As promised so long ago, it’s a blog update. It’s not like I have a good reason not to be updating my blog, but whatever. I’ve been busy? No, that’s a lie. I’ve just been lazy.
So where to begin? My parents seem to really like Achilles. My mom asks me questions about him every day – somethings that I do actually know because I’ve been dating him for longer than they know, I pretend not to know. But she says that he’s nice and very sweet and a decent guy and very low key (HAHA) which means that she approves. And I like that. Achilles came over last Saturday when I was making cookies with Darcy and Lilo and my dad talked to him for a bit. That’s weird. I guess my dad wished him luck in the kitchen with us. I was dancing around and being silly and he just sat there and took it all in. He’s a saint. Lilo left and Darcy left shortly after that, so Achilles and I just hung out. After the massive snow storm on last Friday shattered my nerves (and my plan to hang out with Achiles), it was nice just to be with him. He is very comforting and totally sweet and adorable.
Also, I bought him a whole bunch of snacks. He left on Tuesday for his sister’s house in Cincinnati and was going to go without snacks. That’s pretty much unacceptable. I went out with Darcy and Darcy’s Sister for snacks. I panicked about the snacks, even though he told me what he liked. But he was really excited about it and gave me a huge hug and told me how wonderful and thoughtful I was to even do that. Score one for me.
I didn’t expect to see him at all on lastSunday, but my parents and W were going to a party (that I wasn’t invited to!) and he didn’t want me to have PB&J for dinner. So I got to see him again! And we snuggled and he made me dinner and it was lovely. Then I stole one of his t-shirts. I woke a black t-shirt over to his house on Sunday. When I was putting my clothes back on (scandalous!) I put his shirt on instead, thinking it was mine (I was clearly out of it, because Achilles is bigger than me and looking at the shirts, you could tell which one was which) and danced around, asking him if I was as cool as he was now. He told me that no, I wasn’t. I was sad. We ate ice cream in his bed and watched the Simpsons and did nothing. And it was fabulous. I gave him his shirt back as I was leaving, even though it was soft and snuggly and smelled like boy and I liked it…so he told me to take it with me, as long as I give it back. Which I might do. But now I’m excited to have a soft and snuggly Achilles shirt, which I’ll give back to him at some point. I don’t know when though. Score another one for me. I’m up two so far.
But Achilles is gone until Tuesday. So I lose one for that. And it’s not much different than if he was at home, I wouldn’t be able to see him during the week anyway. Knowing that I can’t even see him if either of us had time because he’s not even in the same state is sad. And knowing that I’m so..meh about him being gone lets me know that I’ve really started to fall for him and really started to fully embrace this relationship. That’s so scary for me. I don’t want to get burned like I have before, but I have a feeling like this will be different than others. He was telling his sister about me the other day and said that we get along really well and compliment each other well. I agree with these thoughts – but also felt great that he felt it too. I can’t even explain why I like him as much as I do. And I don’t have to. But I feel myself falling for him. At least now I have the ability to stop myself from falling into a brick wall, which I think I didn’t have before. I’m not going to rush anything. I’m not going to force his hand, I’m not going to bully him into telling me things he doesn’t mean. I’m just going to be with him and see where it goes. And from what I can see – it’s going to go in a perfectly fabulous direction. Seriously. That makes me more happy than anything I could ever say. I feel really lucky now.
Also, he called me on Christmas to tell my that his niece called me a "ho ho ho" (because she's 12 and that's totally what a 12 year old would do) and I told him to tell her that I was going to punch her in the face. I'm charming. So he goes "MY GIRLFRIEND IS GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!" and the important part is that he called me his girlfriend. That's amazing. I tweaked about that for a while.
Okay, done with being sappy. On to my other..issue? Is that what you would call what I’m about to say?
I work at a very small company (there’s only 15 of us, 13 in the office full time) so we all are very involved with each other’s lives. We get to know each other, we talk a lot – we like each other. I mean, we have to. We’re about the size of some screwed up family. There’s this guy that works here that’s Achilles age – let’s call him...Quagmire (as Lilo put it “because no matter how many times you shut him down, he keeps trying to do you”). Quagmire’s office is across the way from mine. My computer screen is angled, so when I look up from my screen and over the desk, I look right into his office. That’s just how things are. I could talk to him from my desk in a normal voice and he would hear me. But Quagmire goes out of his way to tell me things. Like about the t-shirt he just ordered or his guitar that he just got or how he got into a car accident a few weekends ago when he hit some black ice. He FINDS reasons to talk to me about things. He IMs me sites where I can find cheap games for the wii. He calls me into his office to listen to the weezer Christmas album. And it’s just so strange. Did I mention that he looks at my boobs? Like, a lot? I feel like he’s always flirting with me and it’s just…wtf? I know he hears me talk about Achilles (because I do) and I know he knows that Achilles exists. I’m now listed as being in a relationship on facebook!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
So maybe..
So maybe I went over to Achilles house last night and he made me dinner. And maybe while I was there, I took one of his t-shirts. Is that so bad? I just like the way that he smells. But this shirt? So totally mine
Friday, December 19, 2008
OK....
So I'm at work, totally hung over (our christmas party was last night and I drank HARD). I will be updating later, I swear. Here's a few bullets to tide you over...
