BLOGGING FAIL....

As promised so long ago, it’s a blog update. It’s not like I have a good reason not to be updating my blog, but whatever. I’ve been busy? No, that’s a lie. I’ve just been lazy.

So where to begin? My parents seem to really like Achilles. My mom asks me questions about him every day – somethings that I do actually know because I’ve been dating him for longer than they know, I pretend not to know. But she says that he’s nice and very sweet and a decent guy and very low key (HAHA) which means that she approves. And I like that. Achilles came over last Saturday when I was making cookies with Darcy and Lilo and my dad talked to him for a bit. That’s weird. I guess my dad wished him luck in the kitchen with us. I was dancing around and being silly and he just sat there and took it all in. He’s a saint. Lilo left and Darcy left shortly after that, so Achilles and I just hung out. After the massive snow storm on last Friday shattered my nerves (and my plan to hang out with Achiles), it was nice just to be with him. He is very comforting and totally sweet and adorable.

Also, I bought him a whole bunch of snacks. He left on Tuesday for his sister’s house in Cincinnati and was going to go without snacks. That’s pretty much unacceptable. I went out with Darcy and Darcy’s Sister for snacks. I panicked about the snacks, even though he told me what he liked. But he was really excited about it and gave me a huge hug and told me how wonderful and thoughtful I was to even do that. Score one for me.

I didn’t expect to see him at all on lastSunday, but my parents and W were going to a party (that I wasn’t invited to!) and he didn’t want me to have PB&J for dinner. So I got to see him again! And we snuggled and he made me dinner and it was lovely. Then I stole one of his t-shirts. I woke a black t-shirt over to his house on Sunday. When I was putting my clothes back on (scandalous!) I put his shirt on instead, thinking it was mine (I was clearly out of it, because Achilles is bigger than me and looking at the shirts, you could tell which one was which) and danced around, asking him if I was as cool as he was now. He told me that no, I wasn’t. I was sad. We ate ice cream in his bed and watched the Simpsons and did nothing. And it was fabulous. I gave him his shirt back as I was leaving, even though it was soft and snuggly and smelled like boy and I liked it…so he told me to take it with me, as long as I give it back. Which I might do. But now I’m excited to have a soft and snuggly Achilles shirt, which I’ll give back to him at some point. I don’t know when though. Score another one for me. I’m up two so far.

But Achilles is gone until Tuesday. So I lose one for that. And it’s not much different than if he was at home, I wouldn’t be able to see him during the week anyway. Knowing that I can’t even see him if either of us had time because he’s not even in the same state is sad. And knowing that I’m so..meh about him being gone lets me know that I’ve really started to fall for him and really started to fully embrace this relationship. That’s so scary for me. I don’t want to get burned like I have before, but I have a feeling like this will be different than others. He was telling his sister about me the other day and said that we get along really well and compliment each other well. I agree with these thoughts – but also felt great that he felt it too. I can’t even explain why I like him as much as I do. And I don’t have to. But I feel myself falling for him. At least now I have the ability to stop myself from falling into a brick wall, which I think I didn’t have before. I’m not going to rush anything. I’m not going to force his hand, I’m not going to bully him into telling me things he doesn’t mean. I’m just going to be with him and see where it goes. And from what I can see – it’s going to go in a perfectly fabulous direction. Seriously. That makes me more happy than anything I could ever say. I feel really lucky now.

Also, he called me on Christmas to tell my that his niece called me a "ho ho ho" (because she's 12 and that's totally what a 12 year old would do) and I told him to tell her that I was going to punch her in the face. I'm charming. So he goes "MY GIRLFRIEND IS GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!" and the important part is that he called me his girlfriend. That's amazing. I tweaked about that for a while.

Okay, done with being sappy. On to my other..issue? Is that what you would call what I’m about to say?

I work at a very small company (there’s only 15 of us, 13 in the office full time) so we all are very involved with each other’s lives. We get to know each other, we talk a lot – we like each other. I mean, we have to. We’re about the size of some screwed up family. There’s this guy that works here that’s Achilles age – let’s call him...Quagmire (as Lilo put it “because no matter how many times you shut him down, he keeps trying to do you”). Quagmire’s office is across the way from mine. My computer screen is angled, so when I look up from my screen and over the desk, I look right into his office. That’s just how things are. I could talk to him from my desk in a normal voice and he would hear me. But Quagmire goes out of his way to tell me things. Like about the t-shirt he just ordered or his guitar that he just got or how he got into a car accident a few weekends ago when he hit some black ice. He FINDS reasons to talk to me about things. He IMs me sites where I can find cheap games for the wii. He calls me into his office to listen to the weezer Christmas album. And it’s just so strange. Did I mention that he looks at my boobs? Like, a lot? I feel like he’s always flirting with me and it’s just…wtf? I know he hears me talk about Achilles (because I do) and I know he knows that Achilles exists. I’m now listed as being in a relationship on facebook!

So maybe..

So maybe I went over to Achilles house last night and he made me dinner. And maybe while I was there, I took one of his t-shirts. Is that so bad? I just like the way that he smells. But this shirt? So totally mine

OK....

So I'm at work, totally hung over (our christmas party was last night and I drank HARD). I will be updating later, I swear. Here's a few bullets to tide you over...
- weird guy I work with. He doesn't quite have a name yet, but it's coming.
- my parents reaction to Achilles
- me talking myself down EVERYDAY because of my general paranoia
- maybe a little bit about the christmas party at work. because really - why not?

Further weekend update

I’ve already posted about how fabulous Friday night was. Achilles = most awesome. But yesterday he topped himself. So when I go out with Achilles, I just tell my parents I’m going elsewhere – I’m going to Darcy’s house, I’m going to Summer’s house, I’m hanging out with Lilo – whatever the case may be. I’m afraid I’m going to slip one day and say I’m going somewhere and then when I get home, I’ll say something else or one of my friends would slip (no fault of theirs though). I decided I had to introduce them to Achilles so I could say that I was going out with him – which would be the truth. He agreed to come and get me from my house – we went to see a movie yesterday afternoon and ended up getting dinner. I brought it up kinda casually. I told my mom I was going to a movie and my friend Achilles was coming to get me. She asked where I knew him from (okay, I made up a lie about that). She asked if where he worked, what kind of car he drove, how old he is (“I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe in his late twenties or early thirties?”) and then, the most important of all questions: was he taller than me?! And yes, he is. That was good enough for her. My mom was really nice to him when he came in, I showed him the giant Christmas tree (we put it up yesterday morning) and we were on our way.

Dinner was a blast – though it shouldn’t have been. We went to this classy burger place in SoNo that’s so excellent. On Sunday nights, some douchebage named PJ is there, playing his acoustic guitar. While we were trying to eat. Did I mention that the kitchen lost our order, so we were sitting there FOREVER waiting for food and the D-bag was playing and I almost lost my shit? I mean, I didn’t care that we waited, I like spending time with Achilles, but FUCK, I was hungry. Our food showed up, we started eating…and then the PJ (known now as the Peege) started playing a song…about playing songs at the burger place. There was a fire of rage in Achilles’ eyes. I snapped at him “ACHILLES! FOCUS! FOOD! EAT YOUR BURGER!” and he came back to reality. But god, Peege – why did you do that? It was terrible. Achilles and I then realized that we got along so well because we hate all the same people! It was at that point that calling someone Peege became an insult. Since then, I’ve been calling him Peege and he’s been telling me that I’ve given him the Peege and it’s taken on a life of its own. And that is fantastic. It’s just one more reason that I like him. He’s awesome.

After dinner (which was on the burger joint for FORGETTING us and making us listen to Peege), he brought me back to my house. I fed him cookies (I was on a baking craze) and introduced him to my dad and my brother, W. My dad didn’t say much of anything, but that was to be expected. I had slipped on Achilles last week to W, so I think he wanted to meet him. My mom was trying to get W to come upstairs from the basement without saying “come upstairs and meet Carrie’s friend”, which was great fun. W is actually going to be doing me a huge favor by keeping an ear out for me and listening to what my parents have to say about Achilles. My mom kind of gave me the 3rd degree before I went to bed last night – where did we go to dinner, who paid for dinner (it was me. The tab was $7. AMAZING), where did he live, etc. She then decided that he was very nice and quiet (HA. NO) and that was that.

This morning she came downstairs and asked me if I was going to be seeing him again. I said that I think we had plans for this weekend and then he’s going to Cincinnati (which is true) and won’t be back until New Years (also true). I think she’s trying to figure out if we’re dating, but I’m not giving her enough information to go on. At least now I can say that I’m going out with him or going to his place when I actually do, which makes my life even better.

My mom just asked me if I heard from my friend. I asked her which friend and she said "you know..ACHILLES?!" and I told her that yes, I did in fact hear from him. And yes, we would be hanging out again. Oh mom, you're so clueless.

WTF, seriously

I'm now kind of off the market (sort of). You all know what I mean. But since that point...I've been getting winks and messages and all sorts of things on match. Like, way more than I had since I met Achilles. WTF? Did all these guys realize that I'm amazing all of the sudden? And yes, I should probably take my profile down or disable it or whatever, but what gives? Only one of the guys seems a bit more intersting than Achilles, the rest are all just...lame-os. I've noticed the kind of guys that I attract are kind of bigger guys, maybe that are secret dorks. Seriously, every guy that's winked at me in the past 2 weeks has been that kind of person. Am I giving off some sort of signal THROUGH THE COMPUTER that says that I'm the hot ticket and someone should talk to me?

Oh boys...

Last night I had a sleep over with Achilles. It was great fun. We went out to some super tasty Japanese place for dinner (where he mocked me for not being able to use chopsticks and then MADE me eat sushi) and back to his place. We watched The Dark Knight so I could drool over Christian Bale. He's so hot.

