Ew gross and adorable

Achilles: lol when i look at your status message at the bottom of this IM window...
me: yes?
Achilles: it says "i should stick to butt...."
me: exactlyyyyyyyyy
but the whole statement is even better
Achilles: you love butt
me: your face loves butt
Achilles: depends on the butt
i would gladly stick it in scarlett johannsons butt
me: i know. you've probably told me that
she's your person
Achilles:: nah
youre my person :)
me: awww....adorable
that made me smile
Achilles:damn
you were supposed to say "gross!@"
me: sorry
i mean, EW. GROSS! Achilles, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
me: better?
Achilles:there you go
me: i will be sure to keep my secret responses of happiness to a minimum

Being a dumb girl, being a dumb girl

Last night, I was going over to one of my old co-worker's houses. LB has a son that's 4, JB. I LOVE HIM. He's cute and adorable and so so so blonde. And he loves me. A lot. He told me we could get married as long as we didn't have to dance at the wedding. I call him my boyfriend JB because that's so what he is. He asks LB about me. We hold hands. You know, that sort of thing. I was texting Achilles last night as I was driving to LB's house (I know, I'm not supposed to do that, but I did) and he asked me if I was going to see my "other boyfriend". WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!?! I talked about it with Lilo ALL DAMN DAY. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!

Lilo believes that that means that Achilles...is my boyfriend. Which is a weird thing to think and to say. And both Lilo and Summer agree that I should just ask him. I would feel like a total tool being like "uhh...so you're my boyfriend now?" My plan was to wait until he introduces me to some of his friends and see what he says. That might not be for a while...so we see how this plan has faults. But that's about as far as I got. Lilo insists that Achilles, if he wasn't my boyfriend already, will LOVE to be my boyfriend.

I am in a panic. Why?

There's no good reason why. I just am. I guess because asking him that question makes me vunerable for the first time since I've known him. We've talked about things that are deep and not surface stuff...but they haven't been about feelings towards each other. And to vocalize something that I want and I'm pretty sure he wants scares the shit out of me. I am so dumb. I need to stop. I like him. I really and honestly do. I'm not just saying that I do because I want to be with someone. I'm saying that because I feel like he's a good match (ha, dumb!) for me. He's smart and very funny and can keep up with me. And as So@24 says , us girls that might be funny (at least I think I am) should not settle for guys that are not funny. (In unrelated side notes, the blog he mentions, whatclaudiawore, is fucking AMAZING. She's great. I want to BE her. Also, I referenced this blog post in my conversation last night with Achilles. You know you have a problem with blogs when you talk about them IN REAL LIFE AS IF THEY ARE A CONVERSATION YOU HAD. So, props to you, So@24. Your blog is now a part of my life.) He makes me laugh and smile and I like being around him. I feel comfortable around him. He just...he is. It makes no sense that I say that...but it's what I feel. God, emo tonight. Sorry.


And in another unrelated note...last night, L found out that both JB and I want lego batman for christmas (I have the same taste as a 4 year old boy. classsssssssssssssy). JB then started talking about the other woman (Zoe, that whore...okay, so maybe she's only 4. And maybe she only just kissed him while they were in line to get their photos taken...but I know when I'm being replaced by a younger woman. That makes Zoe a whore). Then he went back to talking about lego batman and told me that if I didn't get lego batman for chrsitmas, I could come over to his house and we could play. As I'm telling Achilles this, he tells me that I'm setting myself up for some emotional abuse. He said that JB is going to lure me over to his house so we can pretend to play lego batman, but really he's going to talk about Zoe. "Haha" I said to Achilles, "I've already been emotionally abused and it didn't involve lego batman!" He asked what I mean. I changed the subject.

Lilo then tells me...JB is using you for your love and worship. He is teasing you and he is a womanizer. Womanizer. Womanizer--kill me. But: if he gets Lego Indiana Jones, you should not feel bad using him for his snuggles and video games. I think this is only fair.

I agree.