- weird guy I work with. He doesn't quite have a name yet, but it's coming.
- my parents reaction to Achilles
- me talking myself down EVERYDAY because of my general paranoia
- maybe a little bit about the christmas party at work. because really - why not?
- weird guy I work with. He doesn't quite have a name yet, but it's coming.
- my parents reaction to Achilles
- me talking myself down EVERYDAY because of my general paranoia
- maybe a little bit about the christmas party at work. because really - why not?
Monday, December 15, 2008
Further weekend update
I’ve already posted about how fabulous Friday night was. Achilles = most awesome. But yesterday he topped himself. So when I go out with Achilles, I just tell my parents I’m going elsewhere – I’m going to Darcy’s house, I’m going to Summer’s house, I’m hanging out with Lilo – whatever the case may be. I’m afraid I’m going to slip one day and say I’m going somewhere and then when I get home, I’ll say something else or one of my friends would slip (no fault of theirs though). I decided I had to introduce them to Achilles so I could say that I was going out with him – which would be the truth. He agreed to come and get me from my house – we went to see a movie yesterday afternoon and ended up getting dinner. I brought it up kinda casually. I told my mom I was going to a movie and my friend Achilles was coming to get me. She asked where I knew him from (okay, I made up a lie about that). She asked if where he worked, what kind of car he drove, how old he is (“I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe in his late twenties or early thirties?”) and then, the most important of all questions: was he taller than me?! And yes, he is. That was good enough for her. My mom was really nice to him when he came in, I showed him the giant Christmas tree (we put it up yesterday morning) and we were on our way.
Dinner was a blast – though it shouldn’t have been. We went to this classy burger place in SoNo that’s so excellent. On Sunday nights, some douchebage named PJ is there, playing his acoustic guitar. While we were trying to eat. Did I mention that the kitchen lost our order, so we were sitting there FOREVER waiting for food and the D-bag was playing and I almost lost my shit? I mean, I didn’t care that we waited, I like spending time with Achilles, but FUCK, I was hungry. Our food showed up, we started eating…and then the PJ (known now as the Peege) started playing a song…about playing songs at the burger place. There was a fire of rage in Achilles’ eyes. I snapped at him “ACHILLES! FOCUS! FOOD! EAT YOUR BURGER!” and he came back to reality. But god, Peege – why did you do that? It was terrible. Achilles and I then realized that we got along so well because we hate all the same people! It was at that point that calling someone Peege became an insult. Since then, I’ve been calling him Peege and he’s been telling me that I’ve given him the Peege and it’s taken on a life of its own. And that is fantastic. It’s just one more reason that I like him. He’s awesome.
After dinner (which was on the burger joint for FORGETTING us and making us listen to Peege), he brought me back to my house. I fed him cookies (I was on a baking craze) and introduced him to my dad and my brother, W. My dad didn’t say much of anything, but that was to be expected. I had slipped on Achilles last week to W, so I think he wanted to meet him. My mom was trying to get W to come upstairs from the basement without saying “come upstairs and meet Carrie’s friend”, which was great fun. W is actually going to be doing me a huge favor by keeping an ear out for me and listening to what my parents have to say about Achilles. My mom kind of gave me the 3rd degree before I went to bed last night – where did we go to dinner, who paid for dinner (it was me. The tab was $7. AMAZING), where did he live, etc. She then decided that he was very nice and quiet (HA. NO) and that was that.
This morning she came downstairs and asked me if I was going to be seeing him again. I said that I think we had plans for this weekend and then he’s going to Cincinnati (which is true) and won’t be back until New Years (also true). I think she’s trying to figure out if we’re dating, but I’m not giving her enough information to go on. At least now I can say that I’m going out with him or going to his place when I actually do, which makes my life even better.
My mom just asked me if I heard from my friend. I asked her which friend and she said "you know..ACHILLES?!" and I told her that yes, I did in fact hear from him. And yes, we would be hanging out again. Oh mom, you're so clueless.
Dinner was a blast – though it shouldn’t have been. We went to this classy burger place in SoNo that’s so excellent. On Sunday nights, some douchebage named PJ is there, playing his acoustic guitar. While we were trying to eat. Did I mention that the kitchen lost our order, so we were sitting there FOREVER waiting for food and the D-bag was playing and I almost lost my shit? I mean, I didn’t care that we waited, I like spending time with Achilles, but FUCK, I was hungry. Our food showed up, we started eating…and then the PJ (known now as the Peege) started playing a song…about playing songs at the burger place. There was a fire of rage in Achilles’ eyes. I snapped at him “ACHILLES! FOCUS! FOOD! EAT YOUR BURGER!” and he came back to reality. But god, Peege – why did you do that? It was terrible. Achilles and I then realized that we got along so well because we hate all the same people! It was at that point that calling someone Peege became an insult. Since then, I’ve been calling him Peege and he’s been telling me that I’ve given him the Peege and it’s taken on a life of its own. And that is fantastic. It’s just one more reason that I like him. He’s awesome.
