Epic fail

Last night Summer texted me saying that Old Man invited her and me and Summer's Husband to a picnic. On the 4th. At Nacho's house. Nope, I don't think so. I told Summer to tell Old Man that I was busy (I probably will be, I'm really popular) and that Nacho can go fuck himself. And he can shove his party up his ass.

I thought Old Man picked up on the fact that something was wrong considering how everything had gone down the weeks leading up to the Nacho fuckhead incident. We were drinking and I know that makes everyone dumb and whatever…but he couldn’t figure it out? And furthermore, Nacho didn’t realize something was wrong WHEN HE WAS A TOTAL ASSHOLE?! I’m sure Old Man said “oh, I’m going to invite Summer and Summer's Husband and Carrie” and Nacho said nothing?! Really? Does he not get it either.

Moral of the story: Nacho, you do not pass go, you do not collect $200, you do not get me at your party and you don't get into my pants.

Fucking A

Last night Summer, myself and her husband all went down to Queens to celebrate the Old Man's birthday. We actually ended up having lots of fun...if not for one thing. Nacho was there. And even after every stupid text message and phone call...it was like I didn't exsist. Excuse? Why would you do all of that, act interested and then just drop it? I think it's cause you're a fuck-head. To top it all off, there was another girl there (I call her Nemo) and I didn't know why. I guess Nacho had a thing with her at some point, but they are still kind of in and out of it. I have nothing against her, she's pretty cool. He's a total fucking asshole though. Regardless of what he thought, he could have handled the situation of telling me to come over, telling me to hook up with him and then having another girl be there and him be all about her better. He was really drunk, I mean REALLY drunk, so she'll go to sleep unsatisfied too. I'm just so annoyed that it played out that way. Not because I wanted anything to happen really, but because he was such a fucking dick, that's all. He also said that I WAS COMING ON TOO STRONG. That;s right, me. I wasn't the one trying to get someone to come to my apartment the weekend before. But I was somehow coming on too strong with my mildy suggestive text messages. He also hinted at the fact that I might have an issue in my hoo-hoo. I do not have any issues in my hoo-hoo and if I did, he's got them now. Again I say, what a fuckhead.

And it made me realize last night that I might have given up. I give up. I can't deal with these dumb mind games that every guy I know plays. Just say what you think and feel and you can't be faulted for that. You can be faulted, however, for doing one thing and then saying something else that doesn't jive with the action. I'll give you that last night I was a little tipsy and I donated blood in the morning and I was a little cranky, but still. I stood out on the street and talked to the Brewmaster about it. I was just about crying because it's so emotionally tolling to me to have to play these sorts of games. Why can't anyone be honest with anyone else anymore? Why can't anyone just say stuff as it is? I know I shouldn't be preaching about this, considering my history with Trogdor, but still. I'm done with the mind-fucks and I feel like saying that. I feel like telling every guy I know that I don't trust what they have to say. I just can't do it. I'm 23 and I'm so jaded that it's really sad. I don't know what it was about yesterday that made it all come crashing down, but it did. I've been pretty emo lately on the boy front, but I've had awesome people like Lilo and Darcy and Summer and I just love them and they make me feel fantastic and like I can conquer the world. Probably because I can.

After I had my meltdown in the street with the Brewmaster, I went into the bathroom with Summer and I looked into the mirror and I said "I'm fabulous. I'm so much better than this. I'm awesome and he's not and FUCK HIM!" and it kind of made me feel better. We'll see how that works. I might go and write something like that on my mirror upstairs just to remind me in case I forget.

I also went to the library yesteday and got "He's just not that into you" and I am going to read it. Maybe I will figure shit out now. I'll keep on updating about the book along the way. Maybe it will change my life? Probably not. Moral of last night's story: He's really not that into me and I don't fucking care. Asshole

For crap's sake...

Last night, I went out with Summer and her husband. We went to the bar in Queens that we like to go to. The gang was going to be back together. Considering my texts with Nacho last weekend, I thought something really interesting was going to happen. If you recall, he wanted me to come back to his place after the bar. I was going to play it like I was going to go with him, but not actually go home with him. Anyway, we walk in, we see Old Man and one of his friends...no Nacho. NO FUCKING NACHO! After all that nonsense last week about me being at the bar and me going home with him, he doesn't fucking show up. He apparently had family in town. Okay, I know family is more important, but he had to have known last weekend that they were coming. What a fucker.

So I texted him and asked him where he was and told him to come back to the bar. Then Old Man texted Nacho and told him to come back to the bar. Then Summer texted him...and told him to come back to the bar.