Achilles was all dressed up for his company's Christmas party - he was in a suit. He looked...really good. I felt like I was totally underdressed (not for the place that we were eating, but being with him) but he kept on telling me how great I looked and how nice my sweater was and how lovely I was. He's great like that. This morning as I was stretching and rolling around in his bed because I'm a jerk, he told me how much he liked my body. I freaked. I mean, how could I not? I don't expect him or ANYONE to say that. But there I was, all deer in headlights about it. He knows that I don't have any idea how to handle him being so sweet to me. He knows that these compliments blow my mind. And they seriously do. But he's so consistant with his feelings towards me (he really likes me. He told me so!) that I am starting to believe them. Yesterday he was telling me that he liked me because he could relax around me. He liked that I put him at ease. I don't know what it is that I do that makes him feel that way - but I don't really care. I like that he feels that way about being around me. When I'm with him, I feel like I can be off. Somedays, being funny and making everyone laugh and saying clever things is just...it's really tiring. But I do it because that's what is expected of me. When I'm with him, I know that I don't have to have the quickest answer. I know I don't have to try to make him laugh - mostly because I just do it without thinking. It's a very comfortable...whatever it is that we have. I like dating him because I don't have to try to impress him or make myself out to be something that I'm not. He thinks that it's cute that I suck at being really super girly but yet love bags and shoes. He says things to me just to make me smile. Being around him, feeling good - it's effortless. That's scary and awesome all at once. I mean, I can feel how I could really lose my shit over this guy. But unlike past relationships, I feel like I'm in control. I feel like I can hold myself together and not say how much I care until it's right. If we even get to that point, which I seriously hope that we will.

When we got back to his house last night, he took off his suit and I was lying on his bed and he crawled in next to me and pulled me close to him and we just...laid there. For a while. We didn't say anything, we didn't do anything - we just were there. He then sighed and kissed my head and told me that he had a really bad week, but me snuggling up next to him made it all so much better. He wanted to be snuggled, he wanted to have me near him. And just the fact that that simple fucking thing would make things better really shocked me. And made me feel great. He's being honest with me when he says things like that. I know it. I'm turning into gross relationship girl. I really love being around him. I like that me makes me laugh and makes me smile and tells me that I'm pretty and lovely and wonderful and fabulous and so many other things. I like that I don't have to explain things to him. I like that he gets me. I like that he's a little left of center. I like that he willingly tells me everything he likes about me...

me: {on being smacked and sent to bed} i think you can make it
besides, even if i'm not nice now, i'm always terribly sweet to make up for it
Achilles: this is true
me: i know
it's cause i like you
Achilles: i still wonder why, but ok
me: see, i could tell you why
i'm not an information withholder
Achilles: oh i CAN tell you
but i choose not to
gotta keep you workin for it
me: i shouldn't have to work for it, you should just tell me
Achilles:: lol
me: but i suppose that takes all the fun out of it for you
Achilles: i will give you a couple
1. you laugh at my jokes
2. you never shy away from me saying clowntits
3. you have a nice rack
me: good to know that's in the top 5
i guess that's super important? lol
Achilles: oh very
me: you're only giving me 3?
Achilles: for the moment
ok, 1 more
4. youre sweet in spite of yourself
me: i think you should give me 5
because that's a logical number
Achilles: 5. your pocket tastes like tangerines
me: that's just an out and out lie
Achilles: ok ok
5. youre an awesome snuggler

He tells me that I'm so sweet and nice and wonderful to him and I'm not doing anything. Seriously. I'm just..there. It's blowing my mind. I know this isn't my usual snarky self (don't worry, it's coming soon) but god. So cute. I can't take it.

Ew gross and adorable

Achilles: lol when i look at your status message at the bottom of this IM window...
me: yes?
Achilles: it says "i should stick to butt...."
me: exactlyyyyyyyyy
but the whole statement is even better
Achilles: you love butt
me: your face loves butt
Achilles: depends on the butt
i would gladly stick it in scarlett johannsons butt
me: i know. you've probably told me that
she's your person
Achilles:: nah
youre my person :)
me: awww....adorable
that made me smile
Achilles:damn
you were supposed to say "gross!@"
me: sorry
i mean, EW. GROSS! Achilles, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
me: better?
Achilles:there you go
me: i will be sure to keep my secret responses of happiness to a minimum

Conversation with the Brewmaster

Me: when are your real tests?
Brewmaster: first one is thursday
Me: you' re going to spank it and make it your bitch
Brewmaster: thats right. those tests are in for some hard loving.
Me: that sounds like something achilles would say
he came over on friday night and i was walking into my house and he was behind me and then he's like mumbling "oh yeah baby, i would make sweet sweet love to you right now"
and i turn around to be like, WTF?
and he's humping the washing machine
Brewmaster: hahahaha
Me: it was a magical moment
Brewmaster: that is wonderful
Me: he does shit like that all the time and it amuses me to no end. he made up a song called "i'll be your personal dildo" and sings it in a high pitched voice
Brewmaster: hahahah
he's a keeper carrie
he has charmed my heart with his creative vulgarity

Super Massive Overshare....

…..Which is not to be confused with supermassive black hole, which would be the song that played while all the Cullens played baseball. That’s right, I saw Twilight. I’ll admit it. And Edward Cullen? Absolutely sexy for no good reason. Oh dear do I want him for all the wrong reasons. Him or James. James was HOTTTTTTTTT.

But this post is not about Twilight (but it could be). But it won’t be. Post is about..the drought. Being over. Oh yes, the year and a half or so without…is over. Whoo! I got some! Whoo!!! It’s an overshare of large proportions, but I had to share. How could I not? And there are so many things I could say about the large proportions thing..and Achilles. I won't. But know that there could be a relationship between the two. HINT.

Achilles made it happen. I mean, we both knew it was going to happen and whatever. That’s fine. So on Friday, I had the house to myself. My parents and brother were out seeing Tim McGraw and I was alone (yes, I still live at home. It’s not because I want to, it’s because I’m DEAD ASS BROKE). I told Achilles he HAD to come over because, hello, it was an acceptable time to come to my house. No one else was around. He didn’t have to be exposed to all the crazy. I had an minor meltdown on Friday (but I recovered, mostly) and during the day, one of my coworkers bought me ice cream. Because he is AWESOME. I was telling Achilles about how that ice cream made my day better. Achilles one upped him. He came over, with HALF BAKED ice cream…and condoms. It was sexy. He goes “I brought you presents!” and I danced around the kitchen. I was so excited about the ice cream, I didn’t notice anything else in the bag. He told me to look again and huzzah, protected sex would be had! I told him the lady at CVS must have known that he meant business, what with serious ice cream and serious condoms. We both had a good laugh. He is wonderous. Friday was pretty excellent, I tried to get him to stay with me because it was fucking cold in my house and sometimes, when I’m home by myself, I get all nervous pervous about things that don’t exist. He didn’t spend the night with me though. I do have a tiny bed and we both would have slept like shit. His bed though? Totally awesome and comfortable. I want to stay there.

I made pie with Lilo on Saturday because we are amazing bakemastery all-stars. I was texting Achilles, telling him to be jealous of my pie. Which turned into a totally inappropriate conversation about my pie. How could it not? Yesterday, I brought him some maple pecan pie because he asked so nicely for it. We sat in his bed, all snuggled up, eating pie. It was great – it was cold and snowy outside, we were all snuggled and gross and adorable inside – it was just what I needed.

Achilles really makes me feel good about myself. So in a previous post where I said that I would have to take massive xanax or be so shitty drunk to take off my clothes – that wasn’t my reality. I just…I did it. I didn’t freak out (much) about being nakeeeeeeed in front of him. He makes me feel like I’m just…wonderful. I know that’s the way it’s SUPPOSED to be, that’s how good relationships work. But that’s really never been the way that relationships work for me. Achilles is a totally different experience than I know what to do with. But Achilles still has enough jerk in him to make me like him. If he was nice all the time, I wouldn’t be able to handle that. He’s still funny and makes me smile. And he’s been determined to stick his finger in my nose. I’m not sure why, exactly, but it’s okay. I don’t mind. I like that I can be like that with him and it’s okay.

I also think my parents are starting to suspect that I’m up to something. I’m telling them that I am going other places or going out with other people when I go out with Achilles. I just don’t know how to tell them exactly what I’m up to. It has nothing to do with who Achilles is. I adore him and I really do want to share him with the people that care about me. But I know that they don’t know how to act. They will tweak that he’s 9 years older than me. I don’t ever really notice that he is. We’re very much alike and I just don’t ever really see the difference between us. They would totally fly off the handle when/if they found out how I met him. And that’s the dumbest part. I’ve posted about it before, but so many girls, girls that are way prettier and more awesome than I am, are finding guys on Match.com. That’s just what happens when you get tired of meeting guys in bars, not working with any men and having lots of married friends (sorry Summer and Lilo). I know many people that have done it and it’s no reason to hide it. But because my family is fucking BATSHIT insane, there’s nothing I can do. I was telling Achilles this yesterday because he told me that I just should tell them what’s up. I’m thinking it might be best to just spring it on them. They won’t have time to react, they won’t have time to think and I’ll make them see that he’s really lovely and fabulous.

Being a dumb girl, being a dumb girl

Last night, I was going over to one of my old co-worker's houses. LB has a son that's 4, JB. I LOVE HIM. He's cute and adorable and so so so blonde. And he loves me. A lot. He told me we could get married as long as we didn't have to dance at the wedding. I call him my boyfriend JB because that's so what he is. He asks LB about me. We hold hands. You know, that sort of thing. I was texting Achilles last night as I was driving to LB's house (I know, I'm not supposed to do that, but I did) and he asked me if I was going to see my "other boyfriend". WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!?! I talked about it with Lilo ALL DAMN DAY. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!

Lilo believes that that means that Achilles...is my boyfriend. Which is a weird thing to think and to say. And both Lilo and Summer agree that I should just ask him. I would feel like a total tool being like "uhh...so you're my boyfriend now?" My plan was to wait until he introduces me to some of his friends and see what he says. That might not be for a while...so we see how this plan has faults. But that's about as far as I got. Lilo insists that Achilles, if he wasn't my boyfriend already, will LOVE to be my boyfriend.

I am in a panic. Why?

