Jeez

Dear Egg-shaped head man from Match,
I may have sent you a nice message once you sent me one, but upon further thought, I decided I didn't like you. Please don't send me more messages asking me why. I agree my first move might not have been that well thought out, but I bet you I was intoxicated and I do silly things then. The reason I don't like you is your weird, egg-shaped head.

XO
Carrie

Trogdor strikes again!

He IMed me and wanted to know the next time we were going to get together. Mind you, I haven't talked to him in weeks and all of the sudden, he's interested in what I'm doing. I told him I wouldn't be free until July (only a little bit of a lie) and maybe we could figure something out then. I'm hoping to keep on distracting him until he stops asking. This makes me a bad person. I am okay with that.

Talking to two boys from Match. Both very nice. Don't know anymore than that.

Ha

So I went down to the center of town to watch my family pull a float in the Memorial Day parade. And guess who I saw? Footweiner McLovin. I almost died I was laughing so hard. There he was, driving his car with the top down and I'm yelling at Darcy and she's yelling at me. Footweiner sighting!

Last night, Dickhole Pete IM'd me to tell me that Indiana Jones sucked (cause it did) and we talked for a brief moment. I almost called him Dickhole Pete, but I stopped myself.

For crap's sake...

Last night, I went out with Summer and her husband. We went to the bar in Queens that we like to go to. The gang was going to be back together. Considering my texts with Nacho last weekend, I thought something really interesting was going to happen. If you recall, he wanted me to come back to his place after the bar. I was going to play it like I was going to go with him, but not actually go home with him. Anyway, we walk in, we see Old Man and one of his friends...no Nacho. NO FUCKING NACHO! After all that nonsense last week about me being at the bar and me going home with him, he doesn't fucking show up. He apparently had family in town. Okay, I know family is more important, but he had to have known last weekend that they were coming. What a fucker.

So I texted him and asked him where he was and told him to come back to the bar. Then Old Man texted Nacho and told him to come back to the bar. Then Summer texted him...and told him to come back to the bar.

Around 11:45, I am drunky drunk. He sends me another text because he wants to know where I am. I tell him I'm still at the bar and I'm drunk. Nacho tells me I should come over to his apartment. I tell him he should come to the bar. This goes on for a while. He gives me his address, tells me to take a cab to his place. No. Then he calls me. When I talked to him, he's all like "baby, why aren't you here with me? baby, you should be here blah blah", all sorts of nonsense. I'm dodging the fact that I'm NOT going to his apartment...and then he hangs up on me. WTF man? I'm totally annoyed now at him for being a dick. I shouldn't be surprised by the entire thing, so I don't know why I'm outraged.

Other fun fact I learned was that Nacho told Old Man of his "shortcomings" from the last time I saw him (meaning when his parts didn't want to work). Old Man told Summer's husband, Summer's husband told Summer and Summer was like "yeah, I knew that already". Word gets around fast, I guess. Old Man also told me that Nacho told him to not let him take me home because he didn't want to seem easy or something. At the same time, not only did I not really want to go home with him because he didn't remember me, but I sometimes forget these things and had to tell Summer to tell me to not go home with him. Neither of us wanted to go home with the other? Duh.

Another guy from Match....

Mike: sooo have u meet anyone from match
Me: just one guy. i call him "dickhole pete"
Mike: lol .3
Mike: why
Me: cause he was a total dickhole mostly. he was the most confusing person ever. he seriously annoyed me
Me: not at the beginning, but at the end
Mike: awww
Mike: im sorry
Me: whatever, i'm totally awesome...and he's a dickhole
Me: so it worked out
Mike: yaaa
Mike: sooo when is ur bday
Me: it's in september
**1 minute, 45 seconds later**
Mike: yaa how long have u been single


I can't make this shit up. He's totally weird. I think it's time to play the "wow, I am so tired and better go to bed now" card. He doesn't believe in punctuation, I guess?

update

From now on, Chicago would prefer to be known as The Brewmaster. So there you are, Chicago. Brewmaster it is.

Also, I would kind of love to date the bald man in the Sam Adams commericals with the Cahart overalls. I couldn't find a picture of him, but I really wanted to.

Oh Nacho, I'll make you cry like the other boys

Old Man on why Nacho sent me a message on Saturday night: "I don't know where it came from. Most likely it was because we were wasted. He also told me your night wasn't too memorable so maybe he wants to redeem himself lol”

That's right, maybe he wants to redeem himself. Oh, I am so annoyed now. My response to him on Friday when he's trying to make me go home with him? "Sorry, I can go to sleep unsatisfied in my own bed, THANKS"

I am so klassy. And sassy. Fear me.

So complicated!

