Ugh

In talking to The Brewmaster yesterday (because I went out last night with him and Summer), I found out that he had talked to Jimbo about Saturday night and Trogdor's plans. And apparently, Trogdor KNOWS I don't want to hang out with him...and he keeps on asking anyway. I think that's more annoying than him being dumb and not know that I don't want to hang out. It's not even like how you ask someone you work with if they want to come to lunch everyday knowing that she will say no. He has NO REASON to ask me to do anything, but he keeps on doing it. I was so annoyed when I found out. Stop it Trogdor. Just. Stop. It.

Otherwise, I invited The Graduate to come out with Summer and The Brewmaster and I. And surprisingly enough...he came out! I think he had a fun time (I'm talking to him now) and he hasn't said no. I was just inviting him thinking he would have something better to do and he didn't. It was nice to have him there, I think Summer and The Brewmaster liked him. I also got stuck telling a really embarassing story, but I thankfully dodged that bullet. It involved me riding my bike when I was 8 years old screaming "I am Darkwing Duck" and then riding my bike into a tree and wetting my pants. I also might have screamed "I am the terror that flaps in the night!" That's the story. I'm such a winner.

Really?

Last night, Trogdor IMed me. Again. And he told me that he was going out with Jimbo to some place in Yonkers to see some band play on Saturday night. He wanted to know if I wanted to join him. That would be a big, fat NO. I told him I have plans to take my brothers to dinner (which I do) and I don't know how late I will be out. That part is a lie because I have a ballpark idea. And I'm hoping to make other plans after dinner.

Does he really not get the hint that much? I don't talk to him really AT ALL. EVER. Does he not get that I don't want to hang out with him? What he's doing is about equal to me IMing Dickhole Pete and asking if he wanted to go out. I don't talk to him (but I know why) and he's not involved in my life. The results would be the same: No, we're not friends and back off.

I don't know when Jimbo became the BFF with Trogdor, but whatever. Oh Jimbo, I'll have to have a talk with you and your BFFedness with Trogdor. Even the The Brewmaster is like "Jimbo is going out with Trogdor on Saturday night...?"

We're all confused.

Now, The Graduate and Radio Flyer - get to asking me what I'm doing. C'mon, you know you want to. Should I suggest something for us to do? Probably. Am I going to? Nope. "He's just not that into you" told me that I shouldn't. Let's see what happens.

So complicated!

I'm really trying hard not to IM Dickhole Pete and ask him if we are real friends or fake friends. You know who fake friends are: you talk to them every once in a while, say that you are going to make plans, but mostly never do. Then when you do, it's always really awkward. A real friend would be someone I talk to, see king of regularly and can talk to about stuff, even if it isn't basic surface stuff. If Dickhole Pete is going to be a fake friend (which is where I'm putting my money), I would rather not have him around. So there.

Last night, Jimbo and Chicago and I were hanging out and it was about midnight. I got a text message from the Old Man. I generally don't get those at all, so I was very confused. He asked me if I got the text message from Nacho. No, I didn't get any text messages from Nacho. Then Nacho texts me because he wanted to know if I forgot about him. Oh Nacho, way to come back. He was asking me when I would be in the city again and I said on Friday (cause I'm going with Summer) and he asked me how I was getting home. And I said "oh, from the bar?" and he said "no, from my place". He thinks he's so smart, thinking I would go over there and have a shitty repeat performance. Well, I'm sorta bored and way totally angry at guys, so I just might. I was a little drunk though, so I said things like "I might go home with you, but you might find a hotter girl at the bar" and he said "no, I'm talking to you for a reason". Duh. Why is it that whenever I'm totally disgusted in every man I've even known, one or two come crashing back into my life and make me think that they aren't all that bad, but deep down, I know everything that those life crashers are saying is a lie. It's a confusion situation to be in.

Normally, I wouldn't have shared all that Nacho information with everyone. But since this blog is turning the way that most excellent blogs do, into a crazy narrative of my bitching and whining and moaning and hating of everything with a cock, I went for it.

We'll see how this situation unfolds

I is so trixy....

Last night, Jimbo called to see if I wanted to go into the city (that city being New York) with him and some friends on Saturday night. I guess one of his friends is DJing at Webster Hall. I asked Jimbo if Trogdor was coming (since now Jimbo and Trogdor are the BFF) and he said that he hadn’t invited him yet. I told him I wouldn’t go if Trogdor was going because I don’t want to see him really. I am so passive aggressive. And no, I haven’t had “that talk” with Trogdor yet, but it’s coming. Sooner or later. Since I’m so tricky, trixy even, I went onto myspace and changed my status message to “Carrie is pondering going to the city on Saturday night”. I’m hoping that Nacho sees this message and says “Hey Carrie, you should totally come to the city because we’ll have some fun and I won’t drink so much and all my parts will work.” Somehow I don’t think he will say that, but it would make me so happy if he were to. I just changed it to see if Nacho tries to persuade me to come. It’s the sort of thing I do. Also, I just need to remember to dodge Trogdor. And if Trogdor does go, I might not.

