Monday Monday

This weekend was interesting to say the least. I was under the impression that Nacho wasn’t going to come but then he had to go off and be a tease. I was getting my hair highlighted on Saturday (I am just sooooooo fancy like that) and I got a text message from a 646 area code. For those not in the know, that’s a city area code. And guess who was texting me? Nacho. He was asking what the plans were for the night because his plans were up in the air. I told him that everyone was coming to my house and that he should come too. He was feeling hungover and lazy, he said and didn’t know if he would make it. I told him he should come because it would be awesome and he agreed. He said it would be awesome because I was there. So then I had a giddy fit. I heard from him a little later on and he was with his family and couldn’t get away. I told him that I would be drinking a whole lot of beer by myself and that made me sad. He said that he would make it up to me. I don’t exactly know what that means, but I like the sound of it.

And that brings me to Trogdor. I told him to bring some friends. Guess what he didn’t do? Bring friends. He did bring his guitar like it was some college party and he was trying to impress me. When he played the guitar, my cat got really angry and made this horribly ugly face. So clearly, the guitar had to go. By this point in my night (this is about 8:30ish), I had decided I really didn’t want Trogdor to be around. Also, I had a bit to drink. I was being really mean to him, apparently. Good thing he smoked so much pot in his youth, cause he didn’t get it. At all. The entire night. I was really a raging bitch to him. I don’t think I realized it, but Darcy pointed it out to me several times. I wasn’t talking to him, I wasn’t making cute smiley faces at him…I wasn’t even standing near him at the bar. In the car on the way back to my house, I was yelling at him to not antagonize me. that’s right, I used the word antagonize in my drunken stupid state. And he kept on antagonizing me and I kept on getting more and more annoyed. I had the beginnings of a migraine and I was lying on the couch when we got back to my house and he touched my head. I don’t know what made him think that was a good idea, but he did it. And I freaked out and started yelling at him for touching my head. I’m sorry, but I was drunk and I dislike him now and the last thing I want anyone to do when I have a migraine is touch me at all.

But bless his dumb self, he didn’t even realize it. Maybe he’s like the scarecrow from “The Wizard of Oz” and in his spare time he sings “If I only had a brain……..” cause it’s clear that he does not. apparently he made a comment to Darcy that on the phone and drunk in person I’m almost the same sort of person. I have no idea what he means because I’m not the same when I’m drunk and when I’m sober on the phone. Then, just because my life is THAT AWESOME, he ended up crashing on my couch AT MY HOUSE because he was too drunk to go home. I guess I wouldn’t want him to drive if he really couldn’t, but still. I did not want him in my house at all. Darcy also spent the night so that I wouldn’t have to be alone in my house with such a fucking creep. I woke up at like 6 AM and I was totally confused because I was still fully dressed and I was on the couch and there was Trogdor on the other couch. I changed into some pajamas and then went to sleep on another couch in another room where Darcy was. I heard Trogdor up and walking around at like, 7:30 and I was hoping that he was leaving. He was not leaving. I have no idea what he did, but I know that I wanted him to go. He left around 8:30. I was about ready to push him out of the house. His car almost didn’t start then (then I would have wanted to kill myself) and then he had issues backing out of my STRAIGHT driveway. I was dying in the driveway. Just dying. I was standing there and smiling, but telling Darcy under my breath how awful this was.

He IMed me last night and told me how much fun he had on Saturday night and that we should do that again sometime. He really is that dumb. He didn’t get that I don’t want him around. Yes, I know I should tell him and this week, I will. Aside from all the things I listed below as the problems I have with him, another one is that he’s just too nice. And I know I need some guy that is nice, but he’s like, spineless nice. He’s a guy I would stomp all over, chew him up and spit him out and generally cause chaos in his life. Every now and again that’s okay, but I know that it would be every day with him and I just don’t want to do that because it’s tiring to me. He can’t stand up to me now and he wouldn’t be able to deal with me then and I’m just cutting the cord now. He’s not strong enough to be my man at all. So I have to tell him that in a nice way. Going back to my whole “I need a guy that’s an octagon” theory…he’s an obtuse angle. Partly because he’s not even a square, partly because he is so duck footed (much like an obtuse angle…get it?!). I’m lame, I know. Another thing was at the bar that we went to, this band was playing. Apparently Trogdor was swaying…but not in time to the music. I don’t expect everyone to dance when we go out, but at least sway in time to the music. He can’t be that big of a moron. Guess what? He is. He’s turned into paper boyfriend. He’s also turned into bag of hammers boyfriend, cause that’s about how smart he is.

And so that was my weekend. It was awesome and fun, but shitty all at once. At least I had Darcy and Summer there to keep me company and my new friend Jimbo as well. We are awesome. Trogdor is not.