Around 11:45, I am drunky drunk. He sends me another text because he wants to know where I am. I tell him I'm still at the bar and I'm drunk. Nacho tells me I should come over to his apartment. I tell him he should come to the bar. This goes on for a while. He gives me his address, tells me to take a cab to his place. No. Then he calls me. When I talked to him, he's all like "baby, why aren't you here with me? baby, you should be here blah blah", all sorts of nonsense. I'm dodging the fact that I'm NOT going to his apartment...and then he hangs up on me. WTF man? I'm totally annoyed now at him for being a dick. I shouldn't be surprised by the entire thing, so I don't know why I'm outraged.

Other fun fact I learned was that Nacho told Old Man of his "shortcomings" from the last time I saw him (meaning when his parts didn't want to work). Old Man told Summer's husband, Summer's husband told Summer and Summer was like "yeah, I knew that already". Word gets around fast, I guess. Old Man also told me that Nacho told him to not let him take me home because he didn't want to seem easy or something. At the same time, not only did I not really want to go home with him because he didn't remember me, but I sometimes forget these things and had to tell Summer to tell me to not go home with him. Neither of us wanted to go home with the other? Duh.

Oh Nacho, I'll make you cry like the other boys

Old Man on why Nacho sent me a message on Saturday night: "I don't know where it came from. Most likely it was because we were wasted. He also told me your night wasn't too memorable so maybe he wants to redeem himself lol”

That's right, maybe he wants to redeem himself. Oh, I am so annoyed now. My response to him on Friday when he's trying to make me go home with him? "Sorry, I can go to sleep unsatisfied in my own bed, THANKS"

I am so klassy. And sassy. Fear me.

The playas, bitches

Here’s an update on all the players in this story, in case you’re just tuning in…

GIRLS:
Darcy – good friend of mine that started this whole shenningan. She joined POF, I joined POF. This blog was born. The creeps flock to her for some reason.
Summer – another good friend of mine. She’s married and likes my stories because they are silly
Lilo – another good married friend. She is the voice of reason mostly

The men (starting from the beginning)
Footweiner McLovin’ – has been dropped since the footweiner incident. Facebook says he has a girlfriend
Bryan – dropped since the neediness got a little out of control. Don’t know his situation, but was thrilled he wasn’t at the bar on Saturday night
The hipster – not actually hip at all. Really actually lame. Has a girlfriend now and I’m totally way hotter than she is
Trogdor – soon to be dropped because he’s so awkward. Really was interested for a while until he turned out to be strange like and I don’t want that. Was really mean to him and he didn’t get it. May have smoked so much pot that he’s killed ALL his braincells.
Butt Ugly – just that. Thought he would be a the bar on Saturday and he wasn’t either. Joy reined over my life
Old Man – friend of Summer’s husband, then Summer and now me. Is old and makes me laugh because he’s old and can’t stay out with the young kids
Nacho Libre – friend of the Old Man. Met him a few weekends ago…seems to be something. We’ll see how it plays out. He’s flirty
Reaper – good friend of mine that I dated when I was in college. We’re the for serious BFF now
Jimbo – stolen friend from a friend. He just entered the mix, but he should be good for a laugh too. Him and Trogdor are soon going to be the BFF and they will make shit all weird for me. thanks guys, thanks.

Bummer man

So Nacho and the Old Man are both out for tomorrow, which is kind of lame. It's okay though, cause I'll have Summer and Darcy and that's good enough for me. I'll have fun regardless. Nacho said he was going to "keep in touch" like we were fucking pen pals or bunkmates at camp. What in the sweet hell does that mean? I bet nothing. Stupid ass. Apparently there is a fight tomorrow night and that's cooler than me. I could punch him in the face a couple of times and it would amount to just about the same, I bet.

Trogdor is coming tomorrow though (it's not like I can uninvite him, but the though crossed my mind) and he's bringing a friend. So we'll see how that goes. I just need Darcy or Summer to be lurking about so he doesn't try anything. Like try to kiss me. God, that was so awkward it makes me feel awkward to just think about it. Like...god. Weirdo awkwardness. Darcy said that if I was too drunk to, you know, tell people to leave, that she would do it. What a good friend! I am a drunk and that's okay with me.

Oh noes! And oh yes!

So this weekend, I have invited several people over to drink and have fun on Saturday night. One of the people is a friend of mine, the Old Man. Another is a friend of Old Man, Nacho Libre. Nacho Libre may be in for Saturday. I just need to convince the Old Man to come to Connecticut too, because then Nacho Libre would also be in. I might have another fun weekend coming. I might die of the excitement. Oh man, that would be so much fun if all these people come. I can be Flirty McSlutpants. Awesome.

P.S. Nacho Libre does not look like the above picture. He is not covered in cheesy goodness, but it would be awkward and fantastic all at once if he was.