Also, tomorrow is Boot's birthday. I'm hoping more than anything that he doesn't call. I don't want or need him now

Lilo, I loves you

Lilo: carrie, if you are home you have to tell me why you are smiling and glowing
me: i am home
me: it is true
Lilo: spill!
me: i am smiling and glowing becuase i had SUCH a fabulous time
me: seriously
Lilo: yyyyyyaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy
me: he's wonderful. we went to the aquarium (they had penguins!) and saw some kid walk into a door
me: he took me out to dinner
Lilo: ha!
Lilo: oooh!
me: we spent 2 hours talking in his car
Lilo: talking, eh?
me: like, we met up at 11. i got home at like...8:30
me: mostly talking
me: sometimes..not talking
me: thus leading to glowing
Lilo: awwwwwwwwwwww
Lilo: yay!
me: seriously
me: he's lovely
Lilo: When I told Stitch where you guys were going, he was like, "Dude, they are not even going to get there. They are going to pull over and do it right there in the car," and I was like, "Jeez, Stitch, not everyone has sex within a week of meeting one another"
me: i'm so glad Stitch has so much faith in me
me: and no, we didn't have sex in the car
me: jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez
Lilo: I'm so happy for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
me: and he was making it hard for me to be like "no, i think i should go home now"
Lilo: yay
me: he kept on telling me how pretty i looked
Lilo: i bet you did!
me: thanks
Lilo: awwww i'm all cuted out onw
me: he loves his car. like a lot. like...way too much. his car is named josie
Lilo: i hope josie didn't get jealous
me: and as we were driving back from mystic, i asked him if he had a good day
me: and he told me he spent it with his two favorite girls
me: so yes, he did
me: GAGGGGGGGGGG
Lilo: HA
me: it was so cute and vomit worthy

Thanks Ben Gibbard!

A few weeks ago, I went to go and see Death Cab for Cutie play. They were amazing. Totally the best show I've ever seen. That's not the point. DCfC has a lot of songs about love. Ben was asking the crowd (you know, because he can so hear an answer) about how many people were in love. A bunch of people cheered. My Aunt and I glared at them. Ben went on to say that many people think that spring is the time to fall in love, what with everything blooming and coming to life. He disagrees. He feels that you should all fall in love in the fall time. Why? Because otherwise you'll be cold and freeze your ass off. Taking Ben's advice, I shall find someone to snuggle up with this fall because I was SO FUCKING COLD LAST NIGHT and it was not acceptable.

Achilles (new name for Pie Guy, let's all try to keep up, okay?) cancelled on me tonight. He's not feeling well and that's okay. We all get sick and we move on. I told him to pick another night for dinner and a "shove". Why did I put shove in quotation marks? I have no fucking idea. I didn't really think that part out. I just wanted to amuse myself at work and make my day slightly better. So that's how you get "shove".

(Backstory on shove - in my family, when someone says or does something that you don't like, you can give them a shove. You can say "I'm giving you a shove" and then shove them or you can ask someone to give someone else a shove, ie "Kim, please give my mom a shove for that comment". I explained this shoving concept to Achilles and he thought it was great. So I told him I would be shoving him).

Converation that followed the "shove"
Him: Wait. Since you put "shove" in quotes, are you implying something besides actual shoving?
Me: What do you think it means?
Him: If it involves a spider monkey and a bottle of thousand island dressing, I'm out
Me: Why would it involve thousand island? It's balsalmic all the way
Him: Too acidic....creamy italian and we got a deal
Me: Fine..but I get to pick a brand.

Again, I had no idea where I was going with this, but I was going there. I didn't know what he was thinking that I was meaning. So we're all confused and we all can be happy with that knowledge

This might be an overshare...

Dr. Lady pocket: Do you have a special guy in your life?
Me: No. I have a few unspecial ones though
Dr. Lady Pocket: Yes, that happens.

She also told me to not wait until I was 47 to get married because then there are "slim pickens"

Thanks Dr. Lady Pocket!

Sometimes I don't even have to try

I know I haven't updated in a while. Fear not, here's a post to tide you over. There is a guy that I've been talking to that I kind of like (he reminds me of Dickhole Pete in his general awesomeness. That's the only way that they are similiar) but I haven't thought of a name yet. So be ready for that when it comes.

Instead, I bring you a story. It actually doesn't involve me at all. We all remember Trogdor correct? Well, Trogdor wanted to be a writer. He's not a very good writer. I know some people that are actually good writers. He is so not one of them. He wrote a story of erotic fiction. And here it is (warning - there's some inappropriate language in here...nothing worse than what I've said though....)
Rising on the Road
Erotic Fiction - Heterosexual
Written by Trogdor
My name’s Chris. I’ve always been one of those introverted, bookish types. You’ll never see me travel without a book in my hand. Jeez, you’ll never see me without a book in my hand period. I only say travel because this story takes place on a bus ride from New York to Boston. I was going there to see an old friend from college. After an excruciating wait at Gate 84 of Port Authority Bus Terminal, I found a window seat towards the back of the bus. I open my duffel bag, take out my copy of Ernest Hemingway’s A Farewell to Arms, close the bag, and put it in the overhead compartment. I open it up and begin reading.

