Quick update, but more later

I just got a text from Nacho. He said that he was sorry that he might have said things about me when he was drunk and he hoped that we could be friends again someday soon. No, I don't think so. I'm not replying to the text message and I bet I will get another one or two before the day is through.

Last night I went out with my aunt and we saw cute waiter man. I have taken to calling him Cheesy Fries as that's what he brought my brothers last weekend. I was formally introduced to him and we talked about Harry Potter. My aunt says that he was kind of psyched to meet me (cause let's face it, I'm the bees knees) but he got all jammed up? I don't know the exact details, but I'll find them out, damnit!

Epic fail

Last night Summer texted me saying that Old Man invited her and me and Summer's Husband to a picnic. On the 4th. At Nacho's house. Nope, I don't think so. I told Summer to tell Old Man that I was busy (I probably will be, I'm really popular) and that Nacho can go fuck himself. And he can shove his party up his ass.

I thought Old Man picked up on the fact that something was wrong considering how everything had gone down the weeks leading up to the Nacho fuckhead incident. We were drinking and I know that makes everyone dumb and whatever…but he couldn’t figure it out? And furthermore, Nacho didn’t realize something was wrong WHEN HE WAS A TOTAL ASSHOLE?! I’m sure Old Man said “oh, I’m going to invite Summer and Summer's Husband and Carrie” and Nacho said nothing?! Really? Does he not get it either.

Moral of the story: Nacho, you do not pass go, you do not collect $200, you do not get me at your party and you don't get into my pants.

And furthermore...

Going off the post a few down about how Nacho blew me off...who is he to say I'm a slut? Exactly when did flirting become slutty? I would never call myself a slut. Have I slept with several guys? Yes, I have. And although this is the interwebz, I'm not putting an actual number to that. Is it several dozen guys? No, it's not. I can sleep with whomever I want. Fuck him. But not really, cause he's an asshole.

I was talking with a co-worker today about when she stopped liking Sex and the City and she said it was the episode where Samantha gives the Fed-ex guy a blowjob and Carrie walks in on her. When I thought about that moment, I realized that maybe Samantha is the real slut. She hooked up with all sorts of men, none of them that she knew or cared about. That's not to say that I haven't hooked up with people and not cared, but everyone I hook up with isn't a total stranger. And a good number of the guys that make up the number I'm not saying I dated.

I realize now that starting from the moment that I dated my Weston Footballer, he changed things. I misplaced my virginity after junior prom. Probably not the proudest moment in my life, but since that moment, things have been interesting. I realize now that if I haven't slept with Reaper when I did, then he wouldn't be as big a part of my life as he is. If I never dated Bootcamp boyfriend on and off for two years, I wouldn't have been knocked down more than I could get up. But I also wouldn't have found it within myself to ditch him. Every guy, whether I dated him or just slept with him, made me realize something within my self, as corny and dumb as that sounds. Trying to sleep with with Nacho helped me to prove to myself that someone could just want me on the basis of me being hot that night. I needed that. I needed to know I could attractive someone in that horrible bad animalistic way. And I did. We see how well that went. I totally rule.

At least I'm at a point in my life where I see myself as being amazing and awesome and fantastic and fabulous. It took me a long ass time to get here. And I don't plan on leaving anytime soon.


P.S. On the sex note, if I don't have halfway decent sex by August, a mercy killing may be in order. Seriously guys, that marks a year and I might not be able to handle that as a reality. Seriously.

