Really?

Last night, Trogdor IMed me. Again. And he told me that he was going out with Jimbo to some place in Yonkers to see some band play on Saturday night. He wanted to know if I wanted to join him. That would be a big, fat NO. I told him I have plans to take my brothers to dinner (which I do) and I don't know how late I will be out. That part is a lie because I have a ballpark idea. And I'm hoping to make other plans after dinner.

Does he really not get the hint that much? I don't talk to him really AT ALL. EVER. Does he not get that I don't want to hang out with him? What he's doing is about equal to me IMing Dickhole Pete and asking if he wanted to go out. I don't talk to him (but I know why) and he's not involved in my life. The results would be the same: No, we're not friends and back off.

I don't know when Jimbo became the BFF with Trogdor, but whatever. Oh Jimbo, I'll have to have a talk with you and your BFFedness with Trogdor. Even the The Brewmaster is like "Jimbo is going out with Trogdor on Saturday night...?"

We're all confused.

Now, The Graduate and Radio Flyer - get to asking me what I'm doing. C'mon, you know you want to. Should I suggest something for us to do? Probably. Am I going to? Nope. "He's just not that into you" told me that I shouldn't. Let's see what happens.

Music makes you lose control

I was thinking today as I danced around my room getting dressed. I know, I was dancing and thinking...AT THE SAME TIME. That's not the point. I was listening to my old ipod, the one that has old playlists and old music from my computer that I used in college. I had made a mix called "strange love kind of feeling" and so it had all sorts of songs relating to love. Many were from Dave Matthews Band...I was that kind of college student. What struck me though is the songs that I put on there that reminded me of ex-boyfriends and ex-crushes. When those songs came on, all I could think of was that person. So here's the rundown of things that were ruined by exs that I've mostly reclaimed as my own. For some songs, I have no idea why they remind me of the ex. For others - the reasons make more sense.

- Dickhole Pete - ruined "Parade of Punk Rock T-shirts" by Maritime. I was listening to that before I met him for dinner. It's a great song to run to, so I've been listening to it when I work out and thinking of how much of a dickhole he was makes me run faster and harder. Or something.
- Reaper - "Stellar" by Incubus. Since I really don't hate Reaper in any sense of the word, it was easy to bring this one back to me. Actually, almost all of the "Make Yourself" album by Incubus reminds me of Reaper. My copy of that CD got stuck in the CD player in his car and he bought me a new one cause he felt so bad. We went to see Incubus once and it was awesome.
- Bootcamp Boyfriend – I associate him most frequently with Incubus. I think that was the first thing that we realized that we had in common. He burned me a copy of “Crow Left of the Murder” and I had a hard time listening to it for a while because it reminded me of him and also because his writing is on the CD. He also ruined the Lostprophets for a while too. The only song he still might have a hold on is “Last Summer”. I don’t think it’s as bad as it used to be since I don’t talk to him anymore. We used to share a lot of music though.
- The Statie – he didn’t get music. Really and seriously. He liked Jack Johnson, but that is so chill that no one can really change it. He also went with me to see Incubus (twice) but the first time was the time that mattered. It was our one year anniversary and he was being really sweet. Or he was until we met up with some friends of mine (they’re in a band) and The Statie got drunk and was telling them stories of other girls he slept with. That did not amuse me. I was pretty pissed, actually. Since I’m now totally and officially done with him, taking this music back was no problem. I really don’t think of him or talk to him anymore, so nothing much reminds me of him.
- The Engineer – “Lovers in a Dangerous Time” by the Barenaked Ladies. Also “Martha My Dear” by The Beatles. I don’t hear those songs as often as the other ones, but it still brings back memories of me almost being a dirty skank. Good thing I wasn’t.

I feel like there should be more boys on that list, but I guess there really isn’t. That’s okay though. I want a guy that gets music, but at the same time, I don’t because then they take that music away from me. It’s hard when you hear a song and it brings you back to that moment and you think of that guy and your feelings and the smells and the summer breeze or whatever and realize that he was an asshole, you never actually got along with him and that part of your life you can never get back. You know, just as an example.

-

Ha

So I went down to the center of town to watch my family pull a float in the Memorial Day parade. And guess who I saw? Footweiner McLovin. I almost died I was laughing so hard. There he was, driving his car with the top down and I'm yelling at Darcy and she's yelling at me. Footweiner sighting!

Last night, Dickhole Pete IM'd me to tell me that Indiana Jones sucked (cause it did) and we talked for a brief moment. I almost called him Dickhole Pete, but I stopped myself.

Another guy from Match....

Mike: sooo have u meet anyone from match
Me: just one guy. i call him "dickhole pete"
Mike: lol .3
Mike: why
Me: cause he was a total dickhole mostly. he was the most confusing person ever. he seriously annoyed me
Me: not at the beginning, but at the end
Mike: awww
Mike: im sorry
Me: whatever, i'm totally awesome...and he's a dickhole
Me: so it worked out
Mike: yaaa
Mike: sooo when is ur bday
Me: it's in september
**1 minute, 45 seconds later**
Mike: yaa how long have u been single


I can't make this shit up. He's totally weird. I think it's time to play the "wow, I am so tired and better go to bed now" card. He doesn't believe in punctuation, I guess?