After dinner (which was on the burger joint for FORGETTING us and making us listen to Peege), he brought me back to my house. I fed him cookies (I was on a baking craze) and introduced him to my dad and my brother, W. My dad didn’t say much of anything, but that was to be expected. I had slipped on Achilles last week to W, so I think he wanted to meet him. My mom was trying to get W to come upstairs from the basement without saying “come upstairs and meet Carrie’s friend”, which was great fun. W is actually going to be doing me a huge favor by keeping an ear out for me and listening to what my parents have to say about Achilles. My mom kind of gave me the 3rd degree before I went to bed last night – where did we go to dinner, who paid for dinner (it was me. The tab was $7. AMAZING), where did he live, etc. She then decided that he was very nice and quiet (HA. NO) and that was that.
This morning she came downstairs and asked me if I was going to be seeing him again. I said that I think we had plans for this weekend and then he’s going to Cincinnati (which is true) and won’t be back until New Years (also true). I think she’s trying to figure out if we’re dating, but I’m not giving her enough information to go on. At least now I can say that I’m going out with him or going to his place when I actually do, which makes my life even better.
My mom just asked me if I heard from my friend. I asked her which friend and she said "you know..ACHILLES?!" and I told her that yes, I did in fact hear from him. And yes, we would be hanging out again. Oh mom, you're so clueless.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
WTF, seriously
I'm now kind of off the market (sort of). You all know what I mean. But since that point...I've been getting winks and messages and all sorts of things on match. Like, way more than I had since I met Achilles. WTF? Did all these guys realize that I'm amazing all of the sudden? And yes, I should probably take my profile down or disable it or whatever, but what gives? Only one of the guys seems a bit more intersting than Achilles, the rest are all just...lame-os. I've noticed the kind of guys that I attract are kind of bigger guys, maybe that are secret dorks. Seriously, every guy that's winked at me in the past 2 weeks has been that kind of person. Am I giving off some sort of signal THROUGH THE COMPUTER that says that I'm the hot ticket and someone should talk to me?
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Oh boys...
Last night I had a sleep over with Achilles. It was great fun. We went out to some super tasty Japanese place for dinner (where he mocked me for not being able to use chopsticks and then MADE me eat sushi) and back to his place. We watched The Dark Knight so I could drool over Christian Bale. He's so hot.
Achilles was all dressed up for his company's Christmas party - he was in a suit. He looked...really good. I felt like I was totally underdressed (not for the place that we were eating, but being with him) but he kept on telling me how great I looked and how nice my sweater was and how lovely I was. He's great like that. This morning as I was stretching and rolling around in his bed because I'm a jerk, he told me how much he liked my body. I freaked. I mean, how could I not? I don't expect him or ANYONE to say that. But there I was, all deer in headlights about it. He knows that I don't have any idea how to handle him being so sweet to me. He knows that these compliments blow my mind. And they seriously do. But he's so consistant with his feelings towards me (he really likes me. He told me so!) that I am starting to believe them. Yesterday he was telling me that he liked me because he could relax around me. He liked that I put him at ease. I don't know what it is that I do that makes him feel that way - but I don't really care. I like that he feels that way about being around me. When I'm with him, I feel like I can be off. Somedays, being funny and making everyone laugh and saying clever things is just...it's really tiring. But I do it because that's what is expected of me. When I'm with him, I know that I don't have to have the quickest answer. I know I don't have to try to make him laugh - mostly because I just do it without thinking. It's a very comfortable...whatever it is that we have. I like dating him because I don't have to try to impress him or make myself out to be something that I'm not. He thinks that it's cute that I suck at being really super girly but yet love bags and shoes. He says things to me just to make me smile. Being around him, feeling good - it's effortless. That's scary and awesome all at once. I mean, I can feel how I could really lose my shit over this guy. But unlike past relationships, I feel like I'm in control. I feel like I can hold myself together and not say how much I care until it's right. If we even get to that point, which I seriously hope that we will.
When we got back to his house last night, he took off his suit and I was lying on his bed and he crawled in next to me and pulled me close to him and we just...laid there. For a while. We didn't say anything, we didn't do anything - we just were there. He then sighed and kissed my head and told me that he had a really bad week, but me snuggling up next to him made it all so much better. He wanted to be snuggled, he wanted to have me near him. And just the fact that that simple fucking thing would make things better really shocked me. And made me feel great. He's being honest with me when he says things like that. I know it. I'm turning into gross relationship girl. I really love being around him. I like that me makes me laugh and makes me smile and tells me that I'm pretty and lovely and wonderful and fabulous and so many other things. I like that I don't have to explain things to him. I like that he gets me. I like that he's a little left of center. I like that he willingly tells me everything he likes about me...
me: {on being smacked and sent to bed} i think you can make it
besides, even if i'm not nice now, i'm always terribly sweet to make up for it
Achilles: this is true
me: i know
it's cause i like you
Achilles: i still wonder why, but ok
me: see, i could tell you why
i'm not an information withholder
Achilles: oh i CAN tell you
but i choose not to
gotta keep you workin for it
me: i shouldn't have to work for it, you should just tell me
Achilles:: lol
me: but i suppose that takes all the fun out of it for you
Achilles: i will give you a couple
1. you laugh at my jokes
2. you never shy away from me saying clowntits
3. you have a nice rack
me: good to know that's in the top 5
i guess that's super important? lol
Achilles: oh very
me: you're only giving me 3?