Fucking A

Last night Summer, myself and her husband all went down to Queens to celebrate the Old Man's birthday. We actually ended up having lots of fun...if not for one thing. Nacho was there. And even after every stupid text message and phone call...it was like I didn't exsist. Excuse? Why would you do all of that, act interested and then just drop it? I think it's cause you're a fuck-head. To top it all off, there was another girl there (I call her Nemo) and I didn't know why. I guess Nacho had a thing with her at some point, but they are still kind of in and out of it. I have nothing against her, she's pretty cool. He's a total fucking asshole though. Regardless of what he thought, he could have handled the situation of telling me to come over, telling me to hook up with him and then having another girl be there and him be all about her better. He was really drunk, I mean REALLY drunk, so she'll go to sleep unsatisfied too. I'm just so annoyed that it played out that way. Not because I wanted anything to happen really, but because he was such a fucking dick, that's all. He also said that I WAS COMING ON TOO STRONG. That;s right, me. I wasn't the one trying to get someone to come to my apartment the weekend before. But I was somehow coming on too strong with my mildy suggestive text messages. He also hinted at the fact that I might have an issue in my hoo-hoo. I do not have any issues in my hoo-hoo and if I did, he's got them now. Again I say, what a fuckhead.

And it made me realize last night that I might have given up. I give up. I can't deal with these dumb mind games that every guy I know plays. Just say what you think and feel and you can't be faulted for that. You can be faulted, however, for doing one thing and then saying something else that doesn't jive with the action. I'll give you that last night I was a little tipsy and I donated blood in the morning and I was a little cranky, but still. I stood out on the street and talked to the Brewmaster about it. I was just about crying because it's so emotionally tolling to me to have to play these sorts of games. Why can't anyone be honest with anyone else anymore? Why can't anyone just say stuff as it is? I know I shouldn't be preaching about this, considering my history with Trogdor, but still. I'm done with the mind-fucks and I feel like saying that. I feel like telling every guy I know that I don't trust what they have to say. I just can't do it. I'm 23 and I'm so jaded that it's really sad. I don't know what it was about yesterday that made it all come crashing down, but it did. I've been pretty emo lately on the boy front, but I've had awesome people like Lilo and Darcy and Summer and I just love them and they make me feel fantastic and like I can conquer the world. Probably because I can.

After I had my meltdown in the street with the Brewmaster, I went into the bathroom with Summer and I looked into the mirror and I said "I'm fabulous. I'm so much better than this. I'm awesome and he's not and FUCK HIM!" and it kind of made me feel better. We'll see how that works. I might go and write something like that on my mirror upstairs just to remind me in case I forget.

I also went to the library yesteday and got "He's just not that into you" and I am going to read it. Maybe I will figure shit out now. I'll keep on updating about the book along the way. Maybe it will change my life? Probably not. Moral of last night's story: He's really not that into me and I don't fucking care. Asshole

For crap's sake...

Last night, I went out with Summer and her husband. We went to the bar in Queens that we like to go to. The gang was going to be back together. Considering my texts with Nacho last weekend, I thought something really interesting was going to happen. If you recall, he wanted me to come back to his place after the bar. I was going to play it like I was going to go with him, but not actually go home with him. Anyway, we walk in, we see Old Man and one of his friends...no Nacho. NO FUCKING NACHO! After all that nonsense last week about me being at the bar and me going home with him, he doesn't fucking show up. He apparently had family in town. Okay, I know family is more important, but he had to have known last weekend that they were coming. What a fucker.

So I texted him and asked him where he was and told him to come back to the bar. Then Old Man texted Nacho and told him to come back to the bar. Then Summer texted him...and told him to come back to the bar.

Around 11:45, I am drunky drunk. He sends me another text because he wants to know where I am. I tell him I'm still at the bar and I'm drunk. Nacho tells me I should come over to his apartment. I tell him he should come to the bar. This goes on for a while. He gives me his address, tells me to take a cab to his place. No. Then he calls me. When I talked to him, he's all like "baby, why aren't you here with me? baby, you should be here blah blah", all sorts of nonsense. I'm dodging the fact that I'm NOT going to his apartment...and then he hangs up on me. WTF man? I'm totally annoyed now at him for being a dick. I shouldn't be surprised by the entire thing, so I don't know why I'm outraged.

