I don't know where Darcy finds these guys. Actually, I do. But it's like they are seeking her out because they think she will have low standards. Since she's friends with me, she has totally high standards. And these guys are gross. I didn't bother to change his name...cause I don't care enough.
Darcy: Or at least what it's near?
Mattthedragonking: new york
Mattthedragonking: wow you look like ur grandma (note: she's with my grandma in that picture. Don't ask me why she posted that one. But apparently I don't even look like my own grandma.)
Darcy: That's actually my friend's grandmother.
Darcy: It's like I'm in the family though...
Mattthedragonking: ohh
Mattthedragonking: maybe its the angel you looking uh, what?
Mattthedragonking: why would someone look at me from north calorlina
Darcy: Because they're interested in your profile?
Darcy: It doesn't matter where people are from...
Mattthedragonking: i know u view me
Mattthedragonking: but she 53 (Why can't people conjugate anything? Really.)
Mattthedragonking: i dont wanna be calling her mom
Darcy: I mean it's completely impractical, but it doesn't mean you
can't make friends or anything.... Hahhahaha!
Mattthedragonking: wow
Mattthedragonking: your smart and pretty
Darcy: ? Oh... well. thank you. That's very kind of you.
Mattthedragonking: thanks
Mattthedragonking: thats why i dont have a gf
Darcy: oh?
Mattthedragonking: i am to nice
Darcy: I think you're just going for the wrong type of girl....
Darcy: Cause I really don't understand why someone wouldn't
want someone who is nice....
Mattthedragonking: well i had an online gf
Darcy: I mean, who would want to be with a jerk?
Darcy: Oh?
Darcy: What happened w/ her?
Mattthedragonking: i dumped her because her mom said she coudlnt vist it
me
Mattthedragonking: like a month ago
Darcy: How old was she?
Mattthedragonking: 19
Darcy: Oooh.. I see.
Mattthedragonking: ya
Mattthedragonking: she still a child
Darcy: Well, I think that makes sense.
Mattthedragonking: we lasted a year
Darcy: Wow...
Mattthedragonking: ya
Darcy: Did she live nearby?
Mattthedragonking: maryland 260 miles away
Darcy: Oh geez!
Darcy: That's far!
Mattthedragonking: ya
Mattthedragonking: your only 77miles
Darcy: You've already mapped it out?
Mattthedragonking: well google did
Mattthedragonking: i wanted to know where wailton is (Creeper Alert!)
Darcy: Ha!
Darcy: Oh.. I see.
Mattthedragonking: do you like to swim
Darcy: That's funny you mention that....
Darcy: I actually went swimming today for the first time in over 2
years.
Mattthedragonking: wow
Mattthedragonking: thats longer then i have
Darcy: Yeah... I don't really know why I haven't gone....
Mattthedragonking: i dont like the beach
Darcy: We're fortunate enough to have a pool....I just don't like
being wet...
Darcy: Yeah, sand is really annoying at the beach...
Mattthedragonking: so you dont shower
Darcy: Oh funny! I shower. I just don't like getting rained on or
sprayed w/ water or anything like that...
Mattthedragonking: rain
Mattthedragonking: is fun
Mattthedragonking: someone spraying isnt
Darcy: As long as I'm under an umbrella or inside...
Mattthedragonking: ok
Mattthedragonking: do you have aim
Darcy: Actually I do...
Mattthedragonking: ok
Darcy: You're welcome to IM me...I know POF is kinda difficult to
use.
Darcy: at least for chatting.
Mattthedragonking: i will im you there but are you a veggitan (He spelled it wrong)
Darcy: A vegitarian? (And then she did too)
Darcy: Is it a problem if I am?
Mattthedragonking: person who dont eat meat
Darcy: Why, yes... How did you guess?
Mattthedragonking: ok becuz my name is a bit werid
Mattthedragonking: i dont know you just look it
Darcy: I'm not a crazy one though... Oh? Is it... Ikill and eat animals
yum?
Mattthedragonking: cool
Mattthedragonking: are you ready
Mattthedragonking: i am going im you now
Darcy: Yeah, I'm signed on...
Mattthedragonking: i knoww
Darcy: that's fine.
Then he found her on AIM. These are the parts that Darcy sent me. I also left his screename here because it's so fucking weird. So weird.
Chickenkiller52: you look younger then 24
Darcy: Hahhaa...
Darcy: Maybe it's because I work with kids... so I have a 10 year old mentallity.
Chickenkiller52: i hope ur not like that on a date
----------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------
Chickenkiller52: i g2g
Chickenkiller52: if you want i will talk to u later
Chickenkiller52: like the next time i am on
Chickenkiller52: dinner is here
Chickenkiller52: mc doo doos (Does this bother anyone else as much as it bothers me? Mc Doo Doos? Seriously?)
Darcy: Cool.
Darcy: Nice chatting w/ you.
Darcy: Have fun!
Chickenkiller52: i will
Chickenkiller52: eating nuggets
Darcy: enjoy! BYE!
Chickenkiller52: thanks
Chickenkiller52: u want sum
Darcy: That's okay...thanks though!
Chickenkiller52: lol
Chickenkiller52: take care
Darcy: you too!
Chickenkiller52: *****hugs*****
Chickenkiller52: umm can i have a hug too
Darcy: Do I know you well enough to hug you? (Darcy in all her fabulousness is even a bit prudish on the internets)
Darcy: I'll give you a high five though. If you want.
Chickenkiller52: i am not a pick pocketer
Chickenkiller52: hugs are better
Chickenkiller52: ok
Chickenkiller52: fine hi-5
Darcy: Alright... *high fives*
Chickenkiller52: hugs
Chickenkiller52: lol
Darcy: Dude, go eat!
Chickenkiller52: ahha i huged u (He huged you good!)
Chickenkiller52: sorry
Chickenkiller52: i will eat
Chickenkiller52: :(
Darcy: okay.. Later!