There's no good reason why. I just am. I guess because asking him that question makes me vunerable for the first time since I've known him. We've talked about things that are deep and not surface stuff...but they haven't been about feelings towards each other. And to vocalize something that I want and I'm pretty sure he wants scares the shit out of me. I am so dumb. I need to stop. I like him. I really and honestly do. I'm not just saying that I do because I want to be with someone. I'm saying that because I feel like he's a good match (ha, dumb!) for me. He's smart and very funny and can keep up with me. And as So@24 says , us girls that might be funny (at least I think I am) should not settle for guys that are not funny. (In unrelated side notes, the blog he mentions, whatclaudiawore, is fucking AMAZING. She's great. I want to BE her. Also, I referenced this blog post in my conversation last night with Achilles. You know you have a problem with blogs when you talk about them IN REAL LIFE AS IF THEY ARE A CONVERSATION YOU HAD. So, props to you, So@24. Your blog is now a part of my life.) He makes me laugh and smile and I like being around him. I feel comfortable around him. He just...he is. It makes no sense that I say that...but it's what I feel. God, emo tonight. Sorry.


And in another unrelated note...last night, L found out that both JB and I want lego batman for christmas (I have the same taste as a 4 year old boy. classsssssssssssssy). JB then started talking about the other woman (Zoe, that whore...okay, so maybe she's only 4. And maybe she only just kissed him while they were in line to get their photos taken...but I know when I'm being replaced by a younger woman. That makes Zoe a whore). Then he went back to talking about lego batman and told me that if I didn't get lego batman for chrsitmas, I could come over to his house and we could play. As I'm telling Achilles this, he tells me that I'm setting myself up for some emotional abuse. He said that JB is going to lure me over to his house so we can pretend to play lego batman, but really he's going to talk about Zoe. "Haha" I said to Achilles, "I've already been emotionally abused and it didn't involve lego batman!" He asked what I mean. I changed the subject.

Lilo then tells me...JB is using you for your love and worship. He is teasing you and he is a womanizer. Womanizer. Womanizer--kill me. But: if he gets Lego Indiana Jones, you should not feel bad using him for his snuggles and video games. I think this is only fair.

I agree.

Also, tomorrow is Boot's birthday. I'm hoping more than anything that he doesn't call. I don't want or need him now

Blogging Future,,?

With Achilles now in the picture…where does that leave this blog? Summer thinks that I should still continue to write in it, although without trying to find a guy to date through Match, it kind of has no point. I guess I can post about awkward relationship moments, but still.

Speaking of Match, I cancelled my subscription. Is that putting too much stock in Achilles? I really don’t know. I hope not. I think that he’s wonderful and fabulous and I just really like being around him. I feel comfortable and he’s nice and sweet to me and tells me CONSTANTLY how wonderous I am. He tells me about my apparently soft girl skin and my lovely girl smell and how he likes snuggling with me. I haven’t heard anything like that from anyone in a long long time. Am I totally head over heels for the compliments? I don’t think so. I think I can look at Achilles and know that he just likes me.

I saw him 4 times in the past week. Granted, neither of us worked on Thursday and Friday, which left Wednesday night for some fun and Friday night and yesterday. And our idea of fun…is snuggling. Yesterday it was shitty and rainy and gross outside. I had just about had it with my brother (which is another story for another day) and I needed to get out of the house. If Achilles hadn’t called, I would have just gone to see Darcy. But he called and I sounded so defeated on the phone that he told me I should come over because his bed was warm and snuggles were to be had. So I did. I got to his place, dragged myself up the stairs to his apartment, kicked off my shoes and fell into his bed. And that was my afternoon. We both had places to be around 7, so there wasn’t that much snuggly time, but we both just wanted to lie there and order in and do nothing.

I don’t know what I means that we both can just lie there, all snuggly and not need much else to amuse us. I mean, the TV was on, but neither of us was watching it. He was rubbing my back and I was burrowed into his side. Does it make me some kind of snuggle whore that I can just snuggle up next to him without you know, being super serious about him? I don’t think so. We snuggle and it’s adorable. He smells my hair and kisses the end of my nose. It’s something that I haven’t experienced with any guy before. No other guy I’ve dated wanted to snuggle. Snuggling was totally out. But Achilles…he does.

He told me something that was just...I don't know the, cutest thing ever. I know last night I was talking about being broken (my knees are all screwed up, my back bothers me, I can't see for shit...pretty much, I have the body of an 80 year old) and I was saying that I needed a new self. He was telling me that no, my self was great and he liked it just the way that I was.

As we were talking on the phone late last night, he was telling me that he wished I was there because we could be snuggled up. And I wanted that too. I'm snuggle girl. Oh my goodness.

Reaper told me it would take me a while to shed my gross cynicalness about being without a relationship for so long. I guess I have?

Last night...

I went over to Achilles' house last night. He wanted to hang out and I said "SURE!" because more than anything, I wanted to snuggle. And snuggle we did. He is a professional snuggler. I kind of love it.

I didn't get to his house until like, 9:30 or so. I had just gone to the gym and my thighs were killing me. I was so broken. So I collapsed on his bed and was like "gah, my legs, they are the broken" and he rubbed them for me. Which sounds bad, but I swear, it wasn't like that. He then told me that he feels bad for my body being so broken all the time. I'm okay with it.

The last time I saw him, he kept on telling me how I was pretty and cute and how everything I did was adorable (including dancing around his kitchen) and I dared him to come up with something that I did that wasn't adorable. Well, apparently, I make this face. I make said face whenever he says something slightly sexual (perhaps he says "I'll stuff your turkey" or something). He told me this face, while made in a sexy moment...WAS NOT SEXY. So guess what I kept on making last night? Oh yes, that face. I would make the face, go "THAT WAS THE FACE!" and then bury my head in a pillow. He would laugh and laugh and tell me that he felt bad for telling me that something I did wasn't adorable. It was cute.

I told him that I couldn't stay and that I would have to leave and go home to sleep in my own bed at my own house. He made the most excellent point that I was there, at his house, and it was warm and I was snuggly. Oh damn you. But I got up and get on my shoes and so on and went outside into the cold, even though I didn't like it. But as I'm going to get up to get my stuff, he kept on pulling me back and pulling me closer to him, telling me not to leave but to stay because it would be so much better if I did (I know that) and we could have so much fun (more fun than we already had? I don't think so) and that he likes me and wants me around. Adorable. He's so sweet and nice and lovely and seriously....I really really really like him.

I put on my emo glasses (I had taken out my contacts because my eyes were soooo dry) and he tells me how pretty I am. I'm blowing hair out of my face and he tells me how pretty I am. I'm telling him not to poke my chub, because seriously....I hate that. He insists that I'm not fat, I don't have chub and that I'm fantastic just the way that I am. Again, I have no idea how to handle someone just being nice to me to be nice to me. He kisses my hair! He rubs my shoulders! He kisses all my fingertips and then the palm of my hand (I haven't figured that out yet, but god, it's sweet) and I just...whoa. You guys. Whoa.

This could be the best conversation ever

Chicken killer: did i tell u
Chicken killer: i told my pof stalker to f-- off
Darcy: Tell me? Oh!
Darcy: Well congratulations!
Chicken killer: she 18
Darcy: I'm sure that didn't go over well.
Chicken killer: she was like i love you
Chicken killer: i was you cant love me because you dont know me
Chicken killer: she was like fine your like the rest of the guys i speak too
Darcy: Hahahhaha!
Darcy: Well, good for you!
Chicken killer: i am sick of her iming me and being nude on cam
Chicken killer: women and men are weird
Chicken killer: no more stalker woo
Chicken killer: but now i am your stalker lol
Darcy: ?
Darcy: Does that mean I should tell you off?
Chicken killer: well your not mean so you cant
Chicken killer: i am joking
Chicken killer: your a good friend
Chicken killer: if i stalker you. you would send the baby goat after me
Darcy: You're right...I wouldn't do a very good job of yelling at someone...there wouldn't be any feeling behind it.
Darcy: Ha...forget the goat, I could do much more damage w/ my dog.
Darcy: She's a nut.
Chicken killer: i know
Chicken killer: ohh well
Chicken killer: maybe if she didnt live 4 hrs away i would be good
Darcy: Your stalker? I would think that's a good thing...then she can't somehow find you....
Chicken killer: i fouid out why your postive
Chicken killer: you have an optimstic look at things
Darcy: ?
Darcy: Well, yes.
Chicken killer: ya i am on your pof page
Chicken killer: lol i am stalking you
Darcy: Oh... yay?
Chicken killer: ya
Darcy: You couldn't figure out the optimism w/o reading it?
Chicken killer: honestly i dont know the word i was looking for
Darcy: Ah...
Chicken killer: i was like on tip of my tounge but i couldnt come out
Darcy: That happens.
Chicken killer: i think u like me a little
Chicken killer: no offence
Darcy: Oh? And how do you figure that?
Chicken killer: just a feeling i have
Darcy: Hmm...that's unfortunate....cause I don't like people having false hopes and getting hurt as a result...
Chicken killer: lol
Chicken killer: ok fine
Chicken killer: i like u
Darcy: Well, I had guessed as much...especially after you continuously stated it...
Chicken killer: lol
Chicken killer: i speak to you every day
Chicken killer: come on
Darcy: Hmm?
Chicken killer: your sweet and smart
Darcy: So? There's a lot of people like that out there....
Darcy: You just gotta sift some.
Darcy: or a lot...
Chicken killer: darcy
Chicken killer: stop it
Chicken killer: i know what your doing
Darcy: Oh?
Chicken killer: your fighting it
Darcy: Hahahah! I'm not fighting anything...I'm trying to stop you from doing something silly to yourself.
Chicken killer: but in life you have to take chances
Darcy: I know...but it's sad to watch someone take a leap knowing there's concrete below them...
Chicken killer: lol
Chicken killer: darcy i dont want to date you because i like what we have now
Darcy: Okay... As long as that is clear.
Darcy: Then that's fine.
Chicken killer: i mean like if we dated ok
Chicken killer: and i dump you because something
Chicken killer: i dont want see u hurt
Chicken killer: because you might be happy on the outside but on the inside your heart would be crush
Darcy: hahahahha!!!!!
Darcy: I'm sorry to laugh at that... I know it's a hypothetical situation...
Darcy: and I should be impressed that you would care that much...but I can only suspend disbelief so much...



That's a real pre-thanksgiving treat. Thanks Darcy! In other unrelated news...going to see Achilles tonight. Very Exciting!