As I read, this lean-looking blonde with hazel eyes, a solid figure, tight black pants, and a white tank top stops at the seat next to me and sits down. I attempt to appear enraptured in my book. She looks over and asks, “What are you reading?” I tell her. She says, “That cover’s hot.” The cover is of a man and woman engaged in a passionate kiss. I tell her, “Yeah. Those are the main characters.”
“Is it a romance?”
I guess you don’t know your Hemingway too well, I think to myself. “Kinda,” I said. “It takes place during World War I, and this ambulance driver falls in love with a nurse.”
“Really,” she says. “Do they have hot sex?”
“Oh yeah,” I tease. “They do it in the hospital, they do it in the ambulance, they even do it in the guys’ barracks.”
“Really,” she said as her hazel eyes took on that seductive glare.
“Yeah, really,” I respond.
“Can I borrow it for a bit?” she said with a raise of her eyebrow.
“Well, what would you do for it?”
“I’ll take out my blanket and share it with you.”
I put my chin between my thumb and forefinger, look at her for a few seconds, and say, “Oh fine, if you insist.”
“Jerk,” she says lightly as she taps me lightly on the shoulder.
She reaches into the overhead compartment, takes out a white blanket decorated with red lips, and spreads it over both of us. In return, I hand her the book.
The bus driver makes his announcements about final destinations, rules for bus etiquette, etc., as I take out my journal and begin writing, while she starts reading. Pure silence for an hour, as she continues to read and I begin writing random thoughts in my journal. “Horny.” “Suck me.” “Lick me.” “Fuck me.” As these thoughts are making their way to the paper, I feel a tiny hand rubbing against the upper part of my left leg. That hand, of course, is connecting to her body, while her eyes stare straight ahead with a seductive glare, as if she’s trying to bed the back of the seat in front of her.
She unzips my pants slowly. She then reaches in and fondles my genital area outside of my underwear. My penis is throbbing hard. As she continues to fondle, I reach my left hand under her blanket and begin to rub against her bare leg. Her glare turns to a smile, as she closes her eyes and gives a hard squinty smile. I slowly move her leg and towards her thigh, just above the seam of her pants. I then reach my hand inside her pants and begin to fondle with the tip of her clitoris. She begins breathing heavily as she strokes my cock harder and faster. I reach my fingers into her pussy and start fingering in and out. Harder. Faster. She breathes heavier and her pussy gets wetter as she strokes faster and my cock gets harder. I’m full of aggression as I feel fire coming out of my nose as I fondle harder. My cock is now at its maximum erectional capacity. I feel sperm coming on as I fondle harder, and I shoot right into her hand as her clitoris retracts. She closes her eyes and the lips of her mouth spread out in a wide smile. She lays her head on my chest as I scratch her leg slowly. I feel my eyes closing shut.
I’m woken by an announcement that says, “We’re now arriving in Boston. Please check around your seating area for any items you may have brought on board.” I slowly open my eyes as my new companion slowly lies off my chest and raises her arms. I do the same and give her a smile. As I’m wondering what to say, she reaches into the overhead compartment and pulls down her pocketbook. She takes out a pen and a piece of paper and writes on it. “Give me a call when you get back to New York,” she says as she smiles seductively, flips her hair around, and walks into the aisle. I take it out and it reads, “212-745-1893.” No name?

That explains so much. Just so much. Who writes like that? When I read "maximium erectional capacity" I almost died. That's just not right. But you can bet your ass I am going to use it whenever I can. It's just such an awkward story and it's not written well and geeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.

As I said to Summer...Trogdor wanting to be a writer and getting erotic fiction published is on par with me wanting to be a radio DJ (cause I do) and instead being a phone sex operator. It's just not the same and doesn't equal what you're looking for.

Admitting something really bad....

Here’s the secret – Miley Cyrus and I? Total BFFs. How do I know this? Simple. Everytime I listen to “7 things I hate about you” I can imagine a boyfriend (it’s Boots. I should stop trying to be coy, because it’s Boots. FUCKING BOOTS) and I sing along. Except I don’t have just 7 things I hate about him. I have so many more than that. And the parts that she loves, which are mostly the same as the parts that she hates? Not so much in my case. I would share these things but A) it would be horribly boring B) I don’t think I really could name all the things that made me angry C) there very few things I like, but the ones I do like would be total overshares (not that I’m not into oversharing…but this is a massive overshare and D) I just don’t care enough.
But when she’s singing about hating his hair and his eyes and how he loves her but likes someone else…it’s like it’s my life! I share a life with a 15 year old pop star. We’re so alike, you know. Her dad is Billy Ray Cyrus….my dad listens to country music. She has her own TV show….I amuse myself thinking I’m on my own TV show. She has thousands of adoring fans…there are 7 people that read my blog! We’re so even.

