Good Lord

Someone last night on match.com "winked" at me. His screenname? Tonsoffun73. Tons. Of. Fun. Why would you pick that to be your name? Oh, did I add that he is a heavyset fellow? I'm not judging him because he's a big guy. I'm not skinny myself. But seriously, "tons of fun" was the name you picked? Seriously?

Also, he's looking for a woman. Between 4 feet and 8 feet tall. Those are his qualifications. I totally make that cut, but seriously? You can't even pick more than that?

He received no winks from me. Sorry buddy

Really?

Darcy: And in other news, I think Chicken Killer is in love with me...
Me: oh no
Me: why do you say that?
Darcy: ahhahahah!
Darcy: Umm... because I'm the 'only girl he's talked to that isn't crazy"
Me: because he's not crazy or anything?
Darcy: Right.
Darcy: oh...I shoulda copied it, but I closed the window before I had a chance to think about it...
Me: damn you!
Me: how could you?
Darcy: it was just fantastic...and these things alluding to us dating or me being his girlfriend...
Me: because that was going to change your mind?
Me: Darcy, you're so not a team player
Darcy: At one point I was like, "You know, i'm not going to date you"
Me: and he said?
Me: OMG, is he related to trogdor?
Me: they both don't get when they're not wanted
Darcy: and he was like..."Why not?" Okay, then I'll ask you in a month...
Darcy: Later he was like, "Has it been a month yet?"
Darcy: To which I said..."You're certainly persistant."
Darcy: And he said...
Me: oh yes, a month is really going to change your mind
Darcy: "What's that mean?"
Me: NO
Me: NO HE DID NOT
Darcy: Yes!
Me: is he a moron?
Me: i mean, i know he's a moron...but really?
Me: really?
Darcy: Well, I think he has an IQ around 90...which isn't impaired, but...well...
Darcy: Really... poor guy...
Me: don't take pity on him
Me: don't be a pity girlfriend
Darcy: Oh goodness, of course not...but I had to tell you!
Me: seriously, if someone used a word in an online conversation and i didn't know what they meant, i would look it up online
Darcy: Well, at least he asked?
Me: i don't know if that's better or worse
Darcy: I really do feel bad for the guy... but he's still okay to talk w/.
Me: really? you think he's still ok to talk with? he's a wreck
Darcy: Well, I guess I don't feel so bad as to ever meet him or give him my #...but you know what I mean...
Me: they like you, darcy. they like you because you're nice and you listen and you care
Darcy: Dude...I'd MUCH rather stay away from Smidge* than Chicken
Me: they don't like girls like me that would be like "you're dumb, go away"
Darcy: You're right...
Darcy: But I do care...
Darcy: But that doesn't mean I will bend to your will.
Me: they don't know that
Darcy: Well I think they (generally) figure it out after butting their head against a wall enough times...
Me: maybe
Darcy: Actually, that's usually one of the easier ways to figure out if they are a creep or not...
Me: oh?
Darcy: Like they're the sad creeps...not the I'm a sex fiend creep....
Darcy: I'll take sad over the other any day also.
Me: a creep is a creep
Darcy: Well, yes.
Darcy: "so I creep...yeah..just keep it on the down low..."
Me: sex pervert or not
Darcy: I don't really know the words to that song...

* Smidge is some other guy that just LOOOVES Darcy. He's dramatically dramatic. Whenever he talks to her, something is going on in his life that would make you feel bad for him, except these things are always happening. So he was in jail, beat his mom, his brother got hit by a car, he got shot at and one of his relatives has cancer. Or something. Darcy, please let me know if there's something I missed. I know I might be mean for saying all these things about this guy I don't know, but there are some things I don't tell to weird strangers from the interwebs.




In a totally unrelated note, Summer has decided that this summer's flirting theme is bartenders. Is she right? Oh for serious yes.

Haha!

After a long break, I'm back trying on Match.com again. Today I got this message from "koolsteve"
am a good guy with a good head on my shoulders. I'm an artist and a creative person. I'm a big guy so if that bothers you I'm probably not the guy for you...but I'm active and go to the gym now so I'm only getting better from here and a former athlete. I work as a graphic designer, and make art in my free time. I hope to pursue a Masters degree. I'm very serious about art and making a good future for myself and making myself better in every way of my life. I have a twin brother who is my best friend. No we don't read each others minds. We're identical but you can tell us apart easily he has longer hair and a beard, we're both artists. I love music and film. I mostly listen to alternative and hard rock music but can pick something I like from every genre. I like to watch sports. I'm a big WWE Fan and I like football. I can get into any sport that's a good match.

