Okay, I gotta do something

And soon.

Last night, at 12:10 AM (thus making it actually Saturday), I got an text message from Trogdor that said "Happy Friday!" This annoyed me. First, it was late (I was still up, but whatevs) and secondly, it's not like it was even Friday anymore. I know I'm just looking for excuses now. Then I came home and went online to check my email and he IMed me. I was a little not in my right mind (I had some fun at my coworker's house...which sounds weird. It was.) and I couldn't be trusted to talk to him. I know now that if I told him what I did last night, he would probably stop talking to me and that would solve my problem. I don't know if I want to be that mean. If you want to know what I did, tell me and I'll tell you. I shouldn't be posting it in this blog. It's not dirty weird sex or anything. I would totally post that in a blog. HA.

A couple days ago he sent me another text message that said "Happy Hot Dog Day!" My college is weird and doesn't have a "spring weekend". They have Hot Dog Day. I really wanted to go to Hot Dog Day, but since I'm going to see one of my college friends next weekend, I really couldn't afford two roadtrips in two weeks. Gas is like, $4/gallon and I drive an SUV. So, you do the math. The last thing I wanted to hear when I so desperately wanted to to AU was a reminder of HDD. I just wanted to be there, experiencing college (since I apparently can't cut the cord and let go already) and he's reminding me of it. I think what bothers me the most is that he acts like he understands all which is HDD...and he doesn't. He didn't even GO to my college. He's just trying to force himself into situations where he doesn't belong. He can't understand because he wasn't there. And yes, it's only a spring weekend at a college, but it was something special and original to my college. That might be the main reason why I miss it so much. It would be like going away with some friends and having the time of your life. On your return, you tell someone that didn't come along on the trip all the fun you had. Then that person is always like "hey, don't forget PARIS!" and you keep on thinking "YOU WEREN'T THERE!" Regardless, I didn't want him to think he was in on some inside joke that he doesn't even begin to get.

I know what I've said is totally me being a brat. I don't care. I know I need to have this conversation with him. I guess I would have figured out if someone went from wanting to talk to me to not talking to me at all, I would think something is up. He doesn't get that.

I is so trixy....

Last night, Jimbo called to see if I wanted to go into the city (that city being New York) with him and some friends on Saturday night. I guess one of his friends is DJing at Webster Hall. I asked Jimbo if Trogdor was coming (since now Jimbo and Trogdor are the BFF) and he said that he hadn’t invited him yet. I told him I wouldn’t go if Trogdor was going because I don’t want to see him really. I am so passive aggressive. And no, I haven’t had “that talk” with Trogdor yet, but it’s coming. Sooner or later. Since I’m so tricky, trixy even, I went onto myspace and changed my status message to “Carrie is pondering going to the city on Saturday night”. I’m hoping that Nacho sees this message and says “Hey Carrie, you should totally come to the city because we’ll have some fun and I won’t drink so much and all my parts will work.” Somehow I don’t think he will say that, but it would make me so happy if he were to. I just changed it to see if Nacho tries to persuade me to come. It’s the sort of thing I do. Also, I just need to remember to dodge Trogdor. And if Trogdor does go, I might not.

The playas, bitches

Here’s an update on all the players in this story, in case you’re just tuning in…

GIRLS:
Darcy – good friend of mine that started this whole shenningan. She joined POF, I joined POF. This blog was born. The creeps flock to her for some reason.
Summer – another good friend of mine. She’s married and likes my stories because they are silly
Lilo – another good married friend. She is the voice of reason mostly

The men (starting from the beginning)
Footweiner McLovin’ – has been dropped since the footweiner incident. Facebook says he has a girlfriend
Bryan – dropped since the neediness got a little out of control. Don’t know his situation, but was thrilled he wasn’t at the bar on Saturday night
The hipster – not actually hip at all. Really actually lame. Has a girlfriend now and I’m totally way hotter than she is
Trogdor – soon to be dropped because he’s so awkward. Really was interested for a while until he turned out to be strange like and I don’t want that. Was really mean to him and he didn’t get it. May have smoked so much pot that he’s killed ALL his braincells.
Butt Ugly – just that. Thought he would be a the bar on Saturday and he wasn’t either. Joy reined over my life
Old Man – friend of Summer’s husband, then Summer and now me. Is old and makes me laugh because he’s old and can’t stay out with the young kids
Nacho Libre – friend of the Old Man. Met him a few weekends ago…seems to be something. We’ll see how it plays out. He’s flirty
Reaper – good friend of mine that I dated when I was in college. We’re the for serious BFF now
Jimbo – stolen friend from a friend. He just entered the mix, but he should be good for a laugh too. Him and Trogdor are soon going to be the BFF and they will make shit all weird for me. thanks guys, thanks.