Other fun fact I learned was that Nacho told Old Man of his "shortcomings" from the last time I saw him (meaning when his parts didn't want to work). Old Man told Summer's husband, Summer's husband told Summer and Summer was like "yeah, I knew that already". Word gets around fast, I guess. Old Man also told me that Nacho told him to not let him take me home because he didn't want to seem easy or something. At the same time, not only did I not really want to go home with him because he didn't remember me, but I sometimes forget these things and had to tell Summer to tell me to not go home with him. Neither of us wanted to go home with the other? Duh.

Oh Nacho, I'll make you cry like the other boys

Old Man on why Nacho sent me a message on Saturday night: "I don't know where it came from. Most likely it was because we were wasted. He also told me your night wasn't too memorable so maybe he wants to redeem himself lol”

That's right, maybe he wants to redeem himself. Oh, I am so annoyed now. My response to him on Friday when he's trying to make me go home with him? "Sorry, I can go to sleep unsatisfied in my own bed, THANKS"

I am so klassy. And sassy. Fear me.

Monday Monday

This weekend was interesting to say the least. I was under the impression that Nacho wasn’t going to come but then he had to go off and be a tease. I was getting my hair highlighted on Saturday (I am just sooooooo fancy like that) and I got a text message from a 646 area code. For those not in the know, that’s a city area code. And guess who was texting me? Nacho. He was asking what the plans were for the night because his plans were up in the air. I told him that everyone was coming to my house and that he should come too. He was feeling hungover and lazy, he said and didn’t know if he would make it. I told him he should come because it would be awesome and he agreed. He said it would be awesome because I was there. So then I had a giddy fit. I heard from him a little later on and he was with his family and couldn’t get away. I told him that I would be drinking a whole lot of beer by myself and that made me sad. He said that he would make it up to me. I don’t exactly know what that means, but I like the sound of it.

And that brings me to Trogdor. I told him to bring some friends. Guess what he didn’t do? Bring friends. He did bring his guitar like it was some college party and he was trying to impress me. When he played the guitar, my cat got really angry and made this horribly ugly face. So clearly, the guitar had to go. By this point in my night (this is about 8:30ish), I had decided I really didn’t want Trogdor to be around. Also, I had a bit to drink. I was being really mean to him, apparently. Good thing he smoked so much pot in his youth, cause he didn’t get it. At all. The entire night. I was really a raging bitch to him. I don’t think I realized it, but Darcy pointed it out to me several times. I wasn’t talking to him, I wasn’t making cute smiley faces at him…I wasn’t even standing near him at the bar. In the car on the way back to my house, I was yelling at him to not antagonize me. that’s right, I used the word antagonize in my drunken stupid state. And he kept on antagonizing me and I kept on getting more and more annoyed. I had the beginnings of a migraine and I was lying on the couch when we got back to my house and he touched my head. I don’t know what made him think that was a good idea, but he did it. And I freaked out and started yelling at him for touching my head. I’m sorry, but I was drunk and I dislike him now and the last thing I want anyone to do when I have a migraine is touch me at all.

But bless his dumb self, he didn’t even realize it. Maybe he’s like the scarecrow from “The Wizard of Oz” and in his spare time he sings “If I only had a brain……..” cause it’s clear that he does not. apparently he made a comment to Darcy that on the phone and drunk in person I’m almost the same sort of person. I have no idea what he means because I’m not the same when I’m drunk and when I’m sober on the phone. Then, just because my life is THAT AWESOME, he ended up crashing on my couch AT MY HOUSE because he was too drunk to go home. I guess I wouldn’t want him to drive if he really couldn’t, but still. I did not want him in my house at all. Darcy also spent the night so that I wouldn’t have to be alone in my house with such a fucking creep. I woke up at like 6 AM and I was totally confused because I was still fully dressed and I was on the couch and there was Trogdor on the other couch. I changed into some pajamas and then went to sleep on another couch in another room where Darcy was. I heard Trogdor up and walking around at like, 7:30 and I was hoping that he was leaving. He was not leaving. I have no idea what he did, but I know that I wanted him to go. He left around 8:30. I was about ready to push him out of the house. His car almost didn’t start then (then I would have wanted to kill myself) and then he had issues backing out of my STRAIGHT driveway. I was dying in the driveway. Just dying. I was standing there and smiling, but telling Darcy under my breath how awful this was.