I was j/k on that last one

So...Achilles doesn't hate me. And neither does life. Just in case you wanted to know. I ended up going up to Lilo and Stitch's place. I went out to buy some yarn for Lilo (I'm making her a scarf for Christmas) and then we were hanging out and eating pizza and playing rockband. Huzzah. I texted Achilles to tell him that something he said made Lilo almost fall out of her chair. He texts me back that he's bored...where am I? And a half hour later, he's at Lilo and Stitch's place playing rockband and totally having a blasty blast. We also watched Hot Fuzz because he hadn't seen it and that's just unacceptable. I was thrilled that he could meet Lilo and Stitch. I haven't heard their opinions on him, but we will have to see. I don't see how they couldn't like him...he's a very likable guy. And I have to give it to him, he willingly throws himself in situations that are very much sink or fucking swim and he always makes it out. He had no idea how to play rockband (lame) and he didn't know my friends, but he did it well. W00t!

As we were leaving on Saturday night, I asked him if he still wanted to see me on Sunday, considering he saw me then. He told me that he didn't get enough of me tonight (gag) and that of course I should come over on Sunday. He was making me dinner, damnit.

Which brings us to Sunday. I went over to his place, we were watching dog agility trials (omg, how did we get so cool) all snuggled up warm, which was excellent. Yesterday was a little chilly, so to be all warm and cozy was excellent. Then he made me chicken fajitas (nom nom nom nom) and they were super good. As we're cleaning up the kitchen (and he's talking trash about his roommate that he doesn't like), I'm eating guacamole. There was some left on the spoon and he was mocking me, so I maybe fed him a mouthful of guacamole. After he stopped laughing, he told me that wasn't very ladylike. I told him that having a pocket does not make you a lady. Because let's face facts, I have a pocket and I'm so not a lady in anyway. This also made him laugh.

We then started watching Reno! 911 the movie because he hadn't seen that either. Again, I say...UNACCEPTABLE. God, there are so many things that I have to fix! We were joking around and being all snuggly. I told him about I thought I was going to have to take a xanax before I can lose all my clothes in front of him. He laughed and told me that I was pretty and had nothing to worry about. Gag. It's really great to have someone that makes you feel like that. I kind of totally missed that. A lot. A whole lot.

It's weird with him. And by weird, I mean totally and completely normal. I was talking to Darcy today and I told her that with every guy before Achilles, I had to like, fight to be acknowledged and cajole people to say that I was pretty or they liked being around me. Achilles just says this stuff freely. And I think whenever he tells me something nice about me, I look at him funny. I don't know how to react to something that I don't have to struggle for. The Brewmaster brought up the fact that I hate guys that are weak and spineless. I don't see this as him being spineless. I know he's not. But I like just...not having to try, you know? I like just being liked because I'm around and I exist and I have things about me that make me likable.

Which of course, brings me to another point of my panicking, which is at what point does he stop liking me? Does he stop once I sleep with him? Does he stop because he doesn't think I'm pretty anymore? OR....should I just fucking stop thinking about this shit and live in the moment and enjoy that this is my life.

Oh, I know!

I should enjoy that this is my life. So I am. Life, thanks for working out for me. I can't believe I ever doubted you.

Because life hates me..

...I was supposed to see Achilles tonight and we were going to play Rockband with Lilo and Stitch. However, I came down the the black plague and warned him that I have a cold. He just got over a cold and passed on tonight (which is fine, I understand).

Instead, he sugguested that I go over to his house tomorrow night and he can make me dinner. I'll probably still be sick, but it should be great fun. And I'm not really even feeling sick, I just sound like crap. We'll see how it goes. I told him I wouldn't breathe on him and that I would stay out of his personal space. He told me that that would take all the fun out of the day.

I talked to him pretty much all day long on AIM yesterday. He is gross:
achilles: last weekend was so nutty i might just need some quiet time
me: hey, i didn't tell you to spend so much time with me on sunday
achilles: lol i know
achilles: but it was so hard to part with you
me: oh gross
me: that's adorable
achilles: well it was

The other thing I've been churning around in my brain is my actual relationship with him. We both said, in so many words, that we weren't seeing anyone else. So what does that make us? We've gone out like, half a dozen times. I have no idea how to handle this. I feel like I just fell into relationships in college and you just had to wait for the other person to change their facebook status to dating you and then, hey...new boyfriend! I'm trying this whole "let's be an adult" thing and I don't think it works the same way. Oh well. He's met some friends of mine randomly (like when we're out) and I just introduce him as Achilles. Haven't figured this shit out yet. Oh well, I have plenty of time to think it over....

Also...

Achilles nickname for me is "cupcake". That is digusting and adorable. I am so gross

Lilo, I loves you

Lilo: carrie, if you are home you have to tell me why you are smiling and glowing
me: i am home
me: it is true
Lilo: spill!
me: i am smiling and glowing becuase i had SUCH a fabulous time
me: seriously
Lilo: yyyyyyaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy
me: he's wonderful. we went to the aquarium (they had penguins!) and saw some kid walk into a door
me: he took me out to dinner
Lilo: ha!
Lilo: oooh!
me: we spent 2 hours talking in his car
Lilo: talking, eh?
me: like, we met up at 11. i got home at like...8:30
me: mostly talking
me: sometimes..not talking
me: thus leading to glowing
Lilo: awwwwwwwwwwww
Lilo: yay!
me: seriously
me: he's lovely
Lilo: When I told Stitch where you guys were going, he was like, "Dude, they are not even going to get there. They are going to pull over and do it right there in the car," and I was like, "Jeez, Stitch, not everyone has sex within a week of meeting one another"
me: i'm so glad Stitch has so much faith in me
me: and no, we didn't have sex in the car
me: jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez
Lilo: I'm so happy for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
me: and he was making it hard for me to be like "no, i think i should go home now"
Lilo: yay
me: he kept on telling me how pretty i looked
Lilo: i bet you did!
me: thanks
Lilo: awwww i'm all cuted out onw
me: he loves his car. like a lot. like...way too much. his car is named josie
Lilo: i hope josie didn't get jealous
me: and as we were driving back from mystic, i asked him if he had a good day
me: and he told me he spent it with his two favorite girls
me: so yes, he did
me: GAGGGGGGGGGG
Lilo: HA
me: it was so cute and vomit worthy

Whoa

I met up with Achilles at 11. I just got home now. He's...wow. I really really like him and he really really likes me and it's adorable and gross all at once. Seriously. I just walked in the house and I'm surprised that my parents didn't notice that I was GLOWING. Because I am. I so totally am. We had such a fun day and it was amazing. Holy shit guys. Holy shit

You guys...

My bounce rate on this site is really high. I'm a little insulted. Could you please stay on my blog for more than 2 seconds? I'm really funny, I swear.

Tomorrow I am going with Achilles to Mystic. I don't know what we are going to do (aquarium maybe?) but that's where we thought to go. Should be an interesting car ride, no? We can talk about all sorts of things.

But TONIGHT! I was going out to dinner with Darcy down in SoNo. I was texting Achilles and telling him about how I was having issues getting dressed (nothing I own fucking fits. I've been over this) and he asked me where I was going blah blah blah. He was going to be in SoNo doing something else. I told him that he should come by and say hi. Then I called Summer and told her that she should come to where Darcy and I were eating dinner because ACHILLES would be there. And that's how Achilles met about half my friends in one simple evening. He fit in really well and he's so much at ease around my friends. Which is good. They all seemed to like him and Summer's Husband only had one small compliant about him. Which really doesn't count. Summer gave him 2 thumbs up, Summer's Husband gave him a thumb up and a thumb down and Darcy gave him a thumb up and an undecided thumb. I feel good about this. I want them to like him because they like him and not fake like him like they have before. It went well, I think. I will have to get more info out of them as the time ticks on.

I should go to bed now so I can be well rested for my car ride with Achilles to do...something. I feel so special that I saw him tonight AND I will see him tomorrow. Fancy. I am so fancy.

And in upcoming posts...how do I break this to my family AKA stop putting the cart before the horse you stupid ass

w00t!

Yesterday was my first day at my new job. And what do you think happens? Oh, that's right, I was terribly horribly sick with some death flu the night before. Seriously, I was sitting on the couch and all of the sudden I started to not feel good. I went upstairs to get into my bed and go to sleep. Achilles called and I was talking to him and telling him how miserable I felt and he told me I should just go and make myself puke. Sexy, I know. Then, after he said it, I had to puke. Like, HAD TO. So I just about hung up on him, considered sleeping on the floor of the bathroom, but somehow made it back up and called him back to tell him that yes, I was alive and feeling much better. HAHA. That's where I was wrong. Shortly after I got off the phone with him for the second time, I brought my blankets with me back to the bathroom so I could camp out in there. When I got back to my bed, I had the chills so bad, I couldn't sleep. I had on a t-shirt, a long sleeved shirt, boxers, PJ pants, socks AND all the blankets on my bed and an additional blanket and I was still shivering and unable to sleep. I got maybe 4 hours of sleep on Sunday night. Monday was super fun!

Actually, the new job is great and all the people are really nice and I very much like it. Also, I'm allowed to be on googlechat all day long, which means not much working gets done. Haha. Back to yesterday...he knew how shitty I was feeling and kept on telling me all day long that the day was almost over (it wasn't) and that I should take some advil or something to make me feel better (I did, but I only felt better for a little bit) and that everyone there was bound to love me because how could they not? (they did). He was so sweet and awesome to me even though I was being a cranky bitch. Gosh, I so like him. We also briefly touched on the fact that neither one of us likes playing games or saying one thing when we mean another. Good to know we're on the same page. I talked to him briefly today. I would imagine that he might call me later as he has a habit of calling on Tuesday nights. It's just kind of what he does. I don't know when we are going out again, but maybe I'll know soon.

And in case anyone wants to know, he did kiss me on Friday night. It was very sweet and totally adorable and I was all girly about it. Which is amazing, cause I'm not girly about anything. He also put his arm around my side at one point to pull me in closer to him because he didn't hear what I said and I jumped like someone prodded me with a hot iron. It wasn't because I didn't like it, I just didn't know to expect it. We both laughed. I didn't trip over anything either, which made Achilles sad because he was really hoping for that. Why? Because I trip over everything and it amuses everyone. He was hoping for that moment.

That's about all that's going on right now. I have good feelings about what's going on with this, so everyone keep their fingers crossed for me. I'm going to go upstairs and crash on the couch and continue to recover from my mystery death flu illness. I don't know where it came from, but I'm so tired of it!