Monday Monday

This weekend was interesting to say the least. I was under the impression that Nacho wasn’t going to come but then he had to go off and be a tease. I was getting my hair highlighted on Saturday (I am just sooooooo fancy like that) and I got a text message from a 646 area code. For those not in the know, that’s a city area code. And guess who was texting me? Nacho. He was asking what the plans were for the night because his plans were up in the air. I told him that everyone was coming to my house and that he should come too. He was feeling hungover and lazy, he said and didn’t know if he would make it. I told him he should come because it would be awesome and he agreed. He said it would be awesome because I was there. So then I had a giddy fit. I heard from him a little later on and he was with his family and couldn’t get away. I told him that I would be drinking a whole lot of beer by myself and that made me sad. He said that he would make it up to me. I don’t exactly know what that means, but I like the sound of it.

And that brings me to Trogdor. I told him to bring some friends. Guess what he didn’t do? Bring friends. He did bring his guitar like it was some college party and he was trying to impress me. When he played the guitar, my cat got really angry and made this horribly ugly face. So clearly, the guitar had to go. By this point in my night (this is about 8:30ish), I had decided I really didn’t want Trogdor to be around. Also, I had a bit to drink. I was being really mean to him, apparently. Good thing he smoked so much pot in his youth, cause he didn’t get it. At all. The entire night. I was really a raging bitch to him. I don’t think I realized it, but Darcy pointed it out to me several times. I wasn’t talking to him, I wasn’t making cute smiley faces at him…I wasn’t even standing near him at the bar. In the car on the way back to my house, I was yelling at him to not antagonize me. that’s right, I used the word antagonize in my drunken stupid state. And he kept on antagonizing me and I kept on getting more and more annoyed. I had the beginnings of a migraine and I was lying on the couch when we got back to my house and he touched my head. I don’t know what made him think that was a good idea, but he did it. And I freaked out and started yelling at him for touching my head. I’m sorry, but I was drunk and I dislike him now and the last thing I want anyone to do when I have a migraine is touch me at all.

But bless his dumb self, he didn’t even realize it. Maybe he’s like the scarecrow from “The Wizard of Oz” and in his spare time he sings “If I only had a brain……..” cause it’s clear that he does not. apparently he made a comment to Darcy that on the phone and drunk in person I’m almost the same sort of person. I have no idea what he means because I’m not the same when I’m drunk and when I’m sober on the phone. Then, just because my life is THAT AWESOME, he ended up crashing on my couch AT MY HOUSE because he was too drunk to go home. I guess I wouldn’t want him to drive if he really couldn’t, but still. I did not want him in my house at all. Darcy also spent the night so that I wouldn’t have to be alone in my house with such a fucking creep. I woke up at like 6 AM and I was totally confused because I was still fully dressed and I was on the couch and there was Trogdor on the other couch. I changed into some pajamas and then went to sleep on another couch in another room where Darcy was. I heard Trogdor up and walking around at like, 7:30 and I was hoping that he was leaving. He was not leaving. I have no idea what he did, but I know that I wanted him to go. He left around 8:30. I was about ready to push him out of the house. His car almost didn’t start then (then I would have wanted to kill myself) and then he had issues backing out of my STRAIGHT driveway. I was dying in the driveway. Just dying. I was standing there and smiling, but telling Darcy under my breath how awful this was.

He IMed me last night and told me how much fun he had on Saturday night and that we should do that again sometime. He really is that dumb. He didn’t get that I don’t want him around. Yes, I know I should tell him and this week, I will. Aside from all the things I listed below as the problems I have with him, another one is that he’s just too nice. And I know I need some guy that is nice, but he’s like, spineless nice. He’s a guy I would stomp all over, chew him up and spit him out and generally cause chaos in his life. Every now and again that’s okay, but I know that it would be every day with him and I just don’t want to do that because it’s tiring to me. He can’t stand up to me now and he wouldn’t be able to deal with me then and I’m just cutting the cord now. He’s not strong enough to be my man at all. So I have to tell him that in a nice way. Going back to my whole “I need a guy that’s an octagon” theory…he’s an obtuse angle. Partly because he’s not even a square, partly because he is so duck footed (much like an obtuse angle…get it?!). I’m lame, I know. Another thing was at the bar that we went to, this band was playing. Apparently Trogdor was swaying…but not in time to the music. I don’t expect everyone to dance when we go out, but at least sway in time to the music. He can’t be that big of a moron. Guess what? He is. He’s turned into paper boyfriend. He’s also turned into bag of hammers boyfriend, cause that’s about how smart he is.

And so that was my weekend. It was awesome and fun, but shitty all at once. At least I had Darcy and Summer there to keep me company and my new friend Jimbo as well. We are awesome. Trogdor is not.