Chickenkiller52: pc
Chickenkiller52: peace
Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Quick update, but more later
I just got a text from Nacho. He said that he was sorry that he might have said things about me when he was drunk and he hoped that we could be friends again someday soon. No, I don't think so. I'm not replying to the text message and I bet I will get another one or two before the day is through.
Last night I went out with my aunt and we saw cute waiter man. I have taken to calling him Cheesy Fries as that's what he brought my brothers last weekend. I was formally introduced to him and we talked about Harry Potter. My aunt says that he was kind of psyched to meet me (cause let's face it, I'm the bees knees) but he got all jammed up? I don't know the exact details, but I'll find them out, damnit!
Last night I went out with my aunt and we saw cute waiter man. I have taken to calling him Cheesy Fries as that's what he brought my brothers last weekend. I was formally introduced to him and we talked about Harry Potter. My aunt says that he was kind of psyched to meet me (cause let's face it, I'm the bees knees) but he got all jammed up? I don't know the exact details, but I'll find them out, damnit!
Friday, June 27, 2008
Last night...she saidddddddd
As you might remember, I went out with Radio Flyer last night. He is really nice and he bought me a beer or two and we just talked about stuff. Nothing really important. He noticed that I got my hair highlighted and he told me how pretty it looked. Well, duh. I’m awesome. Not much else happened. He said that we should hang out again. His sister is getting married next weekend and he’s going to be giving her away and I thought that was cute.
Radio Flyer is cute. He’s a very nice boy. But much likeThe Graduate, I don’t know if he can handle me. As usual, after I go out with a boy, I call Reaper. Reaper said something last night that was brilliant…and it was along the lines of I need someone that can be fun with me but know when to bring me back down. I need an edgy rock? Is that what he said? I don’t remember. He's totally right though. I need a guy that can roll with the punches but know when the punching should stop. Or something.
Something else happened and I'm looking for opinions. Reaper thinks it's a joke gone wrong, and I might have to agree with him, but I would love to know what my devoted followers think. As we were leaving the bar, there was a sign for my english teacher's band and the next date they were playing. I was saying how one day Darcy said that they should play at my wedding and all this stuff about my imaginary wedding or something. We somehow got on the 20 year plan and he was like "hey, we could have a 20 year plan" and I told him I already had a 20 year plan. With Reaper. I told him that if something happened between Reaper and I or Reaper was offed, then he could be my 25 year plan. He's like "so I guess that means we're engaged now?" and I said, no we'll be engaged in 25 years. It was just weird, but now that I think more about it, I could see myself saying that. I just found it a bit strange is all.
On Saturday night, I am going out with my aunt to Outback. Where Cheesyfries works. Should be an interesting night regardless.
Radio Flyer is cute. He’s a very nice boy. But much likeThe Graduate, I don’t know if he can handle me. As usual, after I go out with a boy, I call Reaper. Reaper said something last night that was brilliant…and it was along the lines of I need someone that can be fun with me but know when to bring me back down. I need an edgy rock? Is that what he said? I don’t remember. He's totally right though. I need a guy that can roll with the punches but know when the punching should stop. Or something.
Something else happened and I'm looking for opinions. Reaper thinks it's a joke gone wrong, and I might have to agree with him, but I would love to know what my devoted followers think. As we were leaving the bar, there was a sign for my english teacher's band and the next date they were playing. I was saying how one day Darcy said that they should play at my wedding and all this stuff about my imaginary wedding or something. We somehow got on the 20 year plan and he was like "hey, we could have a 20 year plan" and I told him I already had a 20 year plan. With Reaper. I told him that if something happened between Reaper and I or Reaper was offed, then he could be my 25 year plan. He's like "so I guess that means we're engaged now?" and I said, no we'll be engaged in 25 years. It was just weird, but now that I think more about it, I could see myself saying that. I just found it a bit strange is all.
On Saturday night, I am going out with my aunt to Outback. Where Cheesyfries works. Should be an interesting night regardless.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
I'm awesome
Radio Flyer texted me last night and wanted to know what I was doing. I told him I just got home from work (cause I did) and that I was planning on going to the gym. He wanted to ask me out for a drink. I asked him what time and he said that we could meet up at like 9:30 or 10. I don't want to sound like an old person...but that's fucking late. Seriously! I'm usually in my pajamas by 10, so to be meeting someone at that time would be like, hard on me. Also, I wasn't in the right mindframe. I sometimes I have to get myself excited to do things. This is one of those things. So instead we are going to meet up on Thursday night, which should be fine. Then comes the next logical question...what do I wear?
I have to be honest - after I graduated from college, I gained some weight. It's not like I was ever skinny to begin with, but the beer and the pizza and all the other shit I was eating caught up to me. So I had cute "going out to the bar with a boyfriend that I already had" clothes, but nothing to get guys. As I've mentioned, I went to school in upstate NY and it was pretty cold. Everyone wore lots of clothes all the time. You didn't want to freeze to death. That being said, I'm now trying really hard to get the weight off that I put on. Which is a problem because nothing I own really fits anymore. My jeans are too big, but the next size down is too small. So do I wear jeans that are kind of big and hope for the best? Probably. There’s nothing I can do except lose more weight so a pair of pants actually fits me.
And since I'm a girly girl deep down, I have slutty underpants. We all do. Those are the underpants that you wear when you want to feel good about yourself. And if someone happened to see you in those underpants – well, you’d rock them 6 ways from Sunday. I know these underpants do the job of rocking. I’m not getting into how I might know these facts, but I do. The slutty underpants are almost fitting my ass, so that’s good. That’s the plan. Get my slutty underpants to fit and I’ll know that I’m getting back to where I want to be.