I read a blog post today (remember my problem with Google reader? Good, me too) about how some girls whine about not having boyfriends. And the first thought I had was “ohmygodisthatmeIreallyhopenot”. Seriously. Just like that, all my words crammed together in one, big awkward word. Am I that whiney? I don’t think I whine about being single. I’m not going to lie, being single isn’t exactly my idea of a fun time, but it’s not so bad. I guess I’m just getting tired of myself, you know? I like hanging out with my friends and having fun and never having to check with someone to make sure that I’m not supposed to be anywhere else…but I bore myself. I’m done with dragging my friends to see movies that they don’t want to see and going out to bars and dancing with myself because some people (like SUMMER) don’t dance. I just want someone to bring some more entertainment into my life. And I need a boy because I can’t be a girl all the time. I can’t. It’s just not in me. I’m not really a tom-boy, persay, but I just can’t put on makeup and heels and prance around all the time. Mostly because instead of prancing, I crash into things and hurt myself. And really, trying to make yourself really interesting is actually totally exhausting. I just want to…holy crap, now I am the whiney girl. Sorry guys.

But seriously, am I being whiney? Someone? Anyone?

Might as well face it, you're addicted to blogs

I have Google reader. This is very dangerous. Google reader may or may not be the reason that I get nothing done at work. I’m sure it totally has nothing to do with how much I hate my job. Regardless, it’s awesome. If you don’t have Google reader and you read a lot of blogs, you better get your ass on it. Also, it helps to make you not look like a stalker crazy person from someone that might have Google analytics. Not that I would obsessively check blogs I liked all the time. Nope, not me.

I’m getting away from the point though (if I actually have one, that is). I’ve been reading all sorts of blogs. Some of the blogs I found through 20 something bloggers and some of them I found through other people’s blogs. Regardless, almost all of the blogs that I read are written by 20 something ladies that are just as lovely as myself. Here’s the thing – we’ve all been burned so badly. We all have a Boots in our life. We all have an ex-boyfriend that we KNOW is so bad for us, but we continue to think that maybe MAYBE things would work again. These girls, whoever they are, are with me in this mess. They are searching for some man that isn’t going to be like the others. We all are. And in that, we are together. It makes me wonder how many of us there are. I’m sure that there are thousands. But it makes the situation seem somehow not so terrible. Sometimes, I’m selfish with my feelings. I feel like when I’m upset or depressed or angry that I am the ONLY person that has ever felt that way. I know, deep down, that I’m not. But because I’ve become so wrapped up in myself, I can’t think of that. It’s nice to know that there are other people that have thrown everything they had into a relationship only to have the bottom drop out of them. It’s a relief to know that other girls have thought that they could make it work with an ex because they just needed him to be back in their life, even if it would be total chaos. And it’s awesome, so awesome, to know that some other girls feel the same sense of total anger that a guy could dump them for someone else. We know that we’re better than the guys that we dated. It doesn’t take the sting out of what’s going on. But we’ll be united.

The best part is the fact that most of them are hysterically funny and therefore, makes me feel inadequate. Thanks girls. In case you want to see what I’m talking about, check out these blogs:
...more than a blog
Chelsea talks smack
It's like I'm..mmmagic
Laughing thru my chardonnay
Strange Musing of a distrated spunk
This? Is not the life I ordered

And then, amongst us…a man. A man seeking a lovely lady. A man searching Match.com for someone who’s not a freak. He’s awesome and amuses me and he and I are on the same journey, just in different places and at different times. I have to give him a lot of credit for being a male blogger, nevermind a male blogger blogging about finding love on the internets. Check him out for serious.....

I’ve also just decided that perhaps we should make some sort of database that can include all these fuckhead men that seem to like to say one thing and do another or cheat on you or just break your heart for the fun of it. We could save a lot of other girls a lot of frustration. Of course, if it’s the girl that your boyfriend dumped you for, she deserves what she gets. Not that I’m mean and vindictive or anything. Again, that’s so not me.

Finally, I found this blog today. It amused me. I sent something in today…I bet when it’s posted, you’ll know it’s me. Reasons why I dumped you

Darcy, don't let this be you!

Everywhere, I tell you!

"I must look like a beastly beast with a cracked teacup for a heart"

Today got me thinking of all the emo love things. You know, being depressed and sad and in love and all those things all at once? Lilo and I were talking about Weetzie Bat today and it reminded me of some of my favorite quotes from those books. They are about mystical and magical love.

