WTF

I swear something will be coming from me soon. Until then, here's an awkward moment between Darcy and Chickenkiller....

Chicken killer: umm
Chicken killer: this 33 yr old lady wants to meet me from pof
Darcy: Lovely...
Chicken killer: she lives 4 hrs away
Darcy: Did you say no thank you/
Chicken killer: i said i would need to get to know her more
Darcy: Well, that's good.
Chicken killer: she nah you wont understand
Darcy: I won't understand, or she didn't understand when you said that?
Chicken killer: 'you wont
Darcy: Well, I'm okay w/ that too.
Chicken killer: she a wiccan
Darcy: Well, what's wrong w/ that?
Chicken killer: do know what they can do
Darcy: Like a crazy wiccan, or a "I love they earth" type?
Darcy: Because I grew up w/ a wiccan friends....
Chicken killer: noo
Chicken killer: they can astro project
Darcy: Huh? Okay, so she's the "crazy" kind?
Chicken killer: she was there in my room last nighjt
Darcy: Matt... That's kinda ridiculous...
Chicken killer: see
Chicken killer: you dont understand
Darcy: Did she tell you that, and then you "felt" it?
Chicken killer: felt
Chicken killer: and saw
Darcy: I just want to make sure she's not tricking you or anything...
Chicken killer: dude
Chicken killer: i know how to astro project
Chicken killer: and she was in my room telling me to meet her
Darcy: Really?
Chicken killer: i hate it
Darcy: And how long have you been able to do this?
Chicken killer: since
Chicken killer: 15
Darcy: Where do you go when you're doing it?
Chicken killer: why
Chicken killer: i meet this girl name holly and we hang out
Darcy: No, I meant when you astro project...
Chicken killer: ya
Chicken killer: i hang out with this girl
Chicken killer: name holly
Darcy: But where?
Chicken killer: where ever she wants to go
Darcy: How far away from yourself?
Darcy: Is Holly the Wiccan, or a different person who can do it too?
Chicken killer: holly is a girl i ment a long time ago
Chicken killer: who i ment from asto projecting
Chicken killer: and i wish i can fine where she lives
Chicken killer: so we can really date
Darcy: Huh...
Chicken killer: i dont know where she from
Darcy: Can you talk to her?
Chicken killer: when i do it yes
Chicken killer: we can talk and walk and ot her stuff too
Darcy: Have you tried asking where she lives?
Chicken killer: she doesnt want to tell me


Anybody want to shed some light on this? Seriously...

Hmm

Am I asking for too much here? Maybe on a free dating website...yes. But it was Darcy's pick, so you can blame her. Otherwise, I don't think I'm asking for a lot in a decent human being. It seems like the internets pick up the scum of the world. Like, the creepiest, weirdest, freakiest people are all crawling around on the web, looking for people to take into their basement and throw in the empty well so they can yell at them to put the lotion on the skin or else they'll get the hose again. I wouldn't doubt one of those creepy men would do that.

My point is, I think some of these men are doomed. I spent some time thinking about how some people believe that there's someone for everyone. I've seen some pretty weird couples when I've been out and about in my travels of the world. I have seen some really ugly people...and they are with someone! Still, I think that it's possible that someone is so like, cracked out, that no one could enjoy them. Like the scary dude from the last message...why do you have a tattoo of a gun? And WHY is your name carcass grinder? Regardless of the fact that it's a name of a band, couldn't you think of something better. Might as well have your name be "I'm going to rape you in an alley" because I bet just as many ladiez would come running. They might actually run away. I would like to think that if you're trying to get someone, even on the internets, you would try to make yourself look appealing. You know, not have creepy weirdo pictures of half your face, or pictures that look like a mug shot or something along those lines.

Maybe I'm just a klassy lady (yes, so classy I get a K instead of a C) and think that scary tattoos aren't appealing. One of my ex boyfriends had a tattoo of a grim reaper on his arm. He went out and got it done one day and I could have killed him. Men, don't get tattoos like that. It's awkward, do you hear me? Awkward.

