I know a few people that have found lasting relationships (and good ones too!) from guys that they have met through sites like this. It's not like I'm meeting men at work or when I go out...and it was worth a shot.
I was on the phone with Darcy the entire time I made my profile. It was an interesting experience. There's really not much that I can say about myself that doesn't make me sound like a lame ass or like Slutty McWhorepants. There is a very fine line between the two. I would want to say things like "I like a man that can cook a good breakfast" and then I thought that it made me sound like I would often be spending the night. I also thought about saying that I was "looking for a good time". We all know how that would play out. So instead, I went with my normal rambling and hoped for the best.
I now give you the stories of my excitement with this website. I only made my profile a few days ago, but already, there have been some excellent characters. There have been two that aren't total creeps. But as the title says, there are plenty more creeps.

The thing is, I’m done with fixer-upper boys. I no longer want to play “flip that boyfriend”. I’m not looking for perfect. I know I won’t find that and I won’t like it. I am looking for someone with not too much baggage. I don’t expect to find someone with no baggage, but someone with slightly less baggage. I need someone that can carry on their baggage. In the airport that is my life, carry on is best. Everyone’s got something, I know this. But if you have that thing and you can carry it with you and not let it change your trip, that’s good. I’m looking for a lot in that aspect, I guess. I’m sure I’m not going to find them on the internets, but you know…it’s possible. At this point, I’m willing to give things I may have written off in the past a try. It’s not like I’m old or anything, but my opportunities to meet people are really limited. In college, there are many boys. And they’re at the bar and in your classes and in your dorms…they’re everywhere! There's people like my friend Summer that somehow managed to find a guy not from college...and she's happily married.

I’m very skeptical about this entire thing. I don’t think that anyone is going to come along, but I’m going with it. I said I would do it with Darcy and here I go. Maybe she’ll find someone. I would really like that.