He IMed me last night and told me how much fun he had on Saturday night and that we should do that again sometime. He really is that dumb. He didn’t get that I don’t want him around. Yes, I know I should tell him and this week, I will. Aside from all the things I listed below as the problems I have with him, another one is that he’s just too nice. And I know I need some guy that is nice, but he’s like, spineless nice. He’s a guy I would stomp all over, chew him up and spit him out and generally cause chaos in his life. Every now and again that’s okay, but I know that it would be every day with him and I just don’t want to do that because it’s tiring to me. He can’t stand up to me now and he wouldn’t be able to deal with me then and I’m just cutting the cord now. He’s not strong enough to be my man at all. So I have to tell him that in a nice way. Going back to my whole “I need a guy that’s an octagon” theory…he’s an obtuse angle. Partly because he’s not even a square, partly because he is so duck footed (much like an obtuse angle…get it?!). I’m lame, I know. Another thing was at the bar that we went to, this band was playing. Apparently Trogdor was swaying…but not in time to the music. I don’t expect everyone to dance when we go out, but at least sway in time to the music. He can’t be that big of a moron. Guess what? He is. He’s turned into paper boyfriend. He’s also turned into bag of hammers boyfriend, cause that’s about how smart he is.

And so that was my weekend. It was awesome and fun, but shitty all at once. At least I had Darcy and Summer there to keep me company and my new friend Jimbo as well. We are awesome. Trogdor is not.

Bummer man

So Nacho and the Old Man are both out for tomorrow, which is kind of lame. It's okay though, cause I'll have Summer and Darcy and that's good enough for me. I'll have fun regardless. Nacho said he was going to "keep in touch" like we were fucking pen pals or bunkmates at camp. What in the sweet hell does that mean? I bet nothing. Stupid ass. Apparently there is a fight tomorrow night and that's cooler than me. I could punch him in the face a couple of times and it would amount to just about the same, I bet.

Trogdor is coming tomorrow though (it's not like I can uninvite him, but the though crossed my mind) and he's bringing a friend. So we'll see how that goes. I just need Darcy or Summer to be lurking about so he doesn't try anything. Like try to kiss me. God, that was so awkward it makes me feel awkward to just think about it. Like...god. Weirdo awkwardness. Darcy said that if I was too drunk to, you know, tell people to leave, that she would do it. What a good friend! I am a drunk and that's okay with me.

Oh noes! And oh yes!

So this weekend, I have invited several people over to drink and have fun on Saturday night. One of the people is a friend of mine, the Old Man. Another is a friend of Old Man, Nacho Libre. Nacho Libre may be in for Saturday. I just need to convince the Old Man to come to Connecticut too, because then Nacho Libre would also be in. I might have another fun weekend coming. I might die of the excitement. Oh man, that would be so much fun if all these people come. I can be Flirty McSlutpants. Awesome.

P.S. Nacho Libre does not look like the above picture. He is not covered in cheesy goodness, but it would be awkward and fantastic all at once if he was.

Lots of thinking

I had a weird weekend (see below) and I've been doing a lot of thinking. I know this is the second time I've decided this, but I'm sticking with it, I think. I really am over Trogdor. That sounds bad, after dropping Ryan like I did for Trogdor. But the fact is that Trogdor, although appealing in many ways, just isn't in many other ways. I was listing the ways to Summer today:

1. He's duck footed. That's something that bothers me about ANYONE because I don't get it. It also really bothers Darcy and I think part of her botheredness rubbed off on me. I just want him to not be that way.

