Being a dumb girl, being a dumb girl

Last night, I was going over to one of my old co-worker's houses. LB has a son that's 4, JB. I LOVE HIM. He's cute and adorable and so so so blonde. And he loves me. A lot. He told me we could get married as long as we didn't have to dance at the wedding. I call him my boyfriend JB because that's so what he is. He asks LB about me. We hold hands. You know, that sort of thing. I was texting Achilles last night as I was driving to LB's house (I know, I'm not supposed to do that, but I did) and he asked me if I was going to see my "other boyfriend". WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!?! I talked about it with Lilo ALL DAMN DAY. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!

Lilo believes that that means that Achilles...is my boyfriend. Which is a weird thing to think and to say. And both Lilo and Summer agree that I should just ask him. I would feel like a total tool being like "uhh...so you're my boyfriend now?" My plan was to wait until he introduces me to some of his friends and see what he says. That might not be for a while...so we see how this plan has faults. But that's about as far as I got. Lilo insists that Achilles, if he wasn't my boyfriend already, will LOVE to be my boyfriend.

I am in a panic. Why?

There's no good reason why. I just am. I guess because asking him that question makes me vunerable for the first time since I've known him. We've talked about things that are deep and not surface stuff...but they haven't been about feelings towards each other. And to vocalize something that I want and I'm pretty sure he wants scares the shit out of me. I am so dumb. I need to stop. I like him. I really and honestly do. I'm not just saying that I do because I want to be with someone. I'm saying that because I feel like he's a good match (ha, dumb!) for me. He's smart and very funny and can keep up with me. And as So@24 says , us girls that might be funny (at least I think I am) should not settle for guys that are not funny. (In unrelated side notes, the blog he mentions, whatclaudiawore, is fucking AMAZING. She's great. I want to BE her. Also, I referenced this blog post in my conversation last night with Achilles. You know you have a problem with blogs when you talk about them IN REAL LIFE AS IF THEY ARE A CONVERSATION YOU HAD. So, props to you, So@24. Your blog is now a part of my life.) He makes me laugh and smile and I like being around him. I feel comfortable around him. He just...he is. It makes no sense that I say that...but it's what I feel. God, emo tonight. Sorry.


And in another unrelated note...last night, L found out that both JB and I want lego batman for christmas (I have the same taste as a 4 year old boy. classsssssssssssssy). JB then started talking about the other woman (Zoe, that whore...okay, so maybe she's only 4. And maybe she only just kissed him while they were in line to get their photos taken...but I know when I'm being replaced by a younger woman. That makes Zoe a whore). Then he went back to talking about lego batman and told me that if I didn't get lego batman for chrsitmas, I could come over to his house and we could play. As I'm telling Achilles this, he tells me that I'm setting myself up for some emotional abuse. He said that JB is going to lure me over to his house so we can pretend to play lego batman, but really he's going to talk about Zoe. "Haha" I said to Achilles, "I've already been emotionally abused and it didn't involve lego batman!" He asked what I mean. I changed the subject.

Lilo then tells me...JB is using you for your love and worship. He is teasing you and he is a womanizer. Womanizer. Womanizer--kill me. But: if he gets Lego Indiana Jones, you should not feel bad using him for his snuggles and video games. I think this is only fair.

I agree.

Also, tomorrow is Boot's birthday. I'm hoping more than anything that he doesn't call. I don't want or need him now