This stuff never gets old

Chickenkiller: Can i ask you a personaly question
Darcy: You can ask, that doesn't mean I'll answer.
Chickenkiller: Dont get mad ok
Darcy: Agreed
Chickenkiller: Are you in your 40s
Darcy: What?
Darcy: No.
Darcy: Why would you think that?
Darcy: I'm 24.
Chickenkiller: Because your so mature
Darcy: Hahhaha!
Chickenkiller: At least i didn't say what my friend said you were
Darcy: ?
Chickenkiller: I was talking about you being so mature and he said she maybe the L word
Darcy: Hahahah.!


And then to me she says....
Darcy: Wow..I even give off that vibe to people whose only contact w/ me is IM convo descriptions given to a friend.... *sighs*

Oh man

*dances* I like him! I so like him! I LIKE HIM SO MUCH.

Last night was so fun, we laughed a lot, saw Zack and Miri Make A Porno and generally enjoyed each other's company. Now let's see if he texts me today....

This made my shitty day so much better

Achilles: and then you get to hang out with me friday, which will be super sweet
me: well, yes
me: that will make friday even better than it was just going to be by it being my last day of work
Achilles: awww youre cute
Achilles: i would snuggle the shit out of you if you were here
me: i need a snuggle cause i'm just exhausted mentally


Darcy wanted me to know that when someone snuggles you so much you can't breathe, that's not snuggling anymore.

So yes, Achilles and I are going out on Friday night. Which is like, super actual date night. We were supposed to go out last Thursday night, but he had to run off and get SARS or something, so we didn't go out. He was feeling miserable, but managed to keep me amused all of Friday night, Saturday night and all day Sunday. Seriously. All fucking day. He's sweet to me and very funny and we're going to see where it goes. I'm very excited about this whole thing. Lilo commented today that I was the happiest that I've been in months when she saw me last night (election party...WHOO OBAMA! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!). She's right though. As I mentioned in the last post, it feels like everything is finally coming together and everything is good. I couldn't be any happier if I tried.

And...
me: there wasn't anyone annoying at the gym, i don't think
Achilles: im sure you were getting ogled like mad

GAG

Thanks Ben Gibbard!

A few weeks ago, I went to go and see Death Cab for Cutie play. They were amazing. Totally the best show I've ever seen. That's not the point. DCfC has a lot of songs about love. Ben was asking the crowd (you know, because he can so hear an answer) about how many people were in love. A bunch of people cheered. My Aunt and I glared at them. Ben went on to say that many people think that spring is the time to fall in love, what with everything blooming and coming to life. He disagrees. He feels that you should all fall in love in the fall time. Why? Because otherwise you'll be cold and freeze your ass off. Taking Ben's advice, I shall find someone to snuggle up with this fall because I was SO FUCKING COLD LAST NIGHT and it was not acceptable.

Achilles (new name for Pie Guy, let's all try to keep up, okay?) cancelled on me tonight. He's not feeling well and that's okay. We all get sick and we move on. I told him to pick another night for dinner and a "shove". Why did I put shove in quotation marks? I have no fucking idea. I didn't really think that part out. I just wanted to amuse myself at work and make my day slightly better. So that's how you get "shove".

(Backstory on shove - in my family, when someone says or does something that you don't like, you can give them a shove. You can say "I'm giving you a shove" and then shove them or you can ask someone to give someone else a shove, ie "Kim, please give my mom a shove for that comment". I explained this shoving concept to Achilles and he thought it was great. So I told him I would be shoving him).

Converation that followed the "shove"
Him: Wait. Since you put "shove" in quotes, are you implying something besides actual shoving?
Me: What do you think it means?
Him: If it involves a spider monkey and a bottle of thousand island dressing, I'm out
Me: Why would it involve thousand island? It's balsalmic all the way
Him: Too acidic....creamy italian and we got a deal
Me: Fine..but I get to pick a brand.

Again, I had no idea where I was going with this, but I was going there. I didn't know what he was thinking that I was meaning. So we're all confused and we all can be happy with that knowledge

I'm trixy!

Sometimes, I feel as though I have nothing to put for a title. Then I think of a title name and I realized I've already used it. Then I realize I'm just a lame ass. And that's what goes through my head as I put up a blog post...huzzah!

First - update on that guy. The Pie Guy. He so needs a better name, but for now, we're going with Pie Guy. God, that's a horrible name. Whatever. Moving on. Pie Guy and I are going out to dinner tomorrow night. Like, on a 2nd date. Whoa! Excitement? I think so. We're going to a classy burger joint and it should be pretty excellent. I've been there a million times before and he's NEVER been there, so I think that this should be a good time. He seems to think that I'm as super cool as I think that I am, so that's a good sign. I really do like him and he's good people. So, we shall see where this goes. I'm going away this weekend and he's going away this weekend, so I won't see him until next week if all goes bad. Which I don't think it will.

That's about all the excitement I have had lately. Just Pie Guy, texting me amusing things and wondering if I got escorted out of the building after I told them I was leaving (I didn't). (I did, however, laugh in the HR lady's face. That was special).

I am also making an effort to not use the word "awesome". Lilo forwarded me some email about how people overuse the word awesome. I will make a huge effort to not say that word. It's generally the first word to come to my brain. So this should be a good time.

In more totally unrelated things...I love this blog post. I think this blogger is one of the best bloggers out there and I really enjoy reading her posts. Anyway, I think this post is exceptionally good because it has made me think. She has a point. You can look into your baggage and pick and choose what you talk about. You can drag it around and it hurts you when it's too much and when it's just fine you don't even notice. I've had baggage. At times, it's felt like a giant steamer trunk that I have to drag down the stairs behind me. Now, I feel like my baggage is like a camping backpack. I've got it strapped on and it's a little big, but I can carry it and it's not going to get me down.

the times - they are changing

So, big news – I met a guy from Match and he’s not totally a freak. I haven’t come up with a name yet for him. I’ve been telling Darcy that he’s pretty Fab. Not FABULOUS, but just fab. Cause he is. I’ve just enlisted Summer to help me come up with a name for him. I really have no idea what to call him. We went and had pie yesterday. We sat in the diner for 2 hours, laughing and having a really great time. And then he showed me his knob…IN HIS CAR. Perverts. I didn’t see that knob. Then we were joking about him showing me his knob on the first date and so on. I’ve never had so much fun doing relatively nothing with a guy I just met. We’re getting dinner one night this week, so that’s excellent. I enjoy his company and I enjoy him. So…good.

In other totally unrelated news – I just got a new job! That should have nothing to do with the dating scene but it does. My job now makes me all sorts of miserable. My new job will make me less miserable (at least that’s what SHOULD happen) and that will change the way I see things. I was telling the pie guy about it. It’s just such a shock because I’ve been thinking about getting a new job and going on interviews and getting nowhere and being so crestfallen about the entire thing and all of the sudden things changed. I was talking to the pie guy on Thursday night (after my interview) and I told him that I didn’t think that I would be getting this job and that I would likely be staying at this miserable place for a while. And low and behold – new job. New guy.

I am having the best week ever.

No joke.

There’s really not much that could make this week better.

Oh wait, yes there is. I’ve lost damn near 25 pounds. This weekend was the first time that anyone in my extended family had seen me in a while and everyone kept on telling me how great I looked. No one has really been saying that. I mean, I know I’ve been losing weight, none of my clothes fit and so on. But that’s the first time that anyone actually acknowledged that I’m a little bit thinner. I’m going to keep on going and keep on losing weight because I can. Because I’m having the best week ever. I’m losing weight and getting a new job and finding new exciting people. So nothing in that chain of awesomeness better break. I would be a little sad. But I’ll dust myself off, pick myself back up and keep on going. As Meatloaf said – 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.

Now it’s time to get back to a job that I only have 9 more days of! 9 more! I gave my two weeks this morning. It’s really hard to make myself work. But I have to do it. C’mon self, do your work

This might be an overshare...

Dr. Lady pocket: Do you have a special guy in your life?
Me: No. I have a few unspecial ones though
Dr. Lady Pocket: Yes, that happens.

She also told me to not wait until I was 47 to get married because then there are "slim pickens"

Thanks Dr. Lady Pocket!

WTF

I swear something will be coming from me soon. Until then, here's an awkward moment between Darcy and Chickenkiller....

Chicken killer: umm
Chicken killer: this 33 yr old lady wants to meet me from pof
Darcy: Lovely...
Chicken killer: she lives 4 hrs away
Darcy: Did you say no thank you/
Chicken killer: i said i would need to get to know her more
Darcy: Well, that's good.
Chicken killer: she nah you wont understand
Darcy: I won't understand, or she didn't understand when you said that?
Chicken killer: 'you wont
Darcy: Well, I'm okay w/ that too.
Chicken killer: she a wiccan
Darcy: Well, what's wrong w/ that?
Chicken killer: do know what they can do
Darcy: Like a crazy wiccan, or a "I love they earth" type?
Darcy: Because I grew up w/ a wiccan friends....
Chicken killer: noo
Chicken killer: they can astro project
Darcy: Huh? Okay, so she's the "crazy" kind?
Chicken killer: she was there in my room last nighjt
Darcy: Matt... That's kinda ridiculous...
Chicken killer: see
Chicken killer: you dont understand
Darcy: Did she tell you that, and then you "felt" it?
Chicken killer: felt
Chicken killer: and saw
Darcy: I just want to make sure she's not tricking you or anything...
Chicken killer: dude
Chicken killer: i know how to astro project
Chicken killer: and she was in my room telling me to meet her
Darcy: Really?
Chicken killer: i hate it
Darcy: And how long have you been able to do this?
Chicken killer: since
Chicken killer: 15
Darcy: Where do you go when you're doing it?
Chicken killer: why
Chicken killer: i meet this girl name holly and we hang out
Darcy: No, I meant when you astro project...
Chicken killer: ya
Chicken killer: i hang out with this girl
Chicken killer: name holly
Darcy: But where?
Chicken killer: where ever she wants to go
Darcy: How far away from yourself?
Darcy: Is Holly the Wiccan, or a different person who can do it too?
Chicken killer: holly is a girl i ment a long time ago
Chicken killer: who i ment from asto projecting
Chicken killer: and i wish i can fine where she lives
Chicken killer: so we can really date
Darcy: Huh...
Chicken killer: i dont know where she from
Darcy: Can you talk to her?
Chicken killer: when i do it yes
Chicken killer: we can talk and walk and ot her stuff too
Darcy: Have you tried asking where she lives?
Chicken killer: she doesnt want to tell me


Anybody want to shed some light on this? Seriously...