I pretty much always ask Summer what I should wear before I go out. She’s got some style and sass and well, I could learn a thing or two from her. And always, when I ask, she says “you need to wear the good bra”. Really? Do I? She tells me every time and it makes me laugh. The “good bra” is a bra I got from Victoria’s Secret. And the reason its good and the big secret is that it has like, little gel things in it that make your boobs look bigger. And feel very real. Much like the slutty underpants, I have received this information from some reliable sources. So I have a couple of those and I ordered a new one that Summer has - but since VS sucks a big one, my order is not here. My date is creeping up on me and I wanted to wear the good bra AND IT IS NOT AT MY HOUSE. I very much want to wear it.
The thing with the “good bra” that I worry about is once I take it off (if that’s happening) will it be that noticeable a difference? Then I think that if some guy is willing to go that extra step with me (god that sounds so not right) he’s not going to care. Is it lying to make my breasts seem larger than they really are? Or is it just giving them a little push in the right direction – that would be the hot direction.
In other totally interesting news, I went out with my aunt and my brothers on Saturday night to the resturant that her boyfriend works at. There was a cute waiter man there. Cute waiter man thought I was pretty. My aunt is trying to see what she can do. C'mon cute waiter man. Give me something good(er) to write about
I have to be honest - after I graduated from college, I gained some weight. It's not like I was ever skinny to begin with, but the beer and the pizza and all the other shit I was eating caught up to me. So I had cute "going out to the bar with a boyfriend that I already had" clothes, but nothing to get guys. As I've mentioned, I went to school in upstate NY and it was pretty cold. Everyone wore lots of clothes all the time. You didn't want to freeze to death. That being said, I'm now trying really hard to get the weight off that I put on. Which is a problem because nothing I own really fits anymore. My jeans are too big, but the next size down is too small. So do I wear jeans that are kind of big and hope for the best? Probably. There’s nothing I can do except lose more weight so a pair of pants actually fits me.
And since I'm a girly girl deep down, I have slutty underpants. We all do. Those are the underpants that you wear when you want to feel good about yourself. And if someone happened to see you in those underpants – well, you’d rock them 6 ways from Sunday. I know these underpants do the job of rocking. I’m not getting into how I might know these facts, but I do. The slutty underpants are almost fitting my ass, so that’s good. That’s the plan. Get my slutty underpants to fit and I’ll know that I’m getting back to where I want to be.
I pretty much always ask Summer what I should wear before I go out. She’s got some style and sass and well, I could learn a thing or two from her. And always, when I ask, she says “you need to wear the good bra”. Really? Do I? She tells me every time and it makes me laugh. The “good bra” is a bra I got from Victoria’s Secret. And the reason its good and the big secret is that it has like, little gel things in it that make your boobs look bigger. And feel very real. Much like the slutty underpants, I have received this information from some reliable sources. So I have a couple of those and I ordered a new one that Summer has - but since VS sucks a big one, my order is not here. My date is creeping up on me and I wanted to wear the good bra AND IT IS NOT AT MY HOUSE. I very much want to wear it.
The thing with the “good bra” that I worry about is once I take it off (if that’s happening) will it be that noticeable a difference? Then I think that if some guy is willing to go that extra step with me (god that sounds so not right) he’s not going to care. Is it lying to make my breasts seem larger than they really are? Or is it just giving them a little push in the right direction – that would be the hot direction.
In other totally interesting news, I went out with my aunt and my brothers on Saturday night to the resturant that her boyfriend works at. There was a cute waiter man there. Cute waiter man thought I was pretty. My aunt is trying to see what she can do. C'mon cute waiter man. Give me something good(er) to write about
Monday, June 23, 2008
Darcy, I love you like no other
Darcy just emailed me this conversation. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. What a fucking creep.
Darcy: Just got home from summer camp.
Darcy: Wow...I totally sounded 5.
F'n Creep: what kind?
Darcy: I was actually supervising some adults who are new to
working with some students I had during the school year... To help with the
transition...
Darcy: I guess it's a regular day camp. Lots of activities the kids do
during the day.
Darcy: It went really well, so I was happy. We'll have to see what
tomorrow brings.
Darcy: Why are you bored?
F'n Creep: well, lonely, orny i guess haha , u?
Darcy: OH... Okay.
F'n Creep: honesty lol
Darcy: Well, it's reasonable.
Darcy: Where did you move to Hartfod from?
Darcy: *Hartford
F'n Creep: vermont
F'n Creep: so ur horny too then? lol
Darcy: I'm sorry?
Darcy: Oh! VT!
Darcy: Not that I've lived there, but it's a beautiful state... My friend
has a lot of family over there...
Darcy: And a cabin in...I think it's called Hubberton?
Darcy: Or Castleton or something like that.
F'n Creep: its a nice place
F'n Creep: what are u packin?
Darcy: What do you mean?
F'n Creep: bra size lol sorry was a crude joke
Darcy: Oh. I see.
Darcy: Sorry, I can be slow on the uptake at times...especially with
sarcasm.
F'n Creep: DD's?
Darcy: Are you seriously asking?
F'n Creep: sure
Darcy: Not to be confrontational, but I barely know you at all. Not
even your name and you're asking personal information right off the bat?
Darcy: In short, I'm not answering that question. You're
welcome to try another though.
F'n Creep: sorry
Darcy: That's fine. I'm not angry..just taken aback.
F'n Creep: sorry, im just attracted to ya
Darcy: Well, there's no problem in that. Anways....
Darcy: Aside from moving to CT what else is there about you?
F'n Creep: love to travel, make love, eat, drink, party, sports
Darcy: Cool!
Darcy: I suppose I should say some things about me, huh?
Hmm...
Darcy: I like being outside, but I'm a homebody too. I like doing
things around the house (although I'm living w/ my family while I finish up
school and save up). Walking the dog, yard work, riding my bike
Darcy: around the neighborhood.
Darcy: I've only recently gotten into the idea of going "out" to a bar
or club. I really didn't start that until a year or so ago. But it can be fun.