The playas, bitches

Here’s an update on all the players in this story, in case you’re just tuning in…

GIRLS:
Darcy – good friend of mine that started this whole shenningan. She joined POF, I joined POF. This blog was born. The creeps flock to her for some reason.
Summer – another good friend of mine. She’s married and likes my stories because they are silly
Lilo – another good married friend. She is the voice of reason mostly

The men (starting from the beginning)
Footweiner McLovin’ – has been dropped since the footweiner incident. Facebook says he has a girlfriend
Bryan – dropped since the neediness got a little out of control. Don’t know his situation, but was thrilled he wasn’t at the bar on Saturday night
The hipster – not actually hip at all. Really actually lame. Has a girlfriend now and I’m totally way hotter than she is
Trogdor – soon to be dropped because he’s so awkward. Really was interested for a while until he turned out to be strange like and I don’t want that. Was really mean to him and he didn’t get it. May have smoked so much pot that he’s killed ALL his braincells.
Butt Ugly – just that. Thought he would be a the bar on Saturday and he wasn’t either. Joy reined over my life
Old Man – friend of Summer’s husband, then Summer and now me. Is old and makes me laugh because he’s old and can’t stay out with the young kids
Nacho Libre – friend of the Old Man. Met him a few weekends ago…seems to be something. We’ll see how it plays out. He’s flirty
Reaper – good friend of mine that I dated when I was in college. We’re the for serious BFF now
Jimbo – stolen friend from a friend. He just entered the mix, but he should be good for a laugh too. Him and Trogdor are soon going to be the BFF and they will make shit all weird for me. thanks guys, thanks.

Monday Monday

This weekend was interesting to say the least. I was under the impression that Nacho wasn’t going to come but then he had to go off and be a tease. I was getting my hair highlighted on Saturday (I am just sooooooo fancy like that) and I got a text message from a 646 area code. For those not in the know, that’s a city area code. And guess who was texting me? Nacho. He was asking what the plans were for the night because his plans were up in the air. I told him that everyone was coming to my house and that he should come too. He was feeling hungover and lazy, he said and didn’t know if he would make it. I told him he should come because it would be awesome and he agreed. He said it would be awesome because I was there. So then I had a giddy fit. I heard from him a little later on and he was with his family and couldn’t get away. I told him that I would be drinking a whole lot of beer by myself and that made me sad. He said that he would make it up to me. I don’t exactly know what that means, but I like the sound of it.

And that brings me to Trogdor. I told him to bring some friends. Guess what he didn’t do? Bring friends. He did bring his guitar like it was some college party and he was trying to impress me. When he played the guitar, my cat got really angry and made this horribly ugly face. So clearly, the guitar had to go. By this point in my night (this is about 8:30ish), I had decided I really didn’t want Trogdor to be around. Also, I had a bit to drink. I was being really mean to him, apparently. Good thing he smoked so much pot in his youth, cause he didn’t get it. At all. The entire night. I was really a raging bitch to him. I don’t think I realized it, but Darcy pointed it out to me several times. I wasn’t talking to him, I wasn’t making cute smiley faces at him…I wasn’t even standing near him at the bar. In the car on the way back to my house, I was yelling at him to not antagonize me. that’s right, I used the word antagonize in my drunken stupid state. And he kept on antagonizing me and I kept on getting more and more annoyed. I had the beginnings of a migraine and I was lying on the couch when we got back to my house and he touched my head. I don’t know what made him think that was a good idea, but he did it. And I freaked out and started yelling at him for touching my head. I’m sorry, but I was drunk and I dislike him now and the last thing I want anyone to do when I have a migraine is touch me at all.

But bless his dumb self, he didn’t even realize it. Maybe he’s like the scarecrow from “The Wizard of Oz” and in his spare time he sings “If I only had a brain……..” cause it’s clear that he does not. apparently he made a comment to Darcy that on the phone and drunk in person I’m almost the same sort of person. I have no idea what he means because I’m not the same when I’m drunk and when I’m sober on the phone. Then, just because my life is THAT AWESOME, he ended up crashing on my couch AT MY HOUSE because he was too drunk to go home. I guess I wouldn’t want him to drive if he really couldn’t, but still. I did not want him in my house at all. Darcy also spent the night so that I wouldn’t have to be alone in my house with such a fucking creep. I woke up at like 6 AM and I was totally confused because I was still fully dressed and I was on the couch and there was Trogdor on the other couch. I changed into some pajamas and then went to sleep on another couch in another room where Darcy was. I heard Trogdor up and walking around at like, 7:30 and I was hoping that he was leaving. He was not leaving. I have no idea what he did, but I know that I wanted him to go. He left around 8:30. I was about ready to push him out of the house. His car almost didn’t start then (then I would have wanted to kill myself) and then he had issues backing out of my STRAIGHT driveway. I was dying in the driveway. Just dying. I was standing there and smiling, but telling Darcy under my breath how awful this was.

He IMed me last night and told me how much fun he had on Saturday night and that we should do that again sometime. He really is that dumb. He didn’t get that I don’t want him around. Yes, I know I should tell him and this week, I will. Aside from all the things I listed below as the problems I have with him, another one is that he’s just too nice. And I know I need some guy that is nice, but he’s like, spineless nice. He’s a guy I would stomp all over, chew him up and spit him out and generally cause chaos in his life. Every now and again that’s okay, but I know that it would be every day with him and I just don’t want to do that because it’s tiring to me. He can’t stand up to me now and he wouldn’t be able to deal with me then and I’m just cutting the cord now. He’s not strong enough to be my man at all. So I have to tell him that in a nice way. Going back to my whole “I need a guy that’s an octagon” theory…he’s an obtuse angle. Partly because he’s not even a square, partly because he is so duck footed (much like an obtuse angle…get it?!). I’m lame, I know. Another thing was at the bar that we went to, this band was playing. Apparently Trogdor was swaying…but not in time to the music. I don’t expect everyone to dance when we go out, but at least sway in time to the music. He can’t be that big of a moron. Guess what? He is. He’s turned into paper boyfriend. He’s also turned into bag of hammers boyfriend, cause that’s about how smart he is.

And so that was my weekend. It was awesome and fun, but shitty all at once. At least I had Darcy and Summer there to keep me company and my new friend Jimbo as well. We are awesome. Trogdor is not.