I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack

Achilles and I have broken up but we're still cool friends. Honestly. So I went back to Match.com because I am a glutton for punishment. There are a couple of nice guys...but these next 3 are teh winners. SERIOUSLY. Also, aside from my editorials, I have not edited these messages or IMs in any way.

Bachelor #1... he sends me a message on match...
Hey you Im Mike.... How are you ???I want to write to you to tell you more about me and what im looking for! Im 29 years old and Im from New Milford CT. I love to smile and I love to laugh!!! and of couse I would always let you win!!!! Its all about having a good time!!!! I work in the dental feild and went to school for business. But for the last few months I wanted to go back to school to become a high school teacher. I bought a condo almost two and half years ago...boy time flys.... I have been just fixing up the way I wanted to be I take pride in everything I do ! I love to go shopping always dress nice but I always love when a girl picks out my outfits the reason behind that is girl knows what looks best on guy right? I am the type that loves to give! I am always spoiling the one care about ..Some are bigger then others but I will always make you feel like a princess!!!Sometime it could be a simple as a home made card or as big as diamonds of course has to be set in white gold
Im about 5'11 brown hair baby blue eyes and I was a football player in High school I love sports and going to baseball games. Im a very ROMANTIC guy but most of the time it just get me hurt in the long run! I love the long walks of the beach and late night phone call just tell the other person how much they mean to you Im a kinda guy that share his feeling and you will know at anytime how im feeling.
I have everything going for my self a great family( i love my family) and friends a great place to live for now im just missing that person to love each and every day Im looking for a relationship something long tream Im tired of the games and dead end relationship I put my heart in to my relationship so i could get hurt easy. I am very romantic guy! And yes I have do have Morals!! Well I hope this gave you little more about myself and I hope you'll right back soon! Please tell me more about your self and what your looking for and I hope we will be in touch! I never do this but if you want and really get to know each other you can text me or call me I am a very easy person to talk to 203-460-1993 My aim is wtfimdumb Hope your having a great week!!!

Mike

What the hell? Did you just give me your phone number? Yes you did. And now I'm going to post it on the internet. Lilo suggested that maybe he's actually a toothbrush since he's in the dental "feild". I don't understand his long ramblings, but I can tell you now...I did not return his message. You are a creeper.

Now let's meet...
Bachelor #2
First of all, the title of his message is "one date guarantee!"
Hi,
One date guarantee: After one date if you are not totally satisfied with me as a perspective partner, you can return me to the pool of Match.com guys AT NO CHARGE!! :-) No annoying phone calls to make, no forms to fill out, no texts to make!

I hope my opening made you laugh, sometimes its hard to get noticed on Match, I am sure you get more emails than you can handle in a day. After reading your profile, it looks like you are looking for someone a little younger than me, but I am just finding most people in their early 30's or already working on their second marriage or are already married to their careers. Since I haven't been meeting the right people I decided to try someone a little younger than me. Most of my friends are no help, they seem to be rarely around due to being on the "couples circuit", LOL!! I am just looking for someone to hang out with, go to dinner with or explore the city with.

Sorry to ramble, I have to cut this short, I need to figure out how to install the Direct TV I just bought, I think I need to run to Best Buy this afternoon....

Doug

WHO ARE YOU? Do you think you're funny? He's like the used car salesman of Match.com. You are not amusing to me. None of the things that you have said are acceptable. Don't try to flatter me with "I'm sure you get more emails than you can handle in one day". I'm on to you. I do not like you. FAIL.

And finally..
Bachelor #3
His first messages to me were awesome. They had me laughing, we share a huge love for Incubus and I thought that he was just awesome. WRONG. I am so wrong. He's just...what the hell dude?

fenderheavy: so what mens fashion do you like?
me: what?
me: you catch me off guard with weird questions
fenderheavy: what you dont like fashion?
me: i don't know if i have an opinion about fashion, actually
me: i like it when guys can dress themselves and dress well
fenderheavy: Haha... I used to work with a woman named wilma... she is 46 and looks like she is 20... we would flip through GQ and compare what we liked
me: haha
fenderheavy: she worked in the city for a small fashion designer... back in the day... she is a rockstar
me:that's pretty awesome
me: i'm not terribly fancy dressed up girl
me: i'm jeans and flip flops roll with the punches girl
fenderheavy: yeah I dress up for work... But I think that I can look good even in a t-shirt and jeans (At this point, I start to think that maybe he likes himself too much. Just maybe)
me: hmmm...
me:it's even lovelier when a guy smells good
fenderheavy: and I start wearing sandals at the end of march
fenderheavy: yes!!!
me: if i could wear flipflops all the time, i so would
fenderheavy: aqua di gio by armani
me:hmm..i'm trying to think if i know what that smells like
fenderheavy: I have cologne on me at all times
me: it's fab when guys smell good
fenderheavy: Watches sunglasses and cologne are my 3 weaknesses
me:haha
fenderheavy: well that and pretty girls
me: those seem like ok weaknesses (No, they are all pretty gay up until the liking girls part. This is when I knew that he was not the guy that I would keep on talking to)
fenderheavy: they are not really weaknesses... just guilty pleasures... do you have any?

That was a few days ago...and then we have today. I had no plans to talk to him, but he IM'd me and I was bored and I kind of had to talk to him.

fenderheavy: OK so are you one of the "Crazies"
me: the what's now?
fenderheavy: a girl who is COMPLETELY out of her mind
me: are you honestly asking me this?
fenderheavy: more like faciously
fenderheavy: but kind of serious.... because so far I have only dated crazies
me: i would go for a solid "no" on that one
me: i can be wacky but i'm not crazy
fenderheavy: ok maybe Ill switch things up and go with wacky
fenderheavy: it sounds fun
me: uhh...?
fenderheavy: so what qualifies as "wacky"
me: i don't know, i'm just silly and i do silly things
me: i say things that possibly make to sense to make people laugh
me: *possibly make no sense
fenderheavy: ok see now we are making progress!!! Actually... That did make no sense... and made me laugh
me: i didn't know that there was progress to be made
fenderheavy: oh yeah
fenderheavy: lots of progress
fenderheavy: If you are ever going to get me in the sack you are going to have to try much harder (FAIL)
me: you're assuming i'm going to sleep with you?
me: really?
me: dude, wtf?
fenderheavy: its a joke
me: even in a joking way - FAIL (Told him)
me: you are strange
fenderheavy: I did not mean to offend you....
me: it's okay
me: just..weird dude
fenderheavy: calm down... It was not meant to be some thing you should freak out avout
me: i'm calm. i'm just saying. weird
me: anyway, moving right along
me: or not
fenderheavy: your still talking to me?
me: do you want me to not talk to you?
fenderheavy: no you just seemed offended
me: a little. i'm over it
fenderheavy: I think that my humor seems more perverted over the internet... and the fact that you dont know me
me: those could be true, yes
fenderheavy: hey it was real fun talking and all but im going get going (This is where he decided that maybe I AM a crazy after all and that he should never talk to me again. I would be fine with that)
me: ok
me: bye

Let me just add that if he's stupid enough to talk to me again, I'm turning that crazy amp up to 11. Idiot.


I wanted to let this blog die, but it's pretty clear that I can't. So I'll be back from time to time. Otherwise, find me here.