Achilles: for the moment
ok, 1 more
4. youre sweet in spite of yourself
me: i think you should give me 5
because that's a logical number
Achilles: 5. your pocket tastes like tangerines
me: that's just an out and out lie
Achilles: ok ok
5. youre an awesome snuggler
He tells me that I'm so sweet and nice and wonderful to him and I'm not doing anything. Seriously. I'm just..there. It's blowing my mind. I know this isn't my usual snarky self (don't worry, it's coming soon) but god. So cute. I can't take it.
Achilles was all dressed up for his company's Christmas party - he was in a suit. He looked...really good. I felt like I was totally underdressed (not for the place that we were eating, but being with him) but he kept on telling me how great I looked and how nice my sweater was and how lovely I was. He's great like that. This morning as I was stretching and rolling around in his bed because I'm a jerk, he told me how much he liked my body. I freaked. I mean, how could I not? I don't expect him or ANYONE to say that. But there I was, all deer in headlights about it. He knows that I don't have any idea how to handle him being so sweet to me. He knows that these compliments blow my mind. And they seriously do. But he's so consistant with his feelings towards me (he really likes me. He told me so!) that I am starting to believe them. Yesterday he was telling me that he liked me because he could relax around me. He liked that I put him at ease. I don't know what it is that I do that makes him feel that way - but I don't really care. I like that he feels that way about being around me. When I'm with him, I feel like I can be off. Somedays, being funny and making everyone laugh and saying clever things is just...it's really tiring. But I do it because that's what is expected of me. When I'm with him, I know that I don't have to have the quickest answer. I know I don't have to try to make him laugh - mostly because I just do it without thinking. It's a very comfortable...whatever it is that we have. I like dating him because I don't have to try to impress him or make myself out to be something that I'm not. He thinks that it's cute that I suck at being really super girly but yet love bags and shoes. He says things to me just to make me smile. Being around him, feeling good - it's effortless. That's scary and awesome all at once. I mean, I can feel how I could really lose my shit over this guy. But unlike past relationships, I feel like I'm in control. I feel like I can hold myself together and not say how much I care until it's right. If we even get to that point, which I seriously hope that we will.
When we got back to his house last night, he took off his suit and I was lying on his bed and he crawled in next to me and pulled me close to him and we just...laid there. For a while. We didn't say anything, we didn't do anything - we just were there. He then sighed and kissed my head and told me that he had a really bad week, but me snuggling up next to him made it all so much better. He wanted to be snuggled, he wanted to have me near him. And just the fact that that simple fucking thing would make things better really shocked me. And made me feel great. He's being honest with me when he says things like that. I know it. I'm turning into gross relationship girl. I really love being around him. I like that me makes me laugh and makes me smile and tells me that I'm pretty and lovely and wonderful and fabulous and so many other things. I like that I don't have to explain things to him. I like that he gets me. I like that he's a little left of center. I like that he willingly tells me everything he likes about me...
me: {on being smacked and sent to bed} i think you can make it
besides, even if i'm not nice now, i'm always terribly sweet to make up for it
Achilles: this is true
me: i know
it's cause i like you
Achilles: i still wonder why, but ok
me: see, i could tell you why
i'm not an information withholder
Achilles: oh i CAN tell you
but i choose not to
gotta keep you workin for it
me: i shouldn't have to work for it, you should just tell me
Achilles:: lol
me: but i suppose that takes all the fun out of it for you
Achilles: i will give you a couple
1. you laugh at my jokes
2. you never shy away from me saying clowntits
3. you have a nice rack
me: good to know that's in the top 5
i guess that's super important? lol
Achilles: oh very
me: you're only giving me 3?
Achilles: for the moment
ok, 1 more
4. youre sweet in spite of yourself
me: i think you should give me 5
because that's a logical number
Achilles: 5. your pocket tastes like tangerines
me: that's just an out and out lie
Achilles: ok ok
5. youre an awesome snuggler
He tells me that I'm so sweet and nice and wonderful to him and I'm not doing anything. Seriously. I'm just..there. It's blowing my mind. I know this isn't my usual snarky self (don't worry, it's coming soon) but god. So cute. I can't take it.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Ew gross and adorable
Achilles: lol when i look at your status message at the bottom of this IM window...
me: yes?
Achilles: it says "i should stick to butt...."
me: exactlyyyyyyyyy
but the whole statement is even better
Achilles: you love butt
me: your face loves butt
Achilles: depends on the butt
i would gladly stick it in scarlett johannsons butt
me: i know. you've probably told me that
she's your person
Achilles:: nah
youre my person :)
me: awww....adorable
that made me smile
Achilles:damn
you were supposed to say "gross!@"
me: sorry
i mean, EW. GROSS! Achilles, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
me: better?
Achilles:there you go
me: i will be sure to keep my secret responses of happiness to a minimum
me: yes?
Achilles: it says "i should stick to butt...."
me: exactlyyyyyyyyy
but the whole statement is even better
Achilles: you love butt
me: your face loves butt
Achilles: depends on the butt
i would gladly stick it in scarlett johannsons butt
me: i know. you've probably told me that
she's your person
Achilles:: nah
youre my person :)
me: awww....adorable
that made me smile
Achilles:damn
you were supposed to say "gross!@"
me: sorry
i mean, EW. GROSS! Achilles, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
me: better?