There are no words...so I have none

You are very gorgeous, and i was just wondering if maybe we could get to know each other a bit.. Let me know

That's his message to me. You check out his profile. I am horrified

This is why POF is sucky

There's this guy that talks to both Darcy and I. We don't know if he knows that we know each other...but regardless...he's a moron. Here's a sampling of our conversation tonight. If you know what he's saying, I'll give you a dollar. I think he's trying to be funny. He is not funny

To start, my info on AIM said "boys like you are overrated.."
T: i'm ovverated?
me: totally
T: y
T: hmm????
me: just cause
me: that's all
T: even me?
me: it's a line from a song that i've been singing all day and i liked the way that it sounds
T: lol i dfigured
me: good
T: lol ur crazy
me: i know
T: so whoever u ever tell a guy straight to his face that u cant have my # but u cna find me on myspace cause ur not 6'1"
me: what?
T: lol sorry
T: girls annoy me
me: sorry?
T: dont be
T: i jsut cant understand women
me: yeah, we're difficult
T: diffucult isnt the fuckign word
me: well, i try not to be difficult
me: i can't speak for every other girl
T: i jsut hate subtle hints
me: would you rather they be blunt hints?
T: YES
me: well, tell her that you don't like hints?
T: yea and then she told me she only dates guys 6'1"
me: that is fucking lame
me: and the dumbest thing i've heard
me: and i've heard a lot of dumb things
T: yeah ur tellin me
T: i'm jsut gonna find a girl and throw aring no game sno bullshit lol
me: ah
T: taht's good no?
me: i don't know what you mean
T: i dunno i guess i'm talking crazy talk
T: i need a drink
T: i had my 1st jagr bomb..pretty good
T: i noly like red bull with alcohol
T: *only
me: ah
T: i'm sorry i'm doing mindless rambling
me: i can see that
T: i think u'd smack me right now if u could lol
me: i'd just want you to make sense
me: i'll smack anyone, i'm not picky
T: ok should i start fromt he top? lol
me: i'll still hit you
T: very warranted
T: thank go ur an hour from me
T: *god
me: exactly, otherwise i'd kick your ass 5 ways from monday
T: i want it to be saturday
me: why?
me: what's happening on saturday?
T: i;m not working lol
me ah
me: saturday i'm going to a concert in the city
T: who ya seein?
me: say anything
T: say what?
ne: that's the band
me: say anything
T: i know i was making a bad joke
me: yeah, no, that wasn't even funny
T: i'm not remotely funny at all if u havnt noticed

And at that point, I went invisble cause I couldn't take it anymore. My brain is crying. Hard

New message

I got some message today from a man that Darcy and I have dubbed Cueball (or Q-ball): "Hey! How's it going? My name is Lenny, what is your name? I live in Meriden. I was reading your profile, I like what I am reading about you, and I think you are beautiful too. =) I would like to get to know you better. Are you looking to date, or for something serious? Well, If you want to know more about me? Write me back. I hope to hear back from you. Lenny"

Now, I think the part that bothers me the most is that he called me beautiful. I know that I can't take compliments, but this guy doesn't know me. I know me and of all the words I would use to describe myself, beautiful is not one. If he had said that I was pretty or cute, I would buy it. But beautiful? C'mon now dude. Also, he wrote "Well, If you want to know more about me?" and it's not a question. I mean, I guess it is in some ways, like if I wanted to know more about him. Which I don't. Because he's sketchy.

Also, in all his profile pictures, he is NOT SMILING. What is with all these people being unable to smile? Is that so much to ask? I didn't think it was, but I guess it is. I don't like people that are unable to smile. A smile says so much...and makes me think you don't kill puppies for fun.

More notes!

As of late, I've only gotten one good note. And it's not really good as much as it's just...awkward: "saw your profile and wanted to chat a little....Just a little friendly talk thats all..." Why would you say "friendly talk"? What other kinds of talk are there? Awkward buddy. Just a little awkward.

