"I must look like a beastly beast with a cracked teacup for a heart"

Today got me thinking of all the emo love things. You know, being depressed and sad and in love and all those things all at once? Lilo and I were talking about Weetzie Bat today and it reminded me of some of my favorite quotes from those books. They are about mystical and magical love.

"An amusement park in winter is like when you go to the places where you went with the person you love but they're not with you anymore. Everything rickety and cold and empty...if you thought you were empty inside from being alone you know that you for sure have a stomach anyway but it doesn't want to stay in there. You also for sure have a heart which is beating hard and doesn't want to stay where it is either"

"Do you know when they say soul-mates? Everybody uses it in personal ads. ‘Soul mate wanted’. It doesn’t mean too much now. But soul–mates – think about it. When your soul – whatever that is anyway – something so alive when you make music or love and so mysteriously hidden most of the rest of the time, so colorful and big but with out color or shape – when you soul finds another soul it can recognize even before the rest of you know about it. The rest of you just feels sweaty and jumpy at first. And your souls get married without even meaning to – even if you can’t be together for some reason in real life, your souls just go ahead and make the wedding plans. A soul’s wedding must bee too beautiful to even look it. It must be blinding. It must be like all the weddings in the world – gondolas with canopies of doves, champagne glasses shattering, wings of veils, drums beating, flutes and trumpets, showers of roses. And after that happens you know – that it, this is it. But sometimes you have to let that person go. When you’re little, people, movies and fairytales all tell you that one day you’re going to meet this person. So you keep waiting and it’s a lot harder than they make it sound. Then you meet and you think, okay, now we can just get on with it but you find out that sometimes your soul brother partner lover has other ideas about that. They want to go to New York and write their own songs or whatever. They feel like you don’t really love them but the idea of them, the dream you’ve had since you were a kid about a panther boy to carry you out of the forest of your fear or an angel to make love and celestial music with in the clouds or a genie twin to sleep with you inside a lamp. Which doesn’t mean they’re not the one. It just means you’ve got to do whatever you have to do for you alone. You’ve got to believe in your magic and grace right up to the mean nasty part of yourself that wants to keep the one you love locked up in a place in you where no one else can touch them or even see them. Just the way when somebody you love dies you don’t stop loving them but you don’t lock up their souls inside you. You turn that love into something else, give it to somebody else. And something in a weird way when you do that you get closer than ever to the person who died or the one your soul married”


Then there's this. This poem is something that a friend from college showed me. One of her friends had it written about her. It's beautiful and I love it and the first time I read it, I burst into tears.

- Remember the night we went to that rich area near the water?
- And we walked around
- And the stars were really bright and wonderful – looking at us from above?
- And it was balmy…but with a crisp wind
- And I remember the exact image of you looking up at the stars and me catching you doing it…and it was one of the most human, picturesque, gorgeous, innocent things ever
- I never tell anyone that
- and it hit me so hard…seeing you like that
- that it imprinted the smells, the sounds of the wind, the silhouettes of the trees…to this day I remember every aspect
- And I was acting weird when we got back in the car
- And you didn’t know why
- You thought I was mad
- But it was because at that moment I knew I could want you and only you forever and ever with that image of you under the summer blackened sky looking up
- Nothing could come close
- not even words. And hence my inappropriate actions, acting distant the whole ride home
- It was pure terror that feeling. Knowing that I’ve seen something that was totally pure and was the most aesthetic beautiful scene and person ever. So fitting
- And it was that moment, that moment. That sparked it.
- I’m babbling. Sorry. There’s nothing you could really say
- It’s almost too much. You know when you think back to things…and you feel them again, inside your body…as if you’re there
- I think of summer…and I’ll be walking…and a warm breeze will pass by once in a while…and the smallest thing will just make me break down inside
- And think of stars
- and winding roads
- and darkness
- and Adriana
- in her dress
- just a flailing atom in the breeze of life swaying so furiously
- and its hypnotic trance summer
- There.
- That’s what I wanted to tell you
- And it’s not even close to being a modern romantic thing dressed up in flashy words to make it sound genuine. I truly was awestruck. And it….was scary
- You would think seeing something so beautiful would be nice…happy…smiles. But when you do see it, like I did when I saw you there, it’s…not something you are taught to handle
- or deal with. Something that can capture you, make you realize that it has just made you lose your breath to the point of fainting with love, ecstasy and passion
- And what can you say? God forbid I tell you when I saw it…what do you say to someone who has just made in total love with them? Just by…being.
- Nothing.
- You cannot say a word
- They have not earned it in the normal sense
- They just….have it