Achilles:there you go
me: i will be sure to keep my secret responses of happiness to a minimum
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Conversation with the Brewmaster
Me: when are your real tests?
Brewmaster: first one is thursday
Me: you' re going to spank it and make it your bitch
Brewmaster: thats right. those tests are in for some hard loving.
Me: that sounds like something achilles would say
he came over on friday night and i was walking into my house and he was behind me and then he's like mumbling "oh yeah baby, i would make sweet sweet love to you right now"
and i turn around to be like, WTF?
and he's humping the washing machine
Brewmaster: hahahaha
Me: it was a magical moment
Brewmaster: that is wonderful
Me: he does shit like that all the time and it amuses me to no end. he made up a song called "i'll be your personal dildo" and sings it in a high pitched voice
Brewmaster: hahahah
he's a keeper carrie
he has charmed my heart with his creative vulgarity
Brewmaster: first one is thursday
Me: you' re going to spank it and make it your bitch
Brewmaster: thats right. those tests are in for some hard loving.
Me: that sounds like something achilles would say
he came over on friday night and i was walking into my house and he was behind me and then he's like mumbling "oh yeah baby, i would make sweet sweet love to you right now"
and i turn around to be like, WTF?
and he's humping the washing machine
Brewmaster: hahahaha
Me: it was a magical moment
Brewmaster: that is wonderful
Me: he does shit like that all the time and it amuses me to no end. he made up a song called "i'll be your personal dildo" and sings it in a high pitched voice
Brewmaster: hahahah
he's a keeper carrie
he has charmed my heart with his creative vulgarity
Monday, December 8, 2008
Super Massive Overshare....
…..Which is not to be confused with supermassive black hole, which would be the song that played while all the Cullens played baseball. That’s right, I saw Twilight. I’ll admit it. And Edward Cullen? Absolutely sexy for no good reason. Oh dear do I want him for all the wrong reasons. Him or James. James was HOTTTTTTTTT.
But this post is not about Twilight (but it could be). But it won’t be. Post is about..the drought. Being over. Oh yes, the year and a half or so without…is over. Whoo! I got some! Whoo!!! It’s an overshare of large proportions, but I had to share. How could I not? And there are so many things I could say about the large proportions thing..and Achilles. I won't. But know that there could be a relationship between the two. HINT.
Achilles made it happen. I mean, we both knew it was going to happen and whatever. That’s fine. So on Friday, I had the house to myself. My parents and brother were out seeing Tim McGraw and I was alone (yes, I still live at home. It’s not because I want to, it’s because I’m DEAD ASS BROKE). I told Achilles he HAD to come over because, hello, it was an acceptable time to come to my house. No one else was around. He didn’t have to be exposed to all the crazy. I had an minor meltdown on Friday (but I recovered, mostly) and during the day, one of my coworkers bought me ice cream. Because he is AWESOME. I was telling Achilles about how that ice cream made my day better. Achilles one upped him. He came over, with HALF BAKED ice cream…and condoms. It was sexy. He goes “I brought you presents!” and I danced around the kitchen. I was so excited about the ice cream, I didn’t notice anything else in the bag. He told me to look again and huzzah, protected sex would be had! I told him the lady at CVS must have known that he meant business, what with serious ice cream and serious condoms. We both had a good laugh. He is wonderous. Friday was pretty excellent, I tried to get him to stay with me because it was fucking cold in my house and sometimes, when I’m home by myself, I get all nervous pervous about things that don’t exist. He didn’t spend the night with me though. I do have a tiny bed and we both would have slept like shit. His bed though? Totally awesome and comfortable. I want to stay there.
I made pie with Lilo on Saturday because we are amazing bakemastery all-stars. I was texting Achilles, telling him to be jealous of my pie. Which turned into a totally inappropriate conversation about my pie. How could it not? Yesterday, I brought him some maple pecan pie because he asked so nicely for it. We sat in his bed, all snuggled up, eating pie. It was great – it was cold and snowy outside, we were all snuggled and gross and adorable inside – it was just what I needed.
Achilles really makes me feel good about myself. So in a previous post where I said that I would have to take massive xanax or be so shitty drunk to take off my clothes – that wasn’t my reality. I just…I did it. I didn’t freak out (much) about being nakeeeeeeed in front of him. He makes me feel like I’m just…wonderful. I know that’s the way it’s SUPPOSED to be, that’s how good relationships work. But that’s really never been the way that relationships work for me. Achilles is a totally different experience than I know what to do with. But Achilles still has enough jerk in him to make me like him. If he was nice all the time, I wouldn’t be able to handle that. He’s still funny and makes me smile. And he’s been determined to stick his finger in my nose. I’m not sure why, exactly, but it’s okay. I don’t mind. I like that I can be like that with him and it’s okay.