Then I found some guy that had this written in his profile. I think I am in love: "Hmmm...We would both spend the morning talking to our friends and arranging for them to call during the afternoon, posing as a family emergency so that we could get out if things went terribly awry.We would meet in a public area so that we could assess the situation and confirm that we were both who we said we were and not some ogre with a grade school reading level. That goes both ways, of course. We would probably talk for a while and laugh about the armour we wore under our cleverly adorned and pretentious t-shirts for fear of having our kidneys stolen and put on the organ black market. If the initial encounter was successful, we would migrate to a public but more interesting locale, such as a museum or nice coffee shop so that we could impress each other with our knowledge of useless trivia or our respective caffeine tolerances. Of course we would go Dutch, because I am a modern man who respects your equality and ability to take care of yourself as a modern woman. Also, I am poor. Kind of. Our conversations would be long and snarky, full of obscure references to Calvin and Hobbes or the Far Side.Perhaps we would migrate to a dirty little restaurant (with lots of character and a killer cheesecake) in the East Village, where we would continue our discourse. I would have something with meat in it and have a 16 year old scotch on the rocks after dinner, just because I'm snooty like that. You would order whatever you desired, but hopefully something that I would like, so that I could ask for a bite and exclaim that I should have gotten what you did.Eventually our evening would come to a regretful end. I would offer to walk you home (because I'm a gentleman) and if you said 'Yes', I would actually do so. I would get you to your door and tell you that you looked pretty and that I had a great time and that I hoped to see you again. I'd give you a peck on the cheek and then I'd go home alone because I don't put out on the first date. Unless you really rocked my socks, in which case I would TOTALLY put out. "

God, please marry me man. He also wants to wear a kangaroo as a hat. On his head. All-purpose pouch and all

Darcy found this for me on a profile

"Girls are like apples on trees...The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't so good but EASY. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree!"

Know what else you do with rotten apples? Make apple cider.

Valentine's Day

If one more person asked me today what I was going to do for Valentine's Day, I was going to scream. I'm doing exactly this. I went to work, I came home, I went to the gym and now I'm broken. End of story.

Not what this post is about though. Darcy's fun friend that liked to be put in a scissor hold also sent me a message. When I accepted the message, I did not know that he was the creepy creep that contacted Darcy. He started out by saying that I am tall. I already know this. Then he said that I had long legs. Yet again, something I already know. Then he told me that he liked to wrestle and at that point, I realized that I had somewhere very important to be. I just logged on to the site and he was on again and trying to send me messages. I don't think so, buddy.

There's another guy that got really like, angry at me last night for not accepting his instant message. I've talked to him a few times and he's like, needy and overeager or something. And I have a feeling that he's not the kind of person that I would actually want to spend time with, but I didn't know that until I talked to him a couple of times. Last night, this guy...let's call him Sam, he kept on trying to contact me. And on the POF website, the instant message comes up in its own window. I have the google toolbar, so it kept on blocking the pop-up. I'm not even kidding, the pop up kept on trying to come up like, 25 times. So finally, I just said no, which I didn't really want to do. Then he sent me a note and it was like "why didn't you answer, bitch?" That's why. Seriously dude, I don't have to drop everything to talk to you. And moreover, the reaction he had to me not wanting to talk to him once is like...not okay. Perhaps he was joking, I can give him that. The tone that it came across in the message though...not good.

And then there's this 3rd guy...he bothers me. He also keeps on trying to message me and I really don't want to talk to him. He is interested in the more full-figured ladiez. If he likes that sort of thing, that's great. I'm not claiming that I'm skinny and hot. I don't, however, want to be put in that category, regardless of how true it is. Don't come talking to me because I have an ass. That is not my goal in life. I have a personality, which I think is mostly better than my ass. Also, his profile picture is like, him in the middle of Iraq in his solider get-up with a massive gun. Most certianly not sexy in any way. I don't find guns hot. And you can't even see him underneath all his shit that he has on. Scary, that's what that is.

I've talked to some people that aren't all bad and I wanted to mention that. There's this guy Brad that lives not too far from me that I've talked to a few times. He's smart and funny and a good person. I enjoy talking to him but he doesn't know what he really wants, so it's hard. I also talked to this guy Craig that shares a lot of musical interests with me. He also is rather funny and I think he knows how to take a joke, which I find important. We talked about music for a long time last night, so long that I was up until the early hours of the morning, which I didn't need to do! It's nice to have an actual conversation with someone about something.