"An amusement park in winter is like when you go to the places where you went with the person you love but they're not with you anymore. Everything rickety and cold and empty...if you thought you were empty inside from being alone you know that you for sure have a stomach anyway but it doesn't want to stay in there. You also for sure have a heart which is beating hard and doesn't want to stay where it is either"

"Do you know when they say soul-mates? Everybody uses it in personal ads. ‘Soul mate wanted’. It doesn’t mean too much now. But soul–mates – think about it. When your soul – whatever that is anyway – something so alive when you make music or love and so mysteriously hidden most of the rest of the time, so colorful and big but with out color or shape – when you soul finds another soul it can recognize even before the rest of you know about it. The rest of you just feels sweaty and jumpy at first. And your souls get married without even meaning to – even if you can’t be together for some reason in real life, your souls just go ahead and make the wedding plans. A soul’s wedding must bee too beautiful to even look it. It must be blinding. It must be like all the weddings in the world – gondolas with canopies of doves, champagne glasses shattering, wings of veils, drums beating, flutes and trumpets, showers of roses. And after that happens you know – that it, this is it. But sometimes you have to let that person go. When you’re little, people, movies and fairytales all tell you that one day you’re going to meet this person. So you keep waiting and it’s a lot harder than they make it sound. Then you meet and you think, okay, now we can just get on with it but you find out that sometimes your soul brother partner lover has other ideas about that. They want to go to New York and write their own songs or whatever. They feel like you don’t really love them but the idea of them, the dream you’ve had since you were a kid about a panther boy to carry you out of the forest of your fear or an angel to make love and celestial music with in the clouds or a genie twin to sleep with you inside a lamp. Which doesn’t mean they’re not the one. It just means you’ve got to do whatever you have to do for you alone. You’ve got to believe in your magic and grace right up to the mean nasty part of yourself that wants to keep the one you love locked up in a place in you where no one else can touch them or even see them. Just the way when somebody you love dies you don’t stop loving them but you don’t lock up their souls inside you. You turn that love into something else, give it to somebody else. And something in a weird way when you do that you get closer than ever to the person who died or the one your soul married”


Then there's this. This poem is something that a friend from college showed me. One of her friends had it written about her. It's beautiful and I love it and the first time I read it, I burst into tears.

- Remember the night we went to that rich area near the water?
- And we walked around
- And the stars were really bright and wonderful – looking at us from above?
- And it was balmy…but with a crisp wind
- And I remember the exact image of you looking up at the stars and me catching you doing it…and it was one of the most human, picturesque, gorgeous, innocent things ever
- I never tell anyone that
- and it hit me so hard…seeing you like that
- that it imprinted the smells, the sounds of the wind, the silhouettes of the trees…to this day I remember every aspect
- And I was acting weird when we got back in the car
- And you didn’t know why
- You thought I was mad
- But it was because at that moment I knew I could want you and only you forever and ever with that image of you under the summer blackened sky looking up
- Nothing could come close
- not even words. And hence my inappropriate actions, acting distant the whole ride home
- It was pure terror that feeling. Knowing that I’ve seen something that was totally pure and was the most aesthetic beautiful scene and person ever. So fitting
- And it was that moment, that moment. That sparked it.
- I’m babbling. Sorry. There’s nothing you could really say
- It’s almost too much. You know when you think back to things…and you feel them again, inside your body…as if you’re there
- I think of summer…and I’ll be walking…and a warm breeze will pass by once in a while…and the smallest thing will just make me break down inside
- And think of stars
- and winding roads
- and darkness
- and Adriana
- in her dress
- just a flailing atom in the breeze of life swaying so furiously
- and its hypnotic trance summer
- There.
- That’s what I wanted to tell you
- And it’s not even close to being a modern romantic thing dressed up in flashy words to make it sound genuine. I truly was awestruck. And it….was scary
- You would think seeing something so beautiful would be nice…happy…smiles. But when you do see it, like I did when I saw you there, it’s…not something you are taught to handle
- or deal with. Something that can capture you, make you realize that it has just made you lose your breath to the point of fainting with love, ecstasy and passion
- And what can you say? God forbid I tell you when I saw it…what do you say to someone who has just made in total love with them? Just by…being.
- Nothing.
- You cannot say a word
- They have not earned it in the normal sense
- They just….have it

Holy Crap

You have to click this link. It's amazing. Click it

Ex-boyfriends?

