The playas, bitches

Here’s an update on all the players in this story, in case you’re just tuning in…

GIRLS:
Darcy – good friend of mine that started this whole shenningan. She joined POF, I joined POF. This blog was born. The creeps flock to her for some reason.
Summer – another good friend of mine. She’s married and likes my stories because they are silly
Lilo – another good married friend. She is the voice of reason mostly

The men (starting from the beginning)
Footweiner McLovin’ – has been dropped since the footweiner incident. Facebook says he has a girlfriend
Bryan – dropped since the neediness got a little out of control. Don’t know his situation, but was thrilled he wasn’t at the bar on Saturday night
The hipster – not actually hip at all. Really actually lame. Has a girlfriend now and I’m totally way hotter than she is
Trogdor – soon to be dropped because he’s so awkward. Really was interested for a while until he turned out to be strange like and I don’t want that. Was really mean to him and he didn’t get it. May have smoked so much pot that he’s killed ALL his braincells.
Butt Ugly – just that. Thought he would be a the bar on Saturday and he wasn’t either. Joy reined over my life
Old Man – friend of Summer’s husband, then Summer and now me. Is old and makes me laugh because he’s old and can’t stay out with the young kids
Nacho Libre – friend of the Old Man. Met him a few weekends ago…seems to be something. We’ll see how it plays out. He’s flirty
Reaper – good friend of mine that I dated when I was in college. We’re the for serious BFF now
Jimbo – stolen friend from a friend. He just entered the mix, but he should be good for a laugh too. Him and Trogdor are soon going to be the BFF and they will make shit all weird for me. thanks guys, thanks.

Updating, sorta

So, I know I've been bad and lazy about updating. I just have been busy with things in my life and haven't had time to go online and fuck around with people's heads. It seems hard to believe, but I tell you now, it's true.

I hung out with Trogdor again. I'm really not sure where I stand with him. He's a really nice person and kind of cute and just a good guy. I can't shake the feeling that there's some HUGE underlying reason that he's single and looking for the ladiez on the internets. I shouldn't talk, but still. Does anyone know what I mean? It's a thought that plagues my brain a lot when I have downtime at work. He's going to go out with me and some friends next weekend. We're going to a bar to see this band play. I told him to come and to bring some of his friends and it should be a good time. I expect to be shitty ass drunk, so really...where's the down side? I told him that one of the creepy guys from below (the one that doesn't know English cause he's a fucking MORON) sometimes goes to the bar that we are going to see the band at. The guy from below (from now on, I'm calling him Butt Ugly. That's what he is) really isn't a threat, but you know, he might try to talk to me if we're at the bar. So I was saying that to Trogdor and he said that he would protect me from this guy. Not that I'm rooting for Butt Ugly or anything, but if it came down to some form of fight between Butt Ugly and Trogdor...Butt Ugly would totally win. Trogdor just isn't that threatening.

Regardless, I got a little annoyed. What is it with every guy and wanting to save me or protect me? I don't need to be saved. If it's late at night and I'm camping, yes, I need to be protected. If I'm in a bar with my girls, I don't need anyone trying to save me. I can save myself. I get really annoyed when guys try to insert themselves into situations that don't exist for the sole reason of being manly. I'm guessing this guy won't even be there. I don't need Trogdor to fill that role in my life. As one of my male friends pointed out, I totally killed his idea of being my knight in shining armor, but I don’t much care. I don’t want to be around anyone that feels they have to save me. When I need help, I’ll tell someone. How annoying!

That’s about all there is to say about what’s going on. I don’t know whether to expect Ryan to be at the bar too. I did just kind of drop him. It amused me. He knows the name of the band that we want to see and I’m sure he could figure out when they were playing again. Only time will tell. If I’m lucky, I’ll be too drunk to remember any part of that night.

I spoke too soon!

Ryan emailed me yesterday afternoon asking if he needed to send out a search party. I should just go somewhere where he can't find me. I don't know where that would be. Crap, now I am going to have to have the awkward "you're not for me, so please forget I exist" conversation. It's just that I have nothing in common really with Ryan...and he's fucking old. Can't forget that important part.

I was talking to my aunt about guys last night and she felt (she's 35) that I really should be looking in the 25-30 year old range. I believe her and it's not like I am going to take her word as law...but saying that, Ryan is just 4 years too old for me. Maybe I can set him up with my aunt. Oh my god, how weird would that be? "Sorry Ryan, you're not cut out for me...but here's my aunt, she's about the right age for you!" No. None of that.

So now I will spend the rest of the day hoping he doesn't email me back and trying to figure out a nice way to tell him that I'm just not that into him. I can't say "it's not you, it's me"...mostly because it is him. It's totally him. At first I thought I was interested, but then I realized there was nothing there beyond the idea of someone. Really, that's not a basis for anything.

So back to working and thinking about how I am going to tell some guy to just forget I even exist. I can break up with him now. I'm trying to remember what Footweiner said....

He totally did me a favor

So, I haven't heard from Ryan since last week. He hasn't emailed or called or sent me a text message. I guess I'm out. Considering I sent him the last email on Friday afternoon...the ball is in his court. If that's the way he wants to play, I guess that's okay. He saved me the awkward conversation where I tell him that I'm not so sure about him and his old manishness. I think it's kind of lame that he just like...dropped me and it's not like I really care. But he at least could have tried to break up with me like Footweiner McLovin'. I haven't talked to Footweiner really at all either.

And the Hipster now apparently has a girlfriend, says Facebook. Facebook doesn't always tell the truth, considering it says that my relationship status is complicated (it totally is). So it seems like every guy has moved on from the amazingness that is me.

I need to kick my POF actions up a notch, except I kind of believe in some sort of relationship karma, so I'm not doing anything to disturb that. We'll see what happens!