Bummer man

So Nacho and the Old Man are both out for tomorrow, which is kind of lame. It's okay though, cause I'll have Summer and Darcy and that's good enough for me. I'll have fun regardless. Nacho said he was going to "keep in touch" like we were fucking pen pals or bunkmates at camp. What in the sweet hell does that mean? I bet nothing. Stupid ass. Apparently there is a fight tomorrow night and that's cooler than me. I could punch him in the face a couple of times and it would amount to just about the same, I bet.

Trogdor is coming tomorrow though (it's not like I can uninvite him, but the though crossed my mind) and he's bringing a friend. So we'll see how that goes. I just need Darcy or Summer to be lurking about so he doesn't try anything. Like try to kiss me. God, that was so awkward it makes me feel awkward to just think about it. Like...god. Weirdo awkwardness. Darcy said that if I was too drunk to, you know, tell people to leave, that she would do it. What a good friend! I am a drunk and that's okay with me.

Oh my sweet Jesus

I am on the phone with Trogdor and it is the MOST PAINFUL THING EVER. He's just like, annoying me. He keeps on telling me that I'm "so cool" no matter what I say. I think I'm just annoyed with him because I really don't care anymore. I'm a bad person and I don't know what to do about it.

That was the most annoyed I've been all day long.

Oh noes! And oh yes!

So this weekend, I have invited several people over to drink and have fun on Saturday night. One of the people is a friend of mine, the Old Man. Another is a friend of Old Man, Nacho Libre. Nacho Libre may be in for Saturday. I just need to convince the Old Man to come to Connecticut too, because then Nacho Libre would also be in. I might have another fun weekend coming. I might die of the excitement. Oh man, that would be so much fun if all these people come. I can be Flirty McSlutpants. Awesome.

P.S. Nacho Libre does not look like the above picture. He is not covered in cheesy goodness, but it would be awkward and fantastic all at once if he was.

Lots of thinking

I had a weird weekend (see below) and I've been doing a lot of thinking. I know this is the second time I've decided this, but I'm sticking with it, I think. I really am over Trogdor. That sounds bad, after dropping Ryan like I did for Trogdor. But the fact is that Trogdor, although appealing in many ways, just isn't in many other ways. I was listing the ways to Summer today:

1. He's duck footed. That's something that bothers me about ANYONE because I don't get it. It also really bothers Darcy and I think part of her botheredness rubbed off on me. I just want him to not be that way.

2. He sometimes doesn't get jokes people make. When we went to see my friends that are in a band play in NYC, I asked the drummer (Christian, LOVE HIM) if the bar we were going to had beer, cause if it didn't, I wasn't going. I was being silly. Christian said that this bar did not have beer, but something else (I don't remember what). Trogdor was like "why doesn't it have beer?" and I kind of laughed it off, but it was like, DUH DUDE

3. He has an annoying giggle. Don't even ask me to explain

4. He only owns 2 pairs of shoes and one of the pairs he doesn't even lace correctly!

5. He's very zen, but sometimes very stupid

6. No short term memory. NONE. AT ALL. I have to explain things like 40 times over

7. When I went to his place last weekend and he kissed me. It was the most awful awkward kiss ever. As Carrie says about Berger in Sex and the City "he couldn't possibly think that was good...did he think that was good?" Maybe he thought it was good. It was not good. It was horribly awkward

8. The feeling my friend Reaper put in the back of my head that there has to be something seriously SERIOUSLY wrong with him if he's looking for the ladiez online. I can't shake that thought at all. Then I wonder if he's a virgin and I am like "OH NO, NOT THAT" and yeah...

Maybe I am being too picky. But at the same time, I think I can be picky. I'm not saying that I'm looking for someone to marry, but I am looking for someone that gets it and gets me and although he does, there's things that bother me. I'm coming off as a bad person because this is #2 that I've done that to, but you know...I think I just need to get over myself. Trogdor gets me and that was part of my interest in him in the first place, but as I dug deeper into who he was...I realized more things. I don't want to have this conversation with him, but I know I have to. I still have to think about what I want to say and more importantly, when I want to say it. I just have to keep him interested but still not make out with him. YES, IT WAS THAT BAD. Think of it like this. You know when you first kiss someone, and it's that sweet soft little kiss where you are just feeling shit out? After that, you know enough to not kiss like that again. Fun fact: he didn't. He kept on doing that. I think I was annoyed at that point.