The most annoying/fun part of POF is this feature that they have that lets you see who has viewed your profile. It's bad news. You can just keep on refresing the page and see who has been looking at you. Sometimes you can find some interesting people through that, but sometimes it's just really weird creepy people. You want to look at their profile to see who they are, but at the same time, you don't because then they will know that you looked at them. It's a tricky and slippery slope, I would have to say. It's hard to not look. It's a little struggle I have everytime I see that someone new has looked at me. It's like, some fucked up hobby I have or something. Darcy does it too, so I don't feel so bad.

I can tell, you aint crazy

My friend Darcy was kind enough to send me a conversation she had this afternoon with some winner from POF. I know the formatting is funny...but it's a great conversation

L:hi

D:Hi!

L:u look strong

D:Ha? Okay, where did that one come from?

L:its not a bad thing

L: do u like to wrestle?

D: Umm...never have tried.

L: what kind of guy are u looking for?

D: If anything, all the typical traits any person is looking for in arelationship.

L: i see

L: well i need a girl who likes to wrestle

L: and has some strong legs

D: Yeah. Why is that, if I may ask?

L: it turns me on

D: Oh...

D: that's nice, I suppose...

L: well i like getting put into scissor holds

D: Are you a wrestler

L: no

D: oh

L: i box

D: What kinda of person are you hoping to find here?

L: strong, sexy, a nd a great sense of humor

L: and a lady at the same time

L: shes gotta have the legs

D: huh

L: muscular legs

D: right

L: i bet u have em

L: i just like the feeling of being trapped

D: Makes sense...I can understand that...

L: like im on top

L: and her legs are wrapped around me so tight i cant escape

D: Mhmm...

L: is that a good mhmm or a bad mhnmmm?

D: Umm...apathetic?

Just a thought...

So last night, as I was crusing around POF, I thought of something. If you are trying to pick up the ladiez on the internets, wouldn't you at LEAST take the time to spell things correctly? For example, wouldn't you bother to check that when you write "I can be the man of you're dreams" that it would make sense? Furthermore, wouldn't you at least use spellcheck? There was some guy last night that asked Darcy about her gouts (he meant goats, which she doesn't even have). His profile said that he owned his own "bussness". I don't know what that exactly is, but I guess he does. Seriously, I would find it hard to even talk to someone that can't tell the difference between you're and your or their and there. Don't get me wrong, sometimes when I'm writing an IM or an email or something, I will type the wrong one. At least I go back and change it and make it so it makes sense. I realize now that I can't date or talk to anyone that is that stupid.

I haven't had anymore interesting messages, which makes me kind of sad. Maybe something good will happen tonight?

Messages from today

Here's a new feature...I am going to post the messages I get on this site. They are fantastic:

Bachelor number 1: " good morning, you sound like a great woman. id be intrested in getting to know more about you, hopefully you feel the same? you better hurry though, im not getting any younger! lol. sorry about the pics...little blurry...i look 100% better in person!" At the end of this message, there was a green dancing banana. He could have been doing the peanut butter jelly time dance for all I know. This lovely man is 35 and has an 11 year old daughter. That's a big no. BIG no.

Bachelor number 2: "I was passing by and I saw your sweet smile I had 2 stop and say hi". He was probably okay, but his pictures make him look scary. In one, he's licking his lip, like he just ate something tasty. Maybe a puppy?

What are you doing Saturday night?

To be fair, I've changed names to protect...someone.

So last night, I was on the plenty of fish website and this guy sent me an instant message. He seemed not too creepy to start, but HA. I was wrong. So he's like "what's a pretty girl like you doing being single?" or something else that was awkward. And I was like "oh my friend joined and I told her I would join too" and we were talking about stuff and he's like "what are you doing on Saturday night?" and I started laughing. Like, I have talked to this creepy creep for 5 minutes and he seems to think that I am going to go and get killed in a back alley this weekend. With him. So I made something up that I was doing and then I was like"oh look, dinner...gotta go" and he's like "I might not be on later, do you want my cell number?" and I was like "oh no, that's okay. I'm sure I can find you later if I want to talk". Guess what I didn't want to do later? If you said talk to the creepy creep, you'd be right.