Very excellent article

I was thinking today while I was at the gym about all my ex-boyfriends. All of them. I can't say that I am proud of some of them, but they helped me become who I am now and help me to know that I don't ever want to date boys again. So here's the list of winning boyfriends, in all its glory. I might do a bit of oversharing. I'm just warning you

1. Weston Footballer
- dated for 3-4 months when I was a junior in high school
- played football (duh)
- helped me to misplace my virginity
What can I say about the WF? He is the reason that I started down the trail of "Boy, I love sex!" He was my first boyfriend. I met him at a leadership conference when I was a junior in high school (the fall time). We were talking online a bit before he asked me out on a date. He came to pick me up, he was dressed exactly how I like a man to be dressed and wowed my parents. I can't tell you for the life of me what we did. He bought me roses. He came and hugged me tight when I thought my parents were going to get divorced. Was an excellent boyfriend...before I slept with him. A month or two after that, we broke up...but still had sex. Oops. He would come over to my house late at night and we would go back to his house. I haven't seen him recently, maybe 2 years ago? The last time he saw me, I was working at the bookstore and I had on my emo glasses. He told me I looked like a sexy librarian. He still IMs me from time to time, wondering who I'm sleeping with. He also tells me in great detail about the sex we had, as if I had forgotten. I tried to forget, but he brings it up again. He had a girlfriend that he would cheat on all the time, but it was okay...cause she was cheating on him all the time. He's currently trying to convince his new girlfriend to have a 3 way.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - I think he did. Why? Because he was bored? Because I was all emo? Beats me
Friendship status - IMs every now and again. He lives down in PA

2. Reaper
- dated for 6 months or so between senior year of high school and first semester freshman year of college
- went to my college, which was where I met him
- left after freshman year
- Best. Boyfriend. Ever
Reaper is one of my best friends. Honest to God, I wouldn't change that for the world. It took us a while to get there. I met him at the accepted students weekend at my college. He told me I had beautiful eyes. After that weekend, we kept on talking. He came with me to my senior prom. We started dating shortly after that. It was a long summer without him. We were inseperable in college. We had all the same friends. He was an awesome boyfriend - always there for me, always said the nicest, sweetest things to me, always wanted me to be happy. We had awesome sex. And then we broke up. We didn't talk for a few months, which was hard cause we had all the same friends. Then we made up...and started sleeping together again. My sophmore year of college, he came to visit and hooked up with my roommate. I stopped talking to him after that. We didn't talk for 8-9 months until before my 20th birthday. Then we became best buds again. He met all my boyfriends in college to give them the seal of approval. He threatens to beat up guys that hurt me. We thought about getting back together a few times, but never did. Right now, I would much rather have him in my life all the time as my best friend than run the risk of breaking up with him and losing him again.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - He did. I was still emo. He thought that if we didn't break up, he would end up marrying me. Says that was the biggest mistake he ever made
Friendship status - He's my BFF. We talk like, 3-4 times a week. He makes me feel better when boys make me feel down. I don't see him half as much as I should. I miss him terribly all the time.

3. Maine Man
- dated for maybe a month second semester of my freshman year of college
- I stomped all over this one
I started dating Maine Man a month or two after Reaper and I broke up. He was friends with one of my friend's (named Robin) boyfriends (named Skullcrusher). They lived across the hall from each other. He looked a lot like the Weston Footballer. He was sweet and innocent. He drove all the way from Maine (where he lived) to Connecticut to get me to bring me to school...in upstate New York. We got him really drunk one night and he couldn't find his way back to his own dorm. None of us helped him home. His heart was totally in the right place, but I wasn't over Reaper. He also had the tinest smallest little weiner...ever. It was sad. If I had known this, I would have never gotten involved with him in the first place. I broke up with him when I was drunk, then slid down a muddy hill on my ass. And not on purpose. I broke the poor boy's heart. It gets better though. He lived with Skullcrusher our sophmore year of college. Skullcrusher was terribly in love with Robin...and she broke up with him. And I went to pick up the pieces. That was awkward. Then one night I went to a party with Skullcrusher and Maine Man and I wanted to go home. Skullcrusher told Maine Man to walk me home. He did and then he told me all the bad things about me. Awesome conversation.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - I broke up with him. I wasn't over Reaper. It just wasn't working. He had a tiny weiner.
Friendship status - He left after first sememester of sophmore year. I think I might have talked to him once since then and he was engaged.