After my encounter this weekend with Nacho Libre (that's what Darcy and I decided to call him), I think part of that "whooo...someone is looking at me in the sexy way" thing is over. I mean, I must have been amazing enough or drunk enough for Nacho Libre to think it was more fun to talk to me. It's not that Nacho Libre is super hot, he's cute though. And he's one of those guys...you know what I mean? He is very charming. He could charm the pants off of anyone. Or just me. It's a total power trip for a girl like me without much self esteem to be able to get a guy like that look at her in THAT way. It could have been my bra or it could have been my low cut shirt. I can honestly say that I got something from Nacho that I really needed and he doesn't get how important that was and all he did was exist. I am not going to tell him that information, cause that would just be creepy. The more I thought about it today, the more I realize that I have no idea what I said or did that would make him be like "okay, we're leaving the bar now" but I'm assuming it was something good. I really wasn't that drunk, but I was sorta drunk and then I was out late and then only slept for like, 5 hours, so everything is in this mist of was it a dream or did I actually say/do those things? And on another note, if my performance was as lackluster as Nacho's was, I would be really looking for another chance to make it up to that person. Summer seems to think that Nacho is the sort of person that really won't care and she may have something there. I don't really care cause it was fun, but I would have liked to have more fun. Odds are we'll meet up again. We're friends on myspace, so we're like, pratically married.

I am totally married to this man though.

Killing good images of myself one day at a time

This conversation sounds worse than it really was. I tell you now...it wasn't what you all think it was. Maybe it could have been, but a lot of drinking was involved. Someone wasn't bringing their A game to the situation and I can tell you now, it totally was not me.

Me: "and then I was like, 'where's my sock? do you know where my chapstick is?' and then i tripped over something"
Darcy: "I thought you were at the bar?"
Me: "...we were at his apartment"
Darcy: "Where was Summer?"
Me: "She went home."

**awkward pause**

Darcy: "SEE, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT ME! NEVER AGAIN.....I'm very anxious now. I bit off all my nails."

Updating, sorta

So, I know I've been bad and lazy about updating. I just have been busy with things in my life and haven't had time to go online and fuck around with people's heads. It seems hard to believe, but I tell you now, it's true.

I hung out with Trogdor again. I'm really not sure where I stand with him. He's a really nice person and kind of cute and just a good guy. I can't shake the feeling that there's some HUGE underlying reason that he's single and looking for the ladiez on the internets. I shouldn't talk, but still. Does anyone know what I mean? It's a thought that plagues my brain a lot when I have downtime at work. He's going to go out with me and some friends next weekend. We're going to a bar to see this band play. I told him to come and to bring some of his friends and it should be a good time. I expect to be shitty ass drunk, so really...where's the down side? I told him that one of the creepy guys from below (the one that doesn't know English cause he's a fucking MORON) sometimes goes to the bar that we are going to see the band at. The guy from below (from now on, I'm calling him Butt Ugly. That's what he is) really isn't a threat, but you know, he might try to talk to me if we're at the bar. So I was saying that to Trogdor and he said that he would protect me from this guy. Not that I'm rooting for Butt Ugly or anything, but if it came down to some form of fight between Butt Ugly and Trogdor...Butt Ugly would totally win. Trogdor just isn't that threatening.

Regardless, I got a little annoyed. What is it with every guy and wanting to save me or protect me? I don't need to be saved. If it's late at night and I'm camping, yes, I need to be protected. If I'm in a bar with my girls, I don't need anyone trying to save me. I can save myself. I get really annoyed when guys try to insert themselves into situations that don't exist for the sole reason of being manly. I'm guessing this guy won't even be there. I don't need Trogdor to fill that role in my life. As one of my male friends pointed out, I totally killed his idea of being my knight in shining armor, but I don’t much care. I don’t want to be around anyone that feels they have to save me. When I need help, I’ll tell someone. How annoying!

That’s about all there is to say about what’s going on. I don’t know whether to expect Ryan to be at the bar too. I did just kind of drop him. It amused me. He knows the name of the band that we want to see and I’m sure he could figure out when they were playing again. Only time will tell. If I’m lucky, I’ll be too drunk to remember any part of that night.

Thoughts

What makes people go from "friends" to dating? Do we know? Like, I was thinking about it...and when I was in college, it just was that you were sleeping with the other person and even then, you could still just be friends. Since I'm clearly still a child, I have no idea what will make me cross the border from "friend" to "special friend" when it comes to Trogdor. Or if it will even happen. I suppose I could see it happening, but I've said it before and I'm going to say it again: I'm not going to force it. I am just riding the wave and seeing where it takes me. It could take me nowhere or it could take me to some place that I really want to be. I can tell you plenty of places that I don't want it to take me. At the same time, I'm thinking I may just stick on POF for the pure entertainment value of the entire thing. I don't know yet, I haven't made up my mind, but that thought has been floating around in there.

Lilo asked if there was some sort of ceremony that we would go through, on the 3rd moon of the month where we held hands and turned the key in the door of togetherness and I would wear daisies in my hair (or something to that effect). I laughed and told her that I didn't know...cause I don't. Maybe that's what you do to make a relationship stick. I just don't know!

Yesterday, I told Lilo that Trogdor was making me dinner (cause he is. I'm shocked) and today she asked me what day was my "Magical Daisy Dinner of Togetherness". It's Saturday. I am having a giggle-fest over here while I think about boys making me dinner. I am that sad.