I'm really trying hard not to IM Dickhole Pete and ask him if we are real friends or fake friends. You know who fake friends are: you talk to them every once in a while, say that you are going to make plans, but mostly never do. Then when you do, it's always really awkward. A real friend would be someone I talk to, see king of regularly and can talk to about stuff, even if it isn't basic surface stuff. If Dickhole Pete is going to be a fake friend (which is where I'm putting my money), I would rather not have him around. So there.

Last night, Jimbo and Chicago and I were hanging out and it was about midnight. I got a text message from the Old Man. I generally don't get those at all, so I was very confused. He asked me if I got the text message from Nacho. No, I didn't get any text messages from Nacho. Then Nacho texts me because he wanted to know if I forgot about him. Oh Nacho, way to come back. He was asking me when I would be in the city again and I said on Friday (cause I'm going with Summer) and he asked me how I was getting home. And I said "oh, from the bar?" and he said "no, from my place". He thinks he's so smart, thinking I would go over there and have a shitty repeat performance. Well, I'm sorta bored and way totally angry at guys, so I just might. I was a little drunk though, so I said things like "I might go home with you, but you might find a hotter girl at the bar" and he said "no, I'm talking to you for a reason". Duh. Why is it that whenever I'm totally disgusted in every man I've even known, one or two come crashing back into my life and make me think that they aren't all that bad, but deep down, I know everything that those life crashers are saying is a lie. It's a confusion situation to be in.

Normally, I wouldn't have shared all that Nacho information with everyone. But since this blog is turning the way that most excellent blogs do, into a crazy narrative of my bitching and whining and moaning and hating of everything with a cock, I went for it.

We'll see how this situation unfolds

From last night

Last night I went out with one of my good friends, known from now on as Chicago. He's an excellent source of amusement and most importantly, logic. I told him the entire story of Dickhole Pete and he suggested that we go out, drink a little bit and just forget about how he was a dickhole. I agreed.

While we were out, I ran down the list of things that made me not want to kill everything yesterday out of total annoyance:
- "Made of Bricks" by Kate Nash. Excellent CD. She's man angry!
- Chicago and Lilo - love you both
- And this dumb quote that kept running through my head...all day...
"Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop." - Grey's Anatomy

Chicago then brought up the above linked movie clip from "Annie Hall"...just watch, it explains itself. It's totally true. You do this, you get beat up, you fall down, you like people, you hate people...and it's just so exhausting. It takes a lot of energy to be this involved with yourself and someone else. Because I know the end result is what I want. I miss being with someone. And as I said to Chicago last night, I'm lucky that I have enough guy friends to fill all the roles that boyfriends would: I go out with Chicago and Jimbo for movies and drinks and dinner, I go to Reaper when I need someone to just love me just because, and I have a gay boyfriend that I go to when I need a little gay. I want to have all those things in one person. I want to be able to look to one person for all of that stuff and not have to make 45,000 phone calls.

The other thing I realized is that in the past, when a major relationship ended, I always did something to change myself. When Reaper and I broke up, I dyed my hair red, like if I was a redhead, shit wouldn't hurt anymore. When Bootcamp boyfriend and I broke up, I dyed my hair red again. The 2nd, 3rd and 4th times we broke up, I kept on cutting my hair. When the Statie and I broke up, I chopped my hair and got it highlighted and got a new car and a new job and more or less changed everything in my life. I don't think that Statie was the one that undid me, but it was the change from College to Real World and I needed that to happen.

And at the end of this rambling post, I get to the main point...I keep on doing this because I think a part of likes the pain. A part of me likes having someone be so interested in me that it consumes my day. I like being a flirty sort of person because that's not how I normally am. I like knowing that someone, somewhere is thinking of me and thinking that I'm as amazing as I make myself out to be. And sooner or later, I'm going to have to stop hitting myself because someone is going to get in the way of my hand and the hammer.

Lilo on Dickhole Pete.....

"I'm glad Darcy will go to the zoo with you. That was a good idea on her part. You don't need Dickhole Pete and his bipolarity. I know this doesn't help at all, but I'm glad you found out he was a dickhole early on. Sometimes you date someone for weeks, months, years before you find out, and then you're stuck and there goes that many years of your life. But you were lucky to find out immediately that he was a waste of life. It's just a shame he had to be one."

Yes Lilo, you are right. I think that bit from her helps me to not have to explain what went down. Sparknotes version: apparently buying me dinner and kissing me on the goddamn slanty tree means that he DOESN'T LIKE ME. But we can still be friends. I think that's a lie. We'll see what happens. I am just so annoyed. There are no words

I don't want to say much...

I don't want to jinx myself. Last night's date with the guy was...great. We had a really fun time, went to some place in Purchase that was really tasty and then went down to the water in Greenwich and just walked along the shore. And then he kissed me. It was fantastic. He kissed me! Hurray! It was so adorable cute and terribly cliche and that made me like it a little bit more. My hair was blowing around everywhere and he kept on pushing it off my face and LOOKING at me the way that guys do. There was this tree that was all slanted and I was leaning up against it and it was like a scene from chick flick.