And that point, he realized that Darcy wasn't the girl for him and closed the window. Thank god. THANK GOD. Seriously dude, what's your deal? Also awesome? The fact that he's all like "yeah, I want to be on you" and Darcy is like "Really, Vermont?! How interesting!" Love you Darcy. Me love you long time.
Darcy: Just got home from summer camp.
Darcy: Wow...I totally sounded 5.
F'n Creep: what kind?
Darcy: I was actually supervising some adults who are new to
working with some students I had during the school year... To help with the
transition...
Darcy: I guess it's a regular day camp. Lots of activities the kids do
during the day.
Darcy: It went really well, so I was happy. We'll have to see what
tomorrow brings.
Darcy: Why are you bored?
F'n Creep: well, lonely, orny i guess haha , u?
Darcy: OH... Okay.
F'n Creep: honesty lol
Darcy: Well, it's reasonable.
Darcy: Where did you move to Hartfod from?
Darcy: *Hartford
F'n Creep: vermont
F'n Creep: so ur horny too then? lol
Darcy: I'm sorry?
Darcy: Oh! VT!
Darcy: Not that I've lived there, but it's a beautiful state... My friend
has a lot of family over there...
Darcy: And a cabin in...I think it's called Hubberton?
Darcy: Or Castleton or something like that.
F'n Creep: its a nice place
F'n Creep: what are u packin?
Darcy: What do you mean?
F'n Creep: bra size lol sorry was a crude joke
Darcy: Oh. I see.
Darcy: Sorry, I can be slow on the uptake at times...especially with
sarcasm.
F'n Creep: DD's?
Darcy: Are you seriously asking?
F'n Creep: sure
Darcy: Not to be confrontational, but I barely know you at all. Not
even your name and you're asking personal information right off the bat?
Darcy: In short, I'm not answering that question. You're
welcome to try another though.
F'n Creep: sorry
Darcy: That's fine. I'm not angry..just taken aback.
F'n Creep: sorry, im just attracted to ya
Darcy: Well, there's no problem in that. Anways....
Darcy: Aside from moving to CT what else is there about you?
F'n Creep: love to travel, make love, eat, drink, party, sports
Darcy: Cool!
Darcy: I suppose I should say some things about me, huh?
Hmm...
Darcy: I like being outside, but I'm a homebody too. I like doing
things around the house (although I'm living w/ my family while I finish up
school and save up). Walking the dog, yard work, riding my bike
Darcy: around the neighborhood.
Darcy: I've only recently gotten into the idea of going "out" to a bar
or club. I really didn't start that until a year or so ago. But it can be fun.
And that point, he realized that Darcy wasn't the girl for him and closed the window. Thank god. THANK GOD. Seriously dude, what's your deal? Also awesome? The fact that he's all like "yeah, I want to be on you" and Darcy is like "Really, Vermont?! How interesting!" Love you Darcy. Me love you long time.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Ex-boyfriends?
Very excellent article
I was thinking today while I was at the gym about all my ex-boyfriends. All of them. I can't say that I am proud of some of them, but they helped me become who I am now and help me to know that I don't ever want to date boys again. So here's the list of winning boyfriends, in all its glory. I might do a bit of oversharing. I'm just warning you
1. Weston Footballer
- dated for 3-4 months when I was a junior in high school
- played football (duh)
- helped me to misplace my virginity
What can I say about the WF? He is the reason that I started down the trail of "Boy, I love sex!" He was my first boyfriend. I met him at a leadership conference when I was a junior in high school (the fall time). We were talking online a bit before he asked me out on a date. He came to pick me up, he was dressed exactly how I like a man to be dressed and wowed my parents. I can't tell you for the life of me what we did. He bought me roses. He came and hugged me tight when I thought my parents were going to get divorced. Was an excellent boyfriend...before I slept with him. A month or two after that, we broke up...but still had sex. Oops. He would come over to my house late at night and we would go back to his house. I haven't seen him recently, maybe 2 years ago? The last time he saw me, I was working at the bookstore and I had on my emo glasses. He told me I looked like a sexy librarian. He still IMs me from time to time, wondering who I'm sleeping with. He also tells me in great detail about the sex we had, as if I had forgotten. I tried to forget, but he brings it up again. He had a girlfriend that he would cheat on all the time, but it was okay...cause she was cheating on him all the time. He's currently trying to convince his new girlfriend to have a 3 way.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - I think he did. Why? Because he was bored? Because I was all emo? Beats me
Friendship status - IMs every now and again. He lives down in PA
2. Reaper
- dated for 6 months or so between senior year of high school and first semester freshman year of college
- went to my college, which was where I met him
- left after freshman year
- Best. Boyfriend. Ever
Reaper is one of my best friends. Honest to God, I wouldn't change that for the world. It took us a while to get there. I met him at the accepted students weekend at my college. He told me I had beautiful eyes. After that weekend, we kept on talking. He came with me to my senior prom. We started dating shortly after that. It was a long summer without him. We were inseperable in college. We had all the same friends. He was an awesome boyfriend - always there for me, always said the nicest, sweetest things to me, always wanted me to be happy. We had awesome sex. And then we broke up. We didn't talk for a few months, which was hard cause we had all the same friends. Then we made up...and started sleeping together again. My sophmore year of college, he came to visit and hooked up with my roommate. I stopped talking to him after that. We didn't talk for 8-9 months until before my 20th birthday. Then we became best buds again. He met all my boyfriends in college to give them the seal of approval. He threatens to beat up guys that hurt me. We thought about getting back together a few times, but never did. Right now, I would much rather have him in my life all the time as my best friend than run the risk of breaking up with him and losing him again.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - He did. I was still emo. He thought that if we didn't break up, he would end up marrying me. Says that was the biggest mistake he ever made
Friendship status - He's my BFF. We talk like, 3-4 times a week. He makes me feel better when boys make me feel down. I don't see him half as much as I should. I miss him terribly all the time.