Yay, something to post

This is the message I just got on match:

Can you tell me your name? My name is Joe.

You have a good day and take care,
Joe

And yes, I could tell you my name. But no, I'm not. He's a little older than any guy I would be willing to date (try 39) and his entire profile reads like Yoda wrote it. His tagline (or whatever you want to call it) says "A Person Who is Really Special Very Much is Who I Seek". What? His info? Be prepared for this, cause I'm reading it out loud and I can't wrap my brain around it. I don't know if it's supposed to be a poem, but I know some poets and I think that they would agree this is pretty much...nonsense.

You Deserve a Poem


You wonder who I am, quiet, reserved and secretive, others notice emotions, felt, wonder how to draw me out. Stubborn and tough, fight position, enjoy life at cutting edge, life experienced intensely and totally. Courageous and taking calculated risks, sensitive, curious and concerned with deeper mysteries of human psychology, subject, pursue with total fanaticism. Patient, prolong and savor enjoyable times. Warm. Results from any situation, abstractions difficult to comprehend, mold, and shape things. Careful thinker, present ideas visually, concretely, useful for attention, cautious, conservative in thought, slow to opinions, appeal to logic, and reason. Affectionate and hates to be tied down. Aggressor, initiate relationships and set sights on someone. Action motivated by morals and ideals. Work to improve on world, demand action and don't like to sit and talk. Like action. Resist attempts to limit freedom, assist anyone who feels put down and restricted. Expansive, ease doing something practical, enjoy duty, and carry responsibilities. Gladly take tasks others avoid. Choice makes me ill at ease. Must have firm, ordered and secure foundation in life to feel comfortable. I have free, unstable, unconventional approach to relationships, and emotional commitments. Experiments in marriage, shared lifestyles and freedom important than entangle emotional bonds. Attracted to bizarre, interested in deep, mystery, explore, idealize benefits can accrue from study of occult, and healing. Finished horror book; art, poetry, NYC, Port Chester and CT. Take notes, five fictions and romance novel. Movies: Lamora, Portrait of Jenny, Citizen Kane, etc. I choose dull colors over bright. Artists: Robert Williams, Winston Smith, Norman Rockwell, etc. Magazine: Juxtapoz. Publishing companies: Last Gasp and Feral House. Design: Victorian, Art Deco, etc. (How a lady should be treated.) Not tell you what to do, secret and adventurous frontiers. Won't conquer you and initiatives come from you. Ask me and I’ll do it immediately. Challenge you. Converse in trees, flowers and ecology in romantic restaurant, you'll not find me try to break your habits. Various questions in conversation, talk to you of tomorrow what I'll participate in (with you.) Speak of books. People watch, lessons in dance, language and travel. Walk and arrange shared activities. Can be in beginning, gossip, change topics doesn't bother me. Play games never offends me. Help execute your plans. Mention to you different ways you're beautiful, nice and good. Take you to movie/theater and be your audience. I will not put you down. Mention to you if I’ll get advice, opinion and humor in what I say and in action. You'll feel peace. You'll be appreciated of your job. I forbid anyone to push you into a decision; we’ll weigh pros and cons. You'll be asked if you have artistic and aesthetic desires. You'll hear a favor from you to mention how I dress, your opinion of interior design. You'll have my point-of-view if you need it; you'll balance in peace and harmony. Prepared, your deepest emotions, jealousy, won't delve into your past if you prefer. Show you what I decide, go for with a smile. Light candles. Bring up something unheard. Mysterious places. Can you/would you admit if you like to be teased? Perform unusually, witty, and unpredictable, you don't want to be shocked, I understand. Hike, venture in another town. I'll know your philosophy. A lady who is secured, notice me being experimental. A woman will be encouraged to make dreams a reality. A person is given strength. A noblewoman receives poems. You'll be touched as your palm is read. A female finds out of a dreamy moment, a gentle woman with someone who acknowledges however to treat a female person with respect, from a man who is real. You're a lady, how you should be treated, and one day at a time. Can't forget a relationship is destiny because if anything else replacing destiny only ruin the relationship.


I am so confused. Seriously and totally so confused.

Hmm

How creepy is someone when a creepy thinks that they are creepy? I wonder....

Darcy: We don't have v-ball practice today because of the holiday.
Darcy: But there's a game tomorrow.
Chickenkiller: are you a couch
Darcy: Yeah.

followed by....

Chickenkiller: spoke to this werid girl on pof the other day
Darcy: she said she cant stop thinking about me
Darcy: Well aren't you lucky?
Chickenkiller: and she was like when can we meet so my dreams can come true
Darcy : wow...
Chickenkiller: and i knew her for 2 days
Darcy: Yeah...isn't that a bit odd?
Chickenkiller: ya so i blocked her
Chickenkiller: i wish u live in ny
Chickenkiller: so we can hang out


And that was that

Sometimes I don't even have to try

I know I haven't updated in a while. Fear not, here's a post to tide you over. There is a guy that I've been talking to that I kind of like (he reminds me of Dickhole Pete in his general awesomeness. That's the only way that they are similiar) but I haven't thought of a name yet. So be ready for that when it comes.

Instead, I bring you a story. It actually doesn't involve me at all. We all remember Trogdor correct? Well, Trogdor wanted to be a writer. He's not a very good writer. I know some people that are actually good writers. He is so not one of them. He wrote a story of erotic fiction. And here it is (warning - there's some inappropriate language in here...nothing worse than what I've said though....)
Rising on the Road
Erotic Fiction - Heterosexual
Written by Trogdor
My name’s Chris. I’ve always been one of those introverted, bookish types. You’ll never see me travel without a book in my hand. Jeez, you’ll never see me without a book in my hand period. I only say travel because this story takes place on a bus ride from New York to Boston. I was going there to see an old friend from college. After an excruciating wait at Gate 84 of Port Authority Bus Terminal, I found a window seat towards the back of the bus. I open my duffel bag, take out my copy of Ernest Hemingway’s A Farewell to Arms, close the bag, and put it in the overhead compartment. I open it up and begin reading.

As I read, this lean-looking blonde with hazel eyes, a solid figure, tight black pants, and a white tank top stops at the seat next to me and sits down. I attempt to appear enraptured in my book. She looks over and asks, “What are you reading?” I tell her. She says, “That cover’s hot.” The cover is of a man and woman engaged in a passionate kiss. I tell her, “Yeah. Those are the main characters.”
“Is it a romance?”
I guess you don’t know your Hemingway too well, I think to myself. “Kinda,” I said. “It takes place during World War I, and this ambulance driver falls in love with a nurse.”
“Really,” she says. “Do they have hot sex?”
“Oh yeah,” I tease. “They do it in the hospital, they do it in the ambulance, they even do it in the guys’ barracks.”
“Really,” she said as her hazel eyes took on that seductive glare.
“Yeah, really,” I respond.
“Can I borrow it for a bit?” she said with a raise of her eyebrow.
“Well, what would you do for it?”
“I’ll take out my blanket and share it with you.”
I put my chin between my thumb and forefinger, look at her for a few seconds, and say, “Oh fine, if you insist.”
“Jerk,” she says lightly as she taps me lightly on the shoulder.
She reaches into the overhead compartment, takes out a white blanket decorated with red lips, and spreads it over both of us. In return, I hand her the book.
The bus driver makes his announcements about final destinations, rules for bus etiquette, etc., as I take out my journal and begin writing, while she starts reading. Pure silence for an hour, as she continues to read and I begin writing random thoughts in my journal. “Horny.” “Suck me.” “Lick me.” “Fuck me.” As these thoughts are making their way to the paper, I feel a tiny hand rubbing against the upper part of my left leg. That hand, of course, is connecting to her body, while her eyes stare straight ahead with a seductive glare, as if she’s trying to bed the back of the seat in front of her.
She unzips my pants slowly. She then reaches in and fondles my genital area outside of my underwear. My penis is throbbing hard. As she continues to fondle, I reach my left hand under her blanket and begin to rub against her bare leg. Her glare turns to a smile, as she closes her eyes and gives a hard squinty smile. I slowly move her leg and towards her thigh, just above the seam of her pants. I then reach my hand inside her pants and begin to fondle with the tip of her clitoris. She begins breathing heavily as she strokes my cock harder and faster. I reach my fingers into her pussy and start fingering in and out. Harder. Faster. She breathes heavier and her pussy gets wetter as she strokes faster and my cock gets harder. I’m full of aggression as I feel fire coming out of my nose as I fondle harder. My cock is now at its maximum erectional capacity. I feel sperm coming on as I fondle harder, and I shoot right into her hand as her clitoris retracts. She closes her eyes and the lips of her mouth spread out in a wide smile. She lays her head on my chest as I scratch her leg slowly. I feel my eyes closing shut.
I’m woken by an announcement that says, “We’re now arriving in Boston. Please check around your seating area for any items you may have brought on board.” I slowly open my eyes as my new companion slowly lies off my chest and raises her arms. I do the same and give her a smile. As I’m wondering what to say, she reaches into the overhead compartment and pulls down her pocketbook. She takes out a pen and a piece of paper and writes on it. “Give me a call when you get back to New York,” she says as she smiles seductively, flips her hair around, and walks into the aisle. I take it out and it reads, “212-745-1893.” No name?

That explains so much. Just so much. Who writes like that? When I read "maximium erectional capacity" I almost died. That's just not right. But you can bet your ass I am going to use it whenever I can. It's just such an awkward story and it's not written well and geeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.

As I said to Summer...Trogdor wanting to be a writer and getting erotic fiction published is on par with me wanting to be a radio DJ (cause I do) and instead being a phone sex operator. It's just not the same and doesn't equal what you're looking for.

I just laughed so hard, people must think I'm crazy....

Gee, thanks Darcy!