We're supposed to go to the zoo on Saturday. I have yet to hear from him today and I am in some sort of panic. I told him I had a nice time last night via text message, so as far as I see it, it's his turn to say something. C'mon, tell me you had a nice time with me too so I stop having a major freak out

Ah...

So I joined Match.com. So far, so good. I've been talking to this one guy...and it's scary, but he's like me, in another body. It's actually kind of creepy and weird and awesome all at once. I'm not saying much about him because I don't want to jinx myself. His brother actually works at the same place that I do, which is also interesting. He looks a lot like his brother. But cuter. Hurray! I asked him last night what he did, as an innocent question like I asked one of my other male friends and he's like, "why do you want to know?" but I think he was joking. I think. I don't know.

One guy from Match.com keeps on sending me his phone number. Call me crazy, but I am not just going to call someone I've never talked to, OUT OF THE BLUE and just strike up a conversation. Email me your number one more time, buddy, and I'm going to be writing it on bathroom stall walls. Then you will regret it. I mean, it's just a phone number, but I don't go throwing it around for anyone to have. I don't like getting weird ass phone calls in the middle of the night.

There have been some other guys that have sent me messages, none really of note. One guy winked at me yesterday and he was 30, still living at home and he works at Circuit City. I know I shouldn't judge anyone because I still live at home and I used to work in retail, but still. I think I have a right to be picky and NOT talk to this guy. Something about him struck me as really creepy.

Last night, I had a panicky dream that everyone decided to stop being friends with me. I'm totally making myself insane today. And now, I'm like, convinced this guy doesn't really think I'm all that interesting anymore when THAT'S NOT THE CASE AT ALL. My brain is making me totally crazy and there's no reason for it. The thing is, I know that I'm being stupid, but I'm helpless to stop it. I'm just going to start ignoring things and really hope that they go away and then I don't have to have an all day anxiety attack. I bet I will feel better tomorrow, after I go to sleep. Sleep always helps me. I don't know why I care so much if someone doesn't like me, because if they don't, I just move on and don't have them in my life. But every time, regardless of the situation, I have a major life meltdown and get concerned I will walk away with one less friend. I am totally batshit insane.

P.S. "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley just came on Pandora. It's like Pandora is trying to tell me something....

damnnnnnnnnnn you!

Trogdor: we should get together at some point...we also need to exchange dvds
Me: yeah, we should
Me: otherwise i can just put them in the mail
Trogdor: well, we will see each other again
Trogdor: we're still friends
Me: probably
Me: i just don't have much time in the upcoming weeks
Trogdor: going away on the weekends?
Me: no, just lots of activities
Me: seeing old friends i haven't seen in a while
Trogdor: very cool
Me: getting back to the gym hardcore and less fooling around time
Trogdor: good for you!

*headsmash*

Changing ships

Okay, I've done something. I joined match.com in an effort to not find freaks. And guess what! Some of the POF freaks are on match.com. They are following me. That's not okay in any way. I will deal though.

Other than that tidbit of information, absolutely nothing has been happening on the guy front, other than ignoring Trogdor, as I know that I shouldn't. I should just tell him. I SHOULD. I'm not. I am a chicken. Or I don't like confrontation. One or the other.

In a not dating related note, I can't get one of my exboyfriends, a very bad boyfriend indeed, out of my head. He's in there, eating my brainmeats. I haven't talked to him in months and moreover, I know I SHOULDN'T talk to him. But he's lurking around my brain, making me think that he's a good idea. I don't think it's because of his winning personality, but more because of the sex. I admitted it. It's the real reason.

And...

When I told him what I did with my co-worker the other day (the thing I thought would really bother him)...it didn't. My plan failed. He was too zen about it.

Damn him

Blast!

Trogdor: so when are we getting together next?
Me: i don't know
Trogdor: we haven't really talked in a while, so i thought you may have forgotten about me
Me: yeah, i've been really busy/was sick/was in vermont
Trogdor: awww...are you feeling better?
Me: not really
Me: Roo is a smoker, so being around her hurt my throat
Trogdor: ahhh...sorry to hear that
Trogdor: yeah, i can't be around too much smoke either
Me: meh
Me: it's Roo and i love her
Me: so i can accept it
Trogdor: that's cool
Trogdor: good friends are a good thing...and a rare find these days
Me: which is why Roo is my awesome friend and we're excited that we're 2 years out of college and still all like the BFF
Trogdor: rock on
Trogdor: speaking of which, my b-day's next month and i'm prolly gonna invite people to white plains to barhop and stuff
Trogdor: and i figure you qualify for the invite...so here it is

Guess who is tragically busy that night? That's right, me.

Nobody has to say anything because I already know what you're going to say.