3. Maine Man
- dated for maybe a month second semester of my freshman year of college
- I stomped all over this one
I started dating Maine Man a month or two after Reaper and I broke up. He was friends with one of my friend's (named Robin) boyfriends (named Skullcrusher). They lived across the hall from each other. He looked a lot like the Weston Footballer. He was sweet and innocent. He drove all the way from Maine (where he lived) to Connecticut to get me to bring me to school...in upstate New York. We got him really drunk one night and he couldn't find his way back to his own dorm. None of us helped him home. His heart was totally in the right place, but I wasn't over Reaper. He also had the tinest smallest little weiner...ever. It was sad. If I had known this, I would have never gotten involved with him in the first place. I broke up with him when I was drunk, then slid down a muddy hill on my ass. And not on purpose. I broke the poor boy's heart. It gets better though. He lived with Skullcrusher our sophmore year of college. Skullcrusher was terribly in love with Robin...and she broke up with him. And I went to pick up the pieces. That was awkward. Then one night I went to a party with Skullcrusher and Maine Man and I wanted to go home. Skullcrusher told Maine Man to walk me home. He did and then he told me all the bad things about me. Awesome conversation.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - I broke up with him. I wasn't over Reaper. It just wasn't working. He had a tiny weiner.
Friendship status - He left after first sememester of sophmore year. I think I might have talked to him once since then and he was engaged.
4. The Reject
- Dated him for 3-4 months first semester of my sophmore year of college
- Worst. Boyfriend. Ever.
I started dating The Reject for really only one reason. My grandfather was dying from throat/lung cancer. I was in upstate New York. I was so upset and I needed someone to make me feel better. In addition, I was really sick. I was sleeping all the time and couldn't get out of bed and I had the nastiest worst migraines as well. Because of all my sleeping, I really don't remember much of my relationship with The Reject and that's probably for the best. I was in sad fucking shape, my friends. Enter The Reject. His friend (Kellen) was dating one of my friends (Liz) and that's how I met him. He was short. Like, 5'4". I'm 5'10". We were weird together. He had gotten into a serious car accident with Bootcamp Boyfriend and another friend of theirs. He wasn't a good boyfriend because he did nothing to try to make me feel special. He would stay with me at my college dorm and talk to other girls online about how we were breaking up. Of course, I had AIM logging, so I found these conversations. I went with Liz and surprised him at his house one day. He was on the phone with another girl. He had a really hard time holding down a job. He more or less sucked at life. He's the boyfriend I never talk about becaues it's flat out embarassing that I would have dated him. He started going to the college that The Statie went to...a year after I graduated. From what I hear, he went looking for me and couldn't find me. Because I had graduated. Fucking moron.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - I did. I realized that I needed to be better and I needed to fix myself and he wasn't a part of that. He was probably cheating on me too. Oh, and he was a reject
Friendship status - What do you think? He still IMs Darcy from time to time though.
5. Bootcamp Boyfriend
- Dated him on and off for 2 years, starting my sophmore year of college and ending my senior year. TWO FUCKING YEARS
- He gets in my brain and I can't get him out
- Amazing sex. Totally amazing.
Bootcamp Boyfriend was friends with The Reject, which was how I met him. He was totally charming and totally into me. When we first started dating, he would come to see me every weekend (he lived like an hour away in the boonies). He worked nights, but would still come to see me. One weekend, he didn't come to see me and he was kind of ignoring me. So I got a little drunk and hooked up with this other guy. I came clean, but that was always awkward. When things between us were good, they were great and excellent. I totally loved him. I really did. The end. He sent me flowers when I had to get my tonsils out over the summer. He missed me while I was gone. Then it was time for me to go back to school and back to him...and he stopped returning my calls. He stopped talking to me altogether. He didn't want to date me anymore, I guess? I can't tell you how we got back together, but we did. It might have been because my computer broke and he offered to fix it. We might have been talking by IM? Then we started talking more and more and got back together. My roommates hated him (with good reason) but I tried to make them like him. He would make me cry on a daily basis. He was totally emotionally abusive. I put up with that for two years. I don't even know how. I would only see him on the weekends, as I said. We would talk during the week and he would tell me about the other girls that he worked with and how they were hitting on him and they had bigger tits than I did and so on and so forth. I would cry and feel like shit. Then at the end of the conversation, he would tell me he loved me. And when he saw me, he would tell me how much he loved me and how he couldn't live without me. I bought into that. We kept on breaking up and making up for a long time. The summer between my junior and senior year of college, I started working with a group of people that helped me think the best of myself. I stopped sleeping so much and I lost 25 pounds. My confidence grew. I was strong enough to get out of my emotionally abusive relationship and recognize it as such. I finally had enough in me to get rid of him and move on and be a better person. A better, more amazing person. I wanted my friends back. I wanted to be like I was. He, meanwhile, was dating some girl that was cheating on him. His dad got married and even before my senior year in college and his dad's new wife told me that I wasn't invited to the wedding. I didn't need him. But for some reason, I saw him. He came upstairs to my dorm room, pushed me up against the door and said "I love you still. Always." Uh, what? So we had a thing that didn't go well my senior year of college. It was always like pulling teeth to try to get him to come and see me. The few times that we did though, we had a great time. He would be excellent boyfriend when we were together. He would be not excellent boyfriend...every other time. That math doesn't add up. I met The Statie as my relationship with Bootcamp Boyfriend came to a halt. One of the last days when I was at college, packing up my room before graduation, he called me. He was hysterical in tears. Like, couldn't get the words out tears. He was telling me how much he loved me and how awesome I was and how he couldn't live without me and so on and so forth. I didn't buy it. We then didn't talk for a while until I had this crazy ass dream about him. I emailed him, expecting him to not return my email or anything. He called. He was leaving for Bootcamp. He said he wanted to see me, but since I know him and that most everything he says is a lie, I doubted him. He got mad and hung up on me and that's the last I heard from him. We hated each other most of the time but we had awesome and amazing sex. That might have been why I stayed with him. I'll admit it.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - Pick a time. Sometimes it was him, sometimes it was mutual. The last time and the time that stuck, it was me. I got tired of being emotionally shoved to the floor. I got up, dusted myself off and got rid of him
Friendship status - He was at bootcamp the last time I knew. He has yet to return an email.