So complicated!

I'm really trying hard not to IM Dickhole Pete and ask him if we are real friends or fake friends. You know who fake friends are: you talk to them every once in a while, say that you are going to make plans, but mostly never do. Then when you do, it's always really awkward. A real friend would be someone I talk to, see king of regularly and can talk to about stuff, even if it isn't basic surface stuff. If Dickhole Pete is going to be a fake friend (which is where I'm putting my money), I would rather not have him around. So there.

Last night, Jimbo and Chicago and I were hanging out and it was about midnight. I got a text message from the Old Man. I generally don't get those at all, so I was very confused. He asked me if I got the text message from Nacho. No, I didn't get any text messages from Nacho. Then Nacho texts me because he wanted to know if I forgot about him. Oh Nacho, way to come back. He was asking me when I would be in the city again and I said on Friday (cause I'm going with Summer) and he asked me how I was getting home. And I said "oh, from the bar?" and he said "no, from my place". He thinks he's so smart, thinking I would go over there and have a shitty repeat performance. Well, I'm sorta bored and way totally angry at guys, so I just might. I was a little drunk though, so I said things like "I might go home with you, but you might find a hotter girl at the bar" and he said "no, I'm talking to you for a reason". Duh. Why is it that whenever I'm totally disgusted in every man I've even known, one or two come crashing back into my life and make me think that they aren't all that bad, but deep down, I know everything that those life crashers are saying is a lie. It's a confusion situation to be in.

Normally, I wouldn't have shared all that Nacho information with everyone. But since this blog is turning the way that most excellent blogs do, into a crazy narrative of my bitching and whining and moaning and hating of everything with a cock, I went for it.

We'll see how this situation unfolds

Lilo on Dickhole Pete.....

"I'm glad Darcy will go to the zoo with you. That was a good idea on her part. You don't need Dickhole Pete and his bipolarity. I know this doesn't help at all, but I'm glad you found out he was a dickhole early on. Sometimes you date someone for weeks, months, years before you find out, and then you're stuck and there goes that many years of your life. But you were lucky to find out immediately that he was a waste of life. It's just a shame he had to be one."

Yes Lilo, you are right. I think that bit from her helps me to not have to explain what went down. Sparknotes version: apparently buying me dinner and kissing me on the goddamn slanty tree means that he DOESN'T LIKE ME. But we can still be friends. I think that's a lie. We'll see what happens. I am just so annoyed. There are no words

I don't want to say much...

I don't want to jinx myself. Last night's date with the guy was...great. We had a really fun time, went to some place in Purchase that was really tasty and then went down to the water in Greenwich and just walked along the shore. And then he kissed me. It was fantastic. He kissed me! Hurray! It was so adorable cute and terribly cliche and that made me like it a little bit more. My hair was blowing around everywhere and he kept on pushing it off my face and LOOKING at me the way that guys do. There was this tree that was all slanted and I was leaning up against it and it was like a scene from chick flick.



We're supposed to go to the zoo on Saturday. I have yet to hear from him today and I am in some sort of panic. I told him I had a nice time last night via text message, so as far as I see it, it's his turn to say something. C'mon, tell me you had a nice time with me too so I stop having a major freak out

Ah...

So I joined Match.com. So far, so good. I've been talking to this one guy...and it's scary, but he's like me, in another body. It's actually kind of creepy and weird and awesome all at once. I'm not saying much about him because I don't want to jinx myself. His brother actually works at the same place that I do, which is also interesting. He looks a lot like his brother. But cuter. Hurray! I asked him last night what he did, as an innocent question like I asked one of my other male friends and he's like, "why do you want to know?" but I think he was joking. I think. I don't know.

One guy from Match.com keeps on sending me his phone number. Call me crazy, but I am not just going to call someone I've never talked to, OUT OF THE BLUE and just strike up a conversation. Email me your number one more time, buddy, and I'm going to be writing it on bathroom stall walls. Then you will regret it. I mean, it's just a phone number, but I don't go throwing it around for anyone to have. I don't like getting weird ass phone calls in the middle of the night.

There have been some other guys that have sent me messages, none really of note. One guy winked at me yesterday and he was 30, still living at home and he works at Circuit City. I know I shouldn't judge anyone because I still live at home and I used to work in retail, but still. I think I have a right to be picky and NOT talk to this guy. Something about him struck me as really creepy.

Last night, I had a panicky dream that everyone decided to stop being friends with me. I'm totally making myself insane today. And now, I'm like, convinced this guy doesn't really think I'm all that interesting anymore when THAT'S NOT THE CASE AT ALL. My brain is making me totally crazy and there's no reason for it. The thing is, I know that I'm being stupid, but I'm helpless to stop it. I'm just going to start ignoring things and really hope that they go away and then I don't have to have an all day anxiety attack. I bet I will feel better tomorrow, after I go to sleep. Sleep always helps me. I don't know why I care so much if someone doesn't like me, because if they don't, I just move on and don't have them in my life. But every time, regardless of the situation, I have a major life meltdown and get concerned I will walk away with one less friend. I am totally batshit insane.

P.S. "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley just came on Pandora. It's like Pandora is trying to tell me something....