4. The Reject
- Dated him for 3-4 months first semester of my sophmore year of college
- Worst. Boyfriend. Ever.
I started dating The Reject for really only one reason. My grandfather was dying from throat/lung cancer. I was in upstate New York. I was so upset and I needed someone to make me feel better. In addition, I was really sick. I was sleeping all the time and couldn't get out of bed and I had the nastiest worst migraines as well. Because of all my sleeping, I really don't remember much of my relationship with The Reject and that's probably for the best. I was in sad fucking shape, my friends. Enter The Reject. His friend (Kellen) was dating one of my friends (Liz) and that's how I met him. He was short. Like, 5'4". I'm 5'10". We were weird together. He had gotten into a serious car accident with Bootcamp Boyfriend and another friend of theirs. He wasn't a good boyfriend because he did nothing to try to make me feel special. He would stay with me at my college dorm and talk to other girls online about how we were breaking up. Of course, I had AIM logging, so I found these conversations. I went with Liz and surprised him at his house one day. He was on the phone with another girl. He had a really hard time holding down a job. He more or less sucked at life. He's the boyfriend I never talk about becaues it's flat out embarassing that I would have dated him. He started going to the college that The Statie went to...a year after I graduated. From what I hear, he went looking for me and couldn't find me. Because I had graduated. Fucking moron.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - I did. I realized that I needed to be better and I needed to fix myself and he wasn't a part of that. He was probably cheating on me too. Oh, and he was a reject
Friendship status - What do you think? He still IMs Darcy from time to time though.

5. Bootcamp Boyfriend
- Dated him on and off for 2 years, starting my sophmore year of college and ending my senior year. TWO FUCKING YEARS
- He gets in my brain and I can't get him out
- Amazing sex. Totally amazing.
Bootcamp Boyfriend was friends with The Reject, which was how I met him. He was totally charming and totally into me. When we first started dating, he would come to see me every weekend (he lived like an hour away in the boonies). He worked nights, but would still come to see me. One weekend, he didn't come to see me and he was kind of ignoring me. So I got a little drunk and hooked up with this other guy. I came clean, but that was always awkward. When things between us were good, they were great and excellent. I totally loved him. I really did. The end. He sent me flowers when I had to get my tonsils out over the summer. He missed me while I was gone. Then it was time for me to go back to school and back to him...and he stopped returning my calls. He stopped talking to me altogether. He didn't want to date me anymore, I guess? I can't tell you how we got back together, but we did. It might have been because my computer broke and he offered to fix it. We might have been talking by IM? Then we started talking more and more and got back together. My roommates hated him (with good reason) but I tried to make them like him. He would make me cry on a daily basis. He was totally emotionally abusive. I put up with that for two years. I don't even know how. I would only see him on the weekends, as I said. We would talk during the week and he would tell me about the other girls that he worked with and how they were hitting on him and they had bigger tits than I did and so on and so forth. I would cry and feel like shit. Then at the end of the conversation, he would tell me he loved me. And when he saw me, he would tell me how much he loved me and how he couldn't live without me. I bought into that. We kept on breaking up and making up for a long time. The summer between my junior and senior year of college, I started working with a group of people that helped me think the best of myself. I stopped sleeping so much and I lost 25 pounds. My confidence grew. I was strong enough to get out of my emotionally abusive relationship and recognize it as such. I finally had enough in me to get rid of him and move on and be a better person. A better, more amazing person. I wanted my friends back. I wanted to be like I was. He, meanwhile, was dating some girl that was cheating on him. His dad got married and even before my senior year in college and his dad's new wife told me that I wasn't invited to the wedding. I didn't need him. But for some reason, I saw him. He came upstairs to my dorm room, pushed me up against the door and said "I love you still. Always." Uh, what? So we had a thing that didn't go well my senior year of college. It was always like pulling teeth to try to get him to come and see me. The few times that we did though, we had a great time. He would be excellent boyfriend when we were together. He would be not excellent boyfriend...every other time. That math doesn't add up. I met The Statie as my relationship with Bootcamp Boyfriend came to a halt. One of the last days when I was at college, packing up my room before graduation, he called me. He was hysterical in tears. Like, couldn't get the words out tears. He was telling me how much he loved me and how awesome I was and how he couldn't live without me and so on and so forth. I didn't buy it. We then didn't talk for a while until I had this crazy ass dream about him. I emailed him, expecting him to not return my email or anything. He called. He was leaving for Bootcamp. He said he wanted to see me, but since I know him and that most everything he says is a lie, I doubted him. He got mad and hung up on me and that's the last I heard from him. We hated each other most of the time but we had awesome and amazing sex. That might have been why I stayed with him. I'll admit it.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - Pick a time. Sometimes it was him, sometimes it was mutual. The last time and the time that stuck, it was me. I got tired of being emotionally shoved to the floor. I got up, dusted myself off and got rid of him
Friendship status - He was at bootcamp the last time I knew. He has yet to return an email.