6.The Statie
- dated him for just over a year
- went to the state college across the street from my private college
- finally stopped calling me
He was my most recent boyfriend. I fell pretty hard for this one and I don't know why. He was dumb. I took a year of boyfriend detox from him and now I'm much better and much more awesome. He rode in on the coattails of my breakup with Bootcamp Boyfriend. Some of my friends from my school used to go to the state college and introduced me to him. We all would live at the bar my senior year, so that's where I met him. He was always at mug night. We had some playful flirting to start. One night I was down there and I was only going to stay for a beer or two. I didn't have money and I was cranky as shit and I just didn't like people. He saw me as I was leaving and asked me where I was going. I told him I was broke and going home. He offered to buy me a beer. And then another. And another. At about 2 AM, we were going back to his dorm to drink more beer. I ended up spending the night at his place...in his bed. He was in his roommate's bed. I remember calling Reaper on my walk of not shame back to my side of the street. Not long after that we started dating. We had a lot of fun and things were good. There was this girl that worked at the bar that we called (and I'm not proud of this name, but I didn't come up with it) Shovelface. She really liked The Statie. She liked him so much that since State and U had different spring breaks, she told him that they should hang out...when I was on break. I was pretty pissed. He did end up coming back from his spring break early just to hang out with me. My friends liked him, I liked him and all was good. We thought we would have some fling until the end of the year, but it turned out not to be that way. We dated all summer long and I was in love with him. We were in love. But I graduated and was looking for bigger and better things to do with my life and he...didn't finish his degree. He's 2-4 credits short. He's still not done. Although it was cute for everyone to drink a lot in college, the further removed we got from it, the less socially acceptable it became. My family liked him, but he was a drunk. So things started falling apart. He came to visit one weekend and all we fucking did was fight. He picked a fight with me over Trivial Pursuit 90's edition. I can't make that up. We broke up not long after that. He started dating another girl that I call Trainwreck. She was a real upgrade from me: worked in the fish department at Pricechopper, had a baby, the baby daddy was nailing a 16 year old, she just barely had a high school education, etc. I was feeling pretty wounded and saw no reason for him to want to be with her and not be with me. I got over that though. Then The Statie and Trainwreck broke up because she was cheating on him...SURPRISE! That's when the phone calls and texts started. He would call me at all hours of the night, begging me to come back to him and answer his phone calls and send me these emo text messages about how he couldn't live without me and he needed me and so on. I had no patience for that. One night, he called me like, 12 times, no joke. I answered the phone on the 13th time and just yelled at him. Not my proudest moment, but I couldn't take the 4 AM calls anymore. He's since stopped calling which is good, cause I just don't care.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - He did the first time. Then he kept on crawling back and I didn't want him
Friendship status - Not on your life.
Wow. Looking at all of this...wow. I'm a fucking magical person. Each and every one of those dumbass boys helped me get here. They helped me to believe in myself and my general awesomeness. I might hate some of them, but I can't help but thank them a little bit
I was thinking today while I was at the gym about all my ex-boyfriends. All of them. I can't say that I am proud of some of them, but they helped me become who I am now and help me to know that I don't ever want to date boys again. So here's the list of winning boyfriends, in all its glory. I might do a bit of oversharing. I'm just warning you
1. Weston Footballer
- dated for 3-4 months when I was a junior in high school
- played football (duh)
- helped me to misplace my virginity
What can I say about the WF? He is the reason that I started down the trail of "Boy, I love sex!" He was my first boyfriend. I met him at a leadership conference when I was a junior in high school (the fall time). We were talking online a bit before he asked me out on a date. He came to pick me up, he was dressed exactly how I like a man to be dressed and wowed my parents. I can't tell you for the life of me what we did. He bought me roses. He came and hugged me tight when I thought my parents were going to get divorced. Was an excellent boyfriend...before I slept with him. A month or two after that, we broke up...but still had sex. Oops. He would come over to my house late at night and we would go back to his house. I haven't seen him recently, maybe 2 years ago? The last time he saw me, I was working at the bookstore and I had on my emo glasses. He told me I looked like a sexy librarian. He still IMs me from time to time, wondering who I'm sleeping with. He also tells me in great detail about the sex we had, as if I had forgotten. I tried to forget, but he brings it up again. He had a girlfriend that he would cheat on all the time, but it was okay...cause she was cheating on him all the time. He's currently trying to convince his new girlfriend to have a 3 way.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - I think he did. Why? Because he was bored? Because I was all emo? Beats me
Friendship status - IMs every now and again. He lives down in PA
2. Reaper
- dated for 6 months or so between senior year of high school and first semester freshman year of college
- went to my college, which was where I met him
- left after freshman year
- Best. Boyfriend. Ever
Reaper is one of my best friends. Honest to God, I wouldn't change that for the world. It took us a while to get there. I met him at the accepted students weekend at my college. He told me I had beautiful eyes. After that weekend, we kept on talking. He came with me to my senior prom. We started dating shortly after that. It was a long summer without him. We were inseperable in college. We had all the same friends. He was an awesome boyfriend - always there for me, always said the nicest, sweetest things to me, always wanted me to be happy. We had awesome sex. And then we broke up. We didn't talk for a few months, which was hard cause we had all the same friends. Then we made up...and started sleeping together again. My sophmore year of college, he came to visit and hooked up with my roommate. I stopped talking to him after that. We didn't talk for 8-9 months until before my 20th birthday. Then we became best buds again. He met all my boyfriends in college to give them the seal of approval. He threatens to beat up guys that hurt me. We thought about getting back together a few times, but never did. Right now, I would much rather have him in my life all the time as my best friend than run the risk of breaking up with him and losing him again.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - He did. I was still emo. He thought that if we didn't break up, he would end up marrying me. Says that was the biggest mistake he ever made
Friendship status - He's my BFF. We talk like, 3-4 times a week. He makes me feel better when boys make me feel down. I don't see him half as much as I should. I miss him terribly all the time.