2. He sometimes doesn't get jokes people make. When we went to see my friends that are in a band play in NYC, I asked the drummer (Christian, LOVE HIM) if the bar we were going to had beer, cause if it didn't, I wasn't going. I was being silly. Christian said that this bar did not have beer, but something else (I don't remember what). Trogdor was like "why doesn't it have beer?" and I kind of laughed it off, but it was like, DUH DUDE

3. He has an annoying giggle. Don't even ask me to explain

4. He only owns 2 pairs of shoes and one of the pairs he doesn't even lace correctly!

5. He's very zen, but sometimes very stupid

6. No short term memory. NONE. AT ALL. I have to explain things like 40 times over

7. When I went to his place last weekend and he kissed me. It was the most awful awkward kiss ever. As Carrie says about Berger in Sex and the City "he couldn't possibly think that was good...did he think that was good?" Maybe he thought it was good. It was not good. It was horribly awkward

8. The feeling my friend Reaper put in the back of my head that there has to be something seriously SERIOUSLY wrong with him if he's looking for the ladiez online. I can't shake that thought at all. Then I wonder if he's a virgin and I am like "OH NO, NOT THAT" and yeah...

Maybe I am being too picky. But at the same time, I think I can be picky. I'm not saying that I'm looking for someone to marry, but I am looking for someone that gets it and gets me and although he does, there's things that bother me. I'm coming off as a bad person because this is #2 that I've done that to, but you know...I think I just need to get over myself. Trogdor gets me and that was part of my interest in him in the first place, but as I dug deeper into who he was...I realized more things. I don't want to have this conversation with him, but I know I have to. I still have to think about what I want to say and more importantly, when I want to say it. I just have to keep him interested but still not make out with him. YES, IT WAS THAT BAD. Think of it like this. You know when you first kiss someone, and it's that sweet soft little kiss where you are just feeling shit out? After that, you know enough to not kiss like that again. Fun fact: he didn't. He kept on doing that. I think I was annoyed at that point.

After my encounter this weekend with Nacho Libre (that's what Darcy and I decided to call him), I think part of that "whooo...someone is looking at me in the sexy way" thing is over. I mean, I must have been amazing enough or drunk enough for Nacho Libre to think it was more fun to talk to me. It's not that Nacho Libre is super hot, he's cute though. And he's one of those guys...you know what I mean? He is very charming. He could charm the pants off of anyone. Or just me. It's a total power trip for a girl like me without much self esteem to be able to get a guy like that look at her in THAT way. It could have been my bra or it could have been my low cut shirt. I can honestly say that I got something from Nacho that I really needed and he doesn't get how important that was and all he did was exist. I am not going to tell him that information, cause that would just be creepy. The more I thought about it today, the more I realize that I have no idea what I said or did that would make him be like "okay, we're leaving the bar now" but I'm assuming it was something good. I really wasn't that drunk, but I was sorta drunk and then I was out late and then only slept for like, 5 hours, so everything is in this mist of was it a dream or did I actually say/do those things? And on another note, if my performance was as lackluster as Nacho's was, I would be really looking for another chance to make it up to that person. Summer seems to think that Nacho is the sort of person that really won't care and she may have something there. I don't really care cause it was fun, but I would have liked to have more fun. Odds are we'll meet up again. We're friends on myspace, so we're like, pratically married.

I am totally married to this man though.

Killing good images of myself one day at a time

This conversation sounds worse than it really was. I tell you now...it wasn't what you all think it was. Maybe it could have been, but a lot of drinking was involved. Someone wasn't bringing their A game to the situation and I can tell you now, it totally was not me.

Me: "and then I was like, 'where's my sock? do you know where my chapstick is?' and then i tripped over something"
Darcy: "I thought you were at the bar?"
Me: "...we were at his apartment"
Darcy: "Where was Summer?"
Me: "She went home."

**awkward pause**

Darcy: "SEE, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT ME! NEVER AGAIN.....I'm very anxious now. I bit off all my nails."