Something I want to know

First of all, do you know how I know I'm a winner? I'm sitting on Summer's couch, watching the summer Olympics and looking around on match.com. No wonder the men all want me, I'm clearly not the lamest person ever. But damn, those Serbian water polo players are HOT. Thanks. Love those Serbs.

I think I've blogged about this before. Even if I have, I need to say it again: WTF are some people thinking when they put up their match profile? Seriously. You shouldn't have some sort of weird photo that looks like you're in a mug shot. Don't be up against a white wall, staring blankly into a camera. Not sexy.

But here are some gems that I've seen on profiles tonight:

- One guy who looks like Charles Manson, his tagline is "sick of being lonely" and he talks about his spacious 1 bedroom apartment. That sounds like the sort of place that you would go to get killed.

- There's this guy that looks like a Columbian drug runner and his profile says that he has his own internet start-up company and he has to frequently travel to South America for business. That would be the cocaine trafficking business. When you say something that is so sketchy like that, what do you expect people to think?

- Way more run on sentences that I can even count. It's not like I'm the grammar queen or anything, but at I least have a general idea when I'm rambling. Some people just go on and on about themselves and their dogs and their college experiences (or lack thereof) without a comma or a period or anything. How? Also, not many people have mad spelling skillz. Again I say, I'm a horrible speller. But I spell check things so that I don't look like a totally DUMBASS. Take this gent for example, he wrote me a really wonderful message. His profile says "i am down to earth hope you are to. I'm looking for someone to build a friendship and see wear it goes from there, no games please, caring, honest, funny, loves pets , spontaneous, doesn't get sea sick loves to spend time on the water yes i have a boat. likes to travel. iv been to NY, NJ, mass, Maine, dc, Maryland, VA, fl, TX, pa, Mexico grand camen, Jamaica, st.tomas, st.marten, Aruba, Canada, Hungary, Romania i really wanna try skydiving Evin if its in one of those in side. you made it this far give me shot you wont be disappointed." Too bad dude, I'm already disappointed.

- There's a man looking for a snow bunny. That's so not me.

- The idea of this whole thing is to make yourself seem somewhat appealing, not like someone that is going to try to lure children to your van with candy and puppies.

- I did a reverse search to see who was looking for me and it was all men that are in their mid to late 30's. What's that about? I'm not saying that age is anything more than a number, but it matters to a certian extent. Seriously, can someone under the age of 30 check out my profile? Please? Kthanx.

- Also lame? People quoting other things in their profile, like famous quotes, for no good reason. That's no way to start anything. You can't even start a paragraph with a thought from your own head?


More unrelated thoughts having to do with men:
- I'm taller than almost all the men that are diving on TV right now. When did I become some sort of strange Amazon woman? Also, all of those divers are so skinny. So gross. I'm pretty sure they are about the width of my thigh. Maybe someone should make them eat?
- Cheesy Diddy Fries is supposed to be at this party at my aunt's house tomorrow. My aunt seems to think that we wouldn't mesh well together. I am interested to find out if she's right. I would guess that she is. But still. Another cute boy shall be there and that will amuse me.
- There's a bartender that works down at the club that my dad belongs to and I kind of adore him. And so do my aunts. He's really cute and adorable and funny. Whenever I go down there, he's Flirty McFlirtsalot. I don't know if that's cause he likes me or if I'm the only person there under the age of 30. I suppose it could be either/or. I will have to find out next time I'm down there. I'm not saying that I'm not trying when I'm wearing my bra that makes my boobs look good. Oh, I will figure you out, Club Bartender.