I also think my parents are starting to suspect that I’m up to something. I’m telling them that I am going other places or going out with other people when I go out with Achilles. I just don’t know how to tell them exactly what I’m up to. It has nothing to do with who Achilles is. I adore him and I really do want to share him with the people that care about me. But I know that they don’t know how to act. They will tweak that he’s 9 years older than me. I don’t ever really notice that he is. We’re very much alike and I just don’t ever really see the difference between us. They would totally fly off the handle when/if they found out how I met him. And that’s the dumbest part. I’ve posted about it before, but so many girls, girls that are way prettier and more awesome than I am, are finding guys on Match.com. That’s just what happens when you get tired of meeting guys in bars, not working with any men and having lots of married friends (sorry Summer and Lilo). I know many people that have done it and it’s no reason to hide it. But because my family is fucking BATSHIT insane, there’s nothing I can do. I was telling Achilles this yesterday because he told me that I just should tell them what’s up. I’m thinking it might be best to just spring it on them. They won’t have time to react, they won’t have time to think and I’ll make them see that he’s really lovely and fabulous.
But this post is not about Twilight (but it could be). But it won’t be. Post is about..the drought. Being over. Oh yes, the year and a half or so without…is over. Whoo! I got some! Whoo!!! It’s an overshare of large proportions, but I had to share. How could I not? And there are so many things I could say about the large proportions thing..and Achilles. I won't. But know that there could be a relationship between the two. HINT.
Achilles made it happen. I mean, we both knew it was going to happen and whatever. That’s fine. So on Friday, I had the house to myself. My parents and brother were out seeing Tim McGraw and I was alone (yes, I still live at home. It’s not because I want to, it’s because I’m DEAD ASS BROKE). I told Achilles he HAD to come over because, hello, it was an acceptable time to come to my house. No one else was around. He didn’t have to be exposed to all the crazy. I had an minor meltdown on Friday (but I recovered, mostly) and during the day, one of my coworkers bought me ice cream. Because he is AWESOME. I was telling Achilles about how that ice cream made my day better. Achilles one upped him. He came over, with HALF BAKED ice cream…and condoms. It was sexy. He goes “I brought you presents!” and I danced around the kitchen. I was so excited about the ice cream, I didn’t notice anything else in the bag. He told me to look again and huzzah, protected sex would be had! I told him the lady at CVS must have known that he meant business, what with serious ice cream and serious condoms. We both had a good laugh. He is wonderous. Friday was pretty excellent, I tried to get him to stay with me because it was fucking cold in my house and sometimes, when I’m home by myself, I get all nervous pervous about things that don’t exist. He didn’t spend the night with me though. I do have a tiny bed and we both would have slept like shit. His bed though? Totally awesome and comfortable. I want to stay there.
I made pie with Lilo on Saturday because we are amazing bakemastery all-stars. I was texting Achilles, telling him to be jealous of my pie. Which turned into a totally inappropriate conversation about my pie. How could it not? Yesterday, I brought him some maple pecan pie because he asked so nicely for it. We sat in his bed, all snuggled up, eating pie. It was great – it was cold and snowy outside, we were all snuggled and gross and adorable inside – it was just what I needed.
Achilles really makes me feel good about myself. So in a previous post where I said that I would have to take massive xanax or be so shitty drunk to take off my clothes – that wasn’t my reality. I just…I did it. I didn’t freak out (much) about being nakeeeeeeed in front of him. He makes me feel like I’m just…wonderful. I know that’s the way it’s SUPPOSED to be, that’s how good relationships work. But that’s really never been the way that relationships work for me. Achilles is a totally different experience than I know what to do with. But Achilles still has enough jerk in him to make me like him. If he was nice all the time, I wouldn’t be able to handle that. He’s still funny and makes me smile. And he’s been determined to stick his finger in my nose. I’m not sure why, exactly, but it’s okay. I don’t mind. I like that I can be like that with him and it’s okay.
I also think my parents are starting to suspect that I’m up to something. I’m telling them that I am going other places or going out with other people when I go out with Achilles. I just don’t know how to tell them exactly what I’m up to. It has nothing to do with who Achilles is. I adore him and I really do want to share him with the people that care about me. But I know that they don’t know how to act. They will tweak that he’s 9 years older than me. I don’t ever really notice that he is. We’re very much alike and I just don’t ever really see the difference between us. They would totally fly off the handle when/if they found out how I met him. And that’s the dumbest part. I’ve posted about it before, but so many girls, girls that are way prettier and more awesome than I am, are finding guys on Match.com. That’s just what happens when you get tired of meeting guys in bars, not working with any men and having lots of married friends (sorry Summer and Lilo). I know many people that have done it and it’s no reason to hide it. But because my family is fucking BATSHIT insane, there’s nothing I can do. I was telling Achilles this yesterday because he told me that I just should tell them what’s up. I’m thinking it might be best to just spring it on them. They won’t have time to react, they won’t have time to think and I’ll make them see that he’s really lovely and fabulous.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Being a dumb girl, being a dumb girl
Last night, I was going over to one of my old co-worker's houses. LB has a son that's 4, JB. I LOVE HIM. He's cute and adorable and so so so blonde. And he loves me. A lot. He told me we could get married as long as we didn't have to dance at the wedding. I call him my boyfriend JB because that's so what he is. He asks LB about me. We hold hands. You know, that sort of thing. I was texting Achilles last night as I was driving to LB's house (I know, I'm not supposed to do that, but I did) and he asked me if I was going to see my "other boyfriend". WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!?! I talked about it with Lilo ALL DAMN DAY. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!