Chickenkiller52: hey darcy
D: Hey Chicken!
D: How's it going?
Chickenkiller52: good and u
Chickenkiller52: i kissed a girl the other day
Chickenkiller52: and she told me she doesnt want to be my friend becuz i kiss bad
D: Aww..that stinks... Well, that's at least another person you know you don't want to be w/.
Chickenkiller52: its ok
D: And I'm doing well..Getting ready for practice...
Chickenkiller52: i need practice
D: :)
Chickenkiller52: i cant kiss u
D: I'm sure that will all come in due time.
Chickenkiller52: u live far
D: I wasn't suggesting it. :)
Chickenkiller52: ohh
Chickenkiller52: i was
D: I realized.


My favorite part? The end where Darcy says "I realized". I can just imagine her saying that...

Admitting something really bad....

Here’s the secret – Miley Cyrus and I? Total BFFs. How do I know this? Simple. Everytime I listen to “7 things I hate about you” I can imagine a boyfriend (it’s Boots. I should stop trying to be coy, because it’s Boots. FUCKING BOOTS) and I sing along. Except I don’t have just 7 things I hate about him. I have so many more than that. And the parts that she loves, which are mostly the same as the parts that she hates? Not so much in my case. I would share these things but A) it would be horribly boring B) I don’t think I really could name all the things that made me angry C) there very few things I like, but the ones I do like would be total overshares (not that I’m not into oversharing…but this is a massive overshare and D) I just don’t care enough.
But when she’s singing about hating his hair and his eyes and how he loves her but likes someone else…it’s like it’s my life! I share a life with a 15 year old pop star. We’re so alike, you know. Her dad is Billy Ray Cyrus….my dad listens to country music. She has her own TV show….I amuse myself thinking I’m on my own TV show. She has thousands of adoring fans…there are 7 people that read my blog! We’re so even.

I read a blog post today (remember my problem with Google reader? Good, me too) about how some girls whine about not having boyfriends. And the first thought I had was “ohmygodisthatmeIreallyhopenot”. Seriously. Just like that, all my words crammed together in one, big awkward word. Am I that whiney? I don’t think I whine about being single. I’m not going to lie, being single isn’t exactly my idea of a fun time, but it’s not so bad. I guess I’m just getting tired of myself, you know? I like hanging out with my friends and having fun and never having to check with someone to make sure that I’m not supposed to be anywhere else…but I bore myself. I’m done with dragging my friends to see movies that they don’t want to see and going out to bars and dancing with myself because some people (like SUMMER) don’t dance. I just want someone to bring some more entertainment into my life. And I need a boy because I can’t be a girl all the time. I can’t. It’s just not in me. I’m not really a tom-boy, persay, but I just can’t put on makeup and heels and prance around all the time. Mostly because instead of prancing, I crash into things and hurt myself. And really, trying to make yourself really interesting is actually totally exhausting. I just want to…holy crap, now I am the whiney girl. Sorry guys.

But seriously, am I being whiney? Someone? Anyone?

Might as well face it, you're addicted to blogs

I have Google reader. This is very dangerous. Google reader may or may not be the reason that I get nothing done at work. I’m sure it totally has nothing to do with how much I hate my job. Regardless, it’s awesome. If you don’t have Google reader and you read a lot of blogs, you better get your ass on it. Also, it helps to make you not look like a stalker crazy person from someone that might have Google analytics. Not that I would obsessively check blogs I liked all the time. Nope, not me.

I’m getting away from the point though (if I actually have one, that is). I’ve been reading all sorts of blogs. Some of the blogs I found through 20 something bloggers and some of them I found through other people’s blogs. Regardless, almost all of the blogs that I read are written by 20 something ladies that are just as lovely as myself. Here’s the thing – we’ve all been burned so badly. We all have a Boots in our life. We all have an ex-boyfriend that we KNOW is so bad for us, but we continue to think that maybe MAYBE things would work again. These girls, whoever they are, are with me in this mess. They are searching for some man that isn’t going to be like the others. We all are. And in that, we are together. It makes me wonder how many of us there are. I’m sure that there are thousands. But it makes the situation seem somehow not so terrible. Sometimes, I’m selfish with my feelings. I feel like when I’m upset or depressed or angry that I am the ONLY person that has ever felt that way. I know, deep down, that I’m not. But because I’ve become so wrapped up in myself, I can’t think of that. It’s nice to know that there are other people that have thrown everything they had into a relationship only to have the bottom drop out of them. It’s a relief to know that other girls have thought that they could make it work with an ex because they just needed him to be back in their life, even if it would be total chaos. And it’s awesome, so awesome, to know that some other girls feel the same sense of total anger that a guy could dump them for someone else. We know that we’re better than the guys that we dated. It doesn’t take the sting out of what’s going on. But we’ll be united.

The best part is the fact that most of them are hysterically funny and therefore, makes me feel inadequate. Thanks girls. In case you want to see what I’m talking about, check out these blogs:
...more than a blog
Chelsea talks smack
It's like I'm..mmmagic
Laughing thru my chardonnay
Strange Musing of a distrated spunk
This? Is not the life I ordered

And then, amongst us…a man. A man seeking a lovely lady. A man searching Match.com for someone who’s not a freak. He’s awesome and amuses me and he and I are on the same journey, just in different places and at different times. I have to give him a lot of credit for being a male blogger, nevermind a male blogger blogging about finding love on the internets. Check him out for serious.....

I’ve also just decided that perhaps we should make some sort of database that can include all these fuckhead men that seem to like to say one thing and do another or cheat on you or just break your heart for the fun of it. We could save a lot of other girls a lot of frustration. Of course, if it’s the girl that your boyfriend dumped you for, she deserves what she gets. Not that I’m mean and vindictive or anything. Again, that’s so not me.

Finally, I found this blog today. It amused me. I sent something in today…I bet when it’s posted, you’ll know it’s me. Reasons why I dumped you

Darcy, don't let this be you!

Everywhere, I tell you!

Nonsense

Last night, I was watching The Shield. I kind of love that show. The Statie got me into it and I've just been following it ever since. I kind of love Michael Chiklis. Just saying. Anyway, during the commercials, there were all sorts of ads for Chemistry.com, eharmony.com and match.com. Exactly who do they think is watching The Shield? I guess they figured it's people like me. People that are single and lonely and still up at 10:45 on a Tuesday night. They might have a point, but still. Didn't need to make it so clear. I just thought it was an interesting way to get the name out there. I watch a lot of TV and I've never seen so many ads for dating websites in a one hour show. Seriously, there had to be about 8 spots. They're onto me

On the radio this morning, there was some list from Glamour about things guys want girls to do. One of them was "give them the green light for sex". And it wasn't for sex with you. It was for sex with someone from your top 5 list of celebrities that you would sleep with. You know, that list you have of people that you would totally sleep with, no questions asked if you were to stumble upon them in the street. The way I see it, if some guy I'm dating wants to sleep with Kirsten Dunst, I'm going to give him the green light to do so. The probability of him actually meeting her and sleeping with her is so low. I gave this some thought while I was driving in...so here's my top 5, in no real order (edit: I was having some formatting issues in that I couldn't get the words to be with the pictures. So deal with what's going on below and like it)

1. Christian Bale - So hot in Batman. So hot in The Prestige. Totally want him.
2. Hugh Jackman - Totally wanted to have Wolverine's babies. Can we see why?
3. Trent Reznor - So angry and yet, so jacked up. He's twisted. I kind of love that.
4. Brandon Boyd - Not only do I love his music, but I think that he's totally adorable
5. And finally...Brad Pitt. I think he's on everyone's top 5. I loved him in Fight Club and I loved him in Snatch. Can't wait to see him in Burn After Reading.


















Here's the question...who's in your top 5?

Then I'll do it too!

Everyone has been blogging today. Or so it seems. I’ve been sitting here for a while thinking about what I wanted to blog about…and I came up with…nothing. Really. Nothing has been happening. I’ve been talking to the guy that I mentioned in the previous post. For lack of a better name, this guy will be dubbed “Shortie”. It’s for lack of a better name. We haven’t talked about his lack of height yet. Maybe he didn’t notice my height on my profile? Should I even bring it up? I think I should let him figure it out for himself.
He’s made a couple of slips here and there that make me not really have good vibes about him. For example, I walked into the coffee table at Summer’s house. Why? Well, why not?! Actually, it was because I’m incapable of not walking into things. I slammed my knee into the corner of the table and that felt FREAKING FANTASTIC. I now have a huge bruise on my kneecap and I scraped it as well. So I told him that I went to the gym and I was kneeling down on the treadmill to tie my sneaker and my knee, it pained me. He goes “oh, my poor baby”. I called him on it and told him that that was a total creeper thing to say and to never say that again. Like, I don’t mind sympathy. I do mind when someone thinks I’m a possession of theirs when they don’t even know me. Don’t even go there, buddy. Other than that, he’s been okay. He was telling me about himself last night, but I was too exhausted to really care. I’ll be away all this weekend so maybe I can figure out what’s going on.

Something weird has been happening to me. Every night, I’ve been having these strange dreams where there’s a guy that I want to be with. And the guy always bears a slight resemblance to someone else that I wanted to hook up with/date/kiss/have babies with. I wake up and I’m so confused as to what happened. The guy in last night’s dream looked like Cheesy Fries. I don’t remember what I was trying to do other than find Not Cheesy Fries. But I woke up and I was convinced that this guy was someone that I actually knew. You know those first seconds of waking up when you can’t separate a dream from what’s really going on? That’s my issue. And every night – a different guy. I’m a slut in my dreams. That takes talent right there.

In sad news, the man with the hot ass from the gym has a girlfriend. Not that I thought that he would ever look my way, but it was fun to look at such an attractive man and imagine. But NO. Last night he was working out with his girlfriend and I was disturbed. She was on one of the weight machines and after every set, he would kiss her. Like, excuse me? You are at the gym. I could have wrecked that girl. I should have told him that if he decided he didn’t want to be the skinny bitch to let me know. But I didn’t. Instead I ran on the treadmill and used that as inspiration to move my ass faster.