3. Maine Man
- dated for maybe a month second semester of my freshman year of college
- I stomped all over this one
I started dating Maine Man a month or two after Reaper and I broke up. He was friends with one of my friend's (named Robin) boyfriends (named Skullcrusher). They lived across the hall from each other. He looked a lot like the Weston Footballer. He was sweet and innocent. He drove all the way from Maine (where he lived) to Connecticut to get me to bring me to school...in upstate New York. We got him really drunk one night and he couldn't find his way back to his own dorm. None of us helped him home. His heart was totally in the right place, but I wasn't over Reaper. He also had the tinest smallest little weiner...ever. It was sad. If I had known this, I would have never gotten involved with him in the first place. I broke up with him when I was drunk, then slid down a muddy hill on my ass. And not on purpose. I broke the poor boy's heart. It gets better though. He lived with Skullcrusher our sophmore year of college. Skullcrusher was terribly in love with Robin...and she broke up with him. And I went to pick up the pieces. That was awkward. Then one night I went to a party with Skullcrusher and Maine Man and I wanted to go home. Skullcrusher told Maine Man to walk me home. He did and then he told me all the bad things about me. Awesome conversation.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - I broke up with him. I wasn't over Reaper. It just wasn't working. He had a tiny weiner.
Friendship status - He left after first sememester of sophmore year. I think I might have talked to him once since then and he was engaged.
4. The Reject
- Dated him for 3-4 months first semester of my sophmore year of college
- Worst. Boyfriend. Ever.
I started dating The Reject for really only one reason. My grandfather was dying from throat/lung cancer. I was in upstate New York. I was so upset and I needed someone to make me feel better. In addition, I was really sick. I was sleeping all the time and couldn't get out of bed and I had the nastiest worst migraines as well. Because of all my sleeping, I really don't remember much of my relationship with The Reject and that's probably for the best. I was in sad fucking shape, my friends. Enter The Reject. His friend (Kellen) was dating one of my friends (Liz) and that's how I met him. He was short. Like, 5'4". I'm 5'10". We were weird together. He had gotten into a serious car accident with Bootcamp Boyfriend and another friend of theirs. He wasn't a good boyfriend because he did nothing to try to make me feel special. He would stay with me at my college dorm and talk to other girls online about how we were breaking up. Of course, I had AIM logging, so I found these conversations. I went with Liz and surprised him at his house one day. He was on the phone with another girl. He had a really hard time holding down a job. He more or less sucked at life. He's the boyfriend I never talk about becaues it's flat out embarassing that I would have dated him. He started going to the college that The Statie went to...a year after I graduated. From what I hear, he went looking for me and couldn't find me. Because I had graduated. Fucking moron.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - I did. I realized that I needed to be better and I needed to fix myself and he wasn't a part of that. He was probably cheating on me too. Oh, and he was a reject
Friendship status - What do you think? He still IMs Darcy from time to time though.
5. Bootcamp Boyfriend
- Dated him on and off for 2 years, starting my sophmore year of college and ending my senior year. TWO FUCKING YEARS
- He gets in my brain and I can't get him out
- Amazing sex. Totally amazing.
Bootcamp Boyfriend was friends with The Reject, which was how I met him. He was totally charming and totally into me. When we first started dating, he would come to see me every weekend (he lived like an hour away in the boonies). He worked nights, but would still come to see me. One weekend, he didn't come to see me and he was kind of ignoring me. So I got a little drunk and hooked up with this other guy. I came clean, but that was always awkward. When things between us were good, they were great and excellent. I totally loved him. I really did. The end. He sent me flowers when I had to get my tonsils out over the summer. He missed me while I was gone. Then it was time for me to go back to school and back to him...and he stopped returning my calls. He stopped talking to me altogether. He didn't want to date me anymore, I guess? I can't tell you how we got back together, but we did. It might have been because my computer broke and he offered to fix it. We might have been talking by IM? Then we started talking more and more and got back together. My roommates hated him (with good reason) but I tried to make them like him. He would make me cry on a daily basis. He was totally emotionally abusive. I put up with that for two years. I don't even know how. I would only see him on the weekends, as I said. We would talk during the week and he would tell me about the other girls that he worked with and how they were hitting on him and they had bigger tits than I did and so on and so forth. I would cry and feel like shit. Then at the end of the conversation, he would tell me he loved me. And when he saw me, he would tell me how much he loved me and how he couldn't live without me. I bought into that. We kept on breaking up and making up for a long time. The summer between my junior and senior year of college, I started working with a group of people that helped me think the best of myself. I stopped sleeping so much and I lost 25 pounds. My confidence grew. I was strong enough to get out of my emotionally abusive relationship and recognize it as such. I finally had enough in me to get rid of him and move on and be a better person. A better, more amazing person. I wanted my friends back. I wanted to be like I was. He, meanwhile, was dating some girl that was cheating on him. His dad got married and even before my senior year in college and his dad's new wife told me that I wasn't invited to the wedding. I didn't need him. But for some reason, I saw him. He came upstairs to my dorm room, pushed me up against the door and said "I love you still. Always." Uh, what? So we had a thing that didn't go well my senior year of college. It was always like pulling teeth to try to get him to come and see me. The few times that we did though, we had a great time. He would be excellent boyfriend when we were together. He would be not excellent boyfriend...every other time. That math doesn't add up. I met The Statie as my relationship with Bootcamp Boyfriend came to a halt. One of the last days when I was at college, packing up my room before graduation, he called me. He was hysterical in tears. Like, couldn't get the words out tears. He was telling me how much he loved me and how awesome I was and how he couldn't live without me and so on and so forth. I didn't buy it. We then didn't talk for a while until I had this crazy ass dream about him. I emailed him, expecting him to not return my email or anything. He called. He was leaving for Bootcamp. He said he wanted to see me, but since I know him and that most everything he says is a lie, I doubted him. He got mad and hung up on me and that's the last I heard from him. We hated each other most of the time but we had awesome and amazing sex. That might have been why I stayed with him. I'll admit it.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - Pick a time. Sometimes it was him, sometimes it was mutual. The last time and the time that stuck, it was me. I got tired of being emotionally shoved to the floor. I got up, dusted myself off and got rid of him
Friendship status - He was at bootcamp the last time I knew. He has yet to return an email.