Lilo believes that that means that Achilles...is my boyfriend. Which is a weird thing to think and to say. And both Lilo and Summer agree that I should just ask him. I would feel like a total tool being like "uhh...so you're my boyfriend now?" My plan was to wait until he introduces me to some of his friends and see what he says. That might not be for a while...so we see how this plan has faults. But that's about as far as I got. Lilo insists that Achilles, if he wasn't my boyfriend already, will LOVE to be my boyfriend.
I am in a panic. Why?
There's no good reason why. I just am. I guess because asking him that question makes me vunerable for the first time since I've known him. We've talked about things that are deep and not surface stuff...but they haven't been about feelings towards each other. And to vocalize something that I want and I'm pretty sure he wants scares the shit out of me. I am so dumb. I need to stop. I like him. I really and honestly do. I'm not just saying that I do because I want to be with someone. I'm saying that because I feel like he's a good match (ha, dumb!) for me. He's smart and very funny and can keep up with me. And as So@24 says , us girls that might be funny (at least I think I am) should not settle for guys that are not funny. (In unrelated side notes, the blog he mentions, whatclaudiawore, is fucking AMAZING. She's great. I want to BE her. Also, I referenced this blog post in my conversation last night with Achilles. You know you have a problem with blogs when you talk about them IN REAL LIFE AS IF THEY ARE A CONVERSATION YOU HAD. So, props to you, So@24. Your blog is now a part of my life.) He makes me laugh and smile and I like being around him. I feel comfortable around him. He just...he is. It makes no sense that I say that...but it's what I feel. God, emo tonight. Sorry.
And in another unrelated note...last night, L found out that both JB and I want lego batman for christmas (I have the same taste as a 4 year old boy. classsssssssssssssy). JB then started talking about the other woman (Zoe, that whore...okay, so maybe she's only 4. And maybe she only just kissed him while they were in line to get their photos taken...but I know when I'm being replaced by a younger woman. That makes Zoe a whore). Then he went back to talking about lego batman and told me that if I didn't get lego batman for chrsitmas, I could come over to his house and we could play. As I'm telling Achilles this, he tells me that I'm setting myself up for some emotional abuse. He said that JB is going to lure me over to his house so we can pretend to play lego batman, but really he's going to talk about Zoe. "Haha" I said to Achilles, "I've already been emotionally abused and it didn't involve lego batman!" He asked what I mean. I changed the subject.
Lilo then tells me...JB is using you for your love and worship. He is teasing you and he is a womanizer. Womanizer. Womanizer--kill me. But: if he gets Lego Indiana Jones, you should not feel bad using him for his snuggles and video games. I think this is only fair.
I agree.
Also, tomorrow is Boot's birthday. I'm hoping more than anything that he doesn't call. I don't want or need him now
Lilo believes that that means that Achilles...is my boyfriend. Which is a weird thing to think and to say. And both Lilo and Summer agree that I should just ask him. I would feel like a total tool being like "uhh...so you're my boyfriend now?" My plan was to wait until he introduces me to some of his friends and see what he says. That might not be for a while...so we see how this plan has faults. But that's about as far as I got. Lilo insists that Achilles, if he wasn't my boyfriend already, will LOVE to be my boyfriend.
I am in a panic. Why?
There's no good reason why. I just am. I guess because asking him that question makes me vunerable for the first time since I've known him. We've talked about things that are deep and not surface stuff...but they haven't been about feelings towards each other. And to vocalize something that I want and I'm pretty sure he wants scares the shit out of me. I am so dumb. I need to stop. I like him. I really and honestly do. I'm not just saying that I do because I want to be with someone. I'm saying that because I feel like he's a good match (ha, dumb!) for me. He's smart and very funny and can keep up with me. And as So@24 says , us girls that might be funny (at least I think I am) should not settle for guys that are not funny. (In unrelated side notes, the blog he mentions, whatclaudiawore, is fucking AMAZING. She's great. I want to BE her. Also, I referenced this blog post in my conversation last night with Achilles. You know you have a problem with blogs when you talk about them IN REAL LIFE AS IF THEY ARE A CONVERSATION YOU HAD. So, props to you, So@24. Your blog is now a part of my life.) He makes me laugh and smile and I like being around him. I feel comfortable around him. He just...he is. It makes no sense that I say that...but it's what I feel. God, emo tonight. Sorry.
And in another unrelated note...last night, L found out that both JB and I want lego batman for christmas (I have the same taste as a 4 year old boy. classsssssssssssssy). JB then started talking about the other woman (Zoe, that whore...okay, so maybe she's only 4. And maybe she only just kissed him while they were in line to get their photos taken...but I know when I'm being replaced by a younger woman. That makes Zoe a whore). Then he went back to talking about lego batman and told me that if I didn't get lego batman for chrsitmas, I could come over to his house and we could play. As I'm telling Achilles this, he tells me that I'm setting myself up for some emotional abuse. He said that JB is going to lure me over to his house so we can pretend to play lego batman, but really he's going to talk about Zoe. "Haha" I said to Achilles, "I've already been emotionally abused and it didn't involve lego batman!" He asked what I mean. I changed the subject.