That brings me to another, totally unrelated point that I’ve been debating about whether to post or not. So here goes. I’ve mentioned that I haven’t really had sex in over a year (we’re not counting Nacho because there was a party in my pants and he clearly didn’t get the invite). Since graduating from college, I’ve gained some weight. I mean, enough weight that I went up a size in clothing. As I’ve noted, I’m not a skinny girl. And that being said, I’m really insecure about my body. I know guys like girls that are confident and don’t care. That’s something I can fake. I can fake being totally in love with myself because I can fake it well. I’ve been doing it for years. I just don’t want to be one of those fat girls that doesn’t know that they are fat. Like, a fat girl in denial. I don’t want to be that girl. So I try to avoid it as much as possible.
And yes, I know that if someone likes me enough to go out with me, then that clearly doesn’t bother them. I know if someone wants to sleep with me, they don’t care. But I do care. That is why sleeping with an ex-boyfriend never occurred to be to be a bad idea (other than it’s an ex-boyfriend and there could still be feelings and so on and so forth). The ex, would know my body. In the way that I wouldn’t have to hide behind sheets or in the dark. It’s always awkward to be naked with someone you don’t really know. Even when you start dating someone and you start having sex…still awkward.
It comes down to me learning to be comfortable in my own skin again. There was a period when I LOVED my body. It was my senior year of college and I lost a lot of weight before I went back to school. I was dating Boots at that point (still). We hadn’t seen each other at all over the summer. He saw some pictures that were taken and he said “who is that smoking hot blonde chick?” because he had no idea it was me. I told him that he was an asshole and that was me and he was shocked. That, for me, was the point that I had the control back in my hands and I felt confident. That was an amazing time, even though Boots was a TOTAL ASSHOLE. Now I’m trying to drop the weight that I’ve gained so that I can be back at that point and feel like that again. I want to feel like I can control the world, even if I can’t.

Another Gem

I signed online today and Darcy had this awesomeness for me

Chickenkiller52: i did think of something if we did date it would be like online bf and gf
Chickenkiller52: so thats why we wouldnt work out
Darcy: Who..you and me?
Me:: stop it
Me:what is he, 15?
Darcy: Chickenkiller52: ya
Darcy: Yeah, I wouldn't go for a situation like that anyways... [internet dating]
Me: in the days of AOL?
Darcy: Darcy: I think this all works out for the best.
Chickenkiller52: ya
Chickenkiller52: so i am over u
Me: oh, Darcy
Me: i know your heart is broken
Darcy: Actually, he just had his b-day...he's 24...
Me: but i will help you with the healing process
Darcy: I know...

Lack of updating - I'm so lame

Really, I haven't trying lately. That's the real reason that I haven't been searching for boys. I was in Vermont last weekend and this weekend I'm going to MA with Darcy.

I've sent winks to a couple of guys on Match and I've gotten a message or two, but nothing exciting. I'm talking to a guy now and he seems pretty nice. There's just one thing that kind of bothers me and I'm not sure if it's just me being shallow or what. He's only 5'7". I'm 5'10". It comes down to how much the difference in height actually bothers me. I dated a guy that was really short (he was 5'4"). So maybe I won't notice the 3 inches if I really like him. As Darcy would say, I can make a deal breaking issue of anything. I was willing to overlook The Statie's drinking because I liked him. I'm going to keep on talking to him and see what happens. Like I said, so far, so good. We realized that we like one of the same and weirdest movies. We both love "Empire Records". I think he's the only person I've ever talked to that actually likes that movie as much as I do.

Why don't I have any more guy friends either? Once The Brewmaster moved out to Chicago, it's like I have no other males to hang out with. I don't work with that many guys either. I had so many guy friends at school and then I came back home and I had no one. Really the only guy I hang out with is Summer's Husband. Or some of Summer's Husband's friends. And well....we all know what I have to say about them.

HAHAHA, NO

I just got this message on Match: "hi 27 m here, looking for a woman into the beastiality scene here in ct.. interested at all?"


I would go with a solid no on that one.

Then there was another guy that winked at me and he seemed okay. He sent me 3 messages, all titled "hello". The first one asked how I was today. The second one, he commented that I liked the Giants. And in the third one, he wanted to know what I did in my spare time. Is he confused?

100th post!

Whoo! 100! Everyone be excited! WhooO!

Okay, done now.

I introduce you to Beatlemania (Darcy came up with that one. This guy...he likes the Beatles). He seemed okay. He's 29, from Avon. Okay dude, we can work with this. But then...oh you, Beatlemania...

Me: {about being on vacation two weeks ago and not going to the gym} it was okay. i haven't been working out a lot because i was on vacation and last week i was trying to get back to real life and so on
Beatlemania: sounds like a great vacation
Me: it was awesome
Me: it pained me to come back
Beatlemania: terrific to hear
what were doing on it most of the time?
Me: i was lying in the sun
Me: and reading
Me: and lying in the sun some more
Beatlemania: sweet
I bet you look great in a bikini
Me: hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa, you're hysterical
Beatlemania: why is that?
Me: i'm not a bikini person
Me: ever
Beatlemania: why is that?
Me: just cause, that's not my body type
Me: i'm not the bikini type
Beatlemania: Your body looks quite good
Me: oh, that's nice of you to say
Beatlemania: I love curves
Me: thanks

I thought he was just being nice. A little creepy, but nice. He goes on though....

Beatlemania: I like playful girls
Me: so you say
Beatlemania: You'd be fun to hang with
Me: i'm everyone's favorite friend
Beatlemania: you can be my playful, sexy friend
Me: oh, is that so?
Beatlemania: the one with the great hair and very nice curve
************
Beatlemania: I'd want to be playful with you
Me: oh, like go fish? play like that? {i was playing dumb on purpose cause it amused me}
Beatlemania: play doctor
Me: well, yeah, maybe not
Me: i think i'm ready for bed
Me: it's been nice talking to you
Me: bye

And on that note, I blocked him. You're too creepy for me. That's just fine, another one bites the dust. Darcy said that his ship was sinking before it even left the dock and I told her to get on the fail boat. That's where he's at. Dude, seriously.

And then there's this guy. I don't even have a name for him because I know basically nothing about him. Except...he likes Jeeps. So...Jeepdude!
Jeepdude: oh that girl loves to hear the truth
Me: here's a fun fact: most every girl loves to hear the truth
Jeepdude: i know
Jeepdude: my buddy doesnt know that
Me: he's a dumb person
Jeepdude: yeah
Jeepdude: but thats why i know more girls who trust me and he only knows dumb bimbos
Me: you're not going to inform him of this fact?

Magical weekend

As I said before, My Aunt had a party this weekend. She was inviting all sorts of people from the O, including Cheesy Fries. Cheesy Fries and I had an important moment this weekend - I realized that My Aunt was totally right and we would not work. Why? Because he's just like The Statie. He's cocky and full of himself and totally LAME. He would be a good drinking buddy, but that's about it. He was amusing to talk to and it was good to see that there was nothing there. There were some other guys there from the O and I dig them. There's Wren, who's so cute and adorable and I want to take him home and squeeze him. He's rather awesome and My Aunt (even though she has a boyfriend) wants Wren. Oh no, not for you. Then there's 'Lil Steve and he's adorable. We were playing beruit and losing so badly and everytime I took a shot he would say "Carrie baby, please make this one. C'mon sweetheart, it's all you" and I would laugh and laugh. And he smelled so good. I wanted to tell him that, but it was a little creepy.

That wasn't the fun part though. Not at all. At 1 AM, The Statie calls. He does. I maybe had been drinking for like...almost 12 hours by that point. I maybe was playing flip cup and winning. The phone started ringing and I HAD to answer it. How could I not? I'm standing around the table with My Aunt's Boyfriend, Cheesy Fries, Wren, 'Lil Steve and another girl My Aunt works with. I tell the boys that they just need to start screaming obsentities at the person on the phone. So they do. They're drunk and they did what I said. I laughed and laughed and then passed the phone to Darcy so that I couldn't do it again. I knew I would. Then at 1:13 AM, he sent me a text that said: "just wanted to say hello. Hope youre doing well. Hoped to think i could still talk to you. Guess not. Night Carrie". Excuse me. The last time I talked to him I told him to NEVER call me or text me again. Ever. I didn't know there was a grey area there that maybe people got confused about. Guess there was. Also, even if I wanted to talk to you, why are you calling at 1 AM? Granted, it was a Saturday and chances were that I was awake anyway, but why are you calling at that time? That's no way to get on my good side.


Then at 1:34 AM, he calls again. I don't have my phone, Darcy does. She doesn't answer and doesn't tell me that it's ringing. That's probably for the best.

At this point, I tell My Aunt that The Statie is calling and she's totally livid. She knows what happened and how he's crazy stalker man. She texts him and tells him that I'm busy and to never call or text me again. Which I already explained to him. I'm continuing to play flip cup and laughing with the boys.

2:15 AM, I get another text. I didn't edit this at all, this is the way it came to me. "Ok.Glad you were my practice girlfriend.Thanks for proving ican have actually attractive girls fuck me.Better thanyou but thats not sayingmuch.Cry to sleep ;)"

Oh ho? Is that so? You think I'm crying myself to sleep because I'm done with you and your stupidness? And as for being a practice girlfriend - I wasn't. But even if I was, I was a damn good one. I loved him and treated him well and was way nicer to him than I should have been. What amuses me is that he sent this as if a YEAR AND A HALF LATER it would have some sort of effect on me. I'm so totally and completely over him. He's not in my thoughts and he never comes up in conversation and I don't care what he has to say. I've already gone over all the reasons that I was too good for him, but here's another one. Yes, My Aunt should have probably not said anything to him, but she's just as tired of this shit as I am. As as for those actually attractive girls? Lilo put it best "pictures or it never happened". I don't want pictures but I can guess those girls aren't as pretty as I am. And furthermore, I'm sure all those girls are rather disappointed with what he's packing. It was kind of sad. I'll admit it. Yes, I did date him for over a year, but we got along well when we were dating and I was willing to overlook his...er...shortcomings. And I mean shortcomings in several very different ways. I'm not saying anymore. I think you all get it.

You think you did anything to me with that text? You're so wrong. In fact, it amused me. Right after I got it, I looked at Darcy and I said "I'm going to blog about this. I really can't wait". So I did. Thanks for the inspiration, Statie. Hope this "hot" girl of yours can read and write. If she works at Pricechopper (which is my guess) she might not have even graduated from high school. If that's your thing, then okay! Just remember, I'm fucking awesome. You. Are. Not.