6.The Statie
- dated him for just over a year
- went to the state college across the street from my private college
- finally stopped calling me
He was my most recent boyfriend. I fell pretty hard for this one and I don't know why. He was dumb. I took a year of boyfriend detox from him and now I'm much better and much more awesome. He rode in on the coattails of my breakup with Bootcamp Boyfriend. Some of my friends from my school used to go to the state college and introduced me to him. We all would live at the bar my senior year, so that's where I met him. He was always at mug night. We had some playful flirting to start. One night I was down there and I was only going to stay for a beer or two. I didn't have money and I was cranky as shit and I just didn't like people. He saw me as I was leaving and asked me where I was going. I told him I was broke and going home. He offered to buy me a beer. And then another. And another. At about 2 AM, we were going back to his dorm to drink more beer. I ended up spending the night at his place...in his bed. He was in his roommate's bed. I remember calling Reaper on my walk of not shame back to my side of the street. Not long after that we started dating. We had a lot of fun and things were good. There was this girl that worked at the bar that we called (and I'm not proud of this name, but I didn't come up with it) Shovelface. She really liked The Statie. She liked him so much that since State and U had different spring breaks, she told him that they should hang out...when I was on break. I was pretty pissed. He did end up coming back from his spring break early just to hang out with me. My friends liked him, I liked him and all was good. We thought we would have some fling until the end of the year, but it turned out not to be that way. We dated all summer long and I was in love with him. We were in love. But I graduated and was looking for bigger and better things to do with my life and he...didn't finish his degree. He's 2-4 credits short. He's still not done. Although it was cute for everyone to drink a lot in college, the further removed we got from it, the less socially acceptable it became. My family liked him, but he was a drunk. So things started falling apart. He came to visit one weekend and all we fucking did was fight. He picked a fight with me over Trivial Pursuit 90's edition. I can't make that up. We broke up not long after that. He started dating another girl that I call Trainwreck. She was a real upgrade from me: worked in the fish department at Pricechopper, had a baby, the baby daddy was nailing a 16 year old, she just barely had a high school education, etc. I was feeling pretty wounded and saw no reason for him to want to be with her and not be with me. I got over that though. Then The Statie and Trainwreck broke up because she was cheating on him...SURPRISE! That's when the phone calls and texts started. He would call me at all hours of the night, begging me to come back to him and answer his phone calls and send me these emo text messages about how he couldn't live without me and he needed me and so on. I had no patience for that. One night, he called me like, 12 times, no joke. I answered the phone on the 13th time and just yelled at him. Not my proudest moment, but I couldn't take the 4 AM calls anymore. He's since stopped calling which is good, cause I just don't care.
Reason we broke up and who did the breaking - He did the first time. Then he kept on crawling back and I didn't want him
Friendship status - Not on your life.

Wow. Looking at all of this...wow. I'm a fucking magical person. Each and every one of those dumbass boys helped me get here. They helped me to believe in myself and my general awesomeness. I might hate some of them, but I can't help but thank them a little bit

From Collegecandy.com

Both of these links had me rolling. And since this blog is about sex just as much as it's about dating...they had to be posted.

I've had the leg thing happen to me

Cosmo, you've let us all down again

Guest Blogger!

This is Summer.

Carrie has graciously allowed me to guest blog…because even though I’m
married, it doesn’t mean I don’t encounter my fair share of creeps.

Actually this post is about one of my closest co-worker friends, who is
anything but a creep. Although he exhibited some creep-like qualities when
we were going for a quick walk around the mall at lunch the other day.

We will call him Hampshire, because his family has a vacation home in New
Hampshire. (I’m not as witty as Carrie with the boy pseudonyms)

So Hampshire and I were strolling around Barnes and Noble the other day and
all of a sudden he asks when the husband and I are going to have kids.

Excuse me???

I mean, he was at my wedding and everything, but still. It really is no one
else’s business. And no matter how close I am with a co-worker, I don’t
think I’d ask them anything like that!

I’m 23. Kids are the LAST thing on my mind. I don’t even like kids. (don’t
hate me for it!). I’m assuming my “maternal instinct” will kick in at some
point and I will want kids, but at the moment, no thanks.

When I said as much, he kind of wouldn’t drop the subject and kept saying
things like “really?” or “why not?”

Are you kidding me? I mean, Hampshire was kind of joking around and it was
all pretty light hearted, but still.

Creepy.

Just because a girl is married doesn’t mean she is ready or wanting to drop
everything to get pregnant…actually I am terrified of it.

Life lessons from "He's just not that into you"

- I only need one asshole in my life and I was born with it. Probably very correct.
- Be classy and not crazy. I can handle that
- Don't stalk someone on myspace. That one's a little harder.

Overall, quick and interesting read. I liked it.

FYI guys

This isn't happening to just me....