Lilo then tells me...JB is using you for your love and worship. He is teasing you and he is a womanizer. Womanizer. Womanizer--kill me. But: if he gets Lego Indiana Jones, you should not feel bad using him for his snuggles and video games. I think this is only fair.
I agree.
Also, tomorrow is Boot's birthday. I'm hoping more than anything that he doesn't call. I don't want or need him now
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Blogging Future,,?
With Achilles now in the picture…where does that leave this blog? Summer thinks that I should still continue to write in it, although without trying to find a guy to date through Match, it kind of has no point. I guess I can post about awkward relationship moments, but still.
Speaking of Match, I cancelled my subscription. Is that putting too much stock in Achilles? I really don’t know. I hope not. I think that he’s wonderful and fabulous and I just really like being around him. I feel comfortable and he’s nice and sweet to me and tells me CONSTANTLY how wonderous I am. He tells me about my apparently soft girl skin and my lovely girl smell and how he likes snuggling with me. I haven’t heard anything like that from anyone in a long long time. Am I totally head over heels for the compliments? I don’t think so. I think I can look at Achilles and know that he just likes me.
I saw him 4 times in the past week. Granted, neither of us worked on Thursday and Friday, which left Wednesday night for some fun and Friday night and yesterday. And our idea of fun…is snuggling. Yesterday it was shitty and rainy and gross outside. I had just about had it with my brother (which is another story for another day) and I needed to get out of the house. If Achilles hadn’t called, I would have just gone to see Darcy. But he called and I sounded so defeated on the phone that he told me I should come over because his bed was warm and snuggles were to be had. So I did. I got to his place, dragged myself up the stairs to his apartment, kicked off my shoes and fell into his bed. And that was my afternoon. We both had places to be around 7, so there wasn’t that much snuggly time, but we both just wanted to lie there and order in and do nothing.
I don’t know what I means that we both can just lie there, all snuggly and not need much else to amuse us. I mean, the TV was on, but neither of us was watching it. He was rubbing my back and I was burrowed into his side. Does it make me some kind of snuggle whore that I can just snuggle up next to him without you know, being super serious about him? I don’t think so. We snuggle and it’s adorable. He smells my hair and kisses the end of my nose. It’s something that I haven’t experienced with any guy before. No other guy I’ve dated wanted to snuggle. Snuggling was totally out. But Achilles…he does.
He told me something that was just...I don't know the, cutest thing ever. I know last night I was talking about being broken (my knees are all screwed up, my back bothers me, I can't see for shit...pretty much, I have the body of an 80 year old) and I was saying that I needed a new self. He was telling me that no, my self was great and he liked it just the way that I was.
As we were talking on the phone late last night, he was telling me that he wished I was there because we could be snuggled up. And I wanted that too. I'm snuggle girl. Oh my goodness.
Reaper told me it would take me a while to shed my gross cynicalness about being without a relationship for so long. I guess I have?
Speaking of Match, I cancelled my subscription. Is that putting too much stock in Achilles? I really don’t know. I hope not. I think that he’s wonderful and fabulous and I just really like being around him. I feel comfortable and he’s nice and sweet to me and tells me CONSTANTLY how wonderous I am. He tells me about my apparently soft girl skin and my lovely girl smell and how he likes snuggling with me. I haven’t heard anything like that from anyone in a long long time. Am I totally head over heels for the compliments? I don’t think so. I think I can look at Achilles and know that he just likes me.
I saw him 4 times in the past week. Granted, neither of us worked on Thursday and Friday, which left Wednesday night for some fun and Friday night and yesterday. And our idea of fun…is snuggling. Yesterday it was shitty and rainy and gross outside. I had just about had it with my brother (which is another story for another day) and I needed to get out of the house. If Achilles hadn’t called, I would have just gone to see Darcy. But he called and I sounded so defeated on the phone that he told me I should come over because his bed was warm and snuggles were to be had. So I did. I got to his place, dragged myself up the stairs to his apartment, kicked off my shoes and fell into his bed. And that was my afternoon. We both had places to be around 7, so there wasn’t that much snuggly time, but we both just wanted to lie there and order in and do nothing.
I don’t know what I means that we both can just lie there, all snuggly and not need much else to amuse us. I mean, the TV was on, but neither of us was watching it. He was rubbing my back and I was burrowed into his side. Does it make me some kind of snuggle whore that I can just snuggle up next to him without you know, being super serious about him? I don’t think so. We snuggle and it’s adorable. He smells my hair and kisses the end of my nose. It’s something that I haven’t experienced with any guy before. No other guy I’ve dated wanted to snuggle. Snuggling was totally out. But Achilles…he does.
He told me something that was just...I don't know the, cutest thing ever. I know last night I was talking about being broken (my knees are all screwed up, my back bothers me, I can't see for shit...pretty much, I have the body of an 80 year old) and I was saying that I needed a new self. He was telling me that no, my self was great and he liked it just the way that I was.
As we were talking on the phone late last night, he was telling me that he wished I was there because we could be snuggled up. And I wanted that too. I'm snuggle girl. Oh my goodness.
Reaper told me it would take me a while to shed my gross cynicalness about being without a relationship for so long. I guess I have?
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