The story of Brad

The other day, I wrote about this guy Brad. He’s very nice and charming in person. Kind of cute in a weird way. He's 31, so I hoped he would be more mature about a lot of things. And then he gets on the internets and the devil takes over, I swear. We’ve been talking a lot, not about anything special. But for a while, I was like “heyyyyyyyyyyy okay then Brad.” That all changed in one magical moment. Brad and I were talking the other night about when was the last time we got lucky. I don’t know WHY we were talking about this, but we were. That might have been my first mistake. Then I got a picture message on my phone. I thought nothing of it, people send me picture messages of all sorts of weird things all the time. I opened it. I’ll allow you a moment to guess what the picture was of. I was hysterical in laughter. WHYYYYYYYY would someone send me a picture like that? I guess he wanted me to see what was up with him. So I’m slightly horrified and trying to get a grip on my life and all I can think is “that’s his weiner”. That’s right. He is soooooo in love with himself that he would do that. And I’m sure he had to try a couple of times to get it just right. That’s the sort of thing you do when you’re in love with yourself.
So I go to bed and I get up the next morning and it’s like I have a burning dying secret inside of me. I’m like, at the point of having a heart attack with my need to talk to Summer. I send her the picture, she laughs. I show a friend or two at work. They laugh. One of them says it looks like a foot and I can see why. It’s sort of taken at a funny angle. I then forward the picture to two more friends and they can’t stand it either. And every time I tell this story, I think “when did this become my life? When did I start getting this sort of stuff on my phone?” It’s all because of the internets. And guys that are trying to get the ladiez on the internets. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by his actions…he’s from the internet. I just found it really bold. I mean, think of all the things that I can do with this picture. And before you ask how I know that it’s really him…you can see his face. Not really clearly…but it’s his face. And his other parts. Ick.
Last night I went online and he was online. He asked if I got the pictures that he sent me. for a moment, I was speechless. I should have said no, but I know that he knows he has the right cell number. He’s texted me before…and not dirty pictures. Instead I told him I didn’t know we were friends like that. He then stopped talking to me. Guess I made him mad.

Darcy, I know it’s your birthday. I hate to break news like this on your birthday…but it couldn’t wait any longer!

Update: there are few things I need to add....
1. There was no subject line on the picture. I think something like "thinking of you" would have been good. Also "hey, it's my junk" would have worked
2. When he asked me what I thought, I really wanted to say "WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER THINK!?" I didn't say that.
3. I had to forward that picture. I HAD TO. How could you not?
4. If he had not shown me this picture, I would have no idea that he is a sex freak. I figured he had some sort of tragic flaw. He's a decent looking guy in his 30's and he's single. I should have known. I guess it's better that I know now. Who knows what kind of situation I could have ended up in if not for this?