6.The Statie
- dated him for just over a year
- went to the state college across the street from my private college
- finally stopped calling me
He was my most recent boyfriend. I fell pretty hard for this one and I don't know why. He was dumb. I took a year of boyfriend detox from him and now I'm much better and much more awesome. He rode in on the coattails of my breakup with Bootcamp Boyfriend. Some of my friends from my school used to go to the state college and introduced me to him. We all would live at the bar my senior year, so that's where I met him. He was always at mug night. We had some playful flirting to start. One night I was down there and I was only going to stay for a beer or two. I didn't have money and I was cranky as shit and I just didn't like people. He saw me as I was leaving and asked me where I was going. I told him I was broke and going home. He offered to buy me a beer. And then another. And another. At about 2 AM, we were going back to his dorm to drink more beer. I ended up spending the night at his place...in his bed. He was in his roommate's bed. I remember calling Reaper on my walk of not shame back to my side of the street. Not long after that we started dating. We had a lot of fun and things were good. There was this girl that worked at the bar that we called (and I'm not proud of this name, but I didn't come up with it) Shovelface. She really liked The Statie. She liked him so much that since State and U had different spring breaks, she told him that they should hang out...when I was on break. I was pretty pissed. He did end up coming back from his spring break early just to hang out with me. My friends liked him, I liked him and all was good. We thought we would have some fling until the end of the year, but it turned out not to be that way. We dated all summer long and I was in love with him. We were in love. But I graduated and was looking for bigger and better things to do with my life and he...didn't finish his degree. He's 2-4 credits short. He's still not done. Although it was cute for everyone to drink a lot in college, the further removed we got from it, the less socially acceptable it became. My family liked him, but he was a drunk. So things started falling apart. He came to visit one weekend and all we fucking did was fight. He picked a fight with me over Trivial Pursuit 90's edition. I can't make that up. We broke up not long after that. He started dating another girl that I call Trainwreck. She was a real upgrade from me: worked in the fish department at Pricechopper, had a baby, the baby daddy was nailing a 16 year old, she just barely had a high school education, etc. I was feeling pretty wounded and saw no reason for him to want to be with her and not be with me. I got over that though. Then The Statie and Trainwreck broke up because she was cheating on him...SURPRISE! That's when the phone calls and texts started. He would call me at all hours of the night, begging me to come back to him and answer his phone calls and send me these emo text messages about how he couldn't live without me and he needed me and so on. I had no patience for that. One night, he called me like, 12 times, no joke. I answered the phone on the 13th time and just yelled at him. Not my proudest moment, but I couldn't take the 4 AM calls anymore. He's since stopped calling which is good, cause I just don't care.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - He did the first time. Then he kept on crawling back and I didn't want him
Friendship status - Not on your life.
Wow. Looking at all of this...wow. I'm a fucking magical person. Each and every one of those dumbass boys helped me get here. They helped me to believe in myself and my general awesomeness. I might hate some of them, but I can't help but thank them a little bit
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Ugh
In talking to The Brewmaster yesterday (because I went out last night with him and Summer), I found out that he had talked to Jimbo about Saturday night and Trogdor's plans. And apparently, Trogdor KNOWS I don't want to hang out with him...and he keeps on asking anyway. I think that's more annoying than him being dumb and not know that I don't want to hang out. It's not even like how you ask someone you work with if they want to come to lunch everyday knowing that she will say no. He has NO REASON to ask me to do anything, but he keeps on doing it. I was so annoyed when I found out. Stop it Trogdor. Just. Stop. It.
Otherwise, I invited The Graduate to come out with Summer and The Brewmaster and I. And surprisingly enough...he came out! I think he had a fun time (I'm talking to him now) and he hasn't said no. I was just inviting him thinking he would have something better to do and he didn't. It was nice to have him there, I think Summer and The Brewmaster liked him. I also got stuck telling a really embarassing story, but I thankfully dodged that bullet. It involved me riding my bike when I was 8 years old screaming "I am Darkwing Duck" and then riding my bike into a tree and wetting my pants. I also might have screamed "I am the terror that flaps in the night!" That's the story. I'm such a winner.
Otherwise, I invited The Graduate to come out with Summer and The Brewmaster and I. And surprisingly enough...he came out! I think he had a fun time (I'm talking to him now) and he hasn't said no. I was just inviting him thinking he would have something better to do and he didn't. It was nice to have him there, I think Summer and The Brewmaster liked him. I also got stuck telling a really embarassing story, but I thankfully dodged that bullet. It involved me riding my bike when I was 8 years old screaming "I am Darkwing Duck" and then riding my bike into a tree and wetting my pants. I also might have screamed "I am the terror that flaps in the night!" That's the story. I'm such a winner.
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