He sent me another instant message tonight and I bolted before he could follow up and ask me what I was doing. I can tell you what I will never be doing. I can tell you right now that any guy that thinks that because I'm on this website means that I am going to want to go out with them is seriously wrong. I don't just run away with random people I don't know.

In other news, a man sent me a message. His profile reads like this: "I can not lie I want to date , I want to meet as many people as I can , go as many places as possible , do as many things as there is to do! I like to go out , I like to stay in and sometimes I do both . Most people will say I am crazy and a bit on the wild side , I am . I like to party hard sometimes

Look we all have a past and I am not here to judge you or to be judged. At this point in my life I am not ready for a relationship. and every person that I meet has a place in my future either as a friend a lover a learning experiance , a omg or a omfg , maybe more maybe less its time for me to move on , I am single and dated a little and its time to date some more Dont take this the wrong I aint looking to date hundreds of people ok but I do want to see whats out there ,umm you know fish in the sea or what ever they say please dont bring your nasty drama to my life , if you pop pills, smoke crack do coke or stick needles in your arm stay the hell away , I dont do that shyt at all , I handle my own I might get drunk but I leave my drama in my lil drama box buried in my back yard next to tug my dog. I love kids so I dont care if you have any . if you have a crazy exe boyfriend/husband/girlfriend leave them in your past i dont need that drama either , Please be normal dont e-mail me trying to get money off me or a bus ticket or what ever , be in the new york / ct area , have a job a car and a future ,,,,,,,, be ready to laugh because thats what I do all the time I laugh."

Well, I don't know about you other ladies, but this one sounds like a keeper! He has a drama box in his backyard. I guess I'm out though, cause I have a crazy ex that calls me in the middle of the night crying. He also, like, really, likes, commas. Who can blame him? They are pretty excellent. HE CAN NOT LIE ABOUT HIS PAST. Wow. Keeper. I might send him a message back and tell him that I have my own drama box. It's in my head. And I like to open it up when weirdo men post things like this in their profile.

Seriously, it's almost not fair for me to say anything. They give me all the info I need to just say nothing at all.

That's all for tonight...CARRIE OUT

Starting at the beginning

So, I've been single for about a year. It's been a long year for sure. My boyfriend broke up with me, then wanted me back. I was not going back. So since then, there have been some boys that caught my attention, but none that wanted mine. Then a friend of mine, Darcy, talked to me about this website called http://www.plentyoffish.com/. So I went to check the site out. It looked interesting. I know a few people that have found lasting relationships (and good ones too!) from guys that they have met through sites like this. It's not like I'm meeting men at work or when I go out...and it was worth a shot.
I was on the phone with Darcy the entire time I made my profile. It was an interesting experience. There's really not much that I can say about myself that doesn't make me sound like a lame ass or like Slutty McWhorepants. There is a very fine line between the two. I would want to say things like "I like a man that can cook a good breakfast" and then I thought that it made me sound like I would often be spending the night. I also thought about saying that I was "looking for a good time". We all know how that would play out. So instead, I went with my normal rambling and hoped for the best.
I now give you the stories of my excitement with this website. I only made my profile a few days ago, but already, there have been some excellent characters. There have been two that aren't total creeps. But as the title says, there are plenty more creeps.

The thing is, I’m done with fixer-upper boys. I no longer want to play “flip that boyfriend”. I’m not looking for perfect. I know I won’t find that and I won’t like it. I am looking for someone with not too much baggage. I don’t expect to find someone with no baggage, but someone with slightly less baggage. I need someone that can carry on their baggage. In the airport that is my life, carry on is best. Everyone’s got something, I know this. But if you have that thing and you can carry it with you and not let it change your trip, that’s good. I’m looking for a lot in that aspect, I guess. I’m sure I’m not going to find them on the internets, but you know…it’s possible. At this point, I’m willing to give things I may have written off in the past a try. It’s not like I’m old or anything, but my opportunities to meet people are really limited. In college, there are many boys. And they’re at the bar and in your classes and in your dorms…they’re everywhere! There's people like my friend Summer that somehow managed to find a guy not from college...and she's happily married.

I’m very skeptical about this entire thing. I don’t think that anyone is going to come along, but I’m going with it. I said I would do it with Darcy and here I go. Maybe she’ll find someone. I would really like that.