Paper boyfriends

Summer told me I should blog about this stuff I've been bitching about. But first, I must say that I met Trogdor. He did not burninate anything. Actually, he's pretty okay. But my fear was that he would be like the hipster and be a paper boyfriend. What's a paper boyfriend you ask? Well, it's a guy that looks so much better on paper than he does in real life. And it's not just that he's hotter in a picture than he is in person. Of course, with the hipster, that totally was the case. But I digress. On paper (or on the computer screen), he comes off as being totally charming and smart and full of qualities that you would want another person to have. You become smitten with this idea of some person because you think they have all the things you want. It's a total disappointment when you realize that whoever you have made this person out to be falls so short of want you want. I think part of it comes from the fact that when you're online, seperated by a computer screen, you can be whatever you want. Thus, the problem with online dating. At the same time, this could also happen with actual people you meet. Just an idea I'm throwing out there.

I thought that Trogdor, being so witty and funny when I've talked to him would totally fail to be that same person in person last night. He actually didn't. He isn't starting out to be a paper boyfriend. He's so much cooler than Ryan. He can carry on a conversation and generally entertain me. We all know how important that is. Also, I have so much more in common with Trogdor than with Ryan. So that's another point for Trogdor. Now it comes down to breaking this to Ryan. Ryan emails me a lot though and he hasn't done that much in the past 2 days. Maybe he was busy, I don't know. He keeps on asking me to come over or to go out to lunch or something like that. And since I'm starting to think that he's not for me, I'm just not finding time to do those things. I think he wanted to go out last night but I told him that I was going out with the girls (not entirely a lie). He wanted to do lunch today, but I had plans. The point is that if I really actually liked him, I would make time. I'm not making time. For a while, I thought that if I just stopped having time that he would stop asking. Maybe it is working out that way. I'm not lying all the time, I've been really busy for most of the month of March. Ryan wants to hang out on week nights, which kill me. I've been trying to get back to the gym, so I like to do that at night, not drive 45 minutes to another planet to just do nothing.

I guess I just have a lot of thinking to do tonight about how to tell someone I really just don't care anymore. Also, to think about what the hell to say to Trogdor. I can tell I will be having fun!

Sorry Readers!

I haven't had much to say lately. Maybe the creeps are starting to be less creepy? Really, who knows?! I'm sure something will pop up soon that will make us all laugh. I've just been talking to the same people most of the time. Trogdor is really great to talk to and whenever I talk of him, I sing the Trogdor Song. Ryan is getting a little annoying because he always wants me to come over to his house on the different planet. I am always busy lately, doing stuff and working and trying to go to the gym and he doesn't understand or something. At the rate he's going, I might never go out there again. He's bothering me

Your whore friend Carrie

So I've been talking to that guy Ryan a lot. He's really nice. We've hung out a couple of times and I'm still undecided about what I think about him. I mean, he's totally nice and sweet, but I don't know if he has that edge that I need to have. He's funny because his way of telling me that he wants to do something is asking me when I'm going to be at his house for dinner. Fun fact: he lives really far away and it's like he lives on a different planet. A very far away one. Regardless....



I haven't done anything more than kiss him. Twice. So there. But, I wrote him a slightly suggestive email the other day (I was bored...okay?). And he...took my suggestions. And then it went all downhill from there. Here am I, sitting at work, and he's writing me emails that are making me blush. I do not blush. Ever. I also was giggling like a madwoman. Seriously now, I didn't expect that from HIM. Maybe Footweiner McLovin. Not Ryan. Anyway, at the end of the string of emails, he said "Our communications have gotten me psyched up and a few beers would let it all flow right.” Oh RLY? I'm kind of impressed with myself over that comment. Like, I'm not even close to being pretty anymore, but I can get this guy going. Through emails. I amaze myself. I gave him an e-boner. It's like e-flowers...but in your pants.



Summer wants to know how I do this sort of stuff. I don't even know how I do it. But I can and that is good enough for me.


Then there's the guy from White Plains...I've decided to call him Trogdor. He's not burninating the countryside or the peasants yet, but give him a minute and I bet he will. But the thing is...he gets me. Like, I say stuff and he gets it. It worries me. I don't know what to make of someone that understands me so well without really knowing me. I like him and I think he's really interesting. We were talking about meeting up for drinks at some point, but since I'm so popular, I really have no time to do that in the next couple of weeks.

And one more thing...

This idea just struck me. Darcy and I both agree that everyone has a tragic flaw. Here's the run-down of what we know so far about the guys I've talked to:
Brad aka Footweiner McLovin - weird sex freak pervert man. Secretly a 15 year old trapped in a 31 year old's body.
Craig aka The Hipster - actually not hip at all. In fact, he may be so hip he's a circle. Also, he seems to think that I am going to sleep with him. I didn't give him that idea, I swear. He called me a prude and I told him that I just didn't like him. Didn't seem to work. Damn.
Weird wrestling man - still tries to get me to talk to him. Likes the ladiez with strong legs. Is creepy.

And we have a few more players in this game...
Ryan - seems interesting, is a little old (34!) but could play the game. I think I might just straight out ask him what his tragic flaw is. He's been writing me thoughtful emails. I am suspicious. He must be up to something.
Guy from White Plains (I haven't given him a name yet) - he's too funny and witty. Must be gay. Or not actually a real person. I don't know.
Guy in the red suit - he just messaged me on the site. He's wearing a red plaid suit. He's got a picture of him with a big fish. He can't dress himself and he wants you to think he's a manly man. He's out.

I don't really know the names of Darcy's men, but I can tell you that one wanted her to send him more pictures, to which she politely said "no thanks".

I've posted a lot today, but since I had a snow day from work...it's not like I had anything else to do. Feel special. Maybe this weekend will give me a bunch more material!