As far as what I'm looking for...I just want a nice girl to love me for me. I'm really not picky on appearance, I'm an artist I can find beauty in anything. I want someone I can grow with and have something meaningful. loyalty and trust are very important to me. Someone loving, caring and affectionate is someone i can mesh with very well. I'm an affectionate guy and want a girl that can make me feel loved...I'm a pretty open minded guy. I'm not really a party person anymore. I'm trying to settle down my life. I want someone I can travel with to go on a cruise with and explore the world with. I think relationships are about experiencing things and sharing. I want someone constant someone who will always be there for me. Someone who wants to see me all the time because of who I am not what I can offer or what I look like. I'm def ready to stop dating and be in a long lasting relationship.

Before you ask, I didn't edit that at all. He just sent me that form letter with no other way of introduction. No "wow, you seem interesting" or "man, I would love to get to know you". Nope, he just jumps right in and tells me ALL ABOUT HIM. Also, how many times could he tell me that he was an artist? I get it buddy, you like art. I also like art, but not artists. I went to an art school and I know art stars. Please don't be one. And for someone that is so into art, you would think that he would have some sort of picture up in his profile. But no, he doesn't. Furthermore, how many people do you know that honestly think that twins can read each others minds? When someone says "I have a twin", I would say "wow, that's pretty neat" and move on. I would not ask about their ESP skillz. This guy wants to make sure that I know that his brother has a beard and long hair and NOT ESP. Awesome. Maybe he has ESPN?

F- for you, KoolSteve. I'm moving on.

They are everywhere

Dear Miami,
Thanks for being full of all sorts of creeps. While we were down at South Beach, a strange man strung out on coke came over to Darcy and asked if she wanted to get high, get drunk or "get down". He was all up in her personal space, being sketchy. Good thing Summer and I were there to rescue her. But then, just in case you wanted us to be SURE of your weird factor, there were two strange, dirty men that told us they were homeless. Like that would be some sort of turn on. Darcy has to be all patriotic all the time and had on a USA shirt. They asked her if she was in the Olympics. Fun Fact: Miami is not Beijing. Just wanted to let YOU know.

So, just letting you know...we're never coming back here again. You're so full of fucking creepers. Do they all belong to Plenty of Fish?

XO
Carrie

Le sigh

I leave tomorrow for a fun vacation with Darcy and Summer. Summer keeps on joking that I'll meet someone on the cruise like she did. I doubt it. For some reason that I can't figure out, guys go for her because...she's married? Does that make sense? Nope, it doesn't.

I'll settle for my 4 year old boyfriend instead. At least I know he loves me long time.

Update...sorta

I would update if something had happened. But nothing has. No boys, no love interests, no excitement, NO SEX.

Speaking of that, I've almost gone a year without. Summer's Husband seems to believe that since I'm a girl, I just have to say that I want to sleep with someone and someone will appear. He seems to think it's that easy. It's that easy when you're cute and adorable. It's not that easy when you're not those things. Also, I don't want that anymore. I want a relationship with someone - someone that gets me, someone that appreciates me, someone that wants me. Finding a random guy - he's none of those things.

I'm leaving on vacation soon with Summer and Darcy. The last time the 3 of us went away, Summer got hit on a lot. Like, no one noticed Darcy or I, but becuase of Summer's bling...the guys went after her. I told her that it would be the same situation this time. The guys would see her shiny big rock on her finger and decide that she was the girl to have. I just want to flirt with someone, you know?

And when you speak of flirting...we go back to Boots. Boots. What to say about him? He was talking to me a lot. Like, all the time. And then...he decided he didn't want to talk to me anymore. For no reason. I shouldn't be surprised because he's done that to me before. At the same time, his actions don't jive with his words. I find that so annoying. He needs to mean what he says when he says it. So I called him back a few times over the last almost week and he doesn't answer. That's that. When he decides that he needs me around again, maybe I won't answer. That's what I've been told to do to him. The thing is, I can't be that mean to him. I know I would only be doing to him what he does to me, but I just don't have it in me to be that way. He's got me all confused and I don't know which way is up anymore.

I haven't really been trying...

And I can admit it. I will post more later, but I feel like the wind is out of my sails. I'm just not trying that hard anymore and I don't really know why. Maybe that's because I'm searching for a new job and getting ready to go on vacation and I just don't care. Or maybe it's cause I've just been burned badly by a total asshole. Who knows. I'll think about it and let you all know.